Evening Star Newspaper, January 9, 1927, Page 83

HE OTHER DAY Y WIFE'S second attempt to visit the Aquarium in New b3 came with the fish That sentence. as T sit here writing it, seems somewhat unparadoxical. and perhaps a word or two of explanation would not be amiss, | In the beginning (as vou already | doubtless know. if you have heen fol- | lowing these articles closely) there was Nothing earth. no sky. no water Nothin verything was Void | whirling around in Eternity, accom- | panied by a dull muttering ‘and cries | i, Eli," and “Whither goest | hen, gradually, this all cooled and | hardened, forming continents, and, to a long story short, I met Miss Ames in e and we were married last July out in California. So you may well imagine my sur prise when. during our first_luncheon after our arrival in New York, she leaned over to me and said that she would like to visit the Aquarium Rut don't vou think.,” 1 replied, “that it might be better to go to some of the theaters first?" | “We can alwavs go to the the she said, with a pretty toss nose. We can always go to the Aquar- fum.” I countered an't,” she replied, dangerously near arrel | quarrel. I tried to conceal v agitation, and T flatter myself that but for a slight twitching of my left arm and a horizontal clockwise move- ment of my features no one would have guessed it. I tried to smile. “All vight, dear,” I said, “only T wouldn't let the w r think that we are quarreling.” The waiter stopped and the dishes that he had remove. “What was the argument about?" he_asked. I looked up at him. tall and very bald. “I don't think that it would interest you,” I replied, somewhat reprovingly “I can tell that better,” he said “tvhen I hear the subject of the dis- a her | put hack started to He was very I replied, “it was about He picked up the dish he had just set down, and looked at it. “That's the third complaint thie week,” he said, “and here it is onls ‘Tuesday.” ‘Wednesday,” corrected my wife, He looked once more at the rem. nants on the plate he was holding. I stand corrected.” he said. He then slowly put.the plate back on the table, and took out a pad and pencil. “Wednesday," ning to write, he repeated, begin- the—— TH NDAY NTAK. \_\';\NH L\(_“"f)\' 927-PART ©. 1 C., JANUARY 9, I said “Twenty ninth wonderful 1l I used to he somehow it doesn't secm much_diffe any e looked very sad “I'm sorry 1 corrected my wife 1 don't t makes much difference. The waiter smiled--a * guppl about dates, pro “but | ke so | aid the waiter. o r ence more.” said really | it either.” melancholy | smile. “That's perfectly all right,” he said, | “THEY’RE ON THEIR HONEY- MOON.” EXPLAINED THE FIRST WAITER. Once more he began to fill out what looked like some sort of a blank form. “And your name?” he asked. “Stewart,” I replied, together with the initials. This, and my residence, | inscribed on the record. | “Now,” he said, “what is the exact nature of your complain “I haven't any complaint,” plied. He seemed surprised. “No_complaint?” he asked. | “Unless vou mean near-sighted- ness,” I suggested. “I'm quite near- | I re. | the fish very sighted. Amd I still have cold T hada when 1 left Lo: I meant about the fish waiter. | “You complaiged about fish a bit of a /\niu*lp&“‘ * said the | the | I didn't,” T replied. “I liked much.” He turned to my wife “I liked it, too,” she said | “You aren’t saving that.” asked the | waiter, “just to be nice to me? We replied in the negative. He be. | gan slowly to tear up the piece of | paper | ‘It you don’t mind." T suggested “we would like 10 get our next course as soon as possible. We want to go | to the theater. or put in my The waiter shook his head, sadly. The Aquarium isn't what it used ' to he he id | ‘What do you mean?’ asked my wife, quickly. The waiter had started to go, but he turne the Aquarium,” sh of today,” he sald, aren't I'm old—and you're young. s beel a great war. Every has been changed—or so they