Evening Star Newspaper, May 14, 1898, Page 16

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, MAY 14, 1898—24 PAGES. ——— = = Written for T! ing S Aaron Burr, Vice President of the United Srates, 1 Savannah, Ga., in May, 1802," said a well-known gentleman of this city, who has recently returned from Sa- vannaa. “He was accorded a public recep- tion befitting his official position. The pur- his visit, however, was of a private and during his stay he made his arters in a small frame house on between Whitaker and rd streets, at the home of his niece; he facts I am telling you were furnished by a member of the Montmollin family @ad throw a romantic light upon the father of Don Carlos of Spai firs. Monmolling when quite a young girl, married a man from England named avenue at Dennis. Two children were bern to them, a boy and a girl. Fer some cause Mr. and Mrs. Dennis were divorced, Mr. Dennis off the children. While traveling ach in search of her children, jerstood, were in Charleston, she wi who, a, Mr: Mrs. Dennis met her future husband, Mentmoilin, a colonel of an English regi- ment in Jamaica, who was at that time on rieuch. Colo Montmollin’s kind and rea assistance led to the recovery of her Children, aut soon Colonel Montmollin and Mrs. Dennis were married. “After marrioge Colonel Montmollin gave Ss name to the Dennis children and sent the care of his brother in England. lonel Montmollin and his brother ad seme disagreement. Bacphus it was that Aaron Burr, the uncle Mrs. oni visited S: nnah in of a peace! er in a family went to England, visited the of “He frate brother and brought about a recon- ciliation. The children were permitted to v their mother in Savannah, crossing the ocean i glish man-of-war, but eir home w ngland. iMSkbout isi the daughter died, and the son, whose original name was Dennis and a native of Savannah, became the father of Don Carlos of Spain, Prince de Mont- mOyrom the foregoing facts it will be seen that the redoubtable Prince Don Carlos is a great grandnephew of Aaron Burr, for- merly Vice President of the United States re ee “Now that navy doings are topmost in public estimation, a great many anecdotes are being told of the old fellows,” said a retired navy officer last night. “I reckon that no officer of the old regime is the sub- ject of more reminiscences of this sort thaa Captain Joe Fyffe. Joe had neither ven- eration nor fear for anything make-believe er shammy and hated hypocrisy as the devil does holy water. He belfeved, too, that United States war vessels should not be made excursion boats for the delectation of the dear sex. When Fyffe commanded the Monocacy out in China the women of American antecedents out there made known to Mr. Robeson, then Secretary of the Navy, that Fyffe was obnoxious to them. On hearing of it, Fyffe addressed an official letter to the Secretary of the Navy, of which I have a copy. Here it is. With this the speaker handed out a slip containing the following: U. S. S. MONOCACY, 3d Rate, Wusung, China. Hon'l Geo. M. Robeson, Secretary of the Nav. Sir: I am given to understand that my fair countrywomen in these seas consider that I am wanting in the graces and ac- complishm necessary to a perfect char- acter; that I am rough and bearish, and, in fact, “little better than the wicked.” I have too much respect for these ladies to doubt the justice of their sentence. I hum- ble myseif before them, and promise, by God's biessi nd with a little assistance from the . to become in time ev- erything that they can wish. in order to enable me to fulfill this vow I request, in ordance with the admir- able custom growing so much in fashion in the navy, that my family may be permitted to live with me on board this ship. Also my grandmother. Not that I have th rable i my wife has one U lend me with great pleas » will bring among us the Stat ous manners of that indefinite “Old Times,” and who 1g corrective to all hands » i about a hundred ated that natural ff years, low of elo- quence so charming in her sex; and a soft answer away her wrath—for she is as ¢ post. Very r . Your obedient servant, JOSEPH FYFFE, Commander, Comdg. #4 ee & “There is -.o question about it, no mat- ter how humble homes are, th or unpretentious our is no place in the world like them, 1 a gentleman who lives in Guatemala to a Star reporter recently. Guatemala is by no means one of the Worst places in the world in which to live, especially in the coffee-growing sections. However, there are naturally much more desirable places all over the world. It is @ fact that the matives there prefer it to anywhere in the world. This was shown in a striking cise which came under my observation, A wealthy gentlevaan in Gi ate mala mar- Fed @ beautiful girl, She was one of the most magniticent-looking creatures I ever saw, of pure Spanish blonde type, which is seldom seen. The girl had been €Jucated abroed and given every advan age. She was refined and cultivated. Her husband was devoted to her, and a short while marriege took her There they had a splendi everything that the heart of on could ¢ Every- ntly appointed. They ptuously, having ample which to do so. Still the bride husband would return and find tears. He thought would come it, but it seemed to in- crease. At last one day, becoming fearful that her h n would suffer, he forced her to tell him what was the matter. It was simply th wished to return to Guate- mala to witness a little local fea will | i | | | t