Lakeland Evening Telegram Newspaper, November 7, 1911, Page 6

PAGE SIX GOVERNOR BANQUETED. The following is taken from the % Evening World-terald of Omaha of October 19th: 8 “An unique affair Wednesday evening in connection with the pris- on congress was the banquet ten- 3 dered to Miss Kate Barnard of Okla- homa and Governor Gilchrist, the bachelor governor of Florida.. “This was something new in the way of a banquet. It was purely a Jove feast and was given by a num- ? ber of prominent Democratic women for a Democratic woman of a neigh- boring state, who has the distinction of holding the office of state com- missioner of charities, the only of- fice of the kind in the United States " that is elective. ° «There were twenty-five ladies present, including the wife of Mayor Jas. Dahlman, who was recently the Democratic nominee for governor of Nebraska. “@overnor Gilchrist, the only man present, was introduced by Mrs. C. Vincent. The Governor is impres- nated with a delicious Irish wit that ¥ bubbles forth in a string of humor- ous incidents connected with his of- fice. “In presenting him, Mrs, Vincent gaid that it was well-known that he was alone, and that was the reason that he was invited to a woman's dinner. ‘If [ were to propose a toast 1 would =ay, Is it well for man to dwell alone?’ “DBoth distinguished speakers re- ceived rounds of applause. The banquet table was set in ' shape with the guests of honor at the head."” AN EXCUSABLE MISTAKE. The irascible old gentleman had ordered a chicken, but when he got it he wasn't satisfied—some people never are. “Waiter,” he yeled, charge of dynamite and a hatchet and an cxtra double steam-power to be carved, even though it is made of Dreaduought steel,” The waiter was desolate. *“Very sorry, sir,” he said, but that always was a peculiar bird, It even object- ed to be killed, though we always do everything with the greatest of kindness. But this bird, actually flew away, and we had to shoot it, sir—yes shoot it—it flew onto the top of a house and—" “Say no more,” said the old gen- tleman. “I see it all now. You weathercock by mistake, John shot at it and Dbrought down the my friend, all is forgiven."—Tit- “bring a MOST GOOD AS POLK'S - ABLE SUPERINTENDENT. Pierson correspondence DeLand Record: Prof. A, O. Botts, tie high- ly estecmed, honorable, upright, hightoned, doubly efficient, golden rule superintendent of schools, was in this place last week inspecting the sub-district school, which he reports in fine shape. WHAT HE WANTED The irate parent presented himself before the culprit. “Young man,” demanded he, with the utmost sternness, “have I caught you Kissing my daughter?” It by this he expected to plunge the young visitor into confusion the old gentleman was greatly mistaken, as the young gentleman evinced the greatest calmness. “I hope, sir,” he said, “there is no mistake about it. The lights are none too bright, and I would be much mortified to learn that, after all, I was kissing the housemaid.” LET THEM GO. All grades of oranges will now soon be moving to the markets. An orange or grapefruit that is half colored on the trees is in condition to ship. We have a very short sea- son in which to market the crop, especially in the north counties of the orange belt of the State. We are against shipping grass green oranges in September or October, but when the color appears in November let &viomiva's BACHELOR | Consulting Mme. Fantella “Again and again f've addressed you,” remarked Grace, “while you've been staring and gazing at that cal- endar. Aren't there enough days In tho month to sult you?” “Cortainly, but this is the 16th of October—one of vital importance to me.” “What's so special about 1t?” “About three weeks ago,” answered Jullette, her face beaming with smiles and her eyes glistening with expec- tancy, “I consilted a clairvoyant, Madame Fantella.” “Madame Fantella used to sew for us,” Interrupted Grace. “Not this one. She is simply mar- velous, predicts miraculous events and gives you the most wonderful dates.” “For instance?” asked Grace, du- biously. “At the age of sixty-nine I will meet with a serious fillness, but will re- cover.” “l hope you will have recovered your senses by that time and not be- lieve' in every fake fortune teller or palmist.” “I'm not superstitious, but on this very date she prophecied that a tall dark young man would invite me to the theater and come what may, un- der no condition should I refuse, as he would propose.” “Who s the tall dark, mysterious gent?” “Why, Charles Charleton, of course, whose invitation I accepted immed!