Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, September 30, 1899, Page 7

” vy KEELEY CURE IMITATORS. Many Lives Wrecked by Unscrupa- lous Persons Who Pretend to Cure. Many thousands of confirmed drunk- ards and drug-users are annually re- stored to sobriety, home, happiness, good citizenship and earning capacity by the genuine Keeley Treatment, ad- ministered at the Minneapolis Keeley Institute, and many thousands more would be so restored were it not for the heartless, blackmailing system of robbery practiced by hundreds of so- called physicians who prey upon the community “with worthless and disas- trous cures. We have a record of more than twelye hundred of these patroying, health and home- scattered over every state in the Union, the bad results of whose work is truly appalling, and because most of them have stolen Dr. Keeley’s livery under which to pose as “Gold Cures,” they are able to impose on the unsuspecting, and by offering a p price for a worse than worthless e, ndd disaster to misfortune by their heartless efforts to obtain money by false pretenses. It comes to our knowledge that several parties in the State of Minnesota are falsely claim- ing to s the Keeley Remedies and edniniste: the Keeley Treatment. This is notice to all concerned that the G INE KEELEY REMEDIES AND TREATMENT cannot be ob. tained in the State of Minnesota at an. THE KEELEY IN- Park Avenue and Tenth street yuth, Minneapolis. All others so ¢l ming to supply are ir frauds, and the public ordingly. . KEELEY Co. ars of established Merit. er the Proposal. “rm said the summer girl, fently, “but it is impossible. You must uy to forget th Ile shook his d, sadly, “I can- not!” he said. ‘Do not y you cannot!” cried the girl, impulsively. “Do forget it, and let us go driving to-morrow!”—Puck. How's This? ‘We offer One Hundred Dollars reward forany case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY & CO., Props., Toledo, O. We, the undersig have known F. J. c for the 1 ars and believe him honorable in all business transactions le to carry out any obliga- e eir firm. West & Truax, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O.: Walding, Kkinnan & Marvin, Wholesale sts, Toledo, Ohio. Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, act- ing directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces ofthe system. ‘Testimonials sent free. Price Te per bottle. Sold by all druggists. Hall's Family Pills are the best Knew the Scale When you get your yxroceries to- said the butcher to his wife, “don’t go to the little grocer next door to the shop.” “Why not?” she demanded, “Because he sent in yesterday and borrowed an old pair of my scales,.”— so Fost. * Some men make so many mis they soon become ashamed of trying to do better. For Lung and chest diseases, Piso’s Cure . the best medicine we have used.—Mrs, . L. Northcott, Windsor, Ont., Canada. The average politician is not only willing but anxious to sacrifice himself for lis country in time of peace, It's a sad mistake to judge a man by what he gets instead of what he earns, He may get more than he earns, FITS Permanently Cured. No fits ornervousness after fret day's ure of Dr, Kline's Great Nerve Kestorer. Gend for FREE $2.00 wial bottle and treatise. Da. R. H. Kiine, Ltd., 981 Arcn St., Vhiladelphia, Pa, Jonas Broc of McPherson, K. walked thirty-seven miles to see a ci cus. Spain has had th last 100 yes -one wars in the Pi Does yourhead ache? Pain back of you eyes? Bad taste in your mouth P Ir s your liver! Ayer’s Pills are liver pills. They cure constipation, headache, dyspepsia, and all liver complaints. 25c. All druggists. {Want your moustache or beurd a beautiful ‘own or rich black? ‘Then use BUCKINGHAM’S DYE WfuthSre £0 o78. oF DrusaisTs, on RP. HALL & CO, NASHUA, NH, vy Keeps Ned adie aid sendin per- i fectly dry in the hardest storms. Substitutes will disappoint. Ask for 7 Fish Brand Pommel Slicker— it is entirely new. I W. L. DOUCLAS $3 & $3.50 SHOES UNION Worth $4 2 $5 compared with other makes. Indorsed by over 1,000,000 wearers, ALL LEATHERS. ALL STYLES ‘THE GENUINE have W. L. Douglas’ ame and price stamped on bottom. ‘Take no substitute claimed to beas good. Largest makers of $3 and $3.50 thoes in the world. Your dealer should keep them—if not, we will send yon ws opaivon moceint at bette. Peete kind ther, size and width, plain or cap of leah talogue A Free. W. L. DCUGLAS SHOE CO., Brockton, Mass. OUR BUDGET OF FUN. SOME GOOD JOKES, ORIGINAL AND SELECTED. 