Lakeland Evening Telegram Newspaper, December 1, 1914, Page 2

THE EVENING TALEGRAM, LAKELAND, FLA., DEC. 1, 1914, SANITARY PRESSING CLUB CLEANING, PRESSING. REPAIRING and DYEING. Ladies Work a Specialty. Satisfaction Guaranteed. GIVE US A TRIAL Kibler Hotel Basement. Phone No. 393 WATSON & GILLESPIE, Proprietors Bryan’s;Spray An lnsect Destroyer and Disinfectant For Flies, Mosquitoes, Fleas, Roaches, Ants, and other Insects. | g 8 o : Direction for use—Spray on porches, kitchen floors and around the sinks, win- dows, screen doors and all parts of the house. Prices: Quarts 50c., .1-2 Gallons 8sc., Gallons -1.00 Sprayer soc. by Lake Pharmacy Kentucky Bldg. RO O RO O HARNESS HEADQUARTERS The place to get harness s at harness headquarters. We have ev- erything needed to ride or drive a horse and of good quallty at reason- able prices. From the heaviest team harness to the lightest buggy har- ness this is headquarters. Special attention to repair work of all kinds. 7 i i OUR SHiZiD & & A o IS OUR MOT TO Which is proven by our six years success in Lakeland. Maker of the National Steel reinforced concrete Burial Vault .Building Blocks of all discrip- tions. Red Cement, Pressed Brick, White Brick, Pier Blocks, 3 ‘nd 4 inch Drain Tile, 6, 7 and 8-ft Fench Post: in fact anything made of Cement. { FLORIDAINATIONAL VAULT €0 | Are the People d Advertisements. W Their Wants, but g Where to Supply LAKE PARKER :| BOAT HOUSE (JOYLAND PARK) ower Boats and Row Boats Special Rates to Fishirg and Picnic Parties Best Service—Reasonable_ Rutes W. F. MooNEY, Prop. Box 32 4 & @ | @ o &l & Residence Phone 234 Black & k3 | money. HER BORE EXPELLER By WILLIAM H. OSBORNE. Miss Isabella Gunderman weas an all- right, all-around kind of a girl. She didn’t have to prove this, for she ad- mitted it. 8o also did the major por- tion of the masculine persuasion of Monroe Corners. Miss Gunderman had a good many ideas of her own. She had strong con- victions on juet the kind of a man that she preferred. In Miss Isabella Gunderman’s house, in the ,parlor, there was a large, old-fashioned hair sofa. Every night when she was at home she occupied one corner of it, and if by nine o’clock at night th_e par- ticular caller who might be present did not also occupy eome portion of that sofa he was not the kind of a man that Miss Isabella Gunderman was looking for, One of the most interesting young men in Monroe Corners—according to his own standard of taste—was Mr. William Rollpiller. Mr. Rollpiller was a serious young man, who wore specta- cles. He, too, had ideas, and one of his pet theories was that he and Miss Isa- bella Gunderman ‘were literally made for each other. Upon the evening in question he called upon Miss Isabella Gunderman. That Miss Gungerman held views of a somewhat different na- ture was evidenced by the fact that at nine o’clock—and, in fact, during the entire evening—she was alone upon the sofa. Mr. Rollpiller sat upon a patent rocking chair, and talked to the musical accompaniment thereof. He was not a fluent talker, but he consid- ered that everything he said carried much weight with it. Miss Isabella felt the welght dragging down her eye- lids and she yawned conspicuously sev- eral times, and as conspicuously made an effort to conceal that fact. At ten o'clock Mr. Rollpiller was still talking. He was holding forth upon his own ‘abilities and the grandeur of his ideas. It was at this juncture that a peculiar sound was heard. Mr. Rollpiller stopped and looked upward toward the Uiy oy T e e e e Mr. Roliplller Again Looked Upward. ceiling. Miss Gunderman smiled and with her hand beat a little tattoo on the back of the sofa. “Your pa,” said Mr. Rollpiller, “is going to bed early.” Miss Isabella shook her head. ien’t pa,” she said; “it's ma.” In a ehort time the sound was heard again. It sounded like the throwing of a bed-time shoe into a corner over- head. Mr. Rollpliler again looked up- ward. “For the land's sake!” he exclaimed, with a sickly smile, “where does she get them shoes? They're as heavy as lead—" He was brought up with & round turn by a third repetition of the same eound. “Great Scott!” he remarked, “You don’t mean to tell me that she's got three—" Miss Isabella vigorously shook her head. “You—you don’t quite under- stand,” she began, “it’s ma, but she's not going to bed. You see, she—she thinke that ten o'clock is time enough always for my—my company to go, and so she—she raps on the wall up- stairs with a shoe. She always does it, don’t you see.” The young man leaped to his feet. “Dear me!” he exclaimed, with a hasty glance at the clock, “Dear me, I—I thought—I didn’t know it was so late. I—I must apologize. 