Grand Rapids Herald-Review Newspaper, September 9, 1899, Page 3

q THE NATURAL RATIO. 'T IS ALWAYS THE COMMER- CIAL RATIO. he Fictitious Ratio of 32 to 1 Tells the Story of How the Producer Has Been Muicted for the Benefit of the Money Sharks. Horace Boies has been interviewed gain, and he informs the public that he is a “bimetallist.” He would have to be that or quit being a Democrat. The principles of Democracy declare as positively for gold and silver as the basis for the nation’s monetary system as they declare against high protection and its products, which are industrial monopolies and discriminating laws in the interest of capital combinations. But Mr. Boies is mistaken when he says the coinage ratio is not essential. He seems to be under the impression that the ratio should conform to the commercial value of the metals in the arbitrary way. The history of coinage does not justify Mr. Boies’ conclusion. If gold were demonetized and silver made the only metal money of final redemption the present difference be- tween the coinage value of gold and the commercial value of silver bullion would be reversed. The arts and sciences and mechanics could not find use for nearly all the gold production, and the market price for it would cer- ‘tainly be made by a surplus-in its anx- iety to sell. But having a fixed value for coinage purposes, and its coinage being free and unlimited, naturally and necessarily its bullion value would be its coinage value. The same _ thing would be true of silver, but of no other metals, because gold and silver are the only metals that possess all the con- stitutional and other requisite qualities for money metals. The experience of commerce and money changing for thousands of years proves this to be true. But merely possessing the requi- site qualities does not make either one of the metals legal tender money. That is done by the fiat of the government coining it, and the fiat fixes the quality and the quantity—that is, fineness— that shall constitute a legal tender for a specified purchasing and debt-paying power. Less than 50 cents’ worth of silver, bullion value, now has 100 cents’ worth of debt-paying and pur- chasing power because the fiat of the government makes it a legal tender for that many cents, and the government itself receives it at that value, After all, therefore, it is the fiat of the gov- ernment and not the qualities them- selves which the metals possess that makes them money. Hundreds of years of experience shows that the difference in the quality of the metals produced fluctuates from a fraction below to a fraction above sixteen pounds of sil- ver to one pound of gold, The ratio of production is 16 to 1. Therefore that is the natural commer- cial ratio. Thirty-two to one is the bankers’ ratio. The difference between the bankers’ ratio and the natural com- mercial ratio represents the amount subtracted from the purchase price of wheat and other products of the farm, by an act of government (1873) hos- tile to the producing millions and friendly to dealers in money, bonds and interest. Wrong in Every Way. From the Grand Rapids (Mich.) Democrat: From whatever point of view judged, the McKinley Philippine program is wrong. It is wrong because the islands, already thickly settled with men glad to work for four dol- lars a month and board themselves, offer no opportunities to the rank and file of the American people. It is wrong because the climate is such, the islands being almost under the equa- tor, that they can never be American- ized, but must be held as conquered, alien dependencies. But, admitting that the annexation of the Philippines is de- sirable, the McKinley administration in every way, so conducted itself as to make exceedingly difficult the end proposed. First, through its consuls and other agents, the Filipinos were promised independence if they would join in the war against Spain; then it broke faith, repudiated the promises of its agents, and brought on the war by announcing to the Filipinos, before the Paris treaty was ratified by either the United States or Spain, that they had been bought of Spain for $2.50 a head and must come under the yoke. Having thus involved the country in a wholly unnecessary war wfth the Filipinos, the administration has, by its “unconditional-surrender” policy and its refusal to offer any definite as- surances of local self-government to the Filipinos, stood squarely in the way of peace, at the same time stupidly endeavoring to accomplish in the Philippines, with 30,000 troops, work which, it is generally conceded, will require four to five times that number. So far as the Philippines are concerned, in» whatever phase consid- ered, the McKinley policy has been a sorry failure. Troubles of Their Own. From the Butte (Mont.) Miner: ‘Those newspapers of the Republican jpersuasion which are busily engaged ‘finding trouble in the ranks of the De- tmocracy are respectfully invited to pause and ponder over the following from the Portland Oregonian: ‘ «president McKinley has shown him- elf to be a mere instrument in the ands of politicians. “He has shown it in all possible ways, and the whole ountry is talking about it. In civil and military affairs it has been the same. Such