You're the new generation. is new. I'm old. Out of right But still I say to fish of today aren’'t what nmy time e was becoming fairly excited. “Why, I can remember——" he be- gan “You T interrupted, turning to my wife, “there’s no point in go- ing to the Aquarium at all.” Sh s stubbori “Fish don’t change all this talk about just an excuse for ence.” I tried once mors “Oh, it is, is T said quietly. ““Well, how ahout the 30,000 American boys dead in France?" hat's got nothing to do with you,” she replied. “That’s not my was in the N: She Jaughed. “In Chicago,” she sald. “The Chi- cago navy." T told you I was near-sighted,” T insisted, “‘and besides. Chicago can be just as dangerous as France. Do you read the papers?” “I'm talking about 1917,” she replied. By this time another and younger waiter had come bustling up to our table. “They’re on_their honeymoon,” ex- plained the first waifer. “Oh,"” said the other, “I thought that maybe something was wrong ith the service.” " replied the first, a little irri. “It's an argument about the rium.” was in a debate about the Aquar- see," " she sald “And the great war is lot of self-indulg- to keep calm. fault,” I said. * | something about the Cleveland ium once,” said the other. “Who has the negative don’t know."” replied the waiter. | hey both took fish.” The second waiter turned to me. “You'll pardon me for interrupti he said, “iut No. 17 here tells me that you and this lady. whom I presume | to be vour wife, are engaged in an gument about the Aquarium.” I nodded my head in the afimative. “Is it, by any chance,” continued the waiter, “on the question of: Shall. or Al not the United States permit th Monroe doctrine to exercige the ina able right—no,” he added his head. “that isn't it ar seratching There, was wimin- | houndary istration and the Canadian dispute—-or was it hapr He seemed quite distressed “Was what happin 1 ) s a dehate,” he ness asked 1 S repiled, ) ‘about happiness. 1 think the ques. fon was: Iu, or is not He stopped “That question,” hardly a re wife continued the waiter: Is, | \piness a more necessary | athleties?" | marked my “It went, or is not h: thing than | makin | By Donald Ogden Stéwart “Who won?" 1 asked “We did,” he replied. “We only lost one debate in my four years on the team—and that was not my fault Would you care to hear about it I noticed that the other waite significant negative mot nd the debater's back No," I replied. The second waiter chagrined. Did that T shook was fons bel seemed very somehody tell you to say| he asked my head Iv a_question of time him. “We the theater in pted my Aquarium.” T conti this gentleman here seems qu \ that the Aquarium is not it used to he S atter turned, and glared at | 1Rue. . wife were thinking ' two | hou | flector with And ecan this gentleman tell me he said, in slow, even, deba “ean this gentleman tell me & interrupted by the ad waiter h ong?" he asked 1s very polite and very sn sound of his vefce both the ters stood up very straight. ar at- He turned to them, frowned, something that T did Thes . And lef hoys. said, with of his he “It wasn't their fauie,” 1 e did not three he nd another waiter o served with the and in threequarter we were on rium o said wred his hand throat 1 ne in on pressi the 2 voice arrival He At reply. Steppir or paces snapped his ppeared. of our f an finger We w hinch, our w tn Aqu (Covy cht. 1007 Nebular Distances IGHT hy and million million miles ¢ nd. forty million 10,000,000, - | 900006,000,000 miles) is the digtance of the farthest object that as mers ¢ reflecting ono- n see with the great 100-inch telescope of the Mount Wilson Observatory, the largest in the world, Dr. Edwin Hubble said recently in a lecture at the Carnegie Institntion of Washington, of which the observatory is part. “The faintest nebulae that detected with the largest says Dr. Hubble, “the at Mount Wilson, are an average distance of 140,000,000 light-years, a light-year