Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, December 9, 1899, Page 9

How Our Fathers Taught. A Western man was on a visit to his Eastern cousin, and his host was entertaining him by showing the fam- ily heir-looms. “See this old gun?” he said. “It fuga me my first lessom in arithme- ic.” “How?” the guest asked, curiously. “It’s dead easy. Guess.” “Father promise to let you shoot it on your next birthday?” “No. *oint it at unt correctly ? “Nothing of the kind.” “Shoot you through your left ear?” ©; we do not believe in pierced your head if you didn't nen I give it up,” said the West- or, With a deep sigh. dh,” his cousin replied, repressing a broad grin, “he laid the gun away and used the ramrod.”—Life. er When a woman is in loy eshe is a self-appointed detective. “I have used your Hair Vigor for five years and am greatly pleased with it. It cer- tainly restores the original color to gray hair. It keeps my hair soft and smooth. It quickly cured me of some kind of humor of the scalp. My mother used your Hair Vigor for some twenty years and liked it very much.’ —Mrs. Helen Kilkenny, New Portland, Me., Jan. 4,°99. Used Twenty Years We do not know of any other hair preparation that has been | used in one family for twenty years, do you? But Ayer's: Hair Vigor has been restoring color to gray hair for fifty years, and it never fails to do this work, cither. You can rely upon it for f stopping your hair from falling § out, for keeping your scalp clean and healthy, and for mak- ing the hair grow rich and long. $1.00 2 bottle. All druggists. Write the Doctor If you do not obtain ail the benefits you desire from the use of the Vigor, write the Doctor about it. Address, Dr. J. C. Ayer, Lowell, Mass. ® on the ‘‘Soo” Ry. in Wisconsin. Fine hardwood farming lands with rich soil, and 3% clay subsoil, near stations at $4 to $6 per acre on A Natural STOCK and DAIRY Country! For Clover and Grasses this region is not excelled anywhere. An abundance of pure, soft water and a healthful climate, Low fares to Landseekers. For free descriptive maps write to Land Commissioner “Soo” Railway, MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. SWHEATS WHEAT will soli at $1.00.0r more per bushel be- fore May ist, 1900. A postal card will bring you our reasons for making this statement. also Bo klet _ w to Sell a Crop and Still Have It.” mailed YREE. Bank References. W. H. HAMMOND & CO., Brokers, Corn Exchange, Minneapolis, Minn DR. ARNOLD’S COUGH CURES COUGHS AND COLDS. KILLER PREVENTS CONSUMPTION. Al D: rugsists, 25c. E WANT MEN Gur Northern Growa Stock. Best Wages. Pay Weekly. THE JEWELL NUESERY CO. Lake City, Lita, WANTED — P2rvy ‘2 represent us ta thts vicinity having acquaintance wih people having funds tv invest In highly profitable business. ‘A good Income to one with ability and reference. Address I. M. MILLER, 11 Broadway, New York. ARTERS INK bring your children up on it. NSIONWaiitaon, p.c: rosecutes Claims. &D pcipay ty Prot 8. Pension Bureau. So in civil war, 15 adjudicating claims, atty since | Y¥ fee RY, gives | D re quick retlef and cures worst eares. Book of testimontais and 10 DAYS? treatinent DR. H. H, GRREN’S SONS, Box E, Atlanta, Ga, sore eyes, Use wamicted with! Thempson’s Eye Water, | N. W.N. U. —No, 49.— 1899. When Asswering Advertisements Kindly | Mention This Paper. | Pe, ern NOT AS IT SEEMED. HOUSE LOOKED “RICKETY” ON THE OUTSIDE. But on the Inside It Wax a Picture of Luxury—The Original Idea of a Very Poor Man—Figured onDthe Contrasts— The Guests Welt Cheap. “Last week, while I was in a city not a thousand miles from here,” said a local business man who has just re- turned from a little trip to a neighbor- ing state, “I ran across a former bach- elor friend, whom I had not seen for over two years, I knew that he had married in»the meanwhile, and when I offered my congratulations he insist- ed on my coming out to his house for dinner. I accepted, of course, but when. we reached his home, I was sorry I hadn’t declined. In fact, I was deep- ly shocked, for of all the poverty- stricken, squalid and generally dilap- idated habitations I ever laid eyes on, the one he piloted me to was by long odds the worst. The house was a shab- by-looking frame affair. weather-beat- en, unpainted and patched all over with old boards. Some of the shutters were missing, and others hung by one hinge, while a gaunt patch of yard, littered with miscellaneous trash, and inclosed y a ramshackle picket fence, formed an appropriate frame for the picture. The sight saddened me beyond expres- sion, and I was vexed that 1 had been made a witness of my unfortunate friend’s poverty. However, I couldn’t well beat a retreat, so I followed him in, and the moment he opened the door I nearly toppled over with astonish- ment. The interior of the cottage was a perfect little bijou. We entered a square hal] decorated a la Japanese in rich bronze-green, with storks in long panels on the walls and a palm in one corner in a big lacquered vase. Off to the right was an exquisite little