- ately for tonight.” “Astonishing! Surprising! Charles always seemed a confirmed bachelor to me,” exclalmed Grace. “He Is so attentive to all the girls.” [ | How Sir William Hankferd 500 Years Ago Evaded Law Against Com- mitting Suicide. Suicides often adopt Ingenious wethods, but the art of the felo de se seems not to have advanced material- ly during the centuries. The moders case of a heavily insured broker who on a feigned hunting trip stood bare- legged in a quagmire for hours and wilfully contracted a fatal pneumonia is matched in cleverness by one 500 years old. The following facts are well vouched for, and Indeed were never ques tioned, says the Green Bag. Sir Wil liam Hankford, a judge of the king's bench in the reigns of Edward Il Henry IV, Henry V and Henry VI, and at the time of his death chief justice of England, was a man of melancholy temperament. He seems to have contemplated suicide the greater part of his long life and during bis later years the {dea became a fixed purpose. The act was of peculiarly serious conse quences in those days for the reason that the law treated It as a capital crime. The offender was buried at the cross roads, with a stake driven through his body, and all his goods and property were forfeited to the crown, to the utter ruin of his family. Hankford made gocl use of his wits and succecded in accomplishing | his purpose without anurrh.g either unplezsant penalty. He gave open fnstructions to his gamekeeper, who had been troubled with poachers in the deer preserve, to challenge all trespassers in the future and to shoot to kill if they would not stand and give an account. ~ One dark night he purposely crossed the keeper's path, and upon challenge made motions of resistance and escape. The faithful servant, failing to recognize his master, fol- lowed Instruction to the letter, as was expected of him, and Sir Willlam fell dead In his tracks. The whole truth of the affair was common “Little did I think I would be the fortunate one. How the girls will envy me, the wife of such a handsome, cul- tured, clever lawyer,” sald Jullette in a delighted, blisstul tone. When Charles called for Jullette that evening, he found her waliting for him looking as pretty as a lily all in white, She greeted him more cordial- ly than ever and seemed to listen in- tently to even the most trivial re mark. All the time she was ponder- ing. “How, when and where will he | say those glorious words that can so easily be answered in one little word of three letters?” “You seemn radiant with happiness,” Charles ccmmented. “I'm always happy when I'm with you,” she answered as they left the thoater, where she had not heard one word of the play. “Then I'm all the sorrier,” com- menced Charles, “to tell you that next week [ intend moving to New York.” “Doesn’t he think I'd move away,” wondered Jullette. “Why, I'd go to the depths of Africa with the man [ cared for.” Aloud, she managed to ask, “Why?” “A well-known legal irm want a single young man to look after one departient of their business and I have accepted their offer, which means « successful future.” “Accept my congratulations,” said Jultette. “But you will not always be single?” “For a long time to come,” ex- plained Charles. “That's the reasom I'm nice to all the girls, s0 none can take my attentions seriously.” “Not even if you admired the girl greatly,” asked Jullette, fast losing confidence in Madame Fantella. “No, because my mother on her death-bed exacted a promise from me that I would not marry uatil my sts- ters were married. As the kids are only ‘seven and nine years now, my benedict days are in the dim future.” Charles was 00 interested In telling about his run of affairs and prospects that he falled to motice how listless and weary Jullette was. “1 shall never forget what a pleas- ant evening I spent,” he sald as he loft her. “I'll never forget it either,” thought Juliette, tearing tne calendar to shreds. “That I have wasted three weeks of my life thinking, hoping and dreaming of that conceited fool! Madame Fantella is certainly wonder- ful In predicting ooourrences that don’t ocecur.” The Average Man's Life. Uncle Pennywise says: “What a drab life the average man leads. I neéver went to a masked ball, or & polo tournament, or & house party. Never ate a truffie or uttered an epl- gram. I mever even tasted Burgundy, although half my favorite characters in fiction have wallowed in it.” it Can Be Done. “You make 30,000 marks a year as aviator? Aad yet people say you can't them go to market.—DeLand Record.' live on air.”"—Fllegende Blatter. knowledge, but it was impossible to establish a case of suicide by legal proof. The servant was protected by his instructions. Hankford had hon- orable burlal and his estate passed to those whose interests as heirs he had so wisely considered. BETTER THAN BOOK LEARNING & Kentucky Mountaineer Preferred as | Teacher Because He Could Liok Biggest Boy in 8chool. The colonel had gone up into the | Kentucky mountains from the blue |3 grass in command of a sawmill, and as soon as he had mobilized his | forces in that fleld he began to|% maneuver in the matter of improving |¢ the people about his camp. What they |% needed most were better schools and he determined to take a hand in the ‘& selection of a proper teacher. To this |§ end he called In one from his own |3g section who had a college education, (¢ but no mountain experience. When |5 he proposed this blue grass nurtured | ¢ young man to the mountaineer trus- |5 tees there was unanimous opposition |{ fn favor of one of their own kind, | who had been teaching the school for some time, though his education was of the most limited kind. “But,” argued the colonel, “your man doesn’t have the first rudiments of an education and the pupils might as well have no teacher at all.” “He's done better than anybody else ever done, colonel,” replied the chairman of the