Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, March 28, 1903, Page 5

hy ‘ 3 ‘Qualification Not Absolutely to a Minister. A preacher in Topeka, Kan., télls this story relative to another member of “the cloth,” and inferentially the tale must be true: ; _“A church at Anadarko was consid- ering the merits of a pastor who had applied fur the pastorate. .The deac- had been told that a lawyer of the } had ‘known the pastor intimateé- ly. “They went to him and asked for a statement of ‘the qualifications’ of the candidate. ‘Yés, I know Brothér ——— very well,’ said thedawyer. ‘I went o college with him, and I at- tended his ‘charch after he entered thecininistry. He is scholarly, ablé and ‘elcquent and I am sure you will like him.’ The deacons thanked the lawyer and were going away when he ¢alled to them in consequence of an afterthought, ‘I don’t know. as it umakes any difference,’ said he apolo- getically, ‘but perhaps I should tell you that he’s as ugly as h—l when she’s drunk.’” A LITTLE TOO PREVIOUS. Boy's Parting Shot at the Professor Was III-Timed. ‘ In a public school in the northwest ‘section it is the custom for the super- vising principal to receive . “Good morning” and “Good afternoon” from the pupils on entering ¢@nd leaving the ‘scliool. It was rather repulsive for “one boy, who evaded the custom as often as possible. One Friday after- noon ‘he saluted the principal with the startling farewell, “Go to the dev- il, | professor,” and ran out of the school. The professor became very angry over the affair, and thought over several plans of punishment to ‘mete out on the following Monday morning. Monday morning came, and with it the boy, who sat on a bench outside the class room. When the prefessor appeared, he began to cry, and: loudly explained: “Oh, profess- ,or; don’t. expel me; we were going to move away from here on Friday, and now we ain't.” It is needless to say he was not .expelled.—Philadelphia Ledger. Modern Scarecrows. 80 many cases of troublesome short vircuiting of electric wires have oc- eurred recently by owls, crows, hawks, eagles, etc., lighting on. the wires that the Electrical Review sug- gests the expedient of putting scare- crows on the tops of the poles. The electrical inventors. have. found ways ;tocead off most of the, technical trou- , bles. of electric distribution, but these pranks of animals. are more difficult to:prevent. When a bird or cat makes a bridge between two highly charged wires it is instantly cremated by the current, but this is small satisfaction for the damage and scare at the cen- tral station that. this sudden short.cir- | cuit causes. Certainly Not. When you see'a young man sitting in a.drawing room with the ugliest 4- year-old boy that ever frightened him- self in a mirror clambering over his , knees, jerking his _ place, ruffling his shirt-front, pulling ‘his hair, kicking his shins, feeling in all, his pockets for coppers, while the unresisting victim smiles all the time like the cover of a comic paper, you | may safely say that the howling boy has a sister who is in a room not twenty feet away, and that the young ; man doesn’t come there just for the | fan..of playing with her brother, - Religious Zeal Too Strong. John Newdick, a citizen of Kokomo, ind. is of a strongly religious turn, but Mrs. Newdick is a trifle unregen- erate. The other evening John an- nounced family prayers, but at that moment it was inconvenient for his wife to attend, as her hands were “in the dough.” John was already on his knees, but he arose and thrashed his irreligious spouse, after which he concluded his devotional excrcises with all due reverence. Mrs. Newdick had: him up before a magistrate next morning and nis excess of zeal cost him. $25 and costs.