Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, November 15, 1902, Page 5

f ; VIA THE TELEPHONE. qbmmetis: personae, too numerous to mes lon, ‘Time, any old time. Place, on @ nickle-in-the-slot, party-line telephone circuit. First Subscriber (taking receiver off the and standing expectantly in front of the telephone)—Hello, central, (Painful : Pause.) Hello, central! Hello, central! Central—Number? Subscriber—I «want orange yellow 756, : lease. Voice—I'd like you to know that weare | talking here. Go way back and sit down. Why, yes, Fred, I am perfectly sure that ; i didn’t intentionally try to offend me, it you certainly ought to have sent me some word— Subscriber reads a column in the news- paper. Picks up the receiver and holds to her ear in obedience to the inunctions ten First” on the card of dirce-ions. _ Voice—O, Fred, wait a minute. ful old rubberneck is listening again. Another Voice—Central, how long em J ging to wait for Maroon 873! Central—Number, pleaxe? Voicea—Mahozany 6483. “Dark Navy Blue 899." iolet Indigo 44: rushed Stun wherr Ceytral—Nan.ver,, p! Subscriber—Orang: please. Voice-W-11, for ‘goodness sake, J gms the whole North side taking a rubver. U wish L could get hold of some of t-em, There is one | would just like to shake. Deep Basx Voice~Sure tring. Io: +! ¢ must be old Mrs. Butiueky + ne bead about in the papers, Well. don’. uv‘sid Ler. She just has to listen, poor thing; it's her way. Central—Number, please? Subscriber—1 want Orange Yellow and [I mean to have it. Furthermor didn’t come to tuis telep.one to be in- sulted. Deep Pass Voise--She care to buy twe yards of calico aud a qaart and a‘ialf of molasses. Voices— Hello, central, Dark “Navy Plue °? Yellow 726, if you Voiee—Central, 1 want tie have heen calling here for ia’ for Maeogany ¢$3, and [ put mv ni?! iu the slot, and [don’t propore to be trai ed this wa: Central—W =a‘ nun heryoucalling? Voice— Maho cy intheslot. one nickel in the ntral—Putanicke! vice—Well, 1 would like te come over te-morrow afternoon much, brt I really don't see how I sual) be abl. ‘o. Another Voer—W'.. wantx you to* Waat [ want is money for that whieky bill. Voice—Isn't this Mrs. Smithkens, Etrus- can Brown, 4411? The Other Voice—No, this is not Mrs. Simpkins Etruscan Brown 4411. This fa} O'Nully’s saloon, and I want to know when you are going to pay that whisky bill. smectite THE LOST PURSE, — Young Jimson and his wife went to the cheater the other night and were %o de- pressed by the play (it was an unmusi- | cal comedy) that they felt called upon, out of respect to their mental attitudes, to go to a restaurant and eat lobster and things. Being greatly cheered by the results obtained therefrom, they started home in a happy frame of mind and duly j alighted at the thoroughfare on which the Jimson fl—aparment i: uated. Jimson was about to insert the key in the keyhole when Mrs. Jimson said, con- fidently, but with feminine foresight: “You have my purse, of course, Jim- mie?” “I suppose so,” said Jimson, struggling with the key and knowing that he always had the purse when there was nothing in “Because if you haven’t it, I haven’t,” continued Mrs. Jimson, sweetly. “Great Scott!” cried Jimson, dropping the key, “was there anything in it? I haven’t got it.” “Let’s see,” said Mrs. Jimson; “there was the recipe for the grape and grass salad; there was the advertisement from Blank’s; there was the bill from the butch- er’s, two nickels for carfare, the cards for Alice’s wedding, the—"” “Money, money!” said Jimson, hoarse ly, “was there any money in that pugse? Consarn the salad recipe!” : “Money!” replied Mrs. Jimson. “None but that ten dollars you gave me this morn- ing. Vell,” said Jimson, modified by this tribute to his generosity, although he knew actly wuat it meant. “Wrat are we going todo? Of course, [ don’t m.né the ten doliars, but the salad reipe! So ine structive, don’t you know. Reminds one of Nebuchadnezzar. Hadn't 1 better get ot Just throw your massive wind ugly. rellective- hey mig it we ai in row d, “Waat's t.at got to do with your purse? flow do 1 know waere we sat’ On t ¢ vd Jinson, “I guess we did si you did vee Sou in, innocently (and di.nson ed) J tuink + our pour wit is ont of place on such an o¢casion. “1 know 1 was born in Schotarie county, but U at doesn"t metn tat Mm a haysced or a jay, either. If you were a man you wouldn't a= vays be casting it up at me I'll buy tne tieater tesets acter . and you'll tind yourreli back in %, where you can't see the ballet !”’ “I'll be nearer the between-tle-acts door anyway,” said Jimmi+ to himrel!, and then aloud: “I know I'm an asa, so forgive me, and tell me what row J has to de wita tie purse.” “Just this, ‘The Wigwags, you re meinber, sat rigit behind us. and Mrs, Wigway was complaining because they were in K. Then ‘when we came out I sliook hands with her and had to change something from my right hand to my eft in order to do it. That must have been my purse. There!” she exclaimed, tri- umphantly, “now don't you see the conneo- tion between row J and the purse?” “Certainly,” said Jimson. “I always did. T just wanted to hear you explain’it in your lucid way. My dear, yau ought to be in a school of logic: Nov, will you further shed light on the present whereabouts of the Voiee—Sir. , The Other Voice—Say, if you ain’t Jim Benners, why gittel out o’ here. Ewant Jim | Benners Pinky Green 55. ‘ Subscriber—Hello, central! How long have I got to wait for Orange Yellow 756? | Central—Dropanickelintheslot. i Subscriber—But 1 did put a nickel inj the siot. ! The Other Voice—Say, cut that out and | go way back, will yer, jest fer five sec ends, one after the other, anyhow, huh? | Say, Maggie, gimme -Pinky Green 55 and hurry back! See? Hurry back! Sweet Voice—Somebody seems to have Jet the bars down. All kinds of cattle ia here to-day. Deep Bass Voice—Sure, Mike. Wonder where old Sereech Owl, the child Patti, is. Must have swallowed Orange Yellow 756 and died Subscriber (trembling with indignation) —Whoever you are you are not a gentleman end nothing but a pitiful coward, and if you will just tell me your name my hus- band will— Voice—Rouse mit ‘em! Rouse mit ‘em! On yer way, all of yout On your way! Say, Mag, jar up Pinky Green 55 once more, will you? 3 Subscriber—Hello, central! Can I have Orange Yellow 756, or must I enter a com- Naint ? Shee Voices—Enter three complaints. Make it five. Pave one on me. On yer way? Mrs. Smithkins, are you listening? All the hells on the circuit ring and all the subscribers hurriedly grab up their receivers except those who are already on Truff Vo'ee—T his is the lineman mending i Stand back three feet and .ay he s “FHello!™ ‘All together (shiffing pasition)--Hel'o! ‘nernan—Now stand three feet to the Nello!” if positinn)--Hato! d three feet to tie Lineman left and say ther (shifting position|—Hello! -manNow stand on yer heads and say * Hello'” Voires—"00.20)..00 & 600" other things tov numerovs tw mention, Central — Whatinumberdovonwantputa nickelintheslot!—Chicago Tribune. and Quirks and Quibbes, Tt is carw for the hight headed to be fight heacted. He who confesses that he lies, lies; ke who denies that he lies twiee. We -admire the man who wil! listen to reasow because he gives us a chance to talk. Most of us only know one man whom we regard as absolutely fair and unbiased, and modesty prevents us from naming him, Let @ man imagine that he is having his own way and a woman can do anything with him; let a woman but suspect that she is having her owm way and a man can do nothing with ber. * , , ‘What a pity that mast of our most bril- fant and original ideas did pot present ves to us first. Most men would find it e difficult matter to tell all they know;; not that they know much; but the difficulty would arise in try- ing to winnow what they-know from what imagine they know. Ye man is Hvar se sid 60 “bs feels, many men pass from youth ageina aga purse?” “How silly you men ere,” said Mre. Jim- son, flushed with pride. “Can't you see? In the restaurant, of course. -All-you'’ve got | to do is to go down there and that nice, smooth-shaven waiter who served us will give it to you.” : “My dear,” said