ability as he has is neu- jtralized by his excessive amiability. Something more than mere complais- ance inaction is required in the presi- dent of the United States.” Here is trouble right here in the family, so to speak, and there is no occasion for the Republican newspa- pers to get over into the Democratic ‘| pasture to look for other family trou- bles. The Oregonian is, and has been always, a Republican newspaper, It is, in the opinion of the Miner, the strongest Republican newspaper and the most ably edited in the four ‘states of the northwest corner of the country —with apologies to the Butte Inter Mountain. It was due to the efforts of the Oregonian more than any other ‘cause that Oregon gave her electoral vote to William McKinley in 1896. Sub- sequent events have no doubt caused the Oregonian to change the estimate it placed upon McKinley three years ago. All must admit that when a news- paper of the Republican standing and general ability of the Oregonian goes back on the man it helped elect, there must be some ground for it. It is ap- parent McKinley will not have the cor- dial support of the Oregonian next year, Shadows Before. “Coming events cast their shadows before.” The New York Tribune, con- trolled by Whitelaw Reid, ex-Paris peace commissioner, and until recently a thoroughgoing McKinley organ, has lately ‘been pouring hot shot into the McKinley camp, because, first, of what it calls the president’s betrayal of the civil-service merit system by his re- cent order turning over some ten thou- sand offices to the spoilsmen, and, sec- ond, because of his failure to confirm the sentence of the court-martial in the ease of Capt. Carter, convicted of rob- bing the government of a million or so dollars by means of corrupt con- tracts. The Minneapolis Tribune, the Portland Oregonian and a number of other prominent Republican newspa- pers have declared that it may be nec- essary for the Republican party to nominate another than McKinley for president next year; while Harper’s Weekly, an enthusiastic supporter of McKinley in 1896, now says: ‘We wonder if Mr. McKinley knows what some good men—not gold Democrats or independents, but old-time Repub- licans—are saying of him. They are saying that he has done more harm to the country than Mr. Bryan could have done. No one can regret more than ourselves that this is a fact. We are not prepared to assent to it, but it is certainly worthy of Mr. McKinley’s se- rious reflection, He is alienating the friends who made his election possible, and whose support may be absolutely necessary to his party next year. There can be no question that the tide of Re- publican opinion is steadily setting against the renomination of McKinley and little question that he will be out of the race before the Republican na- tional committee meets.” Rottenness. From the Coldwater (Mich.) Sun: It is interesting to note that in McKin- ley’s jumble of politics, one of its sec- tions will keep on telling a given lie after the other sections have been called off and muzzled. The latest in- stance lies with the state department, which is the natural breeding place of liars. Col. Denby, one of the peace commissioners at Manila, cabled over a roseate dispatch twenty-four hours after the correspondents’ “round rob- in” had shown up the rottenness of the whole situation, in which he claimed that everything was all right, that the islands were being rapidly pacified, and that the volunteers were eagerly re- enlisting—in fact, had to be restrained to keep from falling over themselves in order to get into the new regiments. That, of course, is what might be ex- pected from Denby. He is, or was, a Cleveland gold Democrat, pompous and windy, whom Cleveland sent as min- ister to China. There about his first official act was to get his son appointed as secretary of legation and a second son shoved into a fat job in the Chi- nese imperial customs service, which is controlled by an Englishman named Sir Robert Hart, the agent and tool of the British government. Naturally from then on Denby drew his breath according to the wishes of Sir Robert Hart and the British government. He now has no difficulty in finding things exactly the way McKinley wants them found. Here's Prosperity. From the San Francisco Star: Ina general way it has long been known that the amount of pauperism in New York was very large, but the figures obtained by Hamlin Russell of Newark, N. J., from public officials, and pub- lished in the New York Comonwealth, are startling. In August, 1898, Rob- ert W. Hebberd, secretary of the state board of charities at Albany, addressed the Catholic summer school, and the address is published in pamphlet form. He says that during the preceding fis- cal year 269,147 persons were cared for in almshouses and other “charitable” institutions; 1,523,699 persons were re- lieved at “charitable” dispensaries, and outdoor relief was given to 758,609 per- sons. Anything in the line of duplica- tion, by which the one person may ap- pear twice, Mr. Hebberd considered, is more than offset by cases of relief not placed on record. We do not know definitely whether these figures apply to Greater New York or to the city proper. If to the former, it indicates