var- | that country. This feast. was given an- nually, and as a child she had been ac- customed to attend it. Although she had access to all the fine displays in Paris and Europe, she preferred to see the poor lit- tle celebration at home. — Realizing that her heart was so fixed upen it, her-husband was forced to relinquish the allurements of the gay French capital and take her back to the squalid surroundings of Guatemala.” * Kk ee “The hand street sweepers,” remarked a philosophic visitor from the south, “serve @ purpose that was probably not contem- plated by the authorities of your city. ‘They are found scattered pretty well throughout the city and keep busily at work during each day, and in this way con- templative citizens who are fond of seeing other people labor can enjoy that privilege without going far from home. Such citi- zens are also not subject to the fatigue of standing around, as they can either sit at the windows of their houses or bring chairs out on the front steps and enjoy the spec- tacle. There is no recreation that is quite so lasting and so generally appreciated as watching how others perform manual la- bor, and from this point of view the mu- nicipal authorities of Washington are pub- lic benefactors.” ** kK * “It seems queer that the people of this country—the educated people, I am speak- ing of particularly—should exhibit so much irdefiniteness as they do in addressing by mail their relatives and friends who are soldiers in the field or sailors on the sea,” said a postal official in the railway mail service. “There has already been a huge amount of trouble in handling the letters and pap2rs thus indefinitely forwarded to the soldiers, and the general mix-up of the mails at Chickamauga, for example, has beer something extraordinary, and yet natural enough, considering the way most of the pieces of mail matter arriv- ing. at that military rendezvous have been addressed. A very great majority of the letters that have been sent from all parts of the country to the young men now under arms down at Chickamauga Park have been absolutely lacking in any in- formation cn the envelopes that could aid the postal clerks in locating the address- es without a very great deal of troubie. The letters have nearly all been of the ‘John Smith, Chickamauga,’ sort; and when you come to reflect how many thous- ands of soldiers there are down there, z the great numbers of duplicate names, you can figure out how much difficulty the post office people have in properly assorting and delivering the mail. It does not eceur to many of ihe people who soldiers in the field to name the outfits on the envelopes to which the addressees be- long. If they were to dc this there would be little or no trouble in distributing the mails at the military centers. For exam- ple, instead of plain ‘John Smith, Chicka- mauga,’ the address, with a few more , could be made to read, “Corporal John Smith, Battery G, 7th Ar- tilley, U. S. A., Chickamauga,’ and thus Corporal Smith would not have to nang around the post office with a wistful eye for days at a time, awaiting that letter from his timorous swe2theart. “The friends and relatives of man-o'- wer's men, addressing the latter by mail, even in times of peace, cause considerable delays in the delivery of their epistles by too much indefiniteness in addressing the mail. Instead of addressing their letters directly to the ships upon which the ad- dressees are serving, as, for example, ‘ ward Robinson, U. S. S. Brooklyn, U. S. Navy,’ which insures the forwarding of the letter by the postal authorities to the navy Pay office of the station to which the Brooklyn is attached, the addressors, as a rule, simply write, ‘Edward Robinson, U. S. Navy.’ Aside from the great probability of there being duplicate names for many letters thus addressed, all such letters have to go first to the Navy Department, where, by reference to muster rolls, they are as- serted, and, after considerable delay, re- addressed to the men for whom they are intended.” £ EE “Until we began to get into hot water with Spain,” said a naval officer, ‘the fa- vorite game of men forward on American warships was Spanish pool, which is a game of checkers of a peculiarly intricate scrt—so intricate that, after twelve years in the service, and much careful watching of the game while officer of the deck, I couldn't play a game of it now to save my scul. The enlisted men all played it, how- ever, and greatly preferred it to the ordi- hary game of checkers, for it seems that Spanisk pool is a game wherein you get quicker action for your .brains in man vering than you do in checkers. But I will venture to say that there has not been a gle game of Spanish pool played in the United States navy since the Maine disas- ter. I was attached to a ship on the Pa- cific home station when the news was re- ceived aboard that the Maine had gone up in the air. After knock-off work had been piped chat day, the Spanish pool fiends ‘broke out’ their oilcloth Spanish pool beards and rubber checkers as usual, and I watched them curiously to see if they would play Spanish pool. They didn’t. Without saying « word as to their reason for the switch, they all plunged into the game of ordinary checkers. ‘This struck me as being pretty significant at the time, as evidencing the opinion of the men for- ward in our navy as to the cause of the Maine disaster.” ee Ke KK “A few weeks ago,” said a Washington man who travels a good deal. was cross- ing from New York to Brooklyn on tpe Fulton ferry. I stood on the forward deck of the ferry boat to get a breath of air. Standing alongside of me was a ragged newsboy, industriously munching some hot peanuts that he had gotten at the ferry en- trance. Oa the other side of the peanut- eating newsboy was a fine-looking, elderly man, of a decidedly military appearance. This military-looking man was to the wind- werd of the boy with the peanuts, and he began to sniff hungrily, as I noticed, as he lccked at the urchin beside him. He watch- 1 the bey munching his peanuts until th> ferry boat was half way across the East river. Then he held out the open palms of beth of his hands to the lad, saying, ‘For heaven's sake, boy, give me some peanuts, quick!’ The boy, wko knew his gait all right. grinned, and dumped half the con- tents of his bag of peanuts into the elder- ly man’s hands. The latter ate those pea- nuts voraciously for the remainder of the trip across, and when he disembarked he led the newsboy up to a peanut stand and beught him a whole armful of ‘em. The elderly, military-looking man was Maj. Gen. Wesley Merritt, who's now going out. I see, to help George Dewey run that new acquisition of ours, the Philippine Islands.” @ Dame. Britis! Beans a sh la Cleaner (show'ng tourists around the church)—“Voila le Maitre-autel, M’sieu' Matron.—"Oh, to be sure, yes. You remember, George, we had French Muitre Autel for dvaner yesterday.—Punch. A WAIL FROM THE DESERT A pretty Washington girl whose father was last year appointed to an Indian agency about 3,000 miles from the national capital, and a couple of hundred miles by stage and buckboard from anywhere else, has not found happiness at her new home, as evidenced by her letters to her sworn chum here. “Dear Old Pal,” her last letter reads, “when, oh, when, are you going to put yourself at the head of that rescuing ex- pedition you suggested, and come out here? if you don’t arrive here very quickly,bring- ing two or three real, live, sure-enough men persons along with you, I’ll marry pa’s teamster, and then you'll feel sorry that you didn’t brave everything and rush out here to my relief, even if it is seventeen miles the other side of sunset.. The team- ster is making all colors of eyes at me, as my little brother says, and Teddy also says that the teamster ‘stands to go flat broke’ in buying silver braid for his sombrero, and in expensively rigging himself up in general, if I don’t soon capitulate. The teamster hasn’t as yet said a word te.me— of course not—but the poor big muff—he is frightiuily good looking, too, the impudent thing—is forever and ever eyeing me when I am cut on my ‘errands of mercy’ around the reservation. He'll get me, if you don’t watch out! Besides pa, he’s the only white man within about a million miles of here, and, even if he does eat chile con carne with a bowie knife, why, goodness gracious me, he’s a man for all that, and for all that! But, oh, just to have one fleeting glimpse of a man, even if he didn’t have any more of a biceps than Aunty Cyn- thia, with clean finger nails, and patent leather shoes, and that close-shaven look, and—well, cven that tobaccoey smell! Min- nie, please, please forward me immediately a consignment of such, subject to inspec- tion and approval, with invoice for same, C. O. D. You recall the state of frenzied excitement we used to attain at the seaside. and how we'd do up in our best organdie bibs and tuckers on the Saturday after- noons when the beateous Willies with the blue-and-red-ribboned straw hats were ex- pected in batches and slews and droves? But the seaside was nothing to this! I be- lieve I could even be civil to a Spaniard out here now, even if he was garlicky * * * “My ‘errands of mercy’ are booted, spur- red and plumed tours around the reserva- tion, in the best clothes I can buy, beg, bor- row or steal, for the happiness of making the Indian young women who have been to the Indian girls’ schools Jealous! Yes, that, and nothing more! 1 confidently expect them to assassinate me any old time! I just pile on everything I've got, and then go and see them, see? They look me over, and then you ought to see their eyes gleam! They are all crazy for finery, you Know, these girls who have been east, but the poor, funny things have got about much idea of taste as that girl who used to live next door to us in Washington. Oh, the color combinations they achieve in their Sunday-go-to-snake-dance clothe: They all hate me impartially and profound- ly because I'm so pretty and have such nice clothes, and because the bucks twist their heads around to look after me when I pass. So, if you read of my being ambus- caded and shot ali to nothing with poisoned arrows in the hands of these girls, why, you needn't be one bit surprised, that’s all! The truth is, I'm not pretty any more at all. The desert winds have just ruined my skin, and, oh, Min, come and take me out of this, or I'll just croak!” ——— THE ALL-ROUND ATHLETE. But He Was Really Expert at Only One Thing. It was a New York drummer stopping in Washington on his way west just long enough to tell the administration how to conduct the war, and while he was resting after his efforts in that direction, he was talking sofething else than war talk. “I stopped in Wilmington, Del., four or five nights ago,” he said, ‘‘and being rather Icnesome, for Wilmington is not the Chi- cago of the Atlantic seaboard, all