being the distance which light will travel in one year, going at a speed of 186,- 000 miles per second. One light- year is about 6,000,000,000,000 miles. A sphere qf 140 million light-years radfus comprises the ohservable region of space. Within this sphere are some 2,000,000 nebulae, dis- tributed in a fairly uniform manner. Great clusters of nebulae do exist, but their effect on the distribution is averaged out when large volumes of space are considered. “The nebulas are so distant that in observing them we are witnessing scenes and events which actually occurred in past geological ages. The nearest of them all, the Magellanic talos WhEIAMS « “THAT'S THE THIRD COMPLAINT THIS WEEK,” HE SAID. HE PICKED UP THE DISH HE HAD JUST SET DOWN AND LOOKED AT IT. clouds, present the appearance they had back in the great Ice Age. The epiral in_Andiromeda is a Pilocene object. The horder of the observa- ble region takes us back to the late Paleozoic.” Interview With Noted Savant Yields Inside Information About Race Track BY RING LARDNER. O the editor: My assignment this week was to interview Prof. Awful, the man who has made a lifelong study of the binominal theory, namely, that a man and wife who live to-, gether over a period of years grow to look more like one another in direct proportion to the duration of co-ex- istence, and in the same way a man or woman who is in any way con- nected with horses finally attains to the features:and gait of a horse, in many cases achieving such an appe- tite for horse food that bare mention ot a word like “oats” or “Ous” or “oasis” will cause he or she to drop their book or give up their euchre game and run off on a mad forage for the horse’s favorite viand, the oat. I found Prof. and Mrs. Awful and the two Awful girls in their recently purchased home at Great Neck, in the guessing room, so called because each member of the family is asked every now and then to tell which room he is in, and it is quite confusing, inas- “S0 DO I, YOU much as the house consists of 86 rooms. They were all lying stomachs, it heing the hobby that that mode of conve gives more play to the feet. At my entrance, the professor arose and threw both the Awful girls out onto the lawn through the screen. (Editor's note: It was another of the professor's hobbies that the screens be kept up the year around so that the girls might be thrown out through the screens when au fait.) (Author’s note: No such a thing.) “Professor,” was my opening re- mark, “I want to ask you two ques- tions: The-first is, do husbands and wives begin to look like each other when they have lived together long enough?” “And what do vou judge” he re- joined, “is long enough”” “Well, he said, “take my wife and I; we have lived 12 years. I consider that long_enough.” “So do T, you big bum,” replied Mrs. Awful, throwing at him, buf missing on him, with a bottle of homemade chili sauce which neither should have missed. “And do you think Mrs. Awful looks like you?” was my next question. “I certainly do,” replied the pro- Tessor. “Hark! Trumpets faroff sound- Ing!™ was Mrs. Awful's next speech, and she jumped through the holes in the screens left by the gitls. Left alone with the professor, I asked: “Well, what about horses?" “Well, listen,” he said: “I once het on a jockey named Kummer, who had ridden a horse so many times that they were almost twins. The horse’s name was Exterminator. He had BIG BUM.” REPLIED MRS. AWFUL, THROWING AT HIM AND MISSING HIM WITH A BOTTLE OF HOMEMADE CHILI SAUCE. SKELETON SKELHTUI\'S of a man and beast are much more useful and salable obfects than one would be inclined to Fuppose. Proof of this is the frequency with which we find these objects mounted in museums, schools of medicine, anatomical cabinets and even In the classrooms for child physiology and in the st udios of artists Pnd sculptors. Much, labor is employed fn separating the skeletons from the tlssuas and. bones