that fully one in four of the popula- tion must be the recipient of public “charity,” and the tendency of increas- ing population, if not offset by fully opening up natural resources, is to spread similar conditions over the en- tire nation. Such is the “civiftza- tion” the “blessings” of which the ad- ministration is trying to shoot into the Filipinos, Cuba to become the victim of the same policy, if successful. f i FOR ANTI-MONOPOLY. CO-OPERATION VERSUS MO- NOPOLISTIC COMPULSION. There Are Only Two Possible Forms of Economic Adjustment, the Monopo- Ustic and the Co-operative—What This Means. In the Public, Louis F. Post dis- cusses present industrial conditions and the industrial pressure that is forcing masses of people. deeper into a condition of helpless dependence, where squalid poverty and carking fear of poverty in the midst of luxury make life bitter and unwholesome. Economic adjustment always must offer for adoption two, and only two, possible forms—the monopolistic and the co-operative. Monopoly implies compulsion, and is the opposite of co- operation. It does, indeed, resemble co-operation, for it is a form of united industrial effort. But slave systems resemble co-operation in that sense. All production is through union of in- dustrial effort; but compulsory union is a radically different thing from vol- untary union. What distinguishes mo- nopoly from co-operation, and puts them at opposite poles, is the compul- sory character of the one and the yol- untary character of the other. Monopoly is a form of economic ad- justment which is to be avoided wher- ever and whenever possible. For com- pulsion is abhorrent to democratic principles. To empower any man to compel others to serve or to put them at a disadvantage in contracting to serve, is to establish the principle of slavery. Monopoly is, indeed, a species of human slavery. Nor would it be any the less slavery if government in- stead of individuals or corporations were the master. With the development of industry, some kinds of service become natural- ly monopolistic. a city is an illustration, Cities cannot be supplied with water except through monopolistic methods. In all such in- stances there is no choice between mo- nopoly and no monopoly; the choice is only between monopolists. And when that is the case there can be no rea- sonable question that as between gov- ernment and private individuals or corporations, government is the pref- erable monopolist. But so long as an occupation is not necessarily and es- sentially monopolistic, free men will justly revolt at the thought of turn- ing it into a monopoly under either private or public control. To co-operation, then, as distin- guished from monopoly, the demo- cratic mind must turn for industrial development and industrial justice, barring only the exceptional occupa- tions which have become necessarily monopolies. But co-operation must mean something different from what is usually understood by socialism, That is enforced co-operation, and therefore monopoly under another name. It would be infected with com- pulsion, which is the distinguishing characteristic of monopoly. Co-opera- tion must also comprehend more than is implied by the organizers of profit- sharing societies and schemes, who have of late years appropriated the word. It must be taken to signify that world-wide combination of effort in production which is effected by the voluntary interchange of labor. But in the interests of justice, how is this world-wide interchange of labor to be regulated? Who shall work? How much shall the workers do? What shall they do? For whom shall they do it? How much shall they re- ceive? And who shall decide? Under a monopolistic regime those questions would be decided more or less arbi- trarily for every one by superior au- thority—by trusts, if the regime were one of private and corporate monop- oly; by governments if the monopoly were public or socialistic. But in both there would be arbitrary compulsion, which is to be avoided if possible. Co- operation avoids it—co-operation, that is, in the fullest and broadest sense of the term, and as distinguished from monopoly—by making every man free to decide the question for himself. Under a regime of co-operation each would work if he wished; each would work as much or as little as he wished and receive in proportion; each would work at what he preferred; and each would work for whom he chose, sub- ject only to that person’s correspond- ing right of choice. By what method co-operation would effect this result is the next point of inquiry. We are setting up no patent device for social reform, but are investigat- ing and trying to adjust ourselyes to the operation of natural law. The nat- ural law of social adjustments must be sought for in the laws of human na- ture. Seeking there, Henry George propounded this as fundamental: “Men seek to satisfy their desires with the least exertion.” This is a law which, as he ex- plained, “is no more affected by the selfishness or unselfishness of our de- sires than is the law of gravitation.” Let a man’s desires be what they may, selfish or unselfish, in endeavoring to satisfy them he will seek the jine of least resistance. It is this law, this universally