Lakeland Evening Telegram Newspaper, April 11, 1913, Page 2

fAGE TWO THF BVE o;;:%‘i BUNPING INTO T | Two Grouches That Counted for l Naught With Dan Cupid on I | ’I‘hlnk the Job. BY CLAUDINE SISSON. Mr. Charles Darrow was twenty-six years old, and carried a grouch. Miss Evelyn Tyson was twenty-five years old and carried another grouch. Mr. Darrow had an income that en- abled him to leaf around and call him- self a sculptor. Miss Tyson had an'income that en- abled her to idle (not loaf) around and call herself a landscape painter. Mr. Darrow’s grouch arose from two causes. He could not sculp for shucks, and the public knew it and he knew it. He had a rich uncle who .was going to leave him a lot of money when he died, but he meanly persisted in hanging on and even growing fat over it. As soon as he pegged out and the yellow-backs were turned over, then the sculptor would sculp no more. Miss Tyson's grouch also arose from two dauses. She had a rich aunt who was going to leave her a jolly lot of cash when she became an angel, but that aunt went right along being sat- isfied with this sad world instead of taking the slightest step towards helping herself to climb to azure heights and begin her lessons on the golden harp tagged with her initiale and waiting for her. As soon as that money was hers she would cease to paint and tell the public to go to the second-hand stores for its Corots. One morning, early in this twenti- eth century and the reign of graft and virtue, Miss Tyson awoke with a hunger for fried eggs. As she had an apartment and a cook and a maid and a dozen eggs under -her artistic thumb, all she had to do was to send word to the kitchen that she wanted fried eggs for breakfast, and she want- ed them fried hard, and that if there was any throw-down about it some one would lose her job. Alas for poor human nature! It is always wanting somebody else’'s eggs. Miss Tyson's longing was not for the eggs In the house, but for those out of it—at a restaurant three blocks away. It was raining. She didn't care a snap. She would have to wear a raincoat and carry an umbrella She didn't care two snaps. Her ar tistic soul cried out for restaurant: fried eggs—eggs that had emerged from cold storage nests after a year of rest——and that soul should be satis- fled. . Mr. Darrow had slept well and dreamed that his obdurate uncle had turned up his toes at last. Therefore, he awoke hungry. Therefore, he found himself craving for sausages - Fconomy lovks like an up-hill game when you first begin, and sometimes it 1S an up-hill game; but it is the ROAD TO PROSPER- I'LY, and it you can persevere in your small economies you will find this out. Your extravagance does not draw interest. Some day you will pay interest on your present extravagance. If you put that money in the BANK NOW, you can day afford to buy the lux- » without missing the money. w N First National Bank OF LAKELAND wes you ¢ Long Life of Linen douvlfimlhlllqm_h what you are looking for and that is just what we are giving. Try w. Lakeland Steam Laundry Phone 130. West Main B8 pork sausages, home-made country ? sausages made by Aunt Mary and brought to town by Uncle Rube, [ b'gosh! Mr. Darrow had a studio and a valet and a Kitchen. That valet could cook a ham bone in seventeen different Wisely lnsure ways. "Just a sleepy nod to him and ¥ he would have ascended the fire es Otherwise cape like a monkey and been back in five minutes with a dozen sausages gently linked together so that none We Would No' might stray. But no just as Miss Tyson wanted restaurant Mr ¥ " Be In The Darrow wanted restaurant sausages, and he would have them or perish ' With rubbers and raincoat and um- ila he almost the same Fire Insurance set ot at ‘! bre Tyson did tonent Mis BUSlneSS She was intent upon fried eggs He was itent upon fricd sausage It has been sald, it l], &lis .3 He o carried his umbrella tipped for- “A fool is a mortal who is wise 100 late. BRR Uiy 105t And again, :.l‘\' did the ~-mu-' G i . ey were coming head-on, ang “He may bol’e for the best, that's prepared for the worst. they met. Two umbrellas were put ARE YOU AMPLY PREPARED. out of commission, and one girl artist s was compelled to sit down in the It will cost you no more to have a policy in the strongest companies mud on the crossing. Fire Insurance is my sole business. i “Madam, it was }Ull!' fault!™ Sir it was yours!" “You dnnl know how to carry an umbrella.” “It's you that should take lessons, not only in that, but in manners as well!