Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, October 14, 1899, Page 6

The Privileged Class. “What work does your father do, my young man “O, he dosn’t have to work! policeman.”—Unsere Gezellschaft, The Philippine War Is proving more stubborn than antici- a ted. It needs a vigorous contest to ghten matters out. We should shexte the Philippines and overcome them as Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters does dyspepsia,” indigestion, malaria, fever and ague. The battle is short and decisive, and for fifty years the Bitters have always won. All Ablaze. Manager—Did you see those sleeping e reported on fire? neer—No, sir. When I get there were all smoking ears.—Chicago News. “ What's in a Name?” Everything, when you come to mzdi- cines. A sarsaparilla by any other name can never equal Hood's, because of the peculiar combination, proportion and pro- cess by which Hood’s possesses merit peculiar to itself, and by which it cures swwhen all other medicines fail. Cures scrofula, salt rheam, dyspepsia, catarrh, rheumatism, that tired feeling, etc. ‘Newer Disappoints Slept During Kaiser's Sermon. In a recent story about the kaiser, William is made to size up his own ability 2 preacher, It is well known that the k er, on his annual trip on the Hohenz rm to the Norwegian abit of conducting di- Sunday morning. a short liturgy and follows the pri s with a sermon. In his recent tr the officers of the Ho- henzollern noticed that a sailor during divine service had fallen fast asleep. After the ice the captain called the sailor before him, and gave him a sound rat and sentenced him to two days’ st. The captain after- wards reported! the incident of the sieeping sailor and the punishment in- flicted upon him. he on the watel h the night be- ked the ks Ie was, y' ‘hen let the pe ’t much of a —New York Pres: fiords, is in the 1 vine service evel He usually reac ermon, anyhow Possible Complications, Brakeman (on Southern rai n't go in there. Nig- second one ahead! raveler (from the keman—That’s hhaven’t got any M train. You take the or walk.—Chicago 1 ight. We ear on this econd car ahead ribune. all Optimistic Thought. “Ts that all you can advance on a fine gold watch like this?’ asked the man, who w. egotiating a loan. friend,” replied the k, and the interest will ittsburg Chronicle-Tele- mption of cham- past year was the cons the Acts ¢ ape ON THE KIDNEYS, LIVER AND Bow_ELs one THE SYSTEM ; cS) PaEEr ECTUALLY ESO LOE xmas OVERCOMES HesruaL 2 USTIPATION B UA <0 are E cTS. NEFicia EFFE Buy THE GENVINE-MAN‘F'D BY Gurrnia fic §yrvP@ wurRyrcte ght Cate 'Seg BENNY W. L. DOUCLAS $3 & $3.50 SHOES yNion Worth $4 to $6 compared with radseeet tp eiee 1,000,000 wearers. ALL LEATHERS. ALL STYLES Take no substitute claimed 8 apairon rece!ptof price. State Kind of leather, size cad width, giain px cap tow Catalogue A Free. W. L. DOUGLAS SHOE CO., Brockton, Mass. WEWANT MEN Our Northern Grown THE JEWELL NURSERY Stock. Best Wages. Pay Weekly. ‘On Lake City, Hina, i He's a MAKING A FAILURE. RULES FOR PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO BE BENT THEREON. Women Especially Addressed—Directions for Spoiling One's Domestic, Social and Business) Life—No Consideration fur Others a Strong Factor. It is the fashion just now to instruct others in every matter, however sim- ple. Here are a few hints on the art of failure. We often hear people say that it is easy to fail; but it is not easy to do so completely and artistically. Let us, then, for a few moments study how to fail in the different roles of life, says the Philadelphia Times. As an individual: Want everything that other people have, and persuade your- self that you care for nothing that is yours. Never want the same thing for two days together; a change cf griev- ance is beneficial. As a wife: Keep a sharp eye on Jack’s faults; never allow him to hint that you have any. Always tell him ef every vexation or ailment that has teased you during the day, and, if pos- sible, begin the recital as soon as he gets inside the door;it will distract his mind from business worries and pre- yent him from selfishly bothering you with any of them. Remind him now and then that you made a great sac- rifice when you married him. Impress upon him that it is ignoble to be at- tached to creature comforts. Taboo smoking, male friends and clubs. If he does not agree at once with any opinion or desire of yours, mention it again and again—and yet again. The male mind is obtuse. Should be appear to object to the repetition, declare (with sobs) that he hates to hear you speak and that his conduct proves incontro- vertibly that he wishes you dead. Above all, shun logic. A logical per- son never yet made a respectable fail- ure, As a mother: Teach the boys and girls that home is the only possible place in the world; that is to say, never let them have any pleasure de- rived from outside. Discourage the visits of their friends and prevent them from visiting anywhere. Tell them frequently that young people should not look for pleasures other than those induced by attendance on their rela- tions. Suppress, with a firm hand, all noise. Explain that games and music make you nervous, that fancy work is frivolous, that smoking is a deadly sin and that the reading of all beoks not specially selected by you is undesir- able. Never sympathize with young reople’s fads and fancies or encourage Cay-dreams, but question them minute- ly about ali their concerns and doings, especially about any matters upon which they geem unwilling to talk—- secretiveness is so bad for the young. When th2y do well take it as a matter of course, but never neglect to point out a piece of forgetfulness or a mis- take. And reproach them frequently for not loving you as much. as they should; that sort of thiag stimulates otfection. , As a marriageable maiden: Let the men see that you are very anxious fo" a proposal. le at them widely, but snap a ters and fawn when il without them. Talk ially when your partner sort of man. Pick the other Giggle when you are not chatt eglect no opportunity of getting f talked about. At 2 don’t be natural, but aim constant- t effect. If you have a small foot, stick it out ineessantly for people to fall over; that will attract attention to it. As a so al factor: ple. As soon you have “got to know’ B., drop Mrs. A., who was your last season’s catch. Accept all the invitations you can get, and pay them off with a bis crush reception once a year. Always take an extra girl to people’s dances. Cultivate a rest- less, anxious manner and a hungry ey! Snap up small attentions with the avid- ity of a sparrow picking up crumbs. Talk your scandal and make a point’ of telling people your social grievances. Ask questions of all kinds and always repeat what you here. Borrow people’s maids and menus and copy their gowns. As a journalist:' Always know better. than your editor. Should he disagree with you, argue every point with him. Write about what interests you; never mind the fads of the public of the mo- ment. Never cram into one sentence an idea that could be expressed in six; let the world know that your vocabu- lary is large. Work when you are in the humor; at other times keep the of- fice waiting; that will teach it to value you. Fill up spare moments by writ- ing long letters to the editor, Some Opinions of George Meredith’s. In spite of his extreme deafness, George Meredith is still an ardent ad- mirer of women conversationalists. Among other brilliant ones of their sex Mrs. Barry Pain and Mrs. J. M. Barrie has especially won his commen- dation; the former having been called by him the cleverest woman in Eng- land, and the latter the best of women talkers. Of women who are practically literary, Mrs. Meynell has perhaps in- spired in him the keenest admiration. After one of her visits to him, he is re- ported to have said of his interview with her: “We waltzed together on celestial heights.’—London Mail. Floored Him. Freshleigh—I saw a copy of that pa. per published in Sing Sing prison. Miss Keene—Well, what do you think of it?- Freshleigh—There could be many improvements made in it. Miss Keene—Indecd! What a pity yeu are not in the editorial room. Gush at big peo- According to Her Understanding, Boston Maid—I would be glad to haye you accompany me to the meeting of our literary society. St. Louis Girl—Oh, such things make me weary! tel? Boston Maid—But we are to have an evening with Emerson. St. Louis Girl—Indeed! Why, I thought Emerson was dead!