Jimson, “I know that waiter. He does no‘ come from Schoharie, he comes from Tenderloin county. He has that ten dollars now in the innermost pocket, and is preparing to spend it to-mor- row for toys for the children—or other things.” “That's the way with you men,” replied Mrs. Jimson. “‘Always considering other men dishonest:* Jimmie, please go down and do as 1 say. You'll find the purse, surely.” Jimson went, and Mrs. Jimson climbed to their fl-apartment. When he reached the restaurant he went to the head waiter. “Will you kindly give me my purse?” he said. “What purse with some surpri “Why, the purse my wife left here an honr ago, when we had finished supper.” rt of a purse was it?” asked the said that functionary, ts lady's purse.” said Jimson. ira Don't you know a lady's purse see it? Well, tlis was a lady’: purse. Give it to me, please.” “My dear sir.” said the waiter, “we have many ladies’ purses Kft ere. W'at was is like? Black, blue, green? Did it have any initials on it?” “Ol” cried Jimson, With satisfaction. “Initials? Thousands—er, three, anyway- “X.Y. and then for the life of him Jim- son couldn't remember his own nate. The head waiter eved him suspiciously, und a lit- tle crawd of belated guests gatlered around, “Yes,” said tee head waiter, suavely; ‘NX. Y.7 What is the other—eh?” Jang the initials!” shouted Jimson; “the purse was lost here, and some raseally wa‘ter has it. There's the man new who waited on me. Ask him.’ The head waiter summoned the man. “1 found no purse,” -he said. not even sure that I served the gent'yman, What did the gentleman have?” “Lobsters,” said Jimson. “I thought so,” said the head waiter, “but we aren't.” It didn’t occur to Jimson’s mind what he meant until the next day. But a dire- ful thing for Jimson kappened right then and there. He was getting intoa tight place, and everybody was enjoying his discom- fiture. Bracing himself for an effort, he pulled his hat down, jammed his hands into his overcoat poeket—and struck the purse. It cost Jimson all of the ten dollars to get out of the place, but on the way home be planned a mean revenge. “Did you find the purse, dear?” his wife asked, sleepily. # “Yes,” said Jimson. “I knew you would. the waiter much?” ‘What waiter?” ‘Why, the one in the restaurant.” rs. Jimson,” said Jimmie, “I found that purse under seat J3 in the Magnificent theater,. and I was obliged to rouse and bribe four watchman to get in. Now how about ‘your logic?” ¢ But Mrs. Jimson only snored gently as in indication that she was no longer inter ‘sted. The next day she gave him grape snd grass valad, and Jimson didn’t go down id you have to tip own for two days.—N. Y. Mail and Ex- |Jobson will have the coat—Washingtos. "ens, ‘ . ewe O MRS. JOBSON’S COAT. “T’m afraid,” remarkej Mrs. ELemagr evening about a couple ( weeks ago, Tl have to have a new yrap of some sort for the cold weather—a t or some thing. To-day I was looking over that astrakhan-trimmed coat that I’ve had for three seasons, and it looks rather faded and frayed.” “Um,” said Mr. Jobson, dropping his newspaper, “You're afraid you'll have to havea new one, hey? Afraid isgood. Aren’t you afraid somebody’ll come along and hand you the title deed to one of the Thousand Islands, with an Italian rennaissance villa built in the middle of it? , What you got to be afraid of? Don’t you think it’s up to me to be afraid instead?” “Well,” said Mrs. Jobson, calmly, “I did think that I could get another year out of the old coat, especially as I wear my seal- aoe for very bitter weather, but “About how much is this new garment going to set me back?” interrupted Mr. Job-. fon. “TI ought to be able to get a neat little jack- a for about $20 or $25,” replied Mrs. Job- son. “And,” she went on hastily, “I should Jike very much to have you help me pick it aut. You have such excellent taste in such things.” “Uh-huh, that’s a pretty good jolly, all right,” said Mr. Jobson, pleased, neverthe- less. “I obse: however, that when I help you pick out such things I’m kept guessing as to how I’m going to pay my rent for a eounle of months