Evening Star Newspaper, May 22, 1897, Page 14

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, MAY 22, 1897-24 PAGES. Written Exclusively for The Evening Star. “<The first thunder storm of the spring wakes the snakes,’ is an old saying,” re- marked one of the professors of the Smith- scnian Institution to a Star reporter, “and though it is not true scientifically, it is true to all intents and purposes, for thun- der storms place themselves in evidence as scon as the spring is fairly opened, ana about the same time the snakes begin mov- ing about. They would move about just the same whether there was any thunder or not, for the warmth of the spring puts life into them. It happened that I was isiting some friends in Virginia last wéek, the day after the thunder storm. To reach the eleciric railroad I had about a mile to walk, and during that walk, although I did not hunt for them, I saw three snakes moving along my path. Meeting an old colored man, I asked him if he had seen any snakes, and he told me he had Killed two in less that half an hour. Thinking that snakes were rather numerous in that section, I asked him about it. ‘No, indeed, sir; snakes are scarce about here, and un- ti! today [I had not seen any since last sum- mer, but the thunder last night woke them up. and for a couple of days they will be rather lively.” I tried to explain to him that the thunder had but little to do with ft, but he was sure it had, and I gave up the idea of trying to explain the phenome- na. I find that the thunder idea prevails aimost everywhere, and, though it is 1 hable from a scientific standpoint, it is deeply rooted that I do not suppose it ever be corrected.” a + oe “The word ‘limited’ in connection with @crrorations and business concerns and firms,” explained a prominent lawyer to a Star reporter, “is now in very general use. It originated in England, and almost every business concern there is a limited part- nership. Of all the cities in this country Philadelphia has more limited partnerships than any other, though there was not one there twenty-five years ago. Philadelphia got the idea during the centennial, and, it having been found by experience to be a good thing, it has grown constantly. It Ireans that those interested in a firm are interested to a limited extent: that is, to the extent in which it is stated in | the articles ef incorporation. The limit of one member of a firm, therefore, may be $0, while the limit of another may be ten times that amount, or one-tenth or any other part. Thus, in the firm of Brown, Jones & Company, Limited, Brown may ha nree-fourths of the steck, and Jones raining fourth. It , as, it makes a iable oniy for that is named in the articles of inc poration. In this kind of corporations cr firms the law which allows them to limit their responsibility also requires that the Word ‘Limited’ shali always be used in raming the firm, so that all may know exactly that, though there may be a larze number of very heavy men financially in- terested in a concern, their interest and responsibility are limited. It is a fair thing ail around, for it prevents the use ef bic names, which have sometimes been us beom enterprises and corporations, when in reality the owners of the names have had but little interest in the con- cerns “4 ££ was Professor Schroeder of volunteered a surgeon to a opi “It ville.” pester, “who first ventured t the negro never sneezed. de in reply to a qu of Pro- . the famous Philadelphia sur- whos> memory a statute was | icated in this city. A smile Passed around the listeners, and Professor Schroeder, observing that there was some yout his statement, ome force. He there were no struct: ments about the breathing apparatus of the colored race that had been discovered which prevented him sneezing, it was a fact that the colored man did not sneeze, though he could be made to sneeze by the use of ated it ained that, arrange- srulfs, pepper, or other irritants. He had, he said, never made any experiments in nnectisn. He also said his ob d_been confined to colered people in states. Atmospheric or other might exist elsewhere which se him to sneeze, but none exisi- ly in the south. The debate on t occupied nearly an hour at a ting of the International Surgical Asso- ciation, which held a convention in the old | Lincoln Hall some years ago. Since then, | I have often spoken of it and asked my friends to notice, and though I have direct- ed the attention of hundreds to the sub- ject. I have yet to hear the first one say that they have ever heard a negro man cr | man Sneeze. By negro, I mean a black msn or woman. I believe that mulattoes | Sneeze occasionally, and the nearer they are to white the more frequently they Sheeze, but even they are less sensitive to «ce intluences which produce sneezing than the People of the white race. It has been ob- served also that Indians sneeze very sel- dom, ile Chinese sneeze ten times as much, even, as the