report to the contrary notwithstanding, I went with three other fellows up street a plece and a half to a billiard parlor for excite- ment. We had played a few games, in fact, it was about time to quit, when a rather well-dressed party, six feet tall and weighing two hundred in his stockings, came in, and after talking around promis- cuous like awhile, he offered to bet any amount that he could beat any man in the rocm, even, at any game of billiards he might select. I am only a fair sort of a player, as my companions were, and we backed away, for I'm never the one to catch any singed cat snaps if I know my- self. Everybody ¢lse was as cautious, and seeing no takers of his bet, he offered to doubie his wager that he could knock any man in the rocm out in four rounds. He slung out his chest and shut up a big pair of fists In a way that was not inviting to the amateur, and nobody offere1 to go into the ring with the slugger. As for myself, I couidr't have stood up against a giant like that for half a round, and I felt like chucking down behind the table till the air cleared. “The big fellow by this time was becom- ing sassy, and in rapid successicn offered to swim, or row, or shoot, or fence, or ride, or ever: play a game of golf against any man in the room, at any time any one might designate, but there was no one to take him up, for it was apparently a Dela- ware crowd, and, therefore, pre-eminently conservative. At last the stranger picked up one of the billiard bails on the table where we had just finished our game and ivegling it a minute, he offered to bet the couid hold it out at arm's Iength for thirty minutes. Well, it seemed that every man in the room knew how darn heavy a pos- tage stamp got at the enc of a man’s ex- tended arm in about five minutes, and there was a rush to take him up. He was bet- ting three to five, and it wasn’t long till he had up seven or eight dollars covered by all the loose change the crowd had, a co- operative bet having been made up against the Spaniard, let us call him. The pre- liminaries being finished, the feat began, and we sat around waiting hungrily to divide the spoils, but the longer we waited the longer he held on, and when the half hour was up, he let the ball down as easy as if it didn’t weigh over an ounce. “We looked at each other and looked at him. ‘Sorry, gents,’ he said, as he raked in the pot. ‘Sorry, but you ought to have seen my bluff. This little trick is my entire stock in trade, nd I can’t row, or swim, or ride, or to do a thing except a lot of suck- ers. Good evening,’” and before we had time to take the offensive he had disa peared into the foggy Wilmington night. So Curiosities of the Bible. From the Presbyterian Review. The following Bible curiosities are said to have been gained by a study of the g00d book by the Prince of Granada, heir apparent to the Spanish throne, during his thirty-three years’ imprisonment at the Place of Skulls prison, Madrid: n the Bible the word Lord is found 1,853 times; the word Jehovah, 6,455 times, and the word reverence but once, and that in the ninth verse of the 111th Psalm. The eighth verse of the 118th Psalm is the middle verse of the Bible. The ninth verse of the eighth chapter of Esther is the longest verse. The thirty-fifth verse, eleventh chapter of St. John is the shortest. In the With Psalm four verses are alike, the eighth, fifteenth, twenty-first and thirty- first: Each verse of the 136th Psalm ends alike. No names or words with more than six syllables are found in the Bible. The thirty-seventh chapter of Isaiah and the nineteenth chapter of If Kings are alike. The word girl occurs but once in the Bible, and that in the third verse and third chap- ter of Toel; and the word boy but once, Zach. 8:5. There are found in both books of the Bible 3,586,483 letters and 773,693 words. —eeo—__ Caste im Cuba. From the Chautauquan. A Spaniard was born in Spain. His son, who was born in Cuba, is not a Spaniard, but a Cuban. If a Cuban should go to Madrid when he fs two weeks old, and spend all his life in the palace, he would still be a Cuban, and nat quite as good as tion which a Cuban can never attain. The scns and daughters of a Spaniard are Cu- bans If they are born in Cuba; but the sons ard grandsons and great-grandsons COULD THROW A very thick-set, compactly built man, who wore glasses and Rad @sort of rumi- nant smile on his broad; Rbalthy-locking countenance, was swinging along a street in the northwest section a:few afternoons ago, apparently taking his time, and observing things as he went along, On,the good-sized lawn of one of the residences he was pass- ing, there was a flock of haif a dozen young boys in knickerbockers,playing Wild West. They were screeching tand hooting fit to wake the dead, for they» were evenly divid- ed, three of them being boli, bad scouts, and the other three beifg Indians with an especial mission for yelling, They were having plenty of fun-with a couple of lariats, witnout being able to exhibit any skill whatsoever in the manipulation of the same. One of-the scouts would throw the lariat ineffectually at an Indian five or six times, with no more result than that of scraping the Indian's nose with the rope. ‘Then the scout would walk up bravely to the Indian, place the loop of the lariat around the latter's neck, and drag him a few feet in howling triumph. = The thick-set smiling man stopped, leaned up against a tree-netting, and watched