that cover them, whitening them and mounting them Some of them. it is true, are prepared and old by the medical profession, rsons occasionaly (in the interests of sclence) leaving their bodies to the care of this or that medical fraternity, for whatever use they may tend to fafve. This, however, explains very inadequately the supply available, in response to the ever-growing demand. As a matter of fact, the greater part of the skeleton industry is carried on in France, nearly all of it originating there. Paris has a very well equipped factory for the furnishing of skeletons of men and animals, for what purpose ired, and this factory has branches in ‘London and Berlin.” Most of the human bones employed in the French manufacture belonged, in life, to to unknown persons death in hospitals or *almshouses peing utilized In the dissection room the remains were removed to this factory factory Is a very practicaly monopolizes ¢ Factory has many departments. s rich man, for he his trade. The First The proprietor of this | NDUSTRY. rcomes the preliminary preparation of the skeleton in the carbolic acid tank, and finally the fitting of the bones and joints together with wires. The preparation of the skeleton takes many months from first to last, and is a very expensive process in the | bulk. 7There must he a thorough | chemical treatment of the bones in the first place to insure their hanging | together and remaining in an un altered state. It is hardly ever the case that a skeleton seen on exhibition | is made up entirely of its own original | parts. The formula employed in bring- | ing the process of the skeleton’s com pletion to a state of relative perfection is still an industrial secret. It must when gold, as “white as marhle.” In'the warehouse of this factory are rows of shelves where skeletons of all forms and representative of all races may be seen: some by accident or in virtue of dissection processes, have been broken or dismounted and very carefully refitted with fine wire. Underneath are multitudes of boxes full of assorted hones, with big bones such as ribs marked off with letters and numbers. In showcases may be seen for sale, or “to let” for whatever purposes may be desired, skeletons of ziants, fs, negroes or of strange es discovered by explorers in far- off countries. Criminals’ heads with their names and the dates of their execution (some of them very remote), are seen here and pamphlets descrip- tive of their crimes are held for sale, THE PROFESSOR THREW BOTH THE AWFUL GIRLS OUT ONTO THE LAWN THROUGH THE SCREEN. BY MILT GROSS. * OPE, HESQUIRE, .CAVE FROM DE PO- LISS STATION. ““Noo,—s0 you got grad- uvally a room, ha, dope? —A sight-seer from New Yukk vou bi- came alrady in a patrull-weggon, ha?? Goot!!! To a polissman you got to make Smot-crecks—sessy ones yat— ha, wot you tink maybe he's de fodder witt de modder, ha?? So you'll seet for a copple days wot'll be seex o’clock so youwll jomp hopp witt don you should holler it should be raddy hon time de brad witt de wodder like home, Hmmmm — mmm — wait yat, 1l geeve you witt a night-clob—in de fullish had!! Peectures we nidd vat from you by de Ruggs Gellery, So_dey’'ll take dem maybe by Cooney Highland dey should’ make from you snepshots witt de benjos witt de yook wot you'll seet dere on’de hairoplane ndder de fullish jeckess by de_ pust-cods, ha—witt ‘Rad’ witt ‘Lafty’ witt ‘Dotch’ witt ‘Moggsy® witt ‘Spike,’ ha?!! |, ‘Spikes’ Moggs) de frands ‘Profasser.’ couldn’t be dope? Isidore—You “Snoot," “Turk” Baba—— Mr. Feltlebaum—(SMACK) Aha!'— de names from de Prasidents you dun't knowing dem, ha—goot-for-not- ting??!! (SMACK) PUCKY!! (SMACK) TSNOOT! ! (SMACK) TOIK! (SMACK) PEENKEH (SMACK)— Deese you knowing it exactically poi- fict, ha?? In de dopes feenger- preents you folloWwing, ha? (SMACK) it should be by you from the doldy faze de peectures front witt site by de 5 Huffice yat witt riwudds, ha? (SMACK) “So like 1 was saying, mine dirr dope, {s now a plasure in de houze wot it dun’t bob bob-bobbing a whole day in de houze rad, rad, robbins on he homonica. Ulse whai I got a chence I should using gradually mine batroom witt de meeror wot you [ - ‘Laftys’ ‘Dotches'—deese s by you ha?? ‘Doctor,” ‘Conseller,’ ‘Accontant.’ — deese it by you de frands, ha “Porky, “Pidky,” forgot and with cards in small type containing | the same matter, to be attached, If | desired, to the skull or sigsleton. plestering don de hair on de fullish had--denks Gott—for a wariety by de poliss station! Foidermore never lost a race. 8o, one day I went down to the bhooks and pointed out that fellow and said I wanted to bet on him. “I give six to five odds on what 1 thought was the horse. I was bet- ting on the jockey. Exterminator win by a neck, but my horse lose by a head. And my jockey was behind their jockey by a haunch. So I am off the system of betting on horses that look just like jockeys.” ‘With that I was off the whole sys- tem in particular and Prof. Awful in general, and tossed him through the screen after his wife and the Awful gitls. Only Liquid Metal. ERCURY, or quicksilver, has been known as an element since 300 BC. It is the only metal which 1s liquid at ordinary temperatures. It is sometimes found free in the crevices of racks, but is more ordinarily found fn combination with sulphur in wineral known as cinnabar. Mercury is a, heavy, lustrous, gray- 1sh-white substance, whose vapors and compounds are all poisonous. Com- pounds of mercury and other metals are called amalgams, which are large- ly used for the extraction of géld and silver from thelr ores. Tin amalgam, for silvering mirrors, is made from 30 parts of mercury and 70 parts tin, and an amglgam of copper, cadmium, gold and tin_is also largely used in den. tistry. Pure mercury is used in mak- ing barometers and thermometers. Tt is produced in Soain, Italy, Russia and the United States, California sup- plying most of this country's quota, which is obtained by distillation of the ore. Half of the mercury produced in the United States is exported to a Mexico, Central America and China. When Doing Things According to Books, You May Get Some Surprising Results BY STEPHEN LEACOCK. & scene is at.Mr. Hoyle's house. Four people are at a card table. On a shelf nearby one can see the back-of a hook entitled Hoyle's Bridge, Whist and Card Games. New Edition, Re- vised and enlarged. One of the players—Your turn to play, Mr. Hoyle. Mr. Hoyle—Oh! ‘T beg your pardon. I'm afraid I was dreaming—my turn, ves, of course. What did you say was trumps? Mr. Hoyle's Partner—Hearts. Mr. Hoyle—Oh, yes. Hearts, of course. How stupid of me! Now let me see,—(Mr. Hoyle begins mur- muring, softly to himself)—the ace was played a little while ago—I've got the king—the queen must be. . . . The Other Lady—Oh, Mr. Hoyle, you mustn't talk like that. You're telling everything. There is a rule against it. Mr. Hoyle—Oh! I'm so sorry, of course, yes, a rule, a rule—certainly— Tl just step over and look it up in my book to make sure—, The Other Man—Oh, don't bother, Hoyle. Tt's quite all right. Now go ahead and play, old man. Mr. Hoyle—Ah! It's me to play! I'm afraid I hadn't understood. Let— me—see—me to play—hum—me—to play— . Mr. Hoyle's Partner—Yes, you to play. Don’t vou see—I led the ace of clubs and he's put on a spade. . . . Mr. Hoyvle—A spade! But, excuse me, why doesn't he play a club? I think there's a rule in my book—one minute— Mrs. Hoyle—Do sit down, Willlam. Don't you remember he has no clubs. Mr. Hoyle—Ah! of course, no clubs, and se he can’t play a club: quite right. In that case—let me think— HE (Mr. Hoyla sits and murmurs) “Let me think.” (There is a long pause.) Mr. Hoyle's Partner—(Very gently) —It’s your turn. vou know, Mr. Hoyle. Mr. Hoyle—(With animation)}—My turn! ah yes, of course; I see, and my partner has led the ace of clubs— hearts are trumps. Aha! I