—Exchange. Natural Cause for Alarm. Chiet Justice J. M, Fitzsimmons of the New York city court told a good story recently of his experiences in the oil regions many. years ago. They. jwere working hard for a “‘strike,” and poring nigot and day, and, as the evenings were cold;.a fire was built. One night a vein was struck from which the gas rushed to a height of over a hundred feet, and a stream of fire. shot into the air. The foreman, im McCarty, rushed to the door with a.yell, “Get up, get up, Fitzsimmons, We've broke through into hell.” Mrs. Meekton Was Ready. “Henrietta,” said Mr. Meekton, “did you hear that lecture in which it was stated that the fact that Adam arrived on earth before Eve indicated _. that men should assume a_ certain precedence over women?”. “I did,” was the somewhat icy reply. “Isn’t it absurd? It simply shows that Adam was expected to get the garden in shape for Eve's comfort, just as the modern man gets up in the morning and lights the, fire.”—Washington Star. Better Than the Locomotive. Passing the Academy of Music one matinee. day, I met a friend coming ! out. “What is the matter,” I asked; “play bad?” “No,” he replied, “but it is. too hot in there; the house is liter- ally packed with women. You sce, it’s the name—‘Ninety and Nine’—that eatcbes them. They fancy that the admission bas been marked down from s dolar and can’t resist the bar gain.”—New York Times. necktie out. of | { RESIDENCE OF SHERIFF HOOLIHAN AND COUNTY JAIL. ae A KISS. Following are a number of clever definitions of the kiss: A report at headquarters. Nothing divided between two. The food by which the flame of love is fed. The sweetest labial of the world’s language. The only known “smack” that will calm a storm. A thing of use to no one, but much prized by two. Everybody’s acting edition of “Ro- meo and Juliet.” e drop that runneth over when up of love is full. }_. enough for one, just enough for two, too much for three. A telegram to the heart, in which the operator uses the “sounding” sys- tem. The only really agreeable two-faced action under the: sun, or the moon, either. What the child receives free, what the young man steals and what the old man buys. The thunder-clap of the lips, which inevitably follows the lightning glance of the eyes. The baby’s right, the lover’s privi- lege, the parent’s benison and the hyp- ocrite’s mask. The sweetest fruit on the tree of love. The oftener plucked the more abundant it grows. A-kiss is ‘an insipid and tasteless morsel, which becomes delicious and delectable in proportion as it is flav- ored, with love. th } BITS OF PHILOSOPHY. ~™ Be a glutton for work. Will and desire make falling in love easy. If you see anything good in a man speak of it. A good sleep works wonders for that tired feeling. “Charity begins at home,” and in half the cases it stays there. Pretty much everything has becn syndicated but common sense. All men were born equal, but you'd better not say it down in Alabama. Some people carry a heavy stock of wisdom that never yields a divi- dend. We laugh at the weakness of others, and yet we object to others laughing at ours. Bluff goes a long way. ‘There’s many a quitter who has never been shown up. You can’t always tell how fast a horse is by his looks, It’s easier to spot a fast man. It’s. a good time now to buy your Christmas presents and turn over that new leaf. Swear off. Don’t stop just before you get there. Often you lack but one step of your goal without knowing it. Show your interest even if you are not interested. From @ coarse, worl + ly standpoint it will pay. A pretty face, a graceful figure and the brains to govern them make the rarest jewel] in the world. The man who fails and then suc- ceeds is more fortunate than the man who. succeeds and then fails, CATHOLIC CHURCH AND PARSONAGE. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. A man seldom has any trouble th finding trouble. A blind horse can see what his own- er is driving at. It takes a rich man to enjoy the pleasures of poverty. Farmers and washerwomen get & living out of the soil. " ; Bacon can be cured by smoking, but the tobacco habit can’t. Kleptomania is said to be the most lucrative form of insanity. Most young men get a lot of rye mixed with their wild oats. A locomotive engineer can make his own headlight by tanking up. Somehow cut-diamond rates are al- ways higher than the original prices. The man who wins a half-mile dash starts out afoot and comes in ahead. Men may boast of their honesty, but only women return borrowed umbrel- las. The mountaineer always takes a peak when he wants to obtain a good view. Lots of people in this world would be miserable if they couldn’t find fault. If a rooster were as big as his crow a whole family could dine on one for two weeks. Preachers may not amount to much as carpenters, but they are usually ex- pert joiners. © Some wives are so jealous they won't even allow their husbands Yo hug a delusion. Some men’s heads are so soft that .