™ “You-you bumped into me'" “It was the other way!" Mr. Dairow picked up his broken- ribbed umbrella and returned to his studio in disgust to breakkfast most- Iy on dry toast Miss Tyson picked herselt up, saw a boy disappearing with her wrecked umbrella, and she returned to her apartment with her appetite for fried DX TR T TS A S L LY PR e £ R 2 N S S P SN 3 & Your bysiness will have my personal attention. ; Y Z M A N Raymondo Bldg. Room 7, Phone 30 & WHEN WE FURNISH YOU @& THE BEST IS NONE T00 GOOD-~ - “ eggs completely gone IF ENX IS . “Henry.” said Mr. Darrow to his GRAVED BY CORRECT man. what do you think of a woman who carried an umbrella down to her knees in a storm like thiz?" “A very doubtful persoa, sir.” “And shuts her eyes and ahead?” “It isn't society mauners, sir.” ‘And bumps into a man?” “No polish there, sir.” “And then kknocks him and her- self down and calls him a blunder head?” “Why, sir, we can't afford to asso- ciate with no such parvenew, and | hope we are not going to.” “Helen,” said Miss Tyson to her maid as she sipped at her coffee and s nibbled at her chop, “what do you think of a man taking up the whole strest with his umbrella such a day as this?” “He's a hog, miss!" “And bumping into a woman? “He's a loafer!” | “And knocking her down?™* ° | “It ought to be the cop for him!"” I MANUFACTURING E I’/N.GRAVEM LOUISVILLE, KY,U.SA. WE ARE, THEIR EXCLUSIVE AGENTS FOR THEIR EXCLUSIVE LINE. Full line of Dennison’s Gift Dressings; also Gibson Art Co's p,ngnved Specialties, Holiday and Fancy Goods, 1oys, Etc, LAKELAND BOOK STORE, staves R. L. MARSHALL CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER Will farnish plans and spesifications or will fellow any plans and sposifications furmished. SUNGAIOWS A SPECIALTY. Lot me shew you some Iakelond homes | have built. LAKRLAND, Phons 967-Green. FLORIDA N.NG TELEGRAM, LAKFLAND, FLA., APRIL 11, 1913, “I will. go to the police, if you say so, and have him trailed to the ends| According to reliable statistics, of the earth!"” barely one of one per cent. of the | A week later Mr. Darrow went to | 144,000,000 of women in India are the store to buy a velvet jacket. He 'able to read and write; and to none had never worn one, though he had of the hundreds of thousands of Hin- been a sculptor for three years. He!du gods may these sorrowful little had at last been told that his non-!dark women look for any ray of hope, | success with mallet and chisel and |cither in this world or in the world the refusal of his uncle to expire were |to come. owing to the absence of the right sort of jacket. He found his fit and bought it. On that very morning ome of the pockets of Miss Tyson's apron became entangled and was torn off and she realized that she must do some shop- ping. She was just entering a store and wondering about bargains, when Mr. Darrow came out. Both were stepping lively when the head-on col- lision occurred that crumpled them up. They went down. They were mussed up. They were humillated and angered. “It's you!" gasped Miss Tyson as somebody helped her up. “And you!” exclaimed Mr. Darrow as he reached his feet and knew that his dollar suspenders had busted un- der the shock. “You were gawping at something across the street, sir!” “And you were ogling your toes!" “This—this is the second time!” “l know it!" They got away before the police came, and on arriving home, and to explain his condition, Mr. Darrow said to his man: “Henry, 1 have had another en- counter with tbat—that person.” “Yes, air. They do be around.” “She bumped into me again.” “You will have to carry a gun, sir.” “And down | went, Henry, and again she laid it all to me.” “They always does, sir—they al- ways does.” And when Miss Tyson reached her apartment she said to her maid: “Helen, there has been more bump- ing, and with that same man!” “The assassin! was hissed. “It must cease, Helen—it must.” “It must, Miss—it must!” “Or 1 shall have to take strong measures.” “Very strong!"” It was two weeks later this time when Mr. Darrow was on the street as a fire alarm sounded. So was Miss Tyson. He started around a corner in haste to see where the fire was. She started around the same corner, in the same haste, to get clear of the mob. A third head-on collision and two falls! Nothing new about the lan- guage they scattered around as they arose. Nothing tearful about their parting. Again at home Mr. Tyson sald to his man: “That person again, Henry.” “Yes, sir. They do hang on.” “Biat I can't stand being bumped about like a pumpkin.” “Yes, sir. You will have to carry a knife and a gun.” And Miss Tyson said to her maid: “That man again, lelen!" Hard Lot of Hindu Women. The People Supreme, I repeat that all power is a trust; that we are accountable for its ezer cise; that from the people and for the people all springs and all must exist ~—Bevfamin Disraall more. Best Butter, per pound ... Cottolene. 