4 Variety of Jokes—Gibes and Ironies, Original and Selected—Flotsam and Jetsam from the Tide of Humor— Witty Sayings. Money Wanted. An amusing story is told about a prisoney who was charged with felony the other day at Bow street police court, On his way to the police station he became quite confidential with his cap- tor, and remarked: “There is one thing I am sorry for.” “What is that?” asked his captor, ex- pecting to hear a confession. “T had my hair cut last night,” said the prisoner, in a dejected tone. “I might have saved that 3d. It’s just my luck.”—Spare Moments, Inconsistent a) (hl) like them them steam Tnele Hiram—I don’t there upper berths in kyars. Nephew—Why not, uncle? Uncle Hiram—Why, you have ter git up ter go ter bed. Sold. Her dilating eyes left no doubt that she was deeply horrified. “What dreadful people!” she cried. “The Orientals, 1 mean. They actual- ly sell wives in department stores, I read here!” “Well, we can’t brag much!” pro- tested the man, her husband, speaking in general terms, it is true, but glaring fixedly at the 80 cent rocking chair she had that day paid $2.50 for at a bar- gain scramble. — From the Detroit Journal. What's Civil? A little boy with an interest in the meaning of unfamiliar words said to his mother: ‘What’s the meaning of ‘civil’?” “Kind mother, A puzzled look prooded for a second on the boy’s face. Then he said: “Was it a kind and polite war that was in this country once?”—Pacifie Unitarian, and polite,” answered the Rough on the Tough. Hearing footsteps on the stairs, the burglar was so frightened that he swal- lowed a small ring set with precious stones, “This,” he muttered, after a short pause, “is a case of a diamond in the rough, for sure.” Uttering a low, but bitter laugh, he confiscated a bicycle lamp and left the premises. She Couldn't. “Boys—boys!” said an aged grand- mother, “I would not slide down those banisters—I would not do it!” “Why, grandmother, you couldn’t!” said little Charlie, as he picked him- self up from the hall floor, Those Mean Women, Philadelphia Record: Dr. De Style is at our place two or three times a week, but I never see him at your house.” ‘No; we don’t owe him anything.” Brilliant. She—Is Mr. Earleetawu very bright? He—I fancy he iz, They say he turns night into day. The Summer Vacuum. “Awfully stupid lot of men at this resort.” “Don’t deceive yourself. Smart peo- ple don’t try to be entertaining when they take a vacation.” Juvenile Suffering. Chicago Record: “What is Bobby crying about?” “Our new ‘neighbors are baking gin- ger bread, and we're not acquainted wath them yet.” FIFTY CENTS FOR NOTHING. What will the inventive brain of man do next? This is a question some one asks almost daily. There is one, though, who leads all others, who for a quarter of a century has been making fine laundry starch, and to-day is of- fering the public the finest starch ever placed on the market. Ask your grocer for a coupon book which will enable you to get the first two packages of this new starch, “RED CROSS” (trade mark brand), also two children’s Shakespeare pictures, paint- ed in twelve beautiful colors, natural as life, or the Twentieth Century Girl Cal- endar, all absolutely free. All gro- cers are authorized to give ten large packages of “RED CROSS STARCH” with twenty of the Shakespeare pic- tures of ten of the Twentieth Century Girl Calendars to the first five purchas- ers of the “ENDLESS CHAIN STARCH BOOK.” This is one of the greatest offers ever made to introduce “RED CROSS” laundry starch, J. C. Hubinger’s latest invention. Cheaper. “Why is it you never entertain Jones any. more? You used to say that he ‘could sit down any time and give you all the news of the day.” “So he could. But, after figuring on what he ate, smoked and drank, I tound that I could save money by tak- ing three or four first-class newspa- pers.”