@ shadow from a brick wall produces a serious impression. At the moment of Lis birth every man has a brilliant future before him —and it usually remains there. Every time a great man does any- thing along comes some little man who claims to have advised him. Fewer marriages would be failures if the contracting parties were not such hypocrites during courtship. Haye a place for everything and » “thing in its place. “Hide your own troubles, but watch to help others out of theirs. Look for beauty in everything, and take a cheerful view of every event. Never interrupt any conversation, but watch patienty your turn to speak. Carefully clean the snow and mud from your. feet before entering the house. When inclined to give an angry answer, press your lips together and gay the alphabet. “PAUL SPRAGUE” J. M. Eastwood’s Black Stallion Brought [to Itasca County. Horsemen of this county. are much pleased with the advent of “Paul Sprague” to the farm of J. M. East- woud on Trout lake. This maguifl- cent animal will get a number of colts next season in this vicinity. He is a beautiful jet black, 6 years old, 154 hands high, weighing 1,075 pounds. In style and form he is much like lis stre and grand dam: long neck, high head, eyes large and bright, short back, long body, deep shoulders, has hair as tine as silk, and his appearance is exceedingly grace- ful. » Pedigree:--Paul Sprague was sired py Beaver Dau Boy, who ix registered in Wallace’s) American Trotting Register No. 10,364; he sired bv Badger Rprague, No. 1,097; dam Lue+ K., by Swigert No. 650. Badger Sprague by Gov. Sprague No. 444, who also sired Kate Sprague, (2:18, with thirty ethers in the 2:30 class) plaving him at the head of speed pro- ducing stallions of his age. Dam Beaver Dam Boy, Badger Girl (2:223)* byBlackF lying Cloud No 378; Ger Sprague by Rhode Island No. 267, Dam, Bell Brandon by Hamiltonian No. 15, who stands at the head of speed producing stallions of any age; having 40 performers iu the 2:30 class. sired by St. James. EVILS OF MODERN LIFE. Positive Opinions on the Subject Held by Edward Everett Hale. Dr. Edward Everett Hale addressed the Mothers and Fathers’ club of Boston a day or two ago. He startled his audience somewhat by saying: “Tenement houses, some seventeen stories high, packed with people and causing all kinds of tenement-house laws to be made, are as, wicked as hell.” He expressed the hope that in a hundred from years from now there would beno- great cities, “Whet we want,” said the orator, “is to initiate our children to live in the open air, to grow to love the country, so that they can know the difference between a turnip and a potato and between grass and hemlock. When this has been brought about we will have been converted from the mis- erable mechanica] machine life we are now living.” MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE. lrishmz2n’s Philosophic Comment on the Lose of His Legs. Gov. Odell of New York, tells this story of a Newburg parson well known for the extremely optimistic view he takes of other men’s misfortunes. One day this hopeful divine was called in to administer spiritual comfort to an Irishman who was lying in the emer- gency hospital at Fishkill Landing. The poor fellow had lost both legs in an accident in a stone quarry, and was taking what the saintly doctor con- sidered an impassioned view of his prospects. “Come, my good man,” said the parson, cheerfully, “it’s the loss of a pair of legs, to be sure, but it’s not so bad as it might be.” “Shure, I dunno but you're roight,” replied the fellow glumly. “’Twould have been a dom sight worse if I'd been a chorus