have it. (Mr. Hoyle puts fhe ace of trumps on the other ace). My trick I think! There is a general movement of con- sternation among the players. The Other Three—Oh! Mr. Hoyle! Mr. Hoyle (in surprise)—Didn't I take it? The Other Man—But don't you see when you trumped your partner’s ace you practically threw away a. trick and— Mr. Hoyle's Partner—Yes, and I'm afraid that exactly loses us the rub- ber, doesn't it? The,Other Man—Never mind, Hoyle, better’ luck next time. Let's start another game. Mr. Hoyle (rising from the table)— Ah, no! I'm afraid I'd better stop now. I want to do some more wWork this ‘evening. o The scene is in the Geatons’ house in the sitting room. The two Geatons are waiting for dinner. Mrs. Geaton is seated at a side table very busy with a letter of printer’s proofs. On the head of them one can read quite easily the title: “MRS. GEATON'S HOUSEHOLD COOKERY BOOK OF BRITISH, AMERICAN AND FOREIGN COOK- ING. NEW AND ENLARGED EDI- TION. SPECIALLY RECOMMEND- ED FOR THE HOUSEHOLD, FOR HOTELS, RESTAURANTS, SHIPS, CARAVANS, PICNICS, ETC., ETC. Mr. Geaton sits in a weary but re- signed attitude. His newspaper has fallen from his hands. Mrs. Geaton (looking up and gazing in front of her with a dreamy expres- SCENE I. (One of Commissioner McLaughlin's boarding houses.) Turnkey—C'mon, step along there, fishface. Looy—Ouch! Hey keep dat shill- alley outa me ribs guy. or I'll have some one around here busted. Turnkey-—You wot- Looy—I said dese new battries can't be trusted. Ouch! Easy, buddy—I'm goin’ in. O boy—talk about the Black Hole of Calcutta—oops—wots dat— company—Hullo Rastus—why doncha smile sos I Kin see' the Painless Parkers—oops—another one—hey wots dis—de Cotton Club—where am I sup- posed to sleep?—up on de Dutch Moulding?—Hey well well—how about a quartett boys——no no—I didnt say nothin about hootch—I said a quarteit —1I'll tenor——you—wots dat—awright buddy we wont sing—who yeah dats me awright Im comin—-Ouch easy dere buddy Im a good guy. SCENE TI. (Any Old Nights Court.) Clerk—"And the prisoner is also charged with annoying .the store- keeper, refusing to.move on and in- ’ forming Officer Popolopolis that this Is a free country.” Looy—Yer Honer, T Clerk—Two dollars! Looy—But I1-— Attendant—C'mon mug, dis aint no hotel; finish yer song walkin. Raus! Looy—Well, officer, no hard. feelins y'’know—I'm a good— Cop—C'mon—Take t’ho air—Beat it— Looy—TI'll have 'em all—ouch—Ouch —Awright, I'm goin. SCENE IIIL Third floor—Und fordermore mine dear dope wot I soppose wot Is grad- ully a waste from two hours witt paper witt hink wot I writing you you bot ungoddless—— Looy—Hullo Pop!—Hullo Mom!! — Hullo Stoopid!'—Well, well, well —Ainchas glad I'm out?? Wot?? You was in de middle of writin' me a letter?? HA HA!—De pardon dat came too soon!'—HA HA—Wait L1l go out an’ sock a cop s0's ya kin finish it . . . Well, well—two long days— de ‘oI’ home ain't changed—same ol’ towel—Wot How'd I git out? Dey Next case, didn’t gimme nuttin’ to eat so I walked troo de bars!!! HA HA!l'—Well— Gross Exaggerations—In the Dumb-Waiter Witt Gengsters, Looy Makes His Reonions Say lissen - Oops t dere's de phone——Hullo Red Shure, nuttin’ to jt—TItold em-—Isez Assen buddies, I'm a pal of Alderman Tim Crowley’s, Iam. Me an' him “orned beef an’ cabbage Boy. oh boy!——I had ‘em steppin. Dey was chasin’ me aroun’ like a bunch o' Long Island mommas after de Prince. “Can’t we x dis up, Mister Feitlebaum,” he sez. Nix,” I pipe. “You done your stuff when ya run me in—Dis is a free|as the mistake was discovered. There country . . ." Boy—you shoulda se— . . Hullo, wait a minnit—-Just got a’ wire from Snoot. Oh, Spike dere too? Yeah . . . Tell him_ t'anks— Wot? Sure bring dem all up——Shure —we'll have a— BANG CRASH Mr. Feltlebaum—I'll geeve heem dot dope. I'll make heem for a creepl Witt bums witt gengsters you making in de houze reonions—— Looy—'At's all—at's de feelin’ deygot fey & feller—I'm troo— Isidora=—Baba—Will you write a let- ter for be to Marvid Godsberg id the Truadt Sghool?? SMACK!!! i MILT GROSS. \Q (Covyright. 