—Detroit Free Press. A MAMMOTH INSTITUTION. To those who are accustomed to sending. away from home for their goods it is of the greatest importance to know the character and reliability of the establishments selling goods to families from catalogues. The great emporium of the John M. Smyth Co., located at 150 to 166 West Madison street, Chicago, has been established for a third of a century, and has fur- nished over a half a million homes in Chicago and vicinity alone. This firm enjoys the confidence of the public by its many years of fair dealing. It is- sues an immense illustrated catalogue that should be in every family, as it describes and gives the price of every article required for household use. A sample of the extraordinary values of- fered by this firm is shown in the illus- tration of the lady’s ulster in another column o&this paper. These garments are indeed wonderful values, and yet they are but a sample of the thousand and one useful articles illustrated and described in the beautiful catalogue of the John M. Smyth Company. For the Same Reason, She—Why does a woman take a 1e when she gets married? vy does she take everything Cincinnati Enquirer. PATENTS. List of Patents Issued Last Week to Northwestern Inventors. s M. Crepar, Swan River, gnal lantern; Adelbert D. Hill, Northfield, Minn., coin-controlled skim- med-milk measurer; Gilbert T. Hoff, Ashby, Minn., heating drum; Miland AL Knapp. Minneapolis, Minn., adjustable tooth band; Stiles ‘Lindersmith, Fari- bault, Minn., steam boiler; Nels L, Lodahl, Peterson, Minn., currycomb; Henry E. Peterson, St. Paul, Minn., de- vice for drawing corks; Marie L. Spe- nard, Duluth, Minn., garment stretch- er; Benhardus Totdahl, St. Olaf, Minn. windmill regulator; Adolph Wulff, St. Paul, Minn., portable smoke house. Merwin, Lothrop & Johnsen, Patent Attor- neys, 911 & 912 Pioneer Press Bldg. St. Paul Just Like a Man. Mrs. Hix—You shouldn’t complain about your clothes, John. What would you do if you had no wife to meni them?” Mr. Hix—O, in that ease I would soon be able to save up enough money to buy a new outfit.’”—Chicago Record. Read the Advertisements. You will enjoy this pub.ication much betier if you will get into the habit of reading the advertisements; they will afford a most amusing study, and will put you in the way of getting some ex- cellent bargains. Our advertisers are reliable; they send what they adver- tise. Uncle Bilrs Ideas. A baby doesn’t shed tears until it’s three months eld; up to that time it just yells on general principles. If you would s ved in life, get a job that’s a “snap,” and never be suc- covded, A French scientist has discovered that 4 man may become intoxicated by hypodermic injections of salt, but most nen will stick to the old way.—Cleve- fand Plain Dealer. Are You Using. Allen’s Foot-Ease? It is the only cure’ for Swollen, Smarting, Burning, Sweating Feet, s and Bunions. Ask For Allen's fase, a powder to be shaken into the shoes. At all Druggists and. Shoe Stores, 25¢.. Sample sent FREE. Ad- dress Allen S. Olmsted, LeRoy, N. Y. Like the Pilgrim Mothers. A great deal is said of the trials of Job, but his wife who had to put up with him when he was sick, deserves more credit.—Atchison Globe. Free Homesteads. ’ In the Milk River Valley of Montana, along the Great Northern Railway. line openings for homeseckers. Write to Moses Folsom, G. N. Ry., St. Paul, Minn. Intensified Misery, “Fellow has set up a saw-filing shop two doors from my house.” “Holy smoke!” “And that is not the worst of it. He does all his work in rag-time.”—Indian- apolis journal. The advanced woman who sees things as they are sometimes drives her hus- bard to seeing things double. Never Grip nor Gripe. Don't open the door with an ax, use a kev! Don’t open your bowels with mercurial pil poison, use cascarets Candy Cathartic! Drug- gists, 10c, 25¢, 50c. It is an impor‘ant business engage- ment for a man when an heiress prom- ises to marry him. pee ee Re OS Ree SSR UU RSkuSPy PARE fe no SRNEESB FSGS She b7 RP PRPSPASPAP RE 3 | 8» REBSESE TEAR ET SRR RB ST PERS R SPs eee RS ease Teer ee ees — AGES AND MARRIAGE, Can There Be Happintss When the Wife 1s the Older? The pevailing epidemic of marriage among women older than the men whose names they take was produc- tive of a decided discussion at the din- ner-table, says the Philadelphia Times. Certainly, three such clever and beau- tiful women as Patti, Langtry and Lady Randolph Churchill are examples in favor of such matrimonial selection, but whether the humdrum courtship of every-day life ends more happily in such an arrangement of years is a question. One lady, whose intellectual acumen is unassailable, declared strongly in favor of such alliances, quoting many instances in her own acquaintance where the wife was older than the husband, and where such a union resulted in the greatest mutual happiness. “I believe,” she said, “that when a man marries a woman older than himself he finds in her the truest sort of counselor, and a real