white race.” * et *& * “The day of the lightning rod man has *” complained a former light- rod canvasser to a Star reporter, id it requires no further explanations m scientific authorities The fact is, city people will not buy ligatning rods any more. The only chance of selling lightning rods is in the country, where the idea still lingers that they afford some protection. There was a time when no city house was | built without having a iightning rod, and, indeed, one on each chimn2y. Now there @re hundreds of rows of houses in the city without any lightning rods, and they seem to be as safe from lightning as if they had them. 1 am not sure, however, that they are, for I have seen evidence time and time again of the value of lightning rods. There is no doubt but that they afford some protection in the country, where Louses are few and far between, but even {here the idea has grown constantly that they are without value. I had an experieace some years ago with St. Ana’s Infant:Asylum in this city. The sisters in charge ordered a lightning red and a specially heavy and Supposedly safe one was put up. The shi foliowing there was a severe storm, and upon investigation the next morning it was found that the ligntning had struck the rod and knocked the tower of one of the roofs off. It might have been a great deai worse had there not been a lightning rod, but say all I could I could not con- dreds of such operations have proved per- fectly successful. Getting a tooth from the movth of another, however, is uncertain.” * * * + “One cf the strange things in connection with the models of the warships, which have been on exhibition in the halls of the Navy Department for some years,” said one of the Navy Department watchmen, “Is the great rush to see them when they are temporarily out of the city. There are hundreds ef people asking for them nowa- days, while three weeks ago they were seldem asked for. It appears that the mo- ment it is learned that taey are not here, the anxiety to see them increases. Expia- nations do no good. The models are now at Nashville. The same thing occurred when the models were sent to the world’s fair at Chicago. Only today, a party of tourists came in and demanded that they be shewn the models. I told them that they had been sent away, but they seemed to dcubt my word. They had the idea that the models were on exhibition in some of the rooms of the building and that they were being defrauded of some of their rights as sightscers.” —__ THE SILLY WHISTLE. A New Invention for Woman's Defense Against Flatterers. This time it is 2 Washington girl in the field of invention, and she is likely to fill a long-felt want. A Star man took a whirl in society one evening last week, and liked it because he hadn’t anything to do but listen to the talk of a bright girl. “Well,” among a thousand or two other things she said, “I do think of ail men in the world to compliment and flatter, the iaen we meet in Washington are entitled to first place. And the southern men are ten times worse than the western men, and the western men ten times worse than the eastern men, and all of them are bad enough. I like to have a compliment paid me, and so do aii women, but when it comes to the silly flattery some men ladle out, and believe that we don't know any better, I just can’t stand ii, and I won't. Of course, you huow that it is right hard for a girl to tell a man he is a fool for thinking she is one, and so she to listen to anything he may say, however fulsome or foolish it is. She has the most beautiful eyes, the most beautiful tigure, the most beautiful iands, or hair, or com: plexion, or gown, or any one of any num- ber of attributes, all of which are in the superlative degree, and the man no more competent to judge of what {s superlati than if he were determining the relazive brilliance of the stars. The girl knows what is superlative, though, and she deesn't hesitate lo tell everybody except the man that it is his silliness. “But we have at last discovered some- thing to protect us,”’ she said, as if inviting the reporter to her* what it was, and he asked her. “We call it the silly whistle,” she re- sponded, “and we have organized a dozen girls in our set. each of whom will before long carry on a little chain attached to her ring a silver or gold whistle, to be blown whenever a man pays a compliment to a girl that she can’t possibly stand. It is a very simple littie device, and we hope it will be taken up all over the country by suffering womarkind, and the men in time be taught by its Shrill call that they mustn't think because a rar is a creature with a smooth tongue a weman is a fool ———_ —_ The Old Man’s Condition. The lumber company’s huge frame store sat among the houres of the saw mill em- ployes as a hen sits among her chickens. The lit‘le cluster of mill, store and hous23 formed a picturesque greup on_the banks of the Cumberland river, wheM™ it spread itself and rested