Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, April 25, 1903, Page 4

Grand Rapids Terai Review Publishea Every saturday ‘By E. C. KILEY. ee YE R IN ADVANCE TWO DOLLARS A Antered in the Postoffice xt Grand Rapids Minnesota, as Second-Class Matter ADVICE:;70R A SMOKER: Dean Van Amringe’s After-Luncheom Story About; Prof. Anton. Dean J. howard Van Amringeof Cox jumbia took luzcheen on Monday Fast. with some of his students. Afterward he leaned back in his chair and pro- duced one of the short, black cigars for which he is known to have a strong predilection. Fingering it lovingly, he said: “You might not believe it, but I was a stu- dent once. I remember one day dur- ing my senior year in 1860, while I was | q walking home from college, I was teaching Greek at Columbia. The ‘Professor walked by my side for some time in silence. Suddenly turning, he demanded in his sternest voice: you smoke, Van Arminge?’ I was reed to admit that I did indulge oc- casionally. He glared at me for a mo- ment and then said gruffy: ‘Glad to ‘mow it. Best thing you ever did. Don’t let me ever hear of your stop- ping it. Good afternoon.’ ”—P4iladel- phia Ledger. WORSE THAN KISSING BUGS. New Plague Worrying Citizens of | , Pennsylvania Town. A new bug that is causing almost as much exeitement and inconvenience as the infamous “kissing bug” has in- vaded Oil City, Pa. So far no speci- men of the insect has been secured, wut more than fifty persons bear speci- mens of the effects of the sting of the insect. The bug alights on iis vic- tim, perforates his cuticle in one or more places and gets away. In an in- credibly short time a large white blis- ter arises and unless prompt measures ~are taken to counteract tae effects of the poison the flesh be; to swell and become painful. Cases have oc- curred where a vite on the finger has | caused the arm of the victim to swell to almost twice the natural size from | the bite to the shoulder. cases have been severe cn euire the servies of a pi Several ugh to re an. The Causes of Cauntiier Prof. James Sully, who has written a 430-page book entitled “An Essay on Laughter,” says that the peculiar mus- cular actions which are grouped under the name of laughter are provoked by the incongruous, the unaccustomed and the unexpected juxtaposition of things.’ Prof. Sully cites the story of & man arrested by soldiers who is al- lowed to join them at ¢ cheats and is kicked out, hi mates quite forgetting that he prisoner. With this may the story of two burglars | sa their | he coupled } in the dock, | One of them kept on pokivg the other in the ribs as the evidence them proceeded, “until he was made | tu desist bythe protesi: “Who are you kno¢king aliout?) I’ve as much right to be here as you.” potest j- ag: inst | Story ne Yvette Guilbert. rical career, when she was earning a hundred francs a night, Mlle. Guilbert was unkindly received by an audience. The man lost his tem- per, somewhat harshly in the presence of “M6 actress. Mile. Guubert, however, was delightfully cool, and remarked, aalmly, “Have patience, for the day will come when you will gladly offer me 1,100 franes a performance instead af 100." A few ager offered her a theusand francs, but she laughingly stipulated for the addi- tional 100. jase biiad age s Lae wes j” Birthdays of Eminent Men The London Express commen the fact that an Ame! mentions the hundredth birthday on an- niversar: of seyeral great English authors as being close at hand, but apparently forgeis that of an Ameri: | / ean, Ralph which Waldo Emerson, eomes next year. Here are some oth- ers that are not far distant: Bulwer- Lytton (1903). Beaconsfield (1904), : Hawthorne (1804), _ Whittier (1907), ‘3 Longfellow (1907), Tennyson (190 ), F Thackeray (1911), Dickers (1912). Those of Balzac, Hugo and Dumas have been celebrated within a time. Off His Beat. The recent civil service examination | brings to mind an amusing — story -which was told in connection with ene of the earliest examinations for policemen, says the New York Times. i The question asked by the examining ‘ “How many miles to the moon?” Pat, a lusty son of old Erin, whose right to a place on the force had néyer before been disputed, answered: “I don't know how many far miles it is, but I knew that it enough away to be outside my -even when its full.” Good Guessers. than six persoas number of yoies election in Kansa cast at the recent and more than half a dozen came within one vote of ap- proximating the actual ballot. The true figures—287, 168—we® not what are called round numbers, and it seems little less than marvelous that they sbould have been fofetold, with- out any Gata excepting the returas of previous clections.