recognized fact, and not an assumed principle of human selfish- ness, that regulates industry in free co-operation. Monopoly, whether private or gov- -eznmental, obstructs the line of least The water supply ot | resistance and thereby forces men to seek the satisfaction of their desires, selfish and unselfish, with greater in- stead of least exertion. But all that would be changed by abolishing mo- nopoly in every vocation in which it is net a necessary condition, and private monopoly altogether. Unnecessary ob- structions along the line of least eco- nomic resistance would be thereby re- moved and each man would acquire full economic freedom to satisfy his own desires in the way that seemed easiest to him. The only restraint upon this natural impulse of his would be the equal economic freedom of every one else. And that would be restraint enough, He would then co-operate with his fellows, from time to time or all the time, as he pleased, upon terms mutually desirable, and only upon such terms. Neither trusts nor governments would be his master. Selfishly or un- selfishly, it matters not which except to his own character, he would be mas ter of himself, But a co-operative regime in which every one is master of himself is a regime of competition. Not only does competition alone make such a regime Possible, but so long as it exists com- petition will persist. Self-mastership and competition are inseparable. To weaken or abolish either is to weaken or abolish the other. Monopoly im- plies mastery by some of others, be the monopoly private or governmental, Competition implies individual free- dom. It is only under free competi- tion (something, by the way, that has not yet been experienced within his- toric times) that all men are free to satisfy their desires, selfish or unself- ish, with the least exertion. The first steps, those obviously right in front of us, are those advocated in the People’s party platform—the abo- lition of private monopoly in money, land and transportation. Those things in their nature monopolies must be made public functions, and be operated by society for the benefit of the whole people. Clear the way for free co- operation by abolishing plutocratic monopoly in production and exchange Martial Law in Idaho. Slowly but surely the facts about the labor situation in Idaho, of which we gave some account in No. 66, page 9, are reaching the public. A most im- portant contribution to this result has just been made by the Scripps-McRea syndicate of papers—the Cincinnati Post, the Cleveland Press, the St. Louis Chronicle, the Kansas City World, and the Kentucky Post—papers with an aggregate circulation of half a mil- lion copies daily. The syndicate, find- ing that censorship of telegraphic news had hidden the facts of the Idaho affair from the public, sent a staff corre- spondent, H. H. Smith, to the spot, and through Mr. Smith’s uncensored re- ports, sent through the mails, the facts have been brought to light. The story is a long one, but its leading features may be summarized: On April 29 an armed and masked mob blew up a mill at Wardner, Idaho. In the excitement two men were shot. There is no evi- dence that the labor unions, or even labor union men, committed this crime; but the state authorities have treated it as a labor conspiracy. The governor declared martial law over the whole of Shoshone county, pro- cured federal troops to ‘execute it, and virtually turned over the government of the county to the state auditor, one Sinclair. A military press censorship was at once established, local, county officials were arbitrarily removed from office, 700 miners were arrested and confined in a bull pen, in which 190 are still imprisoned, indictments were found by the wholesale, the bitterest enemy of the labor organizations in the whole country was selected to make out jury panels, and with a jury so selected one miner has been convicted of murder in the second degree and sentenced to seventeen years imprison- ment. To the many details of outrage under cover of martial law, which the Scripps-McRea correspondent narrates, it is impossible even to allude. For- tunately for law and order a subcom- mittee of the United States industrial commission has wandered into Sho- shone county and investigated the sub- ject to the bottom. Through congress, therefore, a complete and trustworthy account of what now appears to be an unwarranted and extremely dangerous disregard of the safeguards of liberty by the authorities of a state, aided by a detachment of the federal army, may be looked for. Parting of the Ways. After long, weary days, I stood again And waited at the Parting of the Ways; Again the figure of a woman veiled Stood forth and beckoned, and I fol- lowed now; Down to no bower of roses led the path, But through the streets of towns where chattering Cold Hewed wood for fires whose glow was owned and fenced, Where Nakedness wove garments of warm wool, Not for itself; or through the fields it led Where idleness enforced saw idle lands, Leagues of unpeopled soil, the com- mon earth, Walled round with paper against God and man. —From “The Parting of the Ways,” by James Russell Lowell. Takes Out Her Teeth for a Rest. Daily Press-Knickerbocker and Al- bany