drawing-room, finished in silvery gray and full of good pictures and artistic bric-a-brac, Later on I was shown over the whole house, and found everything else equally attractive. The explana- tion my friend gave was peculiar. ‘You see, I owned this place,’ he said, ‘and we didn’t have enough money to fix up both the inside and the outside ac- cording to our ideas. If we had tried to spread it over the whole thing, the result would have been cheap and com- mon, so we put all we had on the in- terior, and instead of attempting to beautify the exterior I turned to and made ‘em as outlandish as possible. Those patches you saw on the walls aren’t necessary, but I nailed them up for the sake of the ensemble, and then knocked off a few of the shutters with an ax. We paid a man to haul a load of trash for the yard, and I never pass without kicking a picket out of the fence. The result is that our friends all think we are too original for any- thing, and the effect of our little fur- nishings is enhanced about 500 per cent by contrast. No bother to be poor if you have brains.’”—New Orleans Times-Democrat. Poor Dog. A new kind of parrot story is print- ed by the Chicago News—a _ parrot story that will make the reader sorry for the dog. A gentleman left his dog at,his sister’s house, while he went on a journey. On his return, Rover man- ifested so much excitement that no great surprise was felt when he was heard barking in the night. The bark- ing became so persistent, however, that Mr. —-— put on his dressing gown and went downstairs to pat Rover on the head and bid him to be quiet. He was no sooner in bed again that the noise began afresh, so he made anoth- er expedition below, to point out to the dog, with some asperity, that a repeti- tion of the offence would be attended by serious consequences. He had re- turned to his bed and was just falling into a doze when the barking began ain, This time it was more furious than ever, and continued till the man made a third journey downstairs, ac- companied by a walking-stick. Even this did not end the disturbance, but the gentleman was too sleepy to get up again, and at last he went off to sleep, vowing to sell the dog the next day. When morning came, however, his sister met him with the remark that she hoped he had not been dis- turbed by the barking of her new par- rot. It was always imitating the dog at night, she said. Richeliea and Kruger. The London academy is authority for the statement that President Krue- ger is by his marriage actually con- nected with the great Cardinal Riche- | Hieu, whose name was. Du Plessis. Kreuger “as a young man when he! met aud married a member of the Du Plessis family, the descendant of a French surgeon, a near relative of the cardinal, who went to the Cape in the seventeenth century, in the employ- ment of the Dutch East India com- | pany. At her death, Krueger chose a second wife from the same family. It | was apropos of this marriage that | Gen, Joubert made a jest in his imper- fect English. The president, he said, was a man of “double duplessity.” He Expeeted It. “J see that the price of diamonds is | going up,” said the young man who likes to give information. “Of course.” answered Mr. Blykins, in a tone of mingled grief and defiance, “It was te be expected. It’s one combination after another these days. You didn’t sup- pose these coal barons were going tc + leave any carbon around loose where people might buy it and use it as a substitute, did you?” — Washington Star, ILLINOIS FEVER. Early Settiers in the State All Sheok To- gether. The worst enemy of the eacly settlers in Illinois appears to have been chills and fever, says the Century. One of the pioneers, writing of the state in the early 40s, says: “My uncle met us with his horses and farm wagon. Father hired another team, and we started for my uncle’s new home, near Libertyville, Lake county, II, where we arrived the following morning. THe house was a log hut with one room and an attic. We found my aunt sick with fever and ague. She was wrapped in thick shawls and blanke's, sitting by the fireplace and shaking like a leaf. Before supper was over, mother had a chill and a shake which lasted nearly half the night. The next day it rained hard and we all had chills, and my father and uncle went to town, two miles, for some medicine. They returned with a large bundle, of thor- oughwort weed, or boneset, a tea made from which was the order of the day. It was very bitter, and I used to feel more like taking the consequences of the ague than the remedy. As father had a shake every other day, he could only work half the time, and we were very poor. The ague was in the en- tire family, my sister and I invariably shaking at the same, hour every al- ternate day, and my mother’s and father’s shakes coming at about the same time. I have known the whole family to shake together; nor did the neighbors escape. There were few comfortable homes and few well peo- ple. Boneset tea was a fixture on every stove and fireplace. When my morning to