—Kansas — City ({Mo.) Star. ‘ TE joined by Prof. Auton, who was then | Once in the early days of her theat- ! Yvette. and expressed his disappointment ; months later the man- | can publication , It is\quite remarkable that not less | guessed the exact | DEFECTIVE PAGE CANNON TELLS GOOD STORY. Appropriate Saying Recalled.at. a Washington Dinner. number of speakers made short addresses at the dinner which Secre- tary Root recently gave to members of the military affairs committee. Congressman Cannon was present, but | he escaped Mr. Root’s eye until every- body else had talked: Then he was called upon and said the occasion re- minded: him of a revival meeting he once attended in fllinois. “A lot of deacons.and other hefty persons ad- dressed. assemblage and then a reformed gambler was called upon to testify,’ continued Mr. Cannon, “and this is what he said: ‘Brethren and sisters, I have sat here and listened to the great men teil~of their experi- ences. The elder has spoken and the minister and the deacon and now you call on me, only a poor ninkum- slinkum.’ That's me,” said “Uncle Joe," sitting down. 1 HOW THE PROFESSIONS DIFFER. Comparison Made Between Clergymen and Actors. theater. He holds the actor’s art in a New York clergyman, and the latter, apropos of an attempted coraparison of'the church and stage, said: speak of imaginary things, and affect their hearers as though ‘they spoke of real things. things, and their congregations are no more affected than if they were imaginary.” Hall Caine smiled. “Well, don’t you know why that is?” he said. “Actors speak of things imaginary as though they were real, and clergymen s of things real as though they were naginary.” Protection for Animals. Mimicry among butterflies, moths and other insects would be comic | were it not a maiter of lite or death. Not a few moths have at the hinder erds of their wings a black mark and two or more ta mbling the horns of their own heads. A veteran in warfare not seldom has these por- } tions m | | having saved his life. Thus the li: ard’s brittle tail, which, first attract ing the enemy, comes off at his touch, lets his would-be prey escape. When at bay by throwing off sters do ihe tri seizing t then throwi Thus the bu accounted for—th escaping the ene ful of fur. University Loses Much Money. crabs distract the enemy their claws and lob- more neatly by ith a claw and «ff! iimb and enemy. tail of the squirrel is chance of minus a mouth- ; John B. Stetson, a wealthy manu- | facturer of Phiia¢ lelphia, has cut from the univer- ch bears his followed the action trustees in exonerat- dent of the institution, ‘his will all proy sity at Deland, {name. This ste | of the board ling the pres KF Dr. John F. Forbes, whose conduct had been under i igation. “I cer- \tainiy shall net aid the university j longer under its present manage- ment,” Mr. Stetson is quoted as say- ling. “I changed my will hurriedly as | soon as the action o7 the trustees was ‘taken for fear that ] might die before | the clauses providing for the John B. Stetson university were cut out.” A Call for Action. | A New England senator's fair con- ' stituent, with a pension claim, is re- poried to have written to him in the | follo fa} nis beautiful overnment, which my husband gave his health and for which we lost j eur home, requires a good wife and |mother months and years to keep swearing and swearing to even her bs and other things too numer ous to mention. I wish the whole pen- sion department was obliged to go, as I do, without their overcoats or decent |} underclothes. I wish I heid the reins :to keep their rightful pay from them until they were purple as any old dam- son.” ge A Millionaire’s Extravagance. Pedro Alvarado, the Mexican silver millionaire, was a poor miner, i a day, when he dis- vhich has given fortune of $ N00, It is be- lieved that the Palmillo mine, which will double fortune inva years. A week or so ago that she needed the ryice so the Alvarado family Parral, their home, to Chiduahua in a_ special some persons in all, They and their nes teok up a dozen cars he owns, few decided of a dentist, traveled