Morning Express: A certain old lady in Albany rather surprised her relatives a few days ago by remarking that as soon as she felt the least bit tired she could not overcome the de- sire to take out her set of false teeth, for as soon as they were out she seem- ed to feel a bit rested. « . ‘ f DULUTH’S ELEVATOR “E” Its Machinery Operated Yesterday for the First Time. Elevator E, of the Consolidated com- pany of Duluth, has been completed by the Barnett & Record company of Min- neapolis, and its machinery was operat- ed yesterday. It has a capacity of 1,- 400,000 bushels, and is, in many ways, the most complete grain elevator in the West. It is a receiving and shipping house, and is expected to break all re- cords for both taking wheat from cars and delivering to beats. Its driving belts, ete., are contaiped in a fire-proof brick structure 140 feet high. Additional elevator capacity is under way, as follows: Drluth Peavey Grain company, 5,000,000 bushels; United States Flour Milling company, 1,000,- 0% bushels; West Superior, Great Northern company, 3,000,000 bushels; Hast Superior, Chicago, St. Paul, Min- neapolis & Omaha railway, 1,250,000 bushels. At the United States Flour Milling company’s elevator, all North- western spring wheat destined for the Eastern mills of the combination will be received and shipped, giving the company control of its hard wheat sup- plies. This house is under contract to be completed for business this fall. The foundation is not yet finished. None of the other elevators will be ready for some months later. MORRIS IS GROWING. Increase in Valuation During the Year of $20,000. The following interesting facts re- garding the city of Morris have been subinitted by Assessor T. D. Wheaton: Number of horses, mules, ete., 307, val- ued at $7,129; cattle, 154, valued at $1,550; hogs, 29. value, $32; wagons, bicycles, ete., 247, value, $3,964; sewing machines, 148, value, $775; watches and clocks, $354, value, $1,981; organs, 38, value $695; pianos, 50, value,$4,- 600; household and office furniture, $15,300; agricultural implements, $400; gold and silver plate, $405; diamonds and jewelry, $270; goods and merchan- dise, $51,341; manufacturers’ tools and engives, $3,305; moneys of banks (not stock,) $1,985; credits of banks (not stock,) $25; moneys, other than banks, $50; credits, other than banks, $12,- 765; shares of bank stock, $16,220; shares of stock of foreign companies, $50; stock and furniture of sample rooms, $3,015; other articles of person- al property, $7,410; elevators, ware- houses on railroad lands, $6,815; dogs over six months old,. 68, value, $340. Total value, $140,403. The valuation $5,000((snhshrd rd fwy mfwyptwyfwy of personal property has increased $5,000 over 1898 and the real estate val- uation has increased $15,000 in the same time. GAME LAW VIOLATIONS. Numerous in the New Ulm Country— A Joke on the Warden. The game law has not been enforced very vigorously in the viciuity of New Jim. Game Warden Geiger of New m is in receipt of numerous notices that the law has been violated, but had fo tans to find and punish the trans- gressors. One arrest, however, was ef- fected, and young Gust Brandt was mate to suffer, while prominent and Vestine ¥ ine poachers are boasting about their success in prairie chicken hunting. mt A practical joke was played on the game warden, who was led to believe that a certain gentleman of Springfield was out hunting. Warden Geiger went to Springfield, and surprised the gentle- man in question on his return home. He was accompanied by his wife, and the warden naturally refrained from making a thorough search. He did not fi any chickens in the buggy, but was told, Tater on, that the lady had some birds adroitly concealed beneath her garments. TELEPHONE FACILITIES. Greatly Enhanced at Tracy—Lines in All Directions. The completion of the telephone line from Currie to Slayton puts Avoca and Slayton in direct communication with Tracy. At Slayton this line will be cornected with the Northwestern, run- ning through Pipestone, St. James and other points south, giving Tracy con- nection with these points. The South- western is also building an ext*nsion from Walnut Grove to Lamberton, to connect with the Northwestern com- pany’s line there, and this will give Tracy connection with all points on the Redwood county extension, and, via Redwood Falls, with the Twin Cities and intervening point: Idle for Seven Years, They Are Now to Be Thoroughly Explored. After an idleness of seven years, eX- plorations for iron ore are to be recom- menced at the Diamond and Buckeye shafts at the west end of the Mesaba range, Itasca county. The old shafts at the Diamond property will be pumped out immediately, and drifting and sinking pushed, under charge of Eli Griffin of Minneapolis, who did the first work on this property. ‘the Eastern Minnesota road will Duild to the mines whén it is deter- mined they have a good quantity of shipping ore. AN ALASKAN R. R. To Run From Valdez to Circule City via Eagle. Portland, Ore., Sept. 1. — James Fitch, chief clerk at large of the rail- way mail service, is here on his way to Valdéz, Alaska, to take up the mat- ter of opening an all-American rail route from Valdez, by way of Eagle, to Circle City, Alaska. He will have the service of a detachment of United States troops now at Valdez to blaze a road over the route and build supply cabins. To Fight mond Match Company. New York, Sept. 1. — The Herald says: The Americar Match company has entered the field with a capital of $1,000,000 and will, it is announced, endeayor to compete with the Dia- nond Match company. ty Unfaithful to His Trust. Maryville, Mo., Sept, 1—Investiga- tion of the affairs of Henry Grover, public administrator of Nodaway county, Who committed suicide last week, shows he was short in his ac- counts $12,763. ’ No Person Does it More Thun Once. “Do you dahnce on your toes, Miss Quickstep?” “Never, Mr. Clumsy. Other people do it for me.”