afterward.” Mrs. Johson had observed the same thing, but she wasn’t saying anything about it. “Oh, T wouldn't think of getting anything expensive,” she said. “I merely want a little jacket to wear on days when my sealskin would be too heavy and warm.” On Saturday morning last Mr. Jobson met Mrs. Jobson down town and they went together to look over jackets rancing in price from $20 to $25—that is to sey. My. Jobson had that range of figures in view. Mrs. Job- son had other views, “I want to give you fair warning,” said Mr. Jobson, as they walked in the direction of the store they were to visit first, “that #25 is the very outside dig that I’m going to make cn this job, So you needn’t try to work any bamboozling scheme on-me to wring any more out of me. I’m not the president of any more than ten or fifteen onal hanks, you know.” Mr. Jobson stood by gloomily while Mra. Jobson was trying on a number of $20 tan eoats. He shook his head over each try-on. “Dinky,” was his comment as to all of the $20 coats. “Dinky to the last degree, Wouldn’t be seen on the street with you in auch a rag as that. Thought you said you could cet something decent for $20?” “y I think they’re real nice,” said Mrs Jobson, innocently, as she removed the sixth £20 jacket that she had tried on. "Well, I’ve got something to say about that myself,” said Mr. Jobson. “I have to take you out, you know, and if you think I'm going to traipse around town with you in any such tack rig as that you’re mistaken, all. Have ’em show you some of the The $25 grade of jackets were brought forth by the saleswomar “They make you look like you worked in’ a box faetory,” he commented. “They’re lop-sided and all bunched up in the back, and—” “But of cours? any jacket would have to be altered.” interrupted Mrs. Jobson, in- wardly delig’:ted over the way her little scheme wus progressing. “Altered nothing,” vaid Mr. Jobson. “All the.tailors on earth co:'dn't make any on of those things fit to be reen in a back yard, Tow did you happen to get your mind set on one of those mer¢ry, miserable little jackets, anyhow? Why don’t you get some- thing that will cover yon up? IT see women on the street with those long things—come down to their heels and fit ’em snug—don’t mean those imbecile automobile coats or raglan, but those long ones that cling to the waist—” “Oh,” put in Mrs. Jobson, “you mean the Newmarkets. They are pretty, of course,” nd she was seething with inward joy, “but they cost a great deal more than jackets, you know. Mrs. Kaystreet has one that looks lovely, even if she is too stout, but of @ourse her husband makes a great deal of—” “That’s all right about what her husband makes,” said Mr. Jobson. ‘There are whole lot of bluffs running around this town. These jackets that you’ve been try- ing on won't do, that’s all. There’s nothing to’em. They look silly. You get the young woman to show you one of the long ones, and—’ “Well, I tried one on—an awfully pretty one—in this very store only last week,” said Mrs. Jobson. “Of course, I only tried it on for fun, to see how it would look. It is lovely and all that, but I eouldn’t think of having anything so expensive—” “There’s a heap of things that you can’t think about, Mrs. Jobson,” said Mr. Job- son, oracularly. “I’m the one that’s doing the buying in this family, you'll remember, ‘and if you think you’re going to plow around this town in one of the things you’ve been looking at with me at your side you've got another guess. And if that dumpy Mrs. Kaystreet can wear one of those long things I’m talking about you'll shape up all right in one of them. Let's have a look at some of “em.” Whereupon Mrs. Jobson winked shrewd- ly at the saleswoman, who smiled furtively ia reply, and in about half a minute the saleswoman produced the melton Newmar ket, with storm collar revers of beaver, that Mrs. Jobson had had put aside for fur- ther inspection on the previous day. Mrs Jobson got into the beautiful garment and it fitted her like a violin in a box, and gave her figure a svelte appearance that caused Mr. Jobson to gaze at her admiringly