from Ancient Deed of No Value. Representative Keboe of Kentucky the possessor of a very ancient is deed, whigh a constituent in the blue srass state has forwarded to him. It itten on sheepskin, dat-a in 1762, »d, as far as the lawyers of the house who have seen it can judge, it is in ‘perfect condition and legal orm. Kehoe’s whether of constituent is anxious to this deed for a large land in Penns, is of an Pennsylvania legal | say that it is not. know tract A Lady With Pink Teeth. The dewest “turn” in Parisian music halis will shortly he tac appearance , uf a lady with pink teeth. She is a native of Canton, but born of French ; parents. Her teeth, which are perfect, jare of a semi-transparent substance resembling pale-colored coral. A den 'tist who has examined them say that they will never decay. They are hard «6 diamonds, and the latter gems are | ; circles sixty years ago. He thinks it | Ser ihe enly materiel with which a ~wark ‘Gs one of the finest portrait: of Web- | beat that? ven We wate on Medr surface x 9 ; Hall Caine is a great admirer of the | | the highest esteem. » On “his recent | visit to America he met at a matinee | “Actors | Clergymen speak of real | ng—a prooi of the value in } 4 work- | Mr! jamined both weapons, says that the 7 e r HIS. WIFE AN ORATOR. Bitulous Citizen. Knew the Fate Which Awaited Him. Representative-elect James Kennedy of Youngstown, Ohio, has ingratiated himself in the last few days with tae House coterie. He is a story teller and. reproducer of dialect. Theres. always an extra seat for a man-of | that caliber who wanders near. ‘the’ cloakroom preeincts. Here isa dia-- logue he recounts between two Ohio’ citizens, who had remained out fate and: were staggering home tegéther in,the early morning: First Citizen—Waat will your wife say when she shees you coming home (hic) at yis unearthly hour? Second Citizen—Oh,, not much (hic). My wife don’t talk, but she thinks a great deal (hic). How about your wife? First Citizen—My wife. Ah, ha! (hic.) Post. She’s an orator.—Washington WIFE OF MANY COLORS. Boston Journal Sees Advantages in Such a Possession. The Lady Chameleon is attracting | attention in Paris. She is a young Roumanian, Marga Cerous by name, whose coloring is determined by her emotions. Anxiety turns her green; | she is pink when joyful; violet when afraid and black when angry. The Boston Journal can seo how such a woman would be a never-failing joy as a wife. Her husband would never be in doubt as to the precise nature of her mental condition. And then there ee might come a mildly polygamous feel- ing to a husband having a white wife, a colored wife and a red wife on dif- | ferent days. “Yet Miss Cerbus will, no doubt, marry a man that is color , blind, and therefore cpanel yee i such is the irony of lite.” Lord Roberts’ Magnificent Sword. A citizen who has just returned from a trip in Europe says that the | sword presented to Admiral Dewey is a beauty, but that in the'matter of downright gorgeou it is rather a poor second to that given to Lord Roberts by the city of Portsmouth re cently. The American, who has ex- one owned by the little English sol- d is probably the costliest thing of its kind in the world. The hand-made blade is of English steel inscribed with all gements in which Lord Roberts bas taken part. The grip is ef gold and carved ivory, the guard of colid gold ornamented with rubies, dia- mands and sapphires, 4nd the scab beard is endidly decorted. Tomb of Jeremy Bentham. In University college, London, is a singular object that is preserved care- fully in a remote gallery inside a glass case, which, again, is contained in a huge wooden cupboard, the doors of waich are locked and the keys in safe custody. The relic which is thus so zealously guarded is described in ne notes on the history of the college as the “skeleton” of Jeremy Bentham, “clad in the garments in he lived,” while his head only ed to have been ‘mummified.” always been understood that body was embalmed, and it cannot be his mere in that cas der Jor John Kelly's Son a Broker. John Jerome Kelly, son of the late ; John Kelly, who was leader of Tam- many Hall next before Croker, be- came a member of the ew York Stock exchange a few go and was initiated with ree of vio- lence which bore testimony to his pop: ularity. The members: daubed his face with paint and made him cance as | Indians dance in geography