—Colorado Springs Ga- zette. Music for Nervousness. Scientists claim that music has pow- re to soothe the nerves. But the quick- est way to cure nervousness is ta strengthen the nervous system. We know of nothing which will accomplish this quicker than Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters. Do. not take a substitute. See that a private Revenue Stamp covers the neck of the bottle. Taking No Chances. The domestic man rang the boarding house fell. Mrs. Skinner came to the door, spoon in hand. “Madam, do you take children?” “Do I take children, eh? Ah, yes, I know you. You are one of those hired detectives. If I said I took children you'd implicate me in the kidnaping wave that’s going over the country. I’m too smart. Now, you git.” And she waved the spoon in the do- mestic man’s face.—Chicago News. “He Laughs Best Who Laughs Last.” A hearty laugh indicates a degree of good health obtainable through pure blood. As but one person in ten has pure blood, the other nine should purify the blood with Hood's Sarsaparilla. Then they can laugh first, last arld all the time, for dtocds. eee A LITERARY VIGNETTE. Why the Horse Wouldn’t Start Until the Door Shut. The London Academy prints every week one or two sketches under the title of “Things Seen,” brief vignettes, drawn as often, we should say, by lay- men as by professional writers. One of the recent contributors to the de- partment, Mr. J. S. Ker, sends from Perak, in the Malay Peninsula, the fol- lowing delightful fragment, calling it “A Start:” The sun, blazing down on a race- course, far east of Suez, and on a field of hot, excited horses and men, waiting until the eccentricities of the starter, and an even more eccentric horse combine to get us in line. The pa- tience of the former is at last exhaust- ed. “Bring up that horse. Come up on that beast. You'll get into trouble over this, I tell you,” and so forth, The Australian lightweight replies, pa- tiently: “I can’t help it, sir. This is a cab ’orse, this ’orse is. He won't start until the door shuts—and—I hav- en’t got a door.” Explained. Softhead—I say, Cholly, why does a fellah have ta wear a necktie that he ties himself, don’t you know? Why cawn’t a felah wear a ready-made tie, don’t you know? Muchbrain—Cawn’t you see, me boy, how it is? It’s the social test, don’t you know. 2 ~ “Any fellah can afford to buy any sort of a necktie, cawn’t he?” “Ah, yes; but mere sordid wealth doesn’t count in society, me boy. It’s bwains, culture and refinement, don’t you know.” “What has that to do with the neck- tie?” “Cawn’t you see? Society, me boy, admits only those who have bwains enough to tie their own neckties, don’t you know.’’—Pearson’s Weekly. He Preferred the Ants. A soldier of the Twentieth Kansas tells this story at the expense of a fel- low soldier: “When we were sent out on the firing line, Peter Bogan was lying be- hind a tree, out of the way of bullets. All at once, he yelled out like a wild man: ‘Captain, I can’t stand these darned ants biting me all this time!’ Zip! A bullet passed close to his body. ‘On ond thought, captain,’ he yelled, ‘I cah stand them!” No Wonder He Quit. “Why is Wibbleson suing for di- vorce?” “He claims that his wife deliberate- ly tried to belittle him in the estima- tion of the public.” “How was that?” “She fixed up a croquet set in their side yard, and then got out and played where people could see her, using his golf clubs for mallets.”—Chicage Times-Herald. Safety in Flight. Larry was on the witness stand. “Now, witness,” began the judge, “where were you when the prisoner began shooting into the crowd?” “Within a hundred fate, your hon- or.” “Then you were a bystander?” “No, sor; Oi didn’t stand a minnet; Oi run loike the wind.”—Chicago News. Another View of It. “What a pity,” said the first germ, as he clung frantically to a window sash, as they went around a curve, “that in sleeping cars we have no opportuni- ties.” “Isn’t it?” said his companion, de- spondently, “a great field, if only we had air enough to get about it?’—Life. His Opinion. The Statesman—I was defeated be- cause the other fellow got too many votes. ‘The Constituent—Between you an’ 1, Bill, I don’t think he got a darn one too many, considerin’ who was run- nin’ agin him.—Indianapolis Journal. Feeling Too Good. The Populist—1 see you mortgaged yeur farm last week. The Uncertain Quantity—That is what I did. : “Well, when you goin’ to jine us?” “Not now, anyhow. I ain’t spent the money yit.”—Indianapolis Journal. ; ;