compan- ion, who spurs his ambition without retarding his efforts by her desire for over-much petting. Such a wife real- izes that the baby act on her part is foolish and therefore refrains from in- dulging in that clinging dependence that in a young wife is pardonable, but which generally palls after awhile. A difference of five or six years is searcely a difference at all, and even when twenty or more years loom be- tween the husband’s and the wife's age, the latter being the elder, I see po reason why the marriage should not be a thoroughly congenial and happy one—infinitely more certain to be so than if the wife were twenty years younger than the husband.” This was one argument. The other side of the question was: taken by a young married woman, who is but five years the junior of her husband. “Such marriages mean misery gener- ally to both, but always to the wife. A woman grows older so much faster than a man that though, at the time of the wedding they may not look mis- mated, or feel so, either, but a few short years must elapse before the husband finds that his tastes and in- clinations are absolutely youthful in comparison with his wife’s, and that she is an old woman while yet he is a young man. A woman of 50 and a man of 30 do not seem so unequally matched, but let ten years more be added and the man of 40 is only a boy in comparison to the woman of 60. Not that the disparity of actual years is any greater, but he is only in his prime, while she has passed that bor- der line that marks the division be- tween middle and old age.” REST OR PLEASURE? The Unavotdable Difference of Opinion That Troubles Every Household. One of the problems that develops out of that trying first year of mar- ried existence is the equal adjustment of the amusement question. To the average man, worn out with the work and worry of the day, tired of the Babel of voices and confusion in which he has toiled, and weary of trying to make himself agreeable to those he must please for business purposes, there seems nothing else on earth so desirable as the quiet and ease of his own home. He doesn't want to talk or be talked to. He doesn’t want to have to force himself to smile or to think, and least of all does he want to forsake his slippers, The woman, cn the other hand, has been shut up all day in the house, going through the deadly dull round of domestic duties without the distraction of seeing a fresh face. She has toiled in her own way as hard as her husband, and when night comes she, too, feels the need of a change to rest and refresh herself. She would like to put on her best dress and go to the theater, or even call on the people next door, To even suggest such a thing to her husband, however, is to bring on a glowing dia- tribe on woman’s gadding, and the matter ends there or bursts forth into a wordy quarrel. World's Largest Grapevine. La Para Grande, the biggest grape vine in the world, has reached the end of its long outdoor life, and will soon be cut down. Seventy-five years it has been growing on a ranch in the Monte- cito valley, near Santa Barbara, Cal., but it has shown signs of dying, so the owner, Albert Magee, the Pittsburg stove manufacturer, has ordered it re- moved. From the pride of the Cali- fornia vineyards the vine will be turned into.a museum curiosity. “The Santa Barbara chamber of commerce will preserve-it.as a specimen of what the soil of Santa Barbara county is able to produce. -La Para Grande has a trunk or main stem three feet and a half in circumference, and the trellis, higher than a man’s head, on which the spreading branches of the vine ar supported, measures nearly six feet in each direction. In its prime this single vine produced full four tons of grapes in a single year. Those days of its glory are, however, long past.