The Key West Citizen Newspaper, December 24, 1953, Page 14

|The weather is cold. jmas Eve. She walks the streets, THE CITIZEN—Xmas Edition Thursday, December 24, 1953'““but why don't you write 9 <es!,' jelutching her matches and her | shabby cloak, trying to keep warm . old fashioned Christmas tear jerk- er. About a poor, little girl who jbas to sell maiches for a living. and also to peddle those matches. 4 |Sbe must sell those matches. | Otherwise, her poor, little, crippl- jed brother won't have a Christ- imas present.” by DENIS SNEIGR | Greetings } for a Christmas column,” I told|B., the beauteous brunette barmaid, od Charlie Kauffman. jmix drinks, Hovering in the back-) wy “I don't know about baloney,” he sround, ever solicitous, was Frank) said, “but last Christmas we dug Motto, jovial maitre d’. | up a dead shark. We ate it, too.”| “This is certainly a different Tere et = 8 sateinate went on. “I was in Iceland last keeps striking matches to keep lyear. Whoever named that frozen warm. The snow swirls around her. slab of lava wasn’t kidding. In Ice-She looks in the window of this land, it's so cold that four-way sumptous home. She sees this leold tablets don't know which way wealthy family around their Christ- Anybody could plainly see that ed and gorging themselves on tur- this entire situation — dead sharks key. Then she. ae ag land fourway cold tablets — had “That ain't the story, Charlie \the real old fashiotied Christmas said “She meets this guy who spirit. drives a big, new Cadillac conver- HH too,” I said, “but mine mostly run hard top but not half as hard as to gags about hot weather.” I \this guy's heart He hands her a learned mine by seeing “Top Ba- fast line. She believes him. She every night for months but sub. xg eo ¥ I didn’t tell Charlie that, I might) ‘‘No she doesn't,” I cut in: She ing them up. {Decency Committee, and the com- i harlie said. |mittee... : Z ‘it’s so hot out-| “But,” Charlie interrupted, he \side that people are only reading takes refuge behind the Fifth A- fan magazines,” }mendment and “In Iceland it’s so cold that wom-|this dead shark you dug up and en always boil their cold cream be-|ate for Christmas dinner x Hfore they use it.”” | “Well,” Charlie shrugged, “if we “That's nothing,” I said, “in Key|got to get around to that dead West the sun is so hot people al-|shark, I guess we got to. “1 got to dig up some baloney /Southernmost Saloon, watching B.' Christmas from last year’s,” Char-| “I know that story,” I said. “She ito go.” mas tree, Everybody is half load- “I know some one-line gags, 'tible. It's a red convertible with a as well let him think I was mak- blows the whistle on him to the “That’s nothing,” Charlie said.) “And,’ 1 went on, “how about ‘ | s walk in each other's shad-| “Yes,” I agreed, “otherwise this ows. ipiece would not have the true ring . B., the beauteous brunette bar- of Christmas spirit.” | maid had drifted down to our end ‘of the bar. fi; “Ya wanna another drink?” she | wiggled. s | “Watch this,” Charlie said, “here's a one-line gag that always | goals them.” | “Go ahead,” I said, “but this isn't what I had planned for Christ-| Charlie, it turned out, had been mas Eve.” stationed in Iceland last Christmas. | | “You want one-line gags,” Char-|A civilian — an American who had jlie said. “Get this.” He turned to}married an Iceland or Icelandic |B, B. and leered: “B. B.,-you’re girl — invited Charlie to his home {so beautiful that Lana Turner is for Christmas. |turning green.” | “What are you going to be drink- , B, B. strolled to the other end ing?” Charlie’ asked the civilian. F}jof the bar and glared at the jovial)«I will bring a bottle.” 4 }maitre d’. “Brandy,” the civilian said. his is supposed to be about “Lots of brandy.” | Christmas,” I said. “How about) “Heh, Heb,” Charlie cackled. jthat dead shark you dug up and,“Brandy’s all right but I can’t jate last Christmas?” drinks lots of it.” fj | “That's what happened,” he said, | “Oh, yes you can,” the civilian | . | Hardware Department- THOMPSON ENTERPRISES CAROLINE STIEET sei. “You can drink lots of bean- ay if you eat some old dead shark. I buried this shark about six It’s Christ- months ago. We'll dig him up and eat him and drinks lots of brandy.” “Well,” Charlie continued, “that is the way it turned out. We dug up this shark that had been buried in the lava for six months. You could just slice him up like cheese. Everybody ate shark and drank : lots of brandy. But nobody got} stiff. Everybody had a real good time. Maybe it’s because it is so cold in Jeeland that. . .” i . S. — That's a fact about the/ i T'm told that some} in Alaska also bury fish, dig| later and eat] them. Personally, ['m going home} and eat turkey. You see, last July; we buried this turkey and... | Archer's Superetie Market 814 FLEMING STREET j a will increase during the coming year. Appelrouth's Shoe Center “There's No Substitute for Quality” may your Christmas be bright! Christmas morning around the tree .. . bright faces, youn, and old... bright Christmas tree lights . . . and the brig! star of Bethlehem gleaming on top. Giving, sharing and worshipping make it the nic eason of the year. May your Christmas season this yc be the brightest and best ever!