shake arrived I used to lie down on the floor behind the cook stove and almost hug the old sala- mander, even on the warmest sum- mer days, and my sister on the oppo- site side, my brothers snuggling up close to me, and my mother sitting as near the fire as she could get, all of us with our teeth chattering together. My aunt, who was broken down and discouraged, would occasionally walk the two miles to see us, and my mother and she would talk about the false hopes and glittering inducements that had led their husbands to become vic tims to the Illinois fever. THE STAGE. | Mirror of Fashion Where the Correct Costumes Are Always Seen. The stage continues to form the mir- rer of fashion. One need scarcely take in a fashion paper if one pays constant visits to the theater. Here one can study all the varieties of la mode and the latest and newest designs. Each play seems to have its own specialty in dress, its favorite color and its fa- vorite dressmaker. Possibly specta- tors never give a thought to the fact that these constant changes of cos- tume form no inconsiderable portion of the fatigue incurred by an actress in a long and heavy part. Dress cannot be slurred over now. Gowns must be laced and buttoned up, gloves, shoes, hats, petticoats, be worn to match. It was different in the good old days, when actresses shuffled one gown over another and fastened them lightly with a button. The Japanese costume is one of the most intricate. The rea? Japanese lady wears three gowns, one | over the other, a small portion of each showing at the neck, the gowns being artistically shaded, say, from pale pink to deepest rose, or from violet to sky blue. The chemise, too, must match, and a special touch of deep contrastive color is given by the waistband,” Organist Taken for an English Spr. Sir George Martin is nominally the dignified and gray-haired organist of St. Paul's cathedral in London. Sev- eral weeks ago he went out to South Africa to conduct some musical exam- inations in Cape Town. His work over, he determined to run up into the country to see a bit of the Transvaal. During his trip the talk of war became violent, and the wary Boers got an idea into their heads that Sir George Martin was a British spy masquerad- ing as a musician. They put detec- tives on the trail, and finally detained him for some days in Pretoria to await developments. Finally, just before President Kruger’s ultimatum was made public, the authorities gave him his liberty. Sir George took advan- tage of the opportunity, and has just arrived in London, overjoyed at his | good fortune at getting away so eas- ily. “Boers” in English Usage. When did the word “Boer” assume its present form and spelling? Judg- ing from Hansard down to the late ’5€s, it was printed with a small “b,” and spelled “boors.” Mr, Gladstone. when secretary of state for the colo- nies, and afterward, frequently referred to the “Dutch boors at the Cape.” In | the glossary attached to Mr. McCall | Theall’s “History of the Boers,” this primitive form of the word is not giv- en. Boer is there defined as “a Dutch | word signifying a tiller of the ground,” | In South Africa the word is now used as a proper name to denote any one of European descent who uses ordi- narily the broken Dutch language o7 the country.—London Chronicle. Information Wanted. “Miss Upperten—Clara,” began the young man, “you have no doubt no- ticed that my attentions of late have been more than these of a mere friend. I love you, Clara’ and in ask- ing you to share my lot }——-” “Par- don me for interrupting you,” said the | practical maiden, “but has ihe lot you wish me to share a gocd house on it with all the modern improvements?”— 1 Chicago News. ‘i CENTERS IN THEUNITED STATES Polnts Which Mark the Foe! of Many Interests of the Nation. The government is about to mark a latitudinal center by placing a monu- ment on the parallel of 45 degrees north, midway between equator and pole, which runs through the hamlet of North Perry, Me. Such a monument as @ permanent fixture is possible, but there are other interesting “centers” which are by no means permanent. The geographical center of the United States, 3,602,990 square miles, exclud- ing Alaska and our new possessions, is in northwestern Kansas, midway be- tween Wakeeney and Hill City. The center of population is, however, far east of this, being 15 miles west of Co- lumbus, Ind., having moved to that point by easy stages from near Balti- more, where it was in the closing years of the last century, and it is still trav- eling. If it moves through the coming century as in the present the year 2,000 may find the centers of area and popu- lation at nearly the same point, The center of wealth of our $84,000,000,000 of real and personal property is at Cleveland, Ohio, north and east of the center of population. And the center of debt is not far away, being at Tiffin, in the same state, as shown by the rec- ords of $14,000,000,000 of mortgage and judgment debts. Ohio can also claim the center of pauperism, which