1927.) sion)—Darling, how do vou spell creme de Strasbourg? Is it ou or just u? Mr. Geaton—Ou, I think, is the French. Mrs. Geaton—Aren't you a pet? (There is another long silence While Mrs. Geaton works briskly at the papers. After a while she looks up and says) Darling, which is a semi- colon, the one with the little wiggle under it, or the one with just the two dots? Mr. Geaton—I think the semicolon | is what you mean by the little wiggle. Mrs. Geaton—Well, listen, then, and do tell me which to use in this, be- cause vou're so clever—aren't pet? I'm talking about what-do-yout call.it—you know that long word that means when people do things in time— Mr. Geaton—Punctuality? Mrs. Geaton—Punctuality! Aren't you wonderful! Well, I'm talking about punctuality. Listen. (She reads from a proof.) “In the care of the household it is most important that everything should be done at its proper time. Dinner must never be kept waiting. Nothing contributes so much to the happiness of the house- hold as promptness and regularity in the service of meals.” Dom't you think that is rather nicely said, Edward? Mr. Geaton—Very nice, I'm sure. Mrs. Geaton (continuing)—"To be kept waiting for dinner."—Good gracious what is that! (There is a sound like a minor explosion from the kitchen with g great hissing of grease. Mrs. Geaton rises and disappears for a moment. When she returns. she says quite tranquilly): It's all right. It was only Jane upset a lot of grease. Mr. Geaton—Grease! Mrs. Geaton—Grease, or gravy, or something. She upset it on the cook- ing_range. Mr. Geaton—Whe tul. What is it? It smells aw- Mrs. Geaton—Something she's mak ing from a recipe, I think. I'm not just sure what it was going to be soup, or a souffle, something with an S,—I told her we’d eat anything with an S tonight, because I'm work ing on S at present. It does rather smell, doesn't i{t? Now let me_ sec where I am—sago, sandwich, souffle— You won't mind dinner being a little late, my love! Mr. Geaton (mildly)—But it's halt an hour late aiready. Mrs. Geaton—Is it possible! You poor lamb. You must be famished I can't think what Jane is doing (S] riggs a bell and Janme, verw # and much smeared, appear i Fthe © doorway.)—Oh, Jane, don’ bother with the soup. Perhaps you can give it to the cat. Mr. Geator is in a hurry, so you might serve the roast at once. Jane—Why, ma'am, there isn't an: roas Mrs. Geaton—No roast! , ma'am. You didn't order any. Mrs. Geaton (pleasantly)—Ah, no o course not, the letter Ri—we finishec it yesterday, didn't we, darling? How silly of me! And now, I remember that thing with the S that fell int« the fire, was the spaghetti, of course the epaghetti— Mr. Geaton (hesitatingly)—Don': you think then perhaps—— Mrs. Geaton—That you'd better g« and dine at the club? I'm afrald so my pet. It's too bad. I'm afraic u've dined there every night for months, haven't you? And T had s counted on giving you a nice lfttle home dinner as a surprise. And, oh darling, one minute before you go—is cuisine spelt with a Q—or Mr. Geaton—With a Cu, I think. Mrs. Geaton—With a Cu! Aren't you a love! Don't ‘be late, darling. Good-bye (Copyright. 1927 ESIDES the “Breeches Bible” there are other issues renowned tor curious misprints. There is the “Place-Makers' Bible,” go called from “Blessed are the place-makers” (Matt., v.9). This extraordinary misprint oc- curred in the second edition of the Geneva Bible, published at Geneva. in folio in 1361-62. The mistake was cor- rected and never occurred again. Again, there is the “Vinegar Bible,” containing “The Parable of the Vine- gar,” instead of “The Parable of the Vineyard,” which appears in the chap- ter heading to Luke Xx, in an Oxford edition of the authorized version, which was published in 1717. The book was published in imperial folio and