girl.” For and Against. Severa] days before the last election one of the Democratic candidates was standing in the corridor of a Reading, Pa,, hotel, when a well-known charac- ter, a rabid old Republican, came along and greeted him effusively. The latter was an impecunious fellow, and, it seems, had been befriended on sev- eral occasions by the other, of whose friendship, in fact, he was inclined to. boast. The greetirg in this instance was the prelude to the request of a loan of $5. “How is it,” said the can didate, “that when you want money you come to me, but when election day comes you will vote for my op- ponent?” “Well, you see,” the other said, after a pause, “politically I’m op- posed to you, financially I’m your friend.” THE STEAMER EAGLE ON TH E UPPER MISSISSIPPI RIVER Seasonable Goods For Ladies Ihave received a complete line of ladies and children’s spring fashions and samples, including suits, waists, skirts. silk petticoats, muslin under- ware, and also goods sold by the yard. These goods are from two leading firms in Chicago, I would be ple to haye you call and: inspect them. Mrs. C. Rive . D* D. COSTELLO, DENTIST. —— Office in Marr Building.— P GRAND RAPIDS, MINNESOTA Dam of Paul Sprague. Jennie Lind Fruits, Confectionery, Ice. Cream Seda, Ice Cream, Drinks, "Yobaccos, Choice Lines of Cigars Grand Rapids, - Minn. THIRD ST., Opp. Depot. A SLLLSAKLCLHSGKESSSKS ST SSR N. A . PAONAULT : a! = 1 Breeeecveser . PROPRIFTOR Lhd Pioneer Barber Shop_ Your Patronage Solicited. LELAND AVENUE. 2 ee a REA EA A EE a eA Ee ee * EA ae ee ae BRICK LIME CEMENT Geo. F. Kremer. Grand Rapids, Minn. O. W. HASTINGs. President. P. J. SHELDON, Vice President. First National Bank, Grand Rapids, Minn. F. P. SHELDON. Oashier 0. E. AIKEN, Asst. Cashier Transacts a General*Banking Business. Ge H. SPEAR ATTORNEY AT LAW GRAND RAPIDS, : - MINN S. F. Warre FRANK F. PRICE Wire «& PRICE | LAWYERS (Office Over Metzger’s Meat Market) GRAND RAPIDS,«MINN. ‘And 815-816 Torry Building Duluth, Minn | WHISKY] I GRAND RAPIDS, <— - GEORGE THAYER CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER. Stone Walls, Cisterns and Chimneys Built. Practical Plasterer, A Grard Rapids, Minn. Call at Residence on Sleeper avenue, Oppusite J. J. Decker. Corner lot 150x140 in Houghton’s Addition with small house and good garden for sale cheap if taken at once. Smail payment and easy terms op balance. Price $250. FIVE ROOM HOUSE and two lots, fenced, city water, in best loca- tion. Stone foundation under house. Price $900. We also have many desirable resi- dence lots that can be bought on monthly payments. Call and get prices. FARM LANDS at prices and terms that will sell on sight. Reishl's-Remer Land Ca, - PURE RYE A Masterpiece of Distillation It is absolutely free from fore-_ ign ingredients. Its hoquet comes solely from the grain, and the amber color from the oak i which it is kept. Real age has accomplished # and taken the place of expe blending, and the addition flavoring oils, prune juice, sacch- rine, glycerine, etc., which is- often used to make new whisky palatable. Father Marquette is a natural.:pure, perfect article ripened only by real age. It is recommended tu those seeking a high-grade pure article. John Hepfel Sole Agent GRAND RAPIDS MINN- TAYLOR... THE PAINTER Fancy Inside Finish Paper Hanging Catsominng, Etc.. See him at Hotel Gladsto postal card will bring him to you" Itasca County Abstract Office ABSTRACTS, REAL ESTATE, FIRE INSURANCE, Conveyances Drawn. ‘Taxes Paid for Non-Residents, KREMER & KING, ] Proprietors. ] A. B. CLAIR,» Register of Deeds of Itasex } Mineral Pine ana Farming Lands Pine Stumpage Bought.” ABSTRACTS OF TITLE. GRAND RAPIDS. |, RHODES, PAINTER AND FP aper-hange! All work guaranteed. Leave Orders at Steven’s Hotel. Grand Rapids, Minnesota. W. E. NEAL, Dealer in Pine and: Farmin Lands. The tinest List of Agricultural Grazing Lands in the County. The Most Excellent Sites for “ lacturing Enterprises. Prospective Settlers Located. Correspondence Solicited. Grand Rapids, - : Woodmen’s - Danc DEFECTIVE PAGE At Village Hall, Le Monday Evening, | -— : April 27th, 1903. | —