board. “That may be, but none of them has been educated properly to teach. My man has been through college and is :’u!oflor to any teacher in the coun- The chairman didn't wamt any troudble with the colonel, nor did he want to yleld his point. “Mebbe he's jist what you say he s, colonel,” he saild persuasively, “and it ain’t fer us to doubt that he has a powerful sight of book l'arnin’, but, colonel, we have saw him and we have saw our man, and | wanter say fer this board of trustees that your man can’t lick the biggest boy in school and our'n kin, and that counts fer a heap sight more in this neck uv woods than book I'arnin’.” The colonel's candidate retired to the blue grass whence he came. Competition. “You still assert that competition is the life of trade?” “Oh, yes,” sald Mr. Dustin Stax. “But we don't care to compete for a chance to sell our goods. What we want is to find people with thelr money out .competing for the privi- loge of buying them.” Music and Manners. Tsu Kung, & pupll of Confuctus, sai4, “In any country it is only necessary to hoar its music in order to know if its ,:::m and customs are good or - ol A SeAGh . dm— THE EVENING TELEGRAM, LAKELAND, FLORIDA, MONDAY, NOV thelr family in the usual way, sending them at length into the world doubt- less ull the wiser for their nurture in this abode of learning. A similar mis. HE PLANNED HIS OWN DEATH [ PICK 0DD NOOKS FOR NESTS 8wallows Are Cunning Builders But Sometimes Select Precarious Sites for Homes. Swallows are diligent and cunning buflders of nests, but they are not al ways wise in their choice of a local fty. In proof of this a couple of birds last year chose a secluded corner among the rafters of my barn and managed to hatch and rear their young successfully. This year a couple, probably the same, repaired the nest and laid their eggs. But one morning both birds were found lying dead on the floor, the windows baving been closed and the door locked by a too careful servant. A favorite place for a swallow to build its mest is the upper corner of & win- dow. This situation is to say the least precarious, as an energetic housemald bas merely unintentionally or other- wise to draw down the sash and the nest Is at once in ruins. | remember once quite unintentionally acting the part of the energetic housemald. 1 drew down the sash and managed just in time to save the structure from fall- ing to pleces. Supporting it with my hands, | told one of my boys to bring his schoolbag, and having fastened it securely to the window, deposited therein the remains of the nest and the young family of birds. The parents were shy at first, but on closer investigation, having satisfied themselves that their little ones were still alive, they accommodated them- selves to the situation and brought up fortune happened this summer to & swallow’s nest in the window of & cot- tage in the Cheviot hills. This time the nest was almost to- tally destroyed, but help came from a probably unlooked-for quarter. The dismayed cries of the feathered bulld- ers attracted thelr companions, who flocked around In large number and rendered every assistance in repalring the damage.—The Scotsman. THE PLACE o F Better Things Ice Cream Candies Gaynor’s Bible Neglected. On his tour Mayor Gaynor of New York stopped at Great Barrington to look at the library of the town, to which, 14 years ago, while a summer resident there, he presented a copy of the Bible. At that time he wanted a copy for reference in preparing a speech he wag to make and was shocked to find that there was no copy of the Bible In the generous collection of bound volumes of which the town had al- ways been proud. He gave a copy to the town library, and on the fly leat of the book he wrote: “I have found a great many libraries which lacked a great many books, but never before have I found ome like this, which lacked the Great Book.” The town has guarded the Gaynor Bible zealously since 1897. It is fn the pink of condition, never apparent- ly having been opened; in fact, some of the leaves are still uncut.—Water- bury Post. Just Suited. “Mrs. Sykes is 50 reserved that she ught to get a position in the weather bureau.” “What has her reserve got to do with qualifications for that office?” “Oh, when she speaks at a distance 0 one, she gives such cool waves.” ~ ————————————— e —— e W. FISKE JOHNSON REAL ESTATE LOANS NEGOTIATED EVERY LINE OF INSURANCE Carried With the Best Companies CHUNN Successor to Johnson and Cannon. Suite 7, Raymondo Building P. E. The Jackson & Wilson Co AT ALL TIMES Strong in supplying the needs and wants of customers. ¢ But their LONG suit is in Orange Picking Ladders and Orange Clippers of the kind that pleases the user. 4 ARMOUR’S FERTILIZER FOR STRAWBERRIES 4 Shot guns and shot gun shells for the sportsman And not last or least, v The Celebrated THORNHILL WAGONS All Sizes CENTRAL PHARMACY NEAR NEW PASSENGER STATION IS THE BEST PLACE IN TOWN FOR Cold Driaks and Ice Cream as well as everything else you could expect to find In & WELL EQUIPPED AND UP-TO-DATE DRUG STORE. Give us a call and you will be pleased with our goods and our BUYS AND SELLS REAL ESTATE, ORANGE GROVE PROPE} TY A SPECIARIY. Raymondo Buildin2 g EMBER, T, 191 e T T 2 € I T P P P T s D O Ve