is said to be the most sumptuous of all the Oxford Bibles. The printing is very beautiful and some of the coples were put out on vellum, but, unfortunately, the proofs were care- lessly read and the book referred to was called *a basketful of printe errors,” a circumstance that now causes it to be prized as a curlosity. The Wicked Bible” is the queer name that has been given to an edi- tion of the authorized Bible printed in London by Rohert Barker and Martin Lucas in 1631. In this the negative was left out of the Seventh ‘Commandment, and Willlam Kilburne, writing in 1659, says that owing to the,zeal of Dr. Usshey. the printers were fined £2,000 sterling. In Laud's published works there is a copy of the King's letter directing that the printers be fined £3,000, but another authority, asserts that the real fine was one of £1,500, inflicted by the archbishop, “to be expended on a fount of Greek type.” Only four copies of this scarce Bible are now known, as the edition was destroyed and all the coples called in as soon exists a German Bible containing the same mistake. Another of the curious Bibles is the “Persecuting Printer’s” Bible, contain- ing the phrase, cuted me without cause! exix.161). The . substimtion of word ‘‘printers” for princes is respon- sible for the name of this Bible. All we know of this edition is stated by Stevens in his catalogue of the Caxton exhibition of Bibles. This au- thority tells us that these words were put into a Bible printed before 1702. There is also the “Ears to Ear” Bible, in which occurs the expression “Whoso hath ears to ear, let him | the various other QUAINT BIBLE ERRORS. octavo Bible published by the Oxfor Press in 1810, Among the curious Bibles may be mentioned the “Standing Fishes” Bf ble, containing the phrase, “And ft shall come to pass that the fisher. shall stand upon it,” etc. (Ezekiel. xIvii.10). The word “fishes” is. used for “fishers” in a quarto Bible print ed by the King's printer in London in 1306 and reprintad in a quarto edition of 1813, as well as in an octavo edition of 1823. Radium in the Sea. RADIOACTI\'E substances “have been found by Prof. Joly physicist of the University of Cam bridge, to be far more abundant in the deposits on the floor of the deeper parts of the ocean than in any ter- restrial rocks or earths. This has been learned from an examination of samples of the bottom mud brought home by recent deep-sea dredging ex peditions, especially that conducted by the party on the Michael Mars. These radioactive substances are mainly inherent In the red clay which constitutes the floor of the abysses, muds and oozes, which are more or less calcareous in their nature, forming at medium depths, because the carbonate of lime constituting the shells of molluses and of many kinds of animalcules are wholly dissolved before they reach the greater depths. Hence oozes com- posed of limy materials can be laid down only in ccmparatively shallow waters. This red clay, characteristic of the bottom wherever it is more than about 21z miles beneath the sur- face, is a clay deposit derived prinei- pally from wind-carried volcanic dust and pumice decomposed by long ex- posure to the chemical action of sea. water. It contains nodules of man- ganese iron, certain crystals, rouna particles of silicious animalcule (ra- diolarians) and had embedded in it a profusion of flinty sharks' teeth and the dense ear bones of whales, always coated with a mineral crust. Many of the sharks’ teeth are of extinct specles known otherwise by fossil remains, which is one evidence of the extremely low rate of the deposition of this clay where almost no material from the far-away land can added to it. It seems impossible to get any data as to what the rate of deposit may be, but it must be incalculably slow, and hear” (Matthew, xii.43). This adapta- tion ‘to cockney usage is found in an x B3 to this fact is probably due its rich- ness in radium. ¥ L