this sport amusedly. It could be seen from the expression on his face that he liked boy: He studied their play for a few minutes, and then started to walk on. He hadn’t taken more than two steps before the sing- ing of a thrown rope around his ears in- formed him that one of the lads was en- deavoring to lasso him. Of-course, the lad didn’t succeed in doing this, but the thick- set, smiling man turned ground good-hu- moredly. “Bad throw, my boy,” said he. “Now, if 1 were a fleet maverick, I'd be a good hundred yards away by this time. You boys haven’t just got the hang of roping yet. Let me show you.” The boys, highly pleased at getting a grown, good-looking and good-natured man involved in their play, studied the thick-set man with interest. He stepped on to the lawn, took one of the-lariats out of the hands of a willing lad, and said: “This isn’t such a good lasso as it might be for it's not heavy enough, but maybe Then he gathered the lariat up into a coil carefully, swung it about his head a few times in a realistic manner that made the boys stare, and in the twinkling of an eye a little chap who stood about twenty feet away, near the steps of the house, had his arms pinned to his side by the loop of the lariat. ‘Cracky!’ exclaimed the boys in a chorus. "ll bet he’s with Buffalo Bill’s show, all right. Aren't you, mister?” “No, I’m not with any show just now,” sald the thick-set man, pleasantly. “I ex- pect to be with a very big show, indeed, though, a little later on. But I've often seen men throw the lariat. It’s all a knack. Any one of you boys can learn how to do it if you practice it carefully. Then the good-natured man stepped from the lawn onto the sidewalk. As he was re- suming his stroll, a young man passed him, and, touching his high hat, said: {food afternoon to you, Colonel Roose- velt.”” Lieutenant Colonel Roosevelt courteously acknowledged the salutation, and passed on, still wearing that ruminant smile of his. een eens CAUSE FOR WORRY. LARIAT Fears of a Superstitious Man About the U. S. 8S. New York. “I surely am worried a heap about the cruiser New York,” said a young man in one of the departments to a Star writer. “There's no need for me to be worried, for 1 know just where she is, and I ought to feel confident that her gilicerg and crew are thoroughly capable of handling her in any gort of a muss, but somehow or other I can’t get it out of my head that some- thing’s going to haypen.to her. I'll tell you why. I’ve got one of those aps The Star issued of the fighting waters that we're ex- pecting to hear something about any day. As soon as I got the map I cut out all of those little bits of papér répresenting the ships of our navy, and pinhéd them on to the map in accordance with the telegraphic reports as to the whereabouts of the ships. I've been changing their ‘positions right alcng since I got thé map. Yesterday norning I read about’ a change in the cruising waters of thé! New York, and I went to my map, that ‘ts pasted on one of the walls of my room, to shift the ship. I cculdn’t find the New York. It was gone, pin and all. I groped around for that shij everywhere, but couldn't find hide nor hair of her. I ploughed around beneath the bed, inhaiing dust and feathers, and 1 moved every bit of furniture in the room, but the New York had run the blockade and got away from me. After searching for her for an hour with the aid of a searchlight in the shape of a movable gas lamp, I gave up the job. I haven't crossed the bows of the New York yet, and I’ve been dreaming every night since that she was Mained somewhere or other by a Span- ish torpedo. I suppose this is all moon- sbine, but I lived long enough in the south to be ‘askeart’ of hoodoos.”” ———— A Damper on Her Piety. A newly married young Washington man tcok nis wife to church last Sunday. Th scrmon was just about well under wa when he noticed the little womar at h side suddenly start. Then she turned red, lcoked around nervously and hesitatingly for half a minute, rose hurriedly from her seat and left the church. The young hus- band, feeling certain that his wife was ill, wanted to follow her out, but he is a bash- ful man, and the thought of the long cen- ter aisle that he would have to traverse in the face of the whole congregation kept him rooted to his seat. He was pretty giad when the services were over, how- ever, aad he made his way almost at v2 lope for his little menage. He found his wife cheerfully busying herself about the ichen. ‘Weren't you ill?” lessly. “Why, dearle me, ycu know I am never ill,” was her reply. “Well, why. then, Gid you leave the pew se suddenly?” “I suddenly recollected, Jack,” said she, “that I forgot to put the chicken pot pie on the back of the range before we left the house. Would my listening to a good he inquired, breath- sermon have compensated “you for a charred dinner?” “Not much it wouldn't,” said “Jack,” who is as human as they make them. —— “Alas! Are We So Soon Forgotten?” ‘There walked up to one of the door tend- ers of the Se1.ate one day last week a man who said that he had formerly been a United States senatcr, and that he wanted admission to the floor. “That's all right,” said the door tender, “we have that sprung on us every day. You'd better get something new.” The man protested, but’ the door tender was obstinate. Then the man went to an- other door tender. With him the result was the same. Finally he was compelled to seek out Colonel Bright, ‘the sergeant- at-arms, where he had little* trouble in making himself knowns and- securing: ad- mission. & This man was William Sj ie of Rhode Island. True, he represented his state in the Senate, as did his fath@r before him. He was the boy war'govefnor of Rhode Island and a third of,a cegtury ago few men were better kno} .in, Washington, The only person he s: io had served with him in the Senate w4s the veteran Senator Morrtll of ve a A Likely, Place. Jane (reading)—Th¢< ed sentinel leaned on hig gun aad a few mo- sleep. ty 20 2 Little Robble—I. know where he stole it ""yane—Where, Robbiéll jane— ei as w Robbie—From his knapeack.. .. The Lady or thé Tigert From Harper’s Bazar. 