—Chicago News. PATENTS. List of Patents Issued Last Weck to Northwestern Inventors. Tollerf Herberg, Hendrum, Minn., horseshoeing rack; Charles W. Kauft- man, Deadwood, S. D., attachment for wheelbarrows; John Ljung, Nelson, Minn, nailing machine; Gilbert 8. Strom, White Rock, Minn., machine for welding and shaping plowshares; Ho- ratio R. Swartzwood, Tracy, Minn., sash holder; Henry C. Lobeck, Lake City, Minn., tub and washboard clamp (design;) Charles H, Wilson, Chester, Minn., wire stretcher. Merwin, Lothrop & Johnson, Patent Attor- neys, 911 & 912 Pioneer Bldg., St. Paul Danger in Color. The number of soldiers slain in bat- tle depends a great deal upon the color of their uniform. The more flashy and conspicuous the helmet and jacket the better the target, and, consequently, the greater the mortality” Red attracts the eye most readily, and twelve men wearing that color are killed to sever in rifle green, or six in blue, or five in either brown, blue-gray or gray. A Lake That Turns Red. The Lake of Morat, in Switzerland, has a queer habit of turning red two or three times every ten minutes, ow- ing to the presence of a little aquatic plarts. The peculiarity of the matter is that Lake Morat is the only lake in which this curious growth is devel- oped. : Desperate Case. “May I oeffr you a tract?” The speaker was a mild, benevolent looking man, considerably past mi “I suppost you may,” replied the el- derly citizen whom he had addressed, “but I don’t believe I can use it in my business.” “I can think of no occupation, my friend, that would be beyond the reach of. those influences that tend to leaa men to a better life. If you are follow- ing an unrighteous calling there is all the more need of such influences. May I ask what your business is?” “My business, sir, is as respectable as yours. I am a musical instructor. In my time, sir,” responded the other, with evident pride, “I have taught eighty-three mandolin orchestras.” “And you boast of it!” exclaimed the man with the tracts, passing his hand tremblingly across his forehead. “My friend, I—I have nothing in my valise, I fear, that can reach you!” And he walked away, dazed—Chicago Tribune. Vaudevillainy. The Gentleman in the Bald Wig—Aw- ful affair at our hotel this afternoon. Cook got mad afid cut the end of a waiter’s Mose off with a cleaver. But one of the guests fixed it all right} The Gentleman Behind the Green Whiskers—How did one of the guests fix it all right? He gave the waiter another tip. (Violent agitation of the bass drum, imitation of a dentist’s office by the brass, the clarinet giving a fearful rendition of a hound pup with its tail caught in the barn docr.)—Indianapolis Journal. An Insult to the Dog. Mr. Newlywed—Why don’t you cah me a brute, and done with it? Mrs. Neylywed—You forget that Fido is present.—Puck. helped by Mrs. Pinkham. ‘This statement is based on Bre woman suffering from any female trouble can be sound reasoning and an unrivalled record. Multitudes of America’s women to-day bless Mrs. Pinkham for competent and common-sense advice.; Write to her if you are ill. address is Lynn, Mass. charge is made for advice. seven years and would surely have died but for your help,” BatnsripcE, Morea, Pa., to Mrs. Pinkham. “It is with pleasure I now write to inform you that lam now a healthy woman, thanks SAFE COUNSEL FOR SICK WOMEN to your cine. Her Absolutely no “T suffered writes Mrs. Gra. a advice and wonderful medi- I can never praise it enough. a constant sufferer from womb trouble, and leucorrhcea, had a continual pain in abdomen. Iwas Sometimes I could not walk across the floor for three or four weeks at a time. ing-down pains, or tired feelings, and am well and hearty. Ishallrecommend Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vege- table Compound to all my suffering friends as the greatest remedy for all female weakness.” Mrs. Susie J. WEAVER, 1821 Callowhill St., Phila- delphia, Pa., writes: “Dear Mrs. PinkHamM—I had inflammation of the womb and painful men- struation, and by your advice I began taking Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vege- table Compound. Have taken four bottles and used one package of Sanative Wash and feel like a new woman. I thank you so much for what your medi- © cine has done for me.” Mrs. M. BAUMAN: Chicago, Ill., writes: +771 W. 21st St., “After two Since using your medicine, I now have no more Re months’ trial of Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Coumound Ican not say enough in praise for it. I was a very sick woman with womb Lae oa when I began its use, but now I am well.” SAMPLE B HOW LONG HAVE ie TU RHEUMA TISM? Long Have You Read About “5 “5 Drops” Without Taking Them? ap hy not think you have wasted time and rpm! enough? If so, then try the “5 Drops” and be promptly and per- manently cured of your afflictions. “% Drops” is a speedy and Sure Cure for Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sciatic: Ba dame back), Kidne; Diseases, ‘Sonne Hay-Fever, Drepep: sia, Catarrh of all Bronchitis, Ta Grippe, Headache, posse. or Ne ic, Heart Weakness, Dro) Earac! odie