pictures. | The reason they hazed him that way was because his her was a_pol cal Indian and because Mr. Kelly ex s to du whetever ‘brokerage busi- there is to be done for the Tam- 3 day. Out of the hae: i Maximilian was an anachronism. He re] ed to the of knight-errantry. Fer himself jon was attractive | fin compar with cowardice and ; mean 4 » very motive which impelled him to “embrace that ill starred icn was noble and unsel- fish. who fought against the empire he ught ‘to establish on American soil al rs honored, and esteemed the man. There was none among the true soldiers of Mexico who did net respect his memory, and uo attempt to blot that pure seutcheon will escape rebuke while one of them survives—Washington Post. Official’s Unique Signatice: Through the retirement of Col. An- ‘. Damrell, which took place re- the reco! of the regular enginecr Will loge the t remarkable signature known in His name as appended to s a series of marks, | ing otherwise is plain. The colonel, a man, entered West | nd has a creditable ca- ad charge of many im- and harbor projects. corps undeci handw reer, \ Het portant river i Senator Hoar Finds Treasure. i Senator Hoar heard the other. day that an old lady in reduced circum: | | stances. had a fine portrait cf Daniel | Websier. The senator. who owns the largest and finest collection of Web- steriana in the country, hurried to the address given and shortly owned | the painting, which is from the brush . , of Chester Harding, wel! known in art { ster in existence. | the story, ‘hold of the ship wita a gaseous» sub- ‘was assuring some Washington cor- ; “why. vessel on the Maine coast. JACKSON'S BILL WAS SETTLED Victory at New Orleans Wiped Ont | Account of Hotelkeerer.. In an address delivezed at Salisbury, N. C., on “Jackson’s Day” (Jan. 8), Mr. J. P. Caldwell, the editor of the Charlotte (N. C.) Observer, related a story of. Andrew: Jackson: that/has, so. far as we: know,.never before been printed, “While: he: lived. at. Salisbury, says: Mr. Caldwell, “Jackson: once: at: |) tended: court; at’ Roekford, then. the county ‘seat of? Surry, and left without ; paying). his: bil, whieh was: duly charged: up .against: him on the: hotel: register,. which seems. to have been the -hotel ledger of that time, and so stood for many years. When the news of the victory of the 8th of January, 1815, was received in this then remote section, the old landlord turned back § Suits and 1 have the of Man.” I Now as as ‘to ¥eur Winer” that are superb, andthat’siall I need anaounce ---the hundreds: of. suits. worn in Grand Rapids to-day-attest:to' my; skill as « “Fitter Johnson, The Tailor, Whose Prices are Always Right. Overcoat goods that will please you, styles Call and'see the leaves of the register, took his peu and wrcete under the account against Andrew Jackson, ‘Settled in full by the battle of New Orleans.’” 5 HEN’S TIME NO OBJECT. PRS Why Incubator Salesman Failed to impress Uncle Harvey. A shrewd old farmer named Uncle Harvey was approached by a bright, breezy young man who was selling in- cubators. The Green Bag, which tells says that the salesman gave Uncle Harvey the usual eloquent arguments. There, was not another such incubator to be found, the prices Sor cer enrenran oa Br MS were remarkably low, and so on i Uncle Harvey did not respond. The SSeriel young man talked himself out and| § Cl patho ag! mae no impression. Finally, he said, “You don’t seem to appreciate these incubators.” “No,” said Uncle-Harvey. “But just think of the time they will save!” Uncle Harvey gave him one cold Ie-. ail sa‘d. “What do you sup- pose I care for a han’s time?”’—~ You'h’s Compar ‘on. WME Wy 54) Hotel Gladstone FIRST-CLASS IN EVERY RESPECT. Sample Room and Livery Attention Given to Headquarters for Lumbermen. WORT SS a 5 A. E. WILDER,¢Prop. ealealy. 4 Si csi in Connection. Transient Trade. 