1—" He backed his way into the little hall. Before he went, however, he made known his intention of calling again on Wednesday night. But Miss Gunderman demurred. “Don't come Wednesday night,” she said; “Mr. Peters is coming Wednes- ! day night—and you don’t want to meet him, do you?' She said this with an air that implied that she would rather have her present caller all to herself. But he was a bit nifty. And he realized | that while he himself had the inside track with Miss Isabella, George Pe- ters was giving him a run for his He concluded it was just as well for him to be on hand and “sit” George Peters out. So he announced his purpose to come on Wednesday. “What time does—does George get 0y ; here? he inquired. The girl named the hour. It was eight o'clock. He made up his mind to be on hand a lit- tle beforehand. On Wednesday night he took an early start and knocked at the door of the Gunderman homestead at a time that he calculated was about five min- utes of eight. Mise Gunderman was there—so was George Peters. The for- mer sat in one corner of the sofa—the other in a corner of the room. “Why—why,” remarked Miss Gun- derman, “you are very late.” He looked at the clock. It said a quarter of nine. He gasped, but con- cluded that his own clock at the house had run down somehow or other. He explained the circumstances, and apologized and took the patent rocking chair. Mr. Peters sat in the cornmer, where he could look at Miss Gunder- man, and where Miss Gunderman could look at him. Mr. Rollpiller began to talk, and concurrently therewith Miss Gunderman began to yawn. Time passed. In the midst of an interesting recital by Mr. Rollpiller, in which he wae the hero, suddeniy there was heard a sound like to the crack of doom. Mr. Rollpiller looked at the clock. It had just marked ten and was beginning to strike. The sound was followed by an- other. Mr, Rollpiller, with a smile of understanding, looked up toward the ceiling, and rose to go. Miss Gunderman and Mr. Peters fol- lowed him out into the hall. Miss Gun- derman for an instant left the two men alone. “I'll help you on with your over- coat,” remarked Mr. Peters. He did 80. “And I with yours,” said Mr. Roll- piller. But Mr. Peters shook his head. “I don’t think I'll go just yet,” he an- swered. “It's a bit too early for me, you know.” Rollpiller eagerly whispered into the other’s ear: “You'd better,” he éaid; “that was the old lady rapping for us to go. She wants ue to clear out at ten o'clock. That's why she rapped.” Mr. Peters smiled and snapped-his fingers. “I don't give a rap,” he inter- posed, “for all the old woman's rap- ping.” Miss Gunderman returned, and Mr. Rollpiller departed. “And it's just as well I did, too,” he said to himself, on his way home. “Pe- ters will make the old lady mad. It's a good thing to keep on the right side of the old people, and I propose to do it.” Back in the Gunderman homestead Miss Gunderman stepped to the clock, It was three-quarters of an hour fast, for some mysterious reason, and she set it right. ! Then she went around behind the ! sofa, behind the corner where she had ' been sitting, and untied a string from a small nail. The string was long enough to reach to the floor behind. At the other end of the etring was a strange looking object. She hauled it forth. i “This,” she remarked, “is my famous bore expeller. All rights are reserved.” . She dropped it on the floor. As she ' did so, it sounded like the crack of doom. It was the sound that young Mr. | Rollpiller had obeyed with such rapid- | ity. Young Peters grasped it. l “What shall I do with it?” he sald. Miss Gunderman suggested that het throw it in the corner. He did so, and it laid there in the gloom, ! It was nothing but her father’s old | vorn-out cowhide boot. Young Mr. ' Peters turned to her and smiled. They i were still standing, and occupied posi- tions on opposite sides of the room. ! He stepped over towards her, and touched her on the arm. “What's the matter with sitting on the sofa?” he inquired, with a spright- ' ly air, as though the idea were a novel ' one. Miss Gunderman blushed happily. “I'm agreeable,” she answered. Miss Gunderman occupied one cor- ner of the eofa—her favorite corner. Mr. Peters also occupied one corner of the sofa—which corner does not now appear. It is enough to say that Miss Gunderman’s favorite corner was | a large corner and its capacity was not limited to one. Mr. Peters leaned over toward Mise Gunderman. “May 17" he inquired, with considerable significance in his volce and manner. That he did not wailt for an answer indicated that he considered it quite superfiluous and unnecessary to do so. Mr. George Peters wasn’t much of a talker, but he was a mighty handy man to have around a sofa. At least 80 thought Miss Isabella Gunderman. (Copyright, 1914, by Daily Story Pub. Co.) ] Non Compos Mentis. A commission in lunacy had called a woman to the witness stand, the San Francisco Argonaut states. “And now,” said the commission’s counsel to her, “what is your ground for claiming that the accused is in- sane?” The woman gulped, wiped her eyes and answered: “Well, gentlemen, he took me to the theater twice in one week. Each time we went in a taxicab. We had supper each time after the performance; and each time he bought me chocolates and flowers. He didn’t go out to see a man between the acts, either.” “But, madam,” said a commissioner, “surely these actions do not prove in- sanity on the accused’s part.” “But you Yorget, sir,” said the lady, with a sad smile; “you forget that the accused is my husband.” Prepares for Wedding., Miss Eleanor Wilson, daughter of the president, who is soon to be mar- ried to Secretary McAdoo, bought her trousseau in New York, and it is said that she also ordered the wedding cake from a Frenchwoman who has baked cakes for such occasions for many years. 