Lakeland Evening Telegram Newspaper, May 16, 1912, Page 2

! : | HE LAUGHS BEST WHO LAUGHS LAST. de not give me away; the other fol-l J st colossal joke ever pulled A A The most colossal joke ever pu ©" ment of his intended victim who was off in Kathleen oceurred recently, in-| stituted, as the report goes, by four prominent citizens—H. L. Lanier. L. 8. Coon, John Giddens and John Rut- ledge —their Henry Rutledge, brother to the afore- said John. Now lHenry is himself an adept in jocular matters; that is why it took four heads to match one, Even then the tables were completely turned, and so skillfully, too, that the insti- gators of the joke never knew that they had become victims of their own scheme, and that their intended vic- tim had become the most amused man in Kathlcen, He enlisted the services of Judge Carter, than whom no man was ever better titted by nature and training fer the task assigned. With pipe and tobacco in hand, and wearing m of a judge pronounc- irst death sentence upon a ner at the bar, he informed th> 3 of the magnitude of their erime, the probability of their pros- ccution, und the scandal it would uncover, involving the most promi- nent families, if they, the aforesaid prodigal boys, did not at once and forthwith make terms with their in- tended victim, The pathetic expres- siens of surprise and sorrow uttered Ly the boys were enough to make the statute of Liberty weep; but the Judge sat unmoved, ‘“smoking ihis pipe of clay.” I. 8. Coon was the first to leave the house of mourning to make terms with the intended victim. How Coon did apologize! He declared he never practiced a joke in all his life, not even when he got married; that he, the aforesaid Coon, was ready and willing to capitulate oa any kind of terms, honorable or dis- honorable, and charge no commis- kion for what he had done. Now came John Giddens, “the man that never told a lie,” who avowed he never engaged in anything less subtile than holding down the key- hoard of the Western Union, and paying homage to his mulatto father (?) just from New York. Then Henry Lanier sought for- giveness from the man he would have given worlds to conquer, Kneel- ing at the mourners’ hench in the 8ide room of the Union store, in the presence of a concealed witness, to his might-have-been vietim, he poured forth lamentations that ex- celled Jeremiah's of old. Many and mighty were his sins for knowing so { I intended victim being, 'mu« h and doing so little, “Please {lows were to blame,” repeated often tended only to intensify the amuse inow proud monarch of all he sur- |veyed, and a past master in the art 'm' disguis s sense of merriment, while dictating in words more em- phatic and more stern the |terms of compromise. | The concealed witness Ithat Lanier's voice would have done ".‘:um to the rtemolo of a Beethoven organ, \With falling crest and with |drooping feathers, Lanier departed |to return later to receive, as he sup- |poked, his death sentence. How the mighty had fallen! !tho_\' hanged Haman on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordeecai. 1Then was the King's wrath paci- |fied.” John Rutledge added self insult {to his wronged (?) brother. But his ‘injury by refusing to confess his sins found him out, and compelled 'him to ecat crow, for his insomnia ::And nocturnal lamintations’ became so distressing that his wife adjudged him insane, and fearing he would commit self suicide she left to live with her people in Tampa. Finally the most “famous four” of iKathleen were rounded up and re- ceived in mute silence the following sentences: Henry Lanier was florever debarred from chewing any more “North American™ tobacco. John Giddens was to proceed at once to Tampa and confess his in- nocence to the priest. 1. S. Coon was forever debarred from combining with the other boys, smoking Inman-Blunt cigars, and spitting on the floor. And the aforesaid Coon, together with his half-brother, John Giddens, was forever prohibited from denying his pedigree, or ignoring his mulatto fa- ther (?), alias J. Lynn, but common- 1y known as Bob Williams, late from New York. John Rutledge was sentenced for the remainder of his natural life to cock for his intended victim. HENRY RUTLEDGE. voice declares S0 Big shipment of Boys' Scout shoes and Oxfords. Colors black, tan, smoke and olive. Full run of sizes in boy's and men'’s. Price shoes, $2 and $3 per pair. Oxfords, $1.50 to $3.00 per nair. E. F. Balley, exclusive Lake- land agent. ; ia D D -y i Apt Comparison, She—In a way, getting married is like using the telephone. He—How | Enormous Loss by Fire. Fire losscs and the cost of the fire prevention in the United States amount annually to §450,000,000, or more than the total production of gold, silver, copper and petroleum in @& year. If you want a car, large or smali, or if you do not want one just now, call in to see our line, get our prices, and take a ride in one of our splen- did machines. Three leading lines to select from. Will take desirably Iccated city real estate in part pay- ment. Lakeland Automobile and Supply Co., Peacock Building. 