10 pound pails. .. Cottulene, 4 pound pails. ... .. 1-2 barrel best Flour. Octagon Soap, 6 for.. .. Cround Coffee, per pound. . § gallons Kerosene .. .. RN SRR O . . ... . s ORI “And more bumps, Mis - “Yes, more bumps. | must see a weedell lawyer or somebody.” ; [ ] “You must, Misg. This cannot go o on forever” it did not. Four weeks later Mr Darrow visited a picture gallery one afternoon. R0 did Miss Tyson. [t | =——————————— was on the second floor with a hard- finish stair to «limb and descend. He | .a¢0 SOPOPORD SOPOBOIOFOSOEOBOBOD F0i ¢ was just ahead of her when she i D St Y slipped and grabbed his coat-tails, and | g IF YOU ARE ITHINKING OF EUILDING. SEF together they humped down fourteen . ; e e it MARSHALL & SANDEKS “Sir, my name is Miss Tyson, an 2 2 s : this miust cease!” she said as they ;: The Old R( liable (()ntr&(‘()ls sat up 9 “Miss Tyson, my name is Darrow, E‘ Who have "f(n buildirg houses in Lakeland for, yous, and 1 too say it must eease!” 0 who never "FELL DOWN" or failed to give satistaction “But how " Ali classes of buildivgs contracted for The many “Ry our getting married. Married residences built by this irm are evicgnees of tleir s il folks never bump into each other” ;a];(. good., And two hours later Mr. Darrow v sald to his man: 4 R R ¢ “Henry, 1 amn geing to marry that— '"A SHALL & SAADE S 4 that Miss Tyvson the bumpess.” [] v 4 “Quite correct, sir--quite!™ .Pho"e 228- blue ‘ And Miss Tvson said to her maid: “Helen, I'm going to marry Mr. Dar row, the bumper™ “Perfectly proper, Miss, perfectly!" W3y the MeClure News- pajer Syndicate.) (Copyright, Fish in Ocean Deeps. When a disaster occurs at sea, and people read that some levithan vesse! has gone down to the utmost depth of the ocean, Imagination is stirred in wondering what conditions surround her According to Sir John Murray, one of the greatest authorities on ocean- ography. the bottom is a desert of pitch-black darkness, penetrating cold and eternal silence. Worms, sea pud- diings and coral polyps sluggishly crawl’or sway in the almost current- less depths and only two specles of fish, both of them small, with much head and little body, have been found deeper than a mile and a quarter down The range of fishes in the sea is as though it were divided into layers, one above the other, and no fish can live above or below this layer. Thus, many | of the deeper fish—three-quarters of | a mile below the surface—have been | found floating at the top. They had | swallowed a fish as large or larger than themselves. and its buoyancy had lifted them out of the strata to which they were accustomed IOR SAI[ New Maps Increase Greenland’s Area. ; A series of maps has been publish- ed presenting the results of the sur veys carried out by the ill starred Mullus Erichsen expedition of 1906-08 to northeastern Greenland. Thess | show that Greenland extends ml = Syubscribe for 0I|Imger LAKELAND. posed, ndudlbout lwmm miles to its area. We Won't Sacrifice Quality but we are always studying how to Increase The Quantity We give the "‘most now but we are anxious to Phone us and|prove it. Snowdrift, 10-pounl pails . ... imiiiiiiiiiimi camseoamecse ssesessesrcaia.. 8 10 mncommsrisatecscsieiamecms 1N soommrscamemessesses meres W il 18 pounds WO TIORE. . oo i Picnic Hams, perpound — ~........;..ccovvimeam. l!ll Cudahy’s Uncanvassed HaMS. . oo ..icmvmvvevvieeneram. .. 1 OSOPOE0S0H0SOEOPOEOSOPO+ + For AIF REAL ESTATE See LS fbl' IIOS[IIAII énd PARKE HILL] (1 We own, or have for sale, some ot wue chuicest properties ad- jacent to the town of Frostproof, including & few good bearin groves. Timber, turpentine and colonisation tracta. Also see us for Lakeland strawberry farms, groves and city property. Keep Jardinieres Clnn Jardinieres should be 13 @crubbed and scalded ey weeks or they become sour 4. the plants kept in them 1, . . ifull of earthworms. Th.. o, -, . | surned oceasionally, iy addiviey ! the scrubbing and scalding S Ule . ———— Facher’s Hint, l The midnight stillness of ¢ 'ened parlor was punctuzted wi ith icrash just overhead. "W ha-wha. iwas that, dud- -dud-darling > €Xclaym /the youag man. “Merely father dro) 'ping a hint,” she replied as she sy gled a little closer. he dary, e gve [ 1 o0 Smith & Steitz hinds of NN VYO O MO S OMI MWW O Lakeland Fla Q0 FROSTFRCOF Land end Gioves ! & Alfield FLORIDA The Telegram mmomoon