out of the slants of his eyes. 4 “Um! That’s something like it,” he said, surveying the garment with repressed enthu- siasm. “Mow much is thé thing?” “Sixty dollars,” said the saleewoman. “Oh, goodness me, I couldn't think of purchasing such expensive wrap just now,” hastily put in Mrs. Jobson, catching the saleswoman’s eye and starting to re- move the coat. z “Couldn’t hey?” said Mr. Jobson. “Well, I could. Just you button it up and wear it ut now to sort o’ christen it.” “But, my dear,” protested Mrs. Jobson, very gleefully interiorly, “we can’t afford it. Of course, it’s cheap at the price, but how ean we afford to—” — “Look a-here, madam,” said Mr. Jobson, as the saleswoman walked away a little dis- tance at a signal from Mrs. Ji “1 want you to understand that I’m running the financial end, and I don’t intend that you shall show me up before saleswomen in. stores, either. You take that coat or none at all,” and Mr. Jobson glowered upon her frightfully, ‘ ee. Jobeon wore the melton Newmar ket, and the great white light of standing hasn’t yet penetrated Mr. Job son’s mind. And even when it does Mra, Seemnabacalinereemiiaiiites dapertect Page COLD WATER AS MEDIOINE. Best Results Accomplished by Drinking Between the Meals. : A daily bath is as much a matter of course with most people as break- fast or any other fixed event of the day. To a very great number of them an internal bath is a new proposition. Yet for the normal human being with the normal number of digestive ills, uncomfortable, but not serious, the in- ternal bath is very often the short cut to a clear brain and a comfortable body. Where other troubles complicate one's physical horizon such miracles are too much to expect, but cold water judiciously used will almost always assist in a cure if it cannot accom- plish it alone. One of the : meth- ods of taking water as a m icine is in four doses—a glassful hal. n hour before breakfast, ong in the middle of the morning, another in the middle of the afternoon, and a final o2e on re- tiring at night. If cold water before breakfast is distasteful hot may be Substituted. Taken at these times, }when the stomach is comparatively empty, water is cleansing and purify- ing and tonic in its effect. Tt sometimes happens that indiges- tion is the result, not of too little water, but of too much at the wrong time. The man who. drinks four or five glasses of ice water at a meal and then wonders why in the world his food does not digest is in this class. If he will indulge his love for water only vetween meals he wil) find himself a healthier and a happier man. The less fluid the better at meals is a safe rule for anyone who must take anxious thought of what he eats. Cold water particularly low- ers the temperature of the stomach, retards the process of digestion and makes easy the path of dyspepsia, while water between meals is only beneficial and desirable. “PAUL SPRAGUE.” J. M. Eastwood's Black Stallion Brought ito Itasca County. Horsemen of this county are much Pieased with the advent of “Paul Sprague”? to the farm of J. M. East- wood on Trout lake. This magnifi- cent animal will get a number of colts hext season in this vicinity. He is a beautiful jet black, 6 years old, 154 hands high, weighing 1,075 vunds. In style and form he is much ike his sire and grand dam: long neck, high head, eyes large and bright, short back, long body, deep shoulders, has hair as fine as silk, and his appearance is exceedingly grace- ful. Pedigree:--Paul Sprague was sired py:!Beaver Dam Boy, who is registered in Wallace’s American Trotting Register No. 10,364; he sired by Badger Rprague, No. 1,097; dam Lucy K., by Swigert No. 650. . Badger Sprague by Gov. Sprague No. 444, who also sired Kate Sprague, (2:18, with thirty others in the 2:30 class) placing him at the head of speed pro- ducing stallions of his age. Dam Beaver Dam Boy, Badger Girl (2:224)‘ byBlackF 1 ying Clo ud No 378; Gov Sprague by Rhode Island No. 267, Dam, Bell Brandon by Hamiltonian No. 15, who stands at the head: of speed producing stallions of any age; having 40 performers