'gtars,” they both eried together. CAN’T TELL ABOUT HORSES “I went out to Morris Park races the other afternoon,” said a traveling man from New York, “as escort for a wealthy friend of mine from the west, who had never seen the ponies run, and who frank- ly confessed that he couldn't tell a race horse from a ton of coal. I have alwa kept more or less track of the horses, and. although it is grievous to think of all the good lumps of necktic and cigar money they have cost me, I've generaily flattered myself upon being at least able to occa- stanally light upon a runner who could get in the meney in any sort of a race. This western friend of mine had no confidence whatever in py ability to pick them, how- ever. “It's all a lottery,’ said he, ‘and a man might as well throw his money into a cis- tern as to play any of them. “We went out to the betting ring to see how the betting was going on the first rae: The race for a field of fourteen horses. There were one three-to-five shot and three seven-and-eight-to-five shots, and the rest of the hor: prices ranged trom ten to one to fifty to one. I put my money down on the three-to-five favorite. Said my west- ern friend to me: “* You're putting down twenty dollars of your cash to win twelve, aren't you?" “ “That's what,’ said I. “ “Well, I'd like to have a personally con- ducted inspection of the inside of your head, that’s all,’ he replied. ‘Now, Went on, ‘can you pick cut for me a horse in this race who hasn't got the ghost of a show to win?” “ “Certainly, I can, and will,” said I, and I named him one of the fifty-to-one shots, a horse that I told him wasn't worth 34. “That horse can’t runtwo blocks without getting tied up in a knot,” said I. “I can beat him running myself, with my feet ina gunniy sack. If he doesn’t fall over his feet at the post, he won't be able to get out of his own way by the time the quarter is reached." * ‘Is that so? inquired my western friend. “Well, he’s the hound for my money,’ and he went over to one of the bookmakers and put down a ten-dollar bill on the fifty-to- one shot. Then we went up to the stand to watch the race, which was a straight- away mile. “My horse, the favorite, got away from the post like a cyclone, and at the half he was a good two lengths ahead of his field. “The fifty-to-one shot my friend had play- ed sulked at the post, and he got off with the wrong foot, five lengths in the ruck. He was a horribly bad last until the stretch was reached. Then the boy on top of him Went to work on him. The fifty-to-one shot had four lengths to make up, but he came on like a Missouri river sandstorm, and beat two short-priced horses at the wire by the prettiest nose you ever clapped eyes upon. The favorite had sulked and swerv- ed in the stretch, and got eighth place. "My western friend wasn’t mean and ‘I-told-you-so-ish’ about it, and he blew me off royally with a portion of the $500 he had won, but I am not airing my horse knowledge to any large extent any more, net now.” ns A FEATURE OF THE WAR. Some of the Trials and Tribulations of an Editor. The editor of the humorous literature de- partment looked up wearily from his work as he heard a footfall on his threshold, and his gaze fell upon a visitor who bore the unmistakable evidence of what the editor 89 greatly feared. For weeks the editor had been plunged into a sea of jokes, which he thought could not have been possible; yet they continued to flow in upon him, and he was slowly but surely realizing the hor- rers of war. “Good morning, sir,” said the solemn- faced visitor, in such profoundly sorrowful tones that the editor was sure of his man. “Morning,” responded the editor. The visitor coughed nervously, dragged a small boy out of the shadow behind him, shuffled a foot or two, hesitated a mo- ment, and spoke: “Do we—" he began. “No, sir,’ snapped the editor, “we don’t, and, by Jove, I should think that by this time you would know better than to try to shove an old chestnut like that in on a clv- ilized community. Why, we said that in the head lines in letters as long as your hair, the morning after the scrap, and a thousand imitators have followed our ex- ample. And not only that, sir, but we don’t want anything about ‘Dewey eves,’ nor ‘Do-he? Don’t-he?” nor ‘Didn’t he deweyt up brown?’ nor ‘Dew-Dew, Huckl berry-Dewey,’ nor ‘Yankee Deweydle Dew nor ‘Give the Spaniard his Dewey,’ nor ‘We krew our Deweyty, nor—” The visitor coughed again nervously and slid _up close to the desk. “Poor man, poor man,” he said, kindly, and the boy looked sorry. “What the—” began the editor. “Excuse me,” interrupted the visitor, as the exasperated editcr was about to say vhat Dewey gave the Spaniards at Manil “I think you must be mistaken. -I was go- ing to say do we—” “And I say don’t say it,” exclaimed the or. But the visitor would not listen. “Do w he persisted, “do we go to the ficor above or the floor belew to pay for our subscription?” and the editor fell help- less across his desk, laughing hysterically. ——_+ Exhibiting Africa. - From the Independent. It is a fitting time at the end of the cen- tury to exhibit Africa, and now under the new masters. Like poor Poland, it has been fully partitioned, though, unlike Po- land, not torn limb from limb. What political changes the next century will bring in a continent which has inter- ested the world for thousands of years can- not be foreseen; but there is ro probability that a great native negro kingdom ris>. The control is likely to continue where it is new placed, in European hands. The few siates that niay be called native have no promise of perman:nce. The destiny of the two Boer republics is absorption in British South Africa. Independ2nt Morocco and semi-independent Tripoli, on the Mediter- ranean, have no future of their own. Soon- er or later they will go to swell the posses- sicns of Franc: and other European pow- ers. We must regard Africa, therefore, as an appanage of Europe. The white races which pushed beck the natives and settled and control the American continent, from Cap> Barrow to Cape Horn, dominate all the other continents, and the black tribes of Africa, as well as the brown and yellow of Asia, are subject to their rule. The greatest of the Asiatic kingdoms is in proc- ess of decay, and its partition has already begun. It seems terribly unjust for the white interlopers to wrest two continents, America and Australia, from the aboriginal man and make them their own; to take ant other from the Asiatic races and erect their standards over it, and, finally, io take Africa from th> blacks and subject it wholly to their will, They Missed the Noise and Light. From the New Yok Times. They were little city children—not the city children who are so poor that they have never been out of sight of their hot nest of streets where they live, but Bittle children who were well cared for and supposed to know all about tke joys of the country. But it so happened that they had never been taken into the country or any- thing that epproximated country directly from home and at night. It was only a Long island town to which the little ones & cried the other, and “There are Fature Blacksmith Shop. From the Los Angeles Times. A blacksmith’s shop without a forge may really. come to be a popular institution In By PHILANDER ~ JOHNSON» Written for The Evening Star. A Prejudice. They say that we're short on a national song; They're callin’ on genius to hustle An’ make up a piece that'll | throng An’ give the old-timers a tussle. I reckon our folks must be clean out 0° date; That is, if we're jedged by the manner In which we're accustomed to all congre- gate A-singin’ “The Star Spangled Banner.” “Oh, long may it wave!” When we git to that part, There's somethin’ more to it than singin’. It’s a prayer that devoutly goes forth from each heart As the chorus Is risin’ an’ ringin’, So mother an’ me an’ the gals an’ the boys Gathers, ‘round our old-fashioned pianner And whatever of talent each has he em- ploys A-singin’ “The Star Spangled Banne The source of the tune doesn’t worry me hone. I never ask, “Where did they git it It was destiny if, when the writin’ got done, The music was waitin’ to fit It. An’ I feel that it echoes from sea unto sea Whenever our youngest—that’s Hanner— Strikes a chord deep an’ full so’s to give us the key, An’ we jine in “The Star Spangled Ban- ner.” * x * A Preference. Once in a great while Mr. Biykins devel- ops an impression that he is wiser than his wife. This state of mind is only occasional, owing to the completeness of demonstra- tions to the contrary which almost inv: riably follow it. The baby had been cry ing. All her efforts to soothe it had been vain, and finally Mr..Blykins laid down the book whose reading he had interrupted two or three times a page to cast blameful glances, and said: “Julia, are you aware that we pay rent for only a portion of this building? Does it oceur to you that while we have a right to fill this flat as full of noise as we choose, we are not morally justified in causing noise to overflow and pervade the entire structure?” “It's the baby that's cryin; gested. “You are not adopting the method like- liest to quiet the child. You have been humming to it, but what the child needs is music. Give him to me and I'll show you what I mean. He took the child and proceeded to chant a lullaby. The little one stopped crying and stared at him. “There,” said Mr. Blykins, as he reached the end of a verse, “what he wanted was music, real music. He wasn’t to be fooled with ‘any make-believing humming. Of course, the fact that I used to sing in a glee club and had my voice cultivated may make a difference, too.” He had not gotten very far into the next stanza when there came a ring at the bell. He gave the baby to his wife, while he opened the door. A girl of fourteen or fif- teen said: “We're the people who have just moved into the flat above. There’s a sick lady with us, and says if it's all the same to you, would you mind letting the baby cry instead of singing to it?” * she sug- ind Ax She Saw Him. There was that in her eyes which told that she thought of him only in superla- tives. approval was more in his estimation than the laurels of an Alexander. They were walking