is at Chillicothe, and is further charged with the center of crime, which careful figures show to be at Columbus; but these figures are based on the number of prisoners and not on the degree of offenses. The center of agriculture for the point about which our annual pro- duce of $3,500,000,000 arranges itself, is at Ottumwa, Iowa. For the manufac- turing center we jump again to the east, and find that the greatest facto- ries of the New England and middle Atlantic states draw it to Erie, Penn. It is a. most important center of $10,000,000,000 in capital, $2,500,000,000 in annual wages and $9,300,000,000 in annual cost of material, To balance this we must again go west, where we find the center of our 187,000 miles of railroad at La Salle, Ill. Coming to education we find another center in Ohio, for Lima is the point on which balance our colleges and universities, with their 160,000 students, For the reverse of this, for illiteracy, we must make a jump to Jackson, Tenn. This is based on the ability to write on the part of persons more than 10 years old. It appears to be far south, but the sta- tistics of most of the southern states, which return from 28 to 55 per cent of the population unable to write, as against the 6 or 7 per cent in the north- ern states, place the center there.— New York Herald. Cats of Celebrity. To seek out the origin of popular phrases often..mes leads one back to incidénts of so commonplace a charac- ter that it would seem altogether out of probability that they would ever be heafd of again. Here, for example, is the account of what brought the Kil- kenny cats into world-wide fame. Dur- ing the rebellion in Ireland in 1803, Kilkenny was garrisoned by a troop of Hessian soldiers, who amused them- selves in barracks by tying two cats together by their tails and throwing them across a clothesline to fight. Tha officers, hearing of the cruel practice, resolved to stop it, and deputed one of their number to watch. The soldiers, on their part, set a man to watch for the coming officer. One day the sentinel neglected his duty, and the heavy tramp of the officer was heard ascend- ing the stairs. One of the troopers seizing a sword, cut the tails in two as the animals hung across the line. The two cats, minus their tails, escaped through the window, and when the of- ficer inquired the meaning of the two bleeding tails being left in the room, he was coolly told that the cats had been fighting and had devoured each other all but the tails. A Rare Coin. One of the prized curios of the Phil- adelphia mint is a coin which is 2,000 years old and which was coined at the ancient mint of that other Philadelphia of the far east mentioned in the Bible, says the Philadelphia Record. It is still in good condition and the in- scription is perfectly legible. The de- sign on the face of the coin bears a striking resemblance to the Goddess of Liberty of our own currency, and underneath is one word, “demos,” which means “the people.” On the other side is the figure of Diana, with her bow arched, and the inscription, “Diana, Friend of the Philadelphians.” When this coin was struck off Phil- adelphia was the most important city of Lydia. Europe by Joseph Mickley, a celebrated Philadelphia violin-maker and num- ismatist of high repute, who presented it to the mint. His Pointed Rejoinder, F. C. Burnand, the well-known hu- morist, when preparing in his youth to enter the Roman priesthood was or- dered by the- novice master at his col- lege' to clean the windows. He hum- bly consented to do so if the master would give him a lesson in the art, but directly the man got outside the win- dow on to the ledge Burnand fastened the catch and left him out there. For this Dr. (afterward Cardinal) Manning severely rated the novice, telling him that he would make a better shoe- maker than a priest. “Well, you leave me at any rate the cure of soles,” is said to have been the witty reply. Many Languages in Africa. Africa has neariy 700 languages and this fact presents great difficulties to missionary effort. The prize was picked up in! THROUGH PULLMAN TOURIST Sleeping Car Service to Texas, 014 Mexico and California. Via the Chicago Great Western Ry., to Kansas City and the Missouri, Kan- sas & Texas, the San Antonio & Ar- kansas Pass and Southern Pacific Rail- ways, through Dallas, San Antonio, El Paso and Los Angeles to San Francis- co. The only through car line from the Northwest to Texas points and con- necting at Spofford Junction for all points in Old Mexico. A new weekly service established on November 34d,' and continuing weekly thereafter. They will be in charge of an experi- enced official, and will leave Minneap- olis at 10:45 p. m. and St. Paul at 11:20. Pp. m., every Friday, and reach Dallas the following Sunday, San Antonio on Monday, E1 Paso on Tuesday, Los An- geles at noon Wednesday, and San Francisco early Thursday morning. These cars are the Standard Pullman Sleeping Cars, similar to those run on all transcontinental lines, and the charges for berths are about