asa Cetceriad Croup, ‘Toothache: N erodsnnae (TRADE Marr) e leeplessness, hata whee td ator Malaria, and kindred diseases. ‘5 Drops” has cured more ere ig the past four years, of the above named diseases, than all other remedies known, and in case of Rheéurnatism is curing more than all the doctors, atent medicines, they cannot cure Chronic electric belts and batteries combined, for heumatism. Therefore waste no more valuable time and money longer, but try “5 Drops” and be Aap yt best medicine, but it is the cheapest, for a CURED. “5 D: ” is not only the bottle contains 300 doses. Price per bottle $1.00, prepaid by mail or express, or 6 bottles for $5.00. For the next 30 days we will send a Agents wanted. Write to-day. SWANSON RHEUMATIC cure co., sample FREE to Bay one sending 10 cents to pay for the mailing. 660-164 E. Lake Street, CHICACO, Don’t Worry the Composer. ' A musical organization, intending to give a performance of an oratorio, be- gan to be alarmed about the probable cost of the production. ! Accordingly, the director of the cho- | rus said to the leader of the orchestra, | who was a professional musician: | “We've got to keep down our expens- | es, and I thought I might get you to leave out the trombones. You know, they have only four measures in the entire oratorio, and if we leave them out we can save at least $15, and no one will be any the wiser.” The leader of the orchestra was ex- tren.ely shocked. Assuming a tragic | attitude, he said: “That would be an insult to the com- poser!” The chorus director reflected a mo- ment, and then said, cheerfully: “Oh, never mind him; he’s dead!”— Collier's Weekly. Only One Condition. Fashionable Hostess (engaging emi- nent musician)—I shall want you to j} piay three or four pieces at my recep- tion next week. Mminent Musician—Do you prefer Chopin, Beethoven, Mendelssohn or something less classical? Fashionable ‘Hostess—Oh, anything will do that’s not loud.. Of course, con- versation must not be disturbed.—New York World. The Inquisitive Youngster. The old man was reading the paper on the front steps and little Reggie was playing around. “Pa,” said little Reggie, “did you learn to pull wool when you were a little boy?” “Um—what’s that?—uh—huh—lemme read.” “And, say, pa, is mamma’s hair wool?” went on Reggie. “Uh—hub—run on and pla kid, and Iemme read this paper. “But, pa, when you pull it, do you mix it?” persisted the innocent little love of a boy, with a erafty, fe ay twinkle in his off eye. “Hey? What's that? What the dickens did you say?” inquired the old man, sharply dropping his paper. “Oh, nothin’,” said little Reggie. “Only I heard ma tellin’ sis, a while ago, that if you think you're pullin’ the wool over her eye: you're mixed, that’s all, and—’—Washington Post. now, Grab Everything. “It’s rather strange,” remarked the boarder, who was reading about Hanna and Croker abroad, “that our biggest politicians should leave thee United States, even for a short time.” “It’s strange for them to leave any- thing,” ventured the man in black penders; “they generally take it.”— Chicago News. IW PIEGE SUIT, qualities in every instance depend- able and values unquestionably AUTUMN STYLE bow aise pone fashionable Autumn Style Two-piece Suit, consisting of facket and shire, is made of fine apd pists any navy blue or black suiting: cloth. ie jacket is made tight-fitting with yelvet collar, double-stitched seams, fly front, lined with high colored silk serge and faced with black silk serge; the skirt is made in the new and popular tunic effect, with two rows of mohair braid, which is applied in serpentine effect, as shown in the illustration; lined with fine quality percaline and bound with velveteen. The fabric is of suffi- cient weleht to admit being worn all sea- sons, and being thoroughly shrunk be- fore making, will hang nicely fitas smoothly after months of weir as the day purchased. The chain of perfection has no missing links; from the time the cloth is placed in the “hands of the cutter it passes through none but the hands of artisans until completed and ready for wear. Ifyou are not already one of our customers let this suit be your initial there’s value in it you'll app: 2s, jacket 32 to 42 inches bus inches waist; $5. 