arm-in-arm under the arching trees. It was thelr last promenade before the lad went into camp for serious duty as idier. ‘ou haven't noticed “it,” he said re- proachfully. “Noticed what?" she inquired rather faintly. “My new uniform.” “Yes; I noticed it. “But you didn’t say anything about it.” ‘Do you—do you have to wear it?” ‘Of course.” “Wouldn't they let you take some other clothes to wear when you fight?” “The idea is nonsensical. I must say I thought you would admire this uniform.” “I do admire it. It’s so fine and makes you look so commanding that 1 know you'll be the first one all the Spaniards will pick out when they are taking aim!" a" Weariness. Dahs been aimin’ an’ explodin’ An’ I know Dat de guns dey is a-loadin’ Foh some mo’. Ef de folks I'd leave behin’ me Didn’ nced me so, dey’d fin’ me Gone foh sho’. Case it seem like dey ain’ willin’ To talk anything but killin’. It's de fightinest worl’ dis ol’ man ebber saw. For some place I keeps a pinin’— Sence I got no chance o' jinin’ | ‘Whah dey ain’ a-hearin’ nuffin’ "bout no * wah. . Dah’s 2 spot—it’s "bout de best in All de wood, ‘Whah an hour or so of restin’ Does yer good. ‘Whah it’s blossomin’ an breezy An’ whah all dat’s said is easy Onderstood. ‘Whah dar ain’t a thing de matter Whah dey laugh an’ chirp an’ chatter j Teach. ! } And his manner indicated that her | head. Then he reached for a stool and sat down. “What's the matter?” inquired the y« }man with a purple shirt and a white col ler. “This ts the first time I ever knew uu to sit down to your work.” y ankle hurts me,” was the reply. “I @on’t like to put my weight on it.” “Did meet with an accident?” : t wasn't an a 1 was teaching my wife to play whist. Two friends of ours came to pass the evening, nd they played agairst my wife and me were both old pias of course beat us easily suffered bodily bh hand was half pla on the shias. I jumped and looked at m wife. She appeared as Innocent as an an- gel. I didn’t say anything, but put my feet as far under the i It wasn't long before I felt a ing into my fle y ting rather low in her chair, but there was nothing in her expression to show that it was for the purpose of incr her it happened twice mor: I said I had a severe hei and be obliged to quit playing. As soon there was an opportunity | asked her wh: she meant by lacerating my shins, “Didn't you hear what they said?’ she asked. “They talked as boldly as could be about signaling for trumps, and I thought that if they weren't above it there was no reason why we should be.’ ” But until I would as * * * An Unwelcome Suggestion. “Wah,” said Colonel Stilwell, “is indeed a terrible thin a replied the young woman who quotes poetry, “but I am confident that we have little to fear from it. You know ‘thrice is he armed who hath his quarrel And we have been doing re- We have captured a num- aluable prizes. > triumphs are slight compared which wait. There will be mor: encounters, fleet to fleet. A will be the galleons of Spain “I beg yeur pardon. that remahk ay where will I didn’t quite catch be the -galleons of you think they will be destroyed?” rtainly—excepting what we captur “That's the i rejoined the colonel earnestly. “Let's don’t destroy them. Let’a capture them, There is no use of wantow demolition of property. If it becomes abso- lutely necessary let us sink the ships. That is a legitimate paht of wahfare; but let us save the—er—the galleon won't take up much room, and th the less soothing because they taken by the enemy. “But, colonel, stand me. The ships thems He passed his hand over his effort of recollection. Then he ne beer have brow “To be sure! To be sure the word since my school fohgotten it. You must pahdon me, miss. I didn’t like to question yoh pronouncia- tion. I knew that you were fum up noth somew her d I supposed oir” Was yoh customary way of expressing the Liquid measure which consists of fo" quahts.”” Flagged the Moon. From the Philadelphia Record. “Say, you want to hear this story,” said the Reading railroad conductor. “it's a good one on Joe Gibson, one of our fellows. Joe's a good deal of a kidder himself, but the boys are having their turn at him now. It happened up in the Trenton yards a few nights ago. Joe's train was to be side- tracked at Nice avenue. Well, when the train arrived at that point Joe jumped off and ran ahead to the switch. He threw the switch over, and waved his lantern to the engineer to come ahead. The next minute Joe happened to glance due easi down the track, and he nearly dropped his lantein with fright. There was the great round headlight of another engine beaming down upon him cn the very track his train was about to take. Recovering himself, he swung his lantern furiously, at the same time shouting: ‘Pull out, pull out! Don’t you see her coming? The engineer jam- med her up, and stopped short. ‘What's the matter? he shouted. Joe had gath- ered some new knowledge in the meantime, and his expression changed completely. He didn’t say anything, but simply gave the signal to ‘go ahead.’ When the engi- neer pulled into the track he saw the fu moon climbing up over the track dead ahead of him. Joe had simply flagged the moon, that's all.” From the Cleveland Plain Dealer. “The girls are taking a mean advantage of the horrers of war.” “How so?” “Well, they look so deuced teary and pitiful when they hear that a feilow is going to the front that he can’t help en- gaging himself to them. I'm engaged to seven myscif.” Errand Boys.