in the 2:30 class. Dam of Paul Sprague. Jennie Lind sired by St. James. COUNTY AND\VILLAGE OFFICERS COUNTY, E. J. Farrell ©. Miller G. Tyndall} Attorney. .Chester L. Pratt Register of Deed: - A. B, Clair Clerk of Court. . Rassmussen Tudge of Proba' :.H. 8. Huson Surveyor. Dr. Mrs. Hattie F. Booth COMMISSIONERS. District No. 1. (Chairman: A. D. Brooks District No. 2. Frank S. Lang District No. G. Moore District No. H. Hennessy District No. john Fraser .D. M. Gunn. . F. O'Connell . Decker Attorney. | Street Commissioner. Marshal... D® CHAS. M. STORCH, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON Office and Residence, Cor..Kindred and 3rd GRAND RAPIDS. Ty * COSTELLO, DENTIST. — Office in Marr Building.— GRAND RAPIDS, MINNESOTA. GEORGE THAYER CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER. Stone Walls, Cisterns and Chimneys ay Built. : Practical Plasterer, Grand Rapids, Minn. 1] at Residence on Sleeper avenue, ies ® Opposite J. J. Decker. e retried i i i / | J. S. COLE} Dealer in | ! REAL ESTATE Insurance written with some of the largest companies in the world. i Agent for desirable city property in Grand Rapids, FARMING -GRAZING PINE AND MINERAL| Lands Bought and Sold. Office on Fourth street east of Michigan House. Grand Rapids, Minnesota. i daa xt vibe alt al abe laine G. C. SMITH DEALER IN Fruits, Confectionery, Ice Cream Soda, Ice Cream, Drinks, ‘Tobaccos, Choice Lines of Cigars Grand Rapids, - Minn. THIRD ST., Opp. Depot. (EE ae ae ae aaa te * = & * * 2 * & = * 2 2 * * * * * * * * * & % Ae ee ae a ae ae eae aE EA ee EE aE aE ee ee “N. A . PAONAULT tat the te td PROPRIFTOR Lid Pioneer Barber . Shop___ Your Patronage Solicited. ,* LELAND AVENUE. {9 ee a AEE EE Ee eae eae ee BRICK LIME CEMENT Geo. F. Kremer. Grand Rapids, Minn. Hill City Lands a | Specialty. i F. P. SHELDON. Cushier C. E. AIKEN, Asst. Cashier O. W. Hastinas. President. P. J. SHELDON, Vice President. Lumbermen’s Bank Grand Rapids, Minn. Transacts a General Banking Business. | GRAND RAPIDS, Ge H. SPEAR ATTORNEY AT LAW GRAND RAPIDS, - - MINN 8. P. WaHrte FRANK F, PRICE Warr « price LAWYERS (Office Over Metzger’s Meat Market) GRAND RAPIDS§,:MINN. And 815-816 Torry Building Duluth, Minn Father Marquet rae (BOB PURE RYE | WHISKY A Masterpiece of Distillation It is absolutely free from fore- ign ingredients. Its boquet comes solely from the grain, and # the amber color from the oak in ) which it is kept. Real age has accomplished and taken the place of expert blending. and the additiou of flavoring oils, prune juice, sacch- rine, glycerine, ete., which is often used to make new whisky palatable. Father Marquette is a natural. pure, perfect article ripened only by real age. It is recommended tu those seeking a high-grade pure article. | John Hepfel } Sole Agent i GRAND RAPIDS MINN. TAYLOR... THE PAINTER Fancy Inside Finish Paper Hanging Calsominng, Etc.. See him at Hotel Gladstone, or a postal card will bring him to you » |. RHODES, PAINTER AND Paperhanger All work guaranteed. Leave Orders at Steven’s Hotel. Grand Rapids, Minnesota. W. E. NEAL, Dealer in Pine and Farming Lands. The finest List of Agricultural and Grazing Lands in the County. The Most Excellent Sites for Manu tacturing Enterprises. Prospective Settlers Located. Correspondence Solicited. Grand Rapids, - ‘ Minn Itasca County Abstract Office ABSTRACTS, REAL ESTATE, FIRE INSURANCE, Conveyancea Drawn, Taxes Paid for Non-Residents, KREMER & KING, Proprietors. MINN A. B. CLAIR, Register of Deeds of Itasca County Minera Pine ana Farming Lands Pine Stumpage Bought, ABSTRACTS OF TITLE. GRAND RAPIDS. ES AE EE A A EE ee EE ae age ee a > a a a a ae Grand Rapids Village Lots © A. M. JO Has some very desirable Rapids that he has placed at his place of business on and Leland avenue. GRAND RAPIDS Perri iit blade daciaclaslacladlaclahehdeslael VIEW. located in different parts of the village and include some of the handsomest sites within the corporation, Call A. M. JOHNSON -_ : “residence lots in Grand on the market. many are Me ee a a a the cornor of Second street ' MINNESOTA. SOSH E OH Per Year