half those charged in regular Standard Pullman Sleepers. To persons who have made the trip to California via other routes, this Southern route will prove a most delightful change, and to persons con- templating a trip to Texas or Mexican | Doirts it furnishes facilities heretofore | unoffered. ‘his car may be taken at | any point along the line of the Chicago | Great Western Railway between Min. neapolis and Kansas City. For full in formation and assistance call on or, address J. P. Elmer, Fifth and Robert Streets, St. Paul. | Little, But’ Digmified. ! “Show me some of your undershirts, } please. Size 38.” es, sir, but that’s much too large. Size 30 would fit you a great deal bet- ter.” | “I am buying them, sir, for my-| youngest son. Kindly attend to the particular yeeation for which you | draw your salary, and show me some 88s, all wool.”—Chicago Tribune. Dropsy treated free by Dr. H. H. Green’s Sons, of Atlanta, Ga. The greatest dropsy specialists in the world. Read their adver- | tisement in another column of this paper. No Keys. Ida—I wonder why old Thinkman, the inventor, wears such long hair? May—His head contains such valua- ble ideas that they have to be protected by locks. Ida—But they are not metal. May—Oh, yes; they are silver locks. —Chicago News. « Christmas Presents. It 1s often difficult to select an ar- ticle for a Christmas present that will be acceptable and inexpensive. The John M. Smyth Co. have solved the problem by offering for sale 5,000 guitars at $2.65 each, thus bringing them within the reach of everyone. The firm is thoroughly reliable. See “ad” in another part of this paper. Get their mammoth catalogue. Suffering Humanity. Barber (after shaving customer)— Your hair is a little gray, sir. Customer (interrupting)—I'm giad to |hear that! After the ordeal I have just | pa d through, I expected it would be | snow-white.—Puck. THE GRIP CURE THAT DOES CURE. Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets remove: | the cause that produces La Grippe. HE. W. | Grove’s signature is on each box. 25c. A Weather Prophet. Silas WLitfle—The indications is that it is a-goin’ to be a hard winter. Diumn er—Are the muskrats puttng in a supply of coal? Silas Whiffle—I don’t know as tew that; but our county jail is fillin’ up with tramps.—Puck, 25c. SAMPLE BOTTLE 0c. How long have you suffered with... $0, then try the #4 | (CrRADE Mark.) i 5,000 GUITARS AT Ie bot er ‘at lowest wholesale prices evel Ty eal vedo reset res: BEF good faith GENERAL JOE WHEELER Says of Peruna: *'! joia Sena- tors Sullivan, Roach and Mc- Enery in their good opinion of Peruna as an effective catarrh MILLIONS ofacres of choice agri- cultural LANDS now opened for settlement in Western Canada. Here is grown the cel- ebrated NO. 1 HARD WHEAT. which brings the highest price in the markets of thé world ; thousands of cattle are fattened for market without being fed grainand without a day's shelter. Send for information ard secure a free home in Western Can Write the Superintendent of Immigrat’on, Otta- wa. or address the undersigned. woo will mail fi of cost. Beu Paul, or T. O. FOR NEXT THIRTY DAYS. RHEUMATISM ? How Long Have You Read About “5 Drops” Without Taking Them? Do you not think you have wasted precious time and suffered enough? If Drops” and be prompt! your afflictions. “5 Drops’ isa speedy and Sure Cure for Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbazo (lame back), Kidney Diseases, Asthma, Hay Fever, Dyspepsia, Catarrh of all kinds, Bronchitis, La Grippe, Headache (nervous or neuralgic), Meart Weakness, Dropsy, Earache, Spasmodic and Catarrhal Croup, Toothache, Nervousness, Siceplessness, Creeping Numbness,-Malaria, 2nd kindred diseases. “5 Drops” has cured more people during the pastrfour years, of the above-named diseases, tham all other remedies known, 4 permanently cured of and in case of Rheumatism is curing more than all the doctors, patent medicines, electric belts and batteries combined, forthey cannot cure Chronic Rheumatism. Therefore waste no more valuable time and money, but try “5 Drops” and be promptly CURED. “5 Drops” is not only the best medicine, but it is the cheapest, for a $1.00 bottle contains 300 doses. Price per bottle, $1.00, prepaid by mail or express, or 6 bottles for $5.00. For the next 30 days we will send a 2c sample FREE to anyone sending 10 cents to pay for the mailing, Agents wanted. Write to-day. SWANSON RHEUMATIC CURE CO., 160-164 E. LAKE ST., CHICAGO. 'WEST MADISON ST 4 CHICAGO THIS ELEGANT GUITAR FOR $2.65 No more, no less, than 5,000 of them, probably the largest contract in guitars ever made—gqn instrument that posi- tively sells Soomn Fea $5 $1.00, When this lot is exhausted we cennot duplicate this offer. Quantity talks. Only b; ating on such a big scale. our well-known: pong eg eee reason for dispensi: broadcast is the ‘confid e. .. Remember our price on 5,000 of $2.65 Waar ond es.ts) furnish onl ¢ ay, ge and a evi Ree he 10S" is allowed on first gto $199 or above. 4 ) ereeen + eee ana — ff fF oak = ima a ces