90 sk: ip ay 30 to 44 oman > ie which is listed at lowest wholesale prices ‘ed on receipt of only ‘Bs or expresSage and as evidence everything to eat wear and use,is furnish: !0¢ to partly pay of good faith the 10¢~is allowed on first /purchase amounting to $199 or above. Jy D [OUR MONTHLY GROCERY PRICE LIST FREE. HEALTH FOR TEN CENTS' FOR THE FAMILY. “I take pleasure in pratel youyy mabe Semedy CACCARI Tana my wholo family received relict from the first small box we tried. rom ny recommend CASCARETS Tor the cures they mako and trust they will find 2 place in overy home. Yours for success.” PuTER WEBB, Jr. Palm Grove Ave., McKeesport, Pa. FOR CHILDREN. shall never be withont Seb PS iy Children wee always delighted when I give them a Pree ion of a tablet, and cry for more. ‘hey aro the most Pleasant medicine Thave over tried. Thoy have found a Permanent place ia my homo.” JOHN FLAGEL, 680, Michigan Vity, Ind. FOR PILES, «<1, suffered the tortures tho Tammned Sith protruding piles on nt on by constipation with ‘was afflicted for twent Fours: Lran across your CASCANE in the town of Newéil, is apa never found anything to oqual thom. ‘To: gay Lam entirely free from es and feel like a new man,” dit Jones St. Sioux City, Ia. FOR HEADACHE. ave been Zing Cases and as wife was frantic with mete a for two da: nis sho tried so ey ee: CASCARETS and they relicv ain in her head almost immediat ‘ both recommend Cascarets.” Citas, STEDEFORD, Pittsburgh Safe & Deposit c Pittsburgh, Pa. FOR BAD BREATH. “<I have been nsing CASCA- JETS and as o cpeaure nd effective laxative they aro simply wenderrul, 5, Sanan ter and 1 were bothered with sick stomach and our breath was Yory, bad. (After taking a few doses of Cascarets wo have improved won- Gerfuily. They. area great help in ¢ because, the family.” WitueEMixa NAGEL. Uist Rittenhouse 8t., Cincinnati, Ohio. i FOR PIMPLES. <M. ptt ds wifehad Pimnleson cab ner First, They are so good that they outsell all other laxatives. Their tremendous sale proves their metit, and their merit explains their tremendous sale; t Second, Cascarets are the pioneer people’s price preparation—ten cents a box, and more health . 10¢ 25¢50¢ ALL DRUGGISTS. Over ‘3,000,000 Boxes of Gascarets Sold Last Year! Unerring is the judgment of the people, and the people like Cascarets. The sale this year will. be’ 8,000,000 boxes. Nothing succeeds like success and Cascarets are successful, FOR CONSTIPATION. “I have gone 24 days at a time without “movement of the bowels. chronte consti seven years placed me in thisterriblo condition; I did exerything F heard of but never foun relief until I began using CASCARETS. Lnow have from one to three passay fone dar. and if Lwasrich I would g! 00 for ro BI each movement; iis sich areliot.” “AYLMER L. Huw 1689 Russell St, Detroik, Mich. FOR BILIOUSHESS. E fect. Couldn't. have used them forsome time for in- wvaluabl eX’ dnd them per ‘without them. [ eee iY! FOR WORHS. i. tai rm toen feet PBB Pa meee cre my taking two CASCARETS. This } ‘am sure haseaused my bad health for the past three years. | ill tak ing Cascare hartig orthy of not sorles'by tice by sensi sensible p is peoples rs ry 4 4 ry ne nae FOR DYSPEPSIA. eter sts Tayspepe feould exe nol ae 5. vie- fia ints worst form. ae but, milk ald not mac! proved, until 1 am as wel! ‘was in my life.” David EL Murry, Newark, 0. FOR LAZY LIVER. deal witha Peeps vena ATi duces constipation. RETS to be all you claim for them, and secured such relief the first trial that 1 purchased enotler supply and was completely cured. 1 shall only Be too giad Yo recommend Cagcareta whenever the opportu: pre- sented.” ‘J. A. SHLTH, sem susquchanne Avon FOR BA BAD BLOOD. do all etntmed ar5 a truly wonderful he h re 2! pny og Exits ee, hey pk ail Aeead sa ¢ in a ten cent box of Cascarets ben any 25¢ bottle of pills in the world. te nae et Reine Thass oteue . ed for Lp pation, perc peeks ae Third, Cascarets bring results—healthy, natural action of liver an: wels —never fai! e Tast have Hound tt in CASCAR taking tho first CascaretI'have had } mannfacturers guarantee a cure or refund purchase money. ce taking thom my Deen no trouble with this ailment. We cannot speak too highly of rets.”” v Germantown Avc., 344 Philadelphia, Company, Cnicago or New York. This is the tablet, always stamped “CCC”? E& Don’t take a substitute! Get what you ask for! \ <6 000-08 Fourth, Cascarets are successful because they deserve it. If your druggist don’t sell ‘Caxcareta,. ee verrenas pa, ¢ he’s behind the age. In that case order direct from us by mail post free, Address STERLING REMEDY ‘Mas. Baits purificd and, my complexion has ime ‘oved wonder‘ully,and I feei much E.Seiuars, Tuttrell, Tena, “=a When dealers try to substitute, they want to make more money out of you. Don’t let them! SE ee ee ae ee ©, ee — ¢ —,