1 ; the young pair on their good sense in THEIR WISE OLD UNGLE By JENNIE KENNER. l When Appleby broke the news to ' his young wife that his Uncle Jack was coming to make them a visit she expressed pleasure at the prospect as cheerfully as she could, but she looked alarmed. 2 “He’s a jolly old boy,” sai! Apple- by. “I know you'll like him, bella.” “But I'm afraid he won’t like me, John.” ' “Nonsense, why not, I'd like to know? Of course he'll fall in love | with you at the first glance just ui 1 did.” “Flatterer!” laughed Mrs. Apple-; by. “But seriously I know he’ll be scandalized at the way we live.” ‘ “Why, my dear girl, what's the mat- | ter with the way we live? Haven't | we a cozy little flat, and don’t we get excellent meals in the very first apart- ment below ?” “Yes, but you know you have told me yourself that your Uncle Jack has very rigid, old-fashioned opinions on the duties of wives, and he'll thlnkl me lazy and incompetent because I} don’t cook our own meals myself. I just know he will.” “Yes, Arabella, but you're so quick and bright, you could learn to cook in no time. All you need is a little practice.” “But I don’t want to practice on your uncle, Jack! That would be a fearfully dangerous experiment.” “Well, then, why not have our meals | Ara- | Demonsiration Week Of South Bend Maliable Ranges One Seven-Piece Set of Aluminum Ware given free with each Range this week half an hour they had persuaded Mrs. ] See Toyland at our Store. We are Head- quarters for Christmas Goods ) LAKELAND Furniture & Hardware Co, “Save Ten Dollars” By having your Fall Clothes made to your INDIVIDUAL Measure by us “Don't Be Ashamed.” Briggs, at whose table they took their meals, to do her share. When Uncle Jack arrived he showed every sign of being highly pleased with his nephew’s wife and their home. He continually congratulated o sent up?” Appleby asked. I “Yes, we could do it easily. Mrs. Briggs could send our meals up tho‘ oo . one -~e - e starting out so early to make a real home instead of this “infernal board- ing,” as he called it, and at every meal nearly he praised Mrs. Appleby for her good housekeeping. And things did run with astonishing smoothness. “Now don’t blush, little girl,” he said when the young woman was one day quite overcome by his warm ap- Preciation of the cooking. “John is a mighty lucky chap to have such a capable helpmeet as you.” Another time she was almost re- duced to tears when, handing her his notebook, he asked her to jot down' the rule for the delicious pudding they had had that night, so that he could have his housekeeper make it. “Oh, Uncle Jack, I'll have to look in the book and see,” she said. “I'll copy it for you tomorrow.” “Very well, my dear. You see, I'm anxious to carry home some of yourl culinary secrets.” At this Appleby laughed so uproar fously that his wife was obliged to retreat from the room in disorder, and when John hastily joined her she exclaimed between laughter and tears: “I'm not going to carry on this de- ception any longer. I'm ashamed of myself.” “Don’t be ashamed,” said Uncle Jack. He had followed them unob- served to the kitchen. They turned and looked at him in consternation. He laughed at their confusion. “You needn’t be ashamed of the de- ception, for there wasn’t any,” he went on. “I came out here the very first day of my visit to black my shoes, and Mrs. Briggs’ maid was Just ‘ bringing up the soup for dinner and she told me all.” I | Suits or Overcoats Soft Hats and Derbies Large variety of Shapes and Shad- ings, Trimmed with Contrast Bands — the Season’s latest Conceptions $5 Styles $3 Quality back stairs, and I could put them on the table and we'd serve them just as if they had been cooked in our own lit- tle kitchen. I think it’s a splendid plan.” Appleby seized upon the idea eager- 1y, for he realized that his uncle was not likely to look with favor upon their present mode of life. Inside of “And you've been having a bii of | fun with us,” young Appleby said | grumpily. “Well, I thought it was a good joke, | and a clever one, too. Now, Arabella, : T'll tell you what I wish to give you as a parting present, my dear—a ' course at the domestic science school.” ' “Oh, Uncle Jack,” she laughed, “that makes us more than even, but I'll accept it gladly."—Chicago Daily News. ENGLISH WOOLEN MILLS Hatters and Tailors Futch & Gentry Bldg, LAKELAND, F LA%§ e ————— Missouri school teachers average $37 & month salary, i R. A. BLUMBERG SAM B. SCHER