4-19-tf At Bottom of Great Problem. People are coming more and more to recognize that the industrial prob- lem lies at the bottown of many oth- ers. Food of Horse and Sheep. A healthy horse eats nine times its weight in food in a vear; a sound sheep six times. THE BEST PROOF. ..Lakeland Citizens Cannot Doubt It. Doan's Kidney Pills were used-— they cured. The story residents. Time has dence, Has proven the cure permanent. The testimony is from this local- ity. The proof convincing. Miss W. T. Verdier, 506 Jackson street, Tampa, Fla.. s : It would be hard to fully describe my suffer- ing from kidney complaint. For years | had a weak and aching back and | was subject to chills and dizzy spells. Often I felt very faint and headaches also bothered me. Final- 1y 1 decided to give Doan's Kidney Pills a trial and I am glad that I did so, for they helped me as soon as | began taking them, The pains in my back soon disappeared entirely and the other symptoms of my trouble May 19, 1908.) A Second Endorsement. Miss Verdier was interviewed on Feb, 25, 1911, and she said: I can still endorse Doan's Kidney Pills and 1 take pleasure in doing so. I use this remedy occasionally and it al- ways brings the best of results.” For sale by all dealers. Price 50 cents, Foster-Milburn (o., Buffalo, New York, sole agents for the United States. was told to Lakeland strengthened the evi- 80? She—One doesn't always get the party one wants.-Roston Transeript. Remember the name—Doan's—and take no other. MAY 16, 1912, f[V[RYHIINfi 10 BUILD A II('IJS[\ Largest Stock of Lumber in South Florida i Brick Lime Cement Plaster G IT WILL PAY TO SEE US! i Lumber Shingles Lath Mill Work w The Paul & Waymer Lumber Company Office: \PRICES RIGHT Foot of Main Street, City SERVICE RIGHT NOW Girl's Accurate Rifle Shot. A very pretty exhibition of marks- manship was witnessed by a crowd in the vicinity of the post office in Venice, Colo,, the other day. One of the halyards attached to a flag on a high pole of a riding device snapped and the flag and halyard twisted themselves into the pulley in such a way that it was impossible to get the flag down. The manager offered $26 to anyone who would get the flag down. An Indian girl overheard him and procured her rifle, From where she stood to where the flag was flying from the pole was fully 800 feet. The pulley was so well concealed by the flag that only a small piece of the top of the eyvelet was visible. Care- fully sighting, the girl fired and the first shot cut the pulley from the pole and sent the flag flying down. When the household bread gets too stale for use, try this. Place a pan of water on the stove and bring it te the boil, put on the steamer, and in it place the stale loaf, Steam for five minutes. The bread will then be as fresh as when new. Rare Type of Editor, Senator Crane was talking about an opponent of arbitration. “The man is not liberal,” he said. “He takes a nar row, selfish view of things. He is not well informed, either. The fact is, he reminds me in his narrowness and ig- norance of the editor of the Cinnamin- son Scimitar. The editor of the Cin- naminson Scimitar, reading the copy of a cub reporter from Yale, came to the sentence: ‘Caesar not merely met opportunity—he created it.’ The tditor looked up from this sentence and said reproachfully: ‘Look here, what do you want to advertise Caesar for? ” Perfection of Eastern Bells. The softnese of the tone of Japa- nese and Chinese bells is not only due to careful workmanship in their manu- facture, but also to the absence of iron clappers. The Average. “Which of these clocks is right?” T don't know. We've five clocks. When we want to know the time we add 'em together and divide by five, and even then we're not certain."—Punch. Upholstering and Mattress Making OLD MATTRESSES made over. FURNITURE REPAIRED. CUSHIONS of all kinds made order. CARPETS ad RUGS cleaned and laid; also matting, etc. MIRRORS resilvered a specialty. In regards to workmanship, s Mr. W, P. Pillins of Lakeland, who knew me for about 16 years at Or- lando, Fla. Drop me a postal car or phone 64 Red, No. 411 8 Ohio evenue, ° Arthar| A. Dougls T HAVE overstocked my store in suits and pants for men and boys this spring, and I am going to unload them for the benefit of the people and sacrifice them at prices never before heard of in Lakeland. [ have always given the people of Lakeland big bargains for the past 5 years, but you will be shocked to see the prices I am selling them at FOR TWO WEEKS ONLY. It will pay you to travel many miles to get such bargains as I will have on sale. Iam not going to quote prices in this paper, but come and convince yourselves. This Sale starts Saturday, May 18th < and will last two weeks. This sale is for CASH ONLY and no goods reserved unless paid for at the time of sale. on all purchases. 5 THE STORE WILL BE OPEN EVERY EVENING DURING THE SALE JOS. LeVAY THE HUB During this Sale a discount of 20 per cent off each dollar i '18 . Kentucky Ave. AN