4 GRAND RAPIDS. Latsst F cshionable Extravagance. Mrs, Gouvernetr Kortright has roused the envy of all others in the New York “450” by importing a car- riage whicheis of absolutely new de- sign and general construction. The eclor scheme is dark maroon, with spokes of delicately pencilel yellow. Instead, however of nickel plated trappings or silver, as some persons have, the victoria is trimmed with burnished copper and the maroon col- or st. cestion is msintained with this fashionabie new metal. The clock in the victoria is mounted in copper,-and another innovation is the conper book. i case, where printed guide; and en- gagement lists may be carefully tucked away. Other improvements, as mirrors, are also mounted in cop per. i Wrth a pull line « the most complete a large line of Sc of Ptasterers’ Cement and Wall Young Actor’s Neat Answer. Beerbo..m Tree, the London actor, has rather a pompus manner, which is calculated to ruffie the temper of | other people at times. An actor from | purse with the contents in good con- dition. Of course the dog cannot read, but he heard the family reading the | item and thus furnished another evi Well, Well! all colors, and all pric Material, d. d. at the Here We Are Again! ot Windows and Doors We heave line west of Duluth. We also have , reen Doors and Wrudows, all sizes, We also carry @ full Tine Lime, Brick, Harr, , Call on : such as Plaster. DECKER, , . t Lumber or ‘Phone No. \n the provinces called upon him recent- eee ee ee ee 4 ly, hoping to get an opportunity to | Mf = show his worth on the metropolitan | Bas j= Favorite resort H stage. Oh, I could not possibly give | 382 s “but I dare say I could arrange to let | 33% = | you walk on with the crowd in the | #m# 4 bs ’ S 1 es last act.” The young aspirant flushed ee JNO. O'REILY’ S amp e€ Room * with indignation, but holding himself | ### ) = well in hand replied pleasantly: “My | 223 The Northern. : dear Mr. Tree, I really don’t think I | age 7 = haye heard anything quite so funny | 32% Cabinet Rye Whiskey a zotehidelight fat: poreenae, sways Com from you since your Hamlet.” <oe Rapids. We handle the finest whiskeys over distilled. - CPE PAR Ce | ene e It Pays to Advertise. 2ee 7 sf oF ‘boo f & A pocket purse containing quite a Lp NORTHERN CAFE Dee Welsh, Chef. Fé clas Bales ps leicht aes ata slag I ection—open day and night. All delicacies of the seas : Banks a couple of weeks ago and no- | $3 sate aval Bie dodge eesti dts Pichon - tices were placed in the postoffice and | #m% a 2 other buildings, but without results. res 9 ou . : Mr. Banks then placed an ad in the | a O n 1 e TO = Argus,-and darned if his dog didn’t bp 9 = s 4 | go out in the back yard and dig up the | sae = > } AA she ae he ae ae ae a aE OO eae oe ae Ha ES a ee dence that it pays to advertise in the } board the Bulgaria at Hamburg. The rats were placed ges in the hold. | ‘An apparatus was then used to fill the | s2525e2eSeSsSeoecKcSeooaq SsnesSe 952525525 S2 S22 SeSs2 se5—sI Argus. Mr. Banks is $40 ahead and [ we will steal the dog at the first op: | bs | portunity. —Antwerp (O.) Argus. 4 North Carolina’s New Senator. - L¥ S. Overman, the new senator | Mana fas gurero? ! from North Carolina, is 49 years old. | i re er of ability, a native of | fl é | salisbury, and in 1874 graduated from | wv, Trinity gollege, North Carolin He | tl! ® | was private secretary to Gov. Vance | ft .. and bas heen a member of the state | & ! house of representatives five times, i : having been speaker once. «In 1895 | { he was the Democratic candidate to | i i succeed Senator Vance. In 1900 he iH GRAND RAPIDS, JINN was the state Democratic presidential ( al i. elector. He is of Winning personality, i é : ; of commanding presence da skilled , ' { ga sie | Have achieved an excellent ! ty ee aes ' . ie BOooTH’ S CIGARS” peputetton all over Northern To Rid Ships of Rats. Minnesota. They are made Prof. Koch has discovered a success : bf the finest selected stock by experienced workmen in Mr, si ethod for the destruction of rats Booth’s own shops here, and under his personal supervision. tuyere This insures the utmost cleanliness and care in manufacture. fF. which frequent the holds-of 'shipe.)An For sale everywhere. Call for them. } experiment has been conducted on stance. When this was concluded the cages were brought on deck and all | rats were found to be dead. A new sys- tutu: be used in the Ger- and also in the big German steamship lines. Journalist's Happy Phrase. Congressman Littlefield of Maine , respondents that journalistic talent is — not confined to the national capital. I know of a reporter,” he said, “who was describing the wreck of a ; This was } one of the sentences: “At this mo- ment 2 giant wave swept over the | doomed eraft and six poor sailors bit the dust.’ Any of you fellows ever The correspondents saia | _m chorus: “I hope not.” DULUTH, SOUTH SHORE 8 ATLANTIC ny Ge . \ BETWEEN +" GREAT NORTHWEST “\. THE EAST.