—St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Typhoid Rate and Pure Water. In Vienna the typhoid rate of 12.5 deaths to 10,000 inhabitants fell to 1.1 after a pure ‘water supply was ob- tained. In Dantzig the mortality fell from 10 per 10,000 to 1.5. In Munich, after the introduction of a good water supply and proper sewerage, the rate fell from 21 per 10,000 to 6.3, and in Boston from 17.4 to 5.6. And the Band Played. Waiter—Kin Ah bring yo’ an ’ade, sah? JoNyboy—What kind of ’ades have you? Waiter—Lemonade, limeade, sah? Jollyboy—Bring me a serenade, erangeade an’ HE ills of women overshadow their whole lives. Some women are constantly getting medical treat- ment and are never well. and the women who consult Mrs. Pinkham find in her counsel’ practical assistance. Mrs. Pinkham’s address is Lynn, women’s ills,” Mass. Mrs. Mase Goop, Correctionville, Ia., tells how Mrs. Pinkham saved her life. She says: “I cannot thank you enough for what your medicine has done for me. I can recommend it as one of the best medicines on earth for all women’s I suffered for two years with female weakness and at ills. «‘A woman best understands PRACTICAL HELP FOR SUFFERING WOMEN last became bedfast. Three of our best doctors did me no good so I concluded to try Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound. After taking a few bottles of your medicine, I was % able to do all my house- “A work. I know that your ; ee Say medicine raised me from el a bed of sickness and perhaps death, and am very thankful for what it has done forme. Ihope =ithat every suffering << woman may be per- suaded to try your medicine.” Get Mrs, Pinkham’s advice as soon as you begin to be 3 puzzled. The sick headaches and dragging sensation come froma curable cause. Write for help as soon as they ap. pear. Mrs. Dotz STANLEY, #Campbellsburg, Ind., i *DeaR Mrs. =i PinkHAM—I was troubled eal with sick headache and was so weakand nervons, I could hardly go A friend called upon me one- evening and recommended Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound, saying that she knew that it would cure me. Ithen sent for your medicine and after taking five bottles of it, I was entirely cured. I cannot praise it enough.” in Time of Sunshine Prepare for Rain. Our Facili- Be-220. Ladies’ Roya) Cape ties are grade double suchthat fia we are Mackintosh Coat, made of bigh texture wood mere in navy blue oF black, lined throughout with fancy pisid full sweep double- breasted detachable cape, wit enabled to ‘=e pearl pettons: inlaid vob quote vet collar, Olga plait in backs ———- skirt with one ov ‘pocket and opening im prices that 232 2un'te ‘allow acess to always in- terest econom= dress pocket; buttonholes are- worked with silk and ald seams strongly sewed. The ’s guarantee for entire satisfaction stands back ical buyers. of every garment; this coupled” Our goods are the trust- with the way down price we mame should settle all doubt as tothe value. A good Mackin- is a wise investment, whereas a poor one is money thrown away. Our strong worthy kind points are practical knowledge of quality and buying in large that always quantities at the lowest cash give satis- faction. prices; these advantages we Extend to our customers. of these mackintoshes will pro- from rain and’ dam} tect Our values fess'and give best of satisiac= are the un- approach=- able kind ~that never ican be reached —. Sizes poeta 56, 58, 60 and 6a long, no larger, Price $3.45 elsewhere. OUR MAMMOTH. CATALOGUE In which is listed at lowest wholesale prices everything: to eat, wear and use, is furnished on receipt of only 10c. to partly pay postage or expressage, and as evidence of good faith—the 10c. is allowed on first. purchase amounting to $1,00 or above. STOCK RAISERS Will find it-greatly to their advantage, {f before purchasing a farm, they will look at the country along the line of the Saint Paul & Duluth Railroad. DAIRY FARMERS Who desire the best Clover and Timothy land, in a district which can boast of a fine climate, good pure water, rich soi}, fine meadows, and near to the markets of St. Paul, Minneapolis, Duluth and Superior should apply ‘mmediately by leter or in person to WM. P. TROWBRIDGE, Asst. Land Commissioner, St. Paul & Duluth R. R. Box U—903 Globe Bidg., St. Paul, Minn. CANDY CATHARTIC Ask for it. it he can get it easily. N. Wy. N. U. ---No. 39.--- 1899. If your dealer hasn't | WHY NOT Become ofour Association? It costs you: every’ wee THE PHOTO-AMATEUR the brightest (32 page) photographie jou: wn co elen vas S =: = purchase att Camere besser capes. for particwinrs aud ¥1 copy. THE iin py AMATEOR PHOTOGRAPEERE 64 Wabash Ave., ClUtAG®, WEWANT . Pay Weekly. THE JEWELLENUBSERY CO: Lake Cis, Blam E Sinus S$reio poet for fall and winter to Gea® or Lady introducivg our . Particulars FREE. co., New York City. JOHN W.MO) Washi cece LAD ORMA ANrastocrges month salary and al) ex zisareGo.71Monon Bidg. “arouses act EHOMDSON’S Eye Water, When Answering Advertisements Kindly Mention This Paper. PISO'S CURE FOR Gomes WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS on ntepteeenppemits och ome