pleasantiy in a preity valley before it gathered its strength to sweep through a narrow defile in the moun- tains a mile or two further on. It was a perfeét day, and 1 was just lazy enough to be serenely satisfied in a hickory chair tilted back against the shady side of the’ store, with one toe pointiag skyward and one heel hung firmly on the rung of the chair. A more definite outline could s ly be given except in a picture, but every man in.the world knows exactly how to strike that position without a word or a line. As I sat dozing and dreaming my reveries were disturbed by-a young moutaineer of twenty riding up to the store under lash and spur—that is, a hickory withe and a bare heel or so. : “Say, mister,” he exclaimed breathlessly, as he d his steed back on his haunch ‘Kin you tell me whar’s the doctor?’ “What do you want?" I inquired, bring- ing all four legs of the chair to the ground with a thud, and rubbing my eyes for clarity of perception. “The doctor.” “Yes, yes,.I know. “It's the old man.” “Is he ili?” he young fellow’s excitement became wilder. “Ti he exclaimed. ‘‘He’s wusser’n ‘at. He’s d—— sick. Whar’s the doctor?’ and I hustled him along a mile down the road where our physician had gone to set a man’s leg. What's the matter?” ——.__ Her Great Woe. from the Chicago Evening Post. She wept bitterly. It would have been evident tc even the most casual observer that she had met with some great sorrow. “Alas!" she cried, “how can I bear {t?”* “What has happened?" asked her dearest friend, sympathizingly, satistied that noth- ing less than an ill-fitting gown could cause such an outburst of grief from one who was ordinarily,so self-possessed. “It is terrible,” went on the frenzied one. “I find that the bicycle tires me too much ‘or tennis and tennis tires me too much for the bicycle. Oh, what am I to do this summer?” + 00 Usually the Wa: From the Chicago Post. He was rather proud of his accomplish- ments in a business way. “Do you know,” he said, “I have learned to run a typewriter myseli?’ : “Have you?” she replied coldiy. “Well, I understand that’s the way with most men when they get a pretty one.” Of course it was useless trying to explain. It only made matters worse, as it always does. ————_+-______ ‘Senator Voorhees’ Retort. From the Chicago Times-Herald. And there is a story about Daniel W. Voorhees, formerly United States senator from Indiana. He was a famous advocate in his day, and one of the most striking personalities to be met with in all the west. It is not saying an ill thing of the senator, who died recently, to say that he was slightly given to bombast. One day he was arguing a case before an Indiana court and was displeased with a ruling. He expressed himself as astonished A TRAGEDY IN VERSES. Tale of a Young Man Whe Loved With ‘Too Much Tropical Luxuriance. As the poetry editor was casting -his eagle eye over the flotsam and jetsam of contemporaneous human emotions which had drifted up on his desk during the in- terval when he slept, and was’ punching holes in most of it with a huge blue pencil, he was approached by a young man of {four and twenty, who, though neatly dressed— even elegantly attired, as one might say— showed in his face the ravages of a. care and a sorrow that clothes could not con- ceal nor wealth and position do aught bui aggravate. “Good morning,” he said, after a casual introduction by the office boy, who gladly hurried away from so much woe. The editor almost caught cold to look. at him, there was such a drafty air about the manner his clothes had of hanging to him. “How do you do?” he responded. “Whai can I do for you today?” “You are the poetical editor, I believe?” ventured the visitor. “No,” smiled the editor coyly. “I edit the poetry. Some persons say that I am any- thing but a poetical editor. They are even so unkind as to say that I don’t know peetry from Adam's off cx.” F “Ah,” murmured the caller, “I think I understand your clever differentiation. I have brought you a tragedy in verse which I want you to look at.” “Hadn't you better add a few lurid pic- tures and sell it to one of the magazines for a Christmas page or something like that?” “Do not ridicule me, sir,” pleaded the visitor so pathetically that the poetry edi- tor really felt sorry that he had spoken. “I beg your pardon,” ke said. “I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, of course. May I see what you have?” “May I read it to you?” replied the visi- tor, hesitating. Again that plead in the voice of the visi- tor won, and the editor submitted to an cutrage he had never submitted to before. He had gone further; he had violated the code of editorial ethi He had given permission to a poet to read his own poetry to the editor in the very room of the editor. But the visitor did not know what he had done. “This poctic tragedy in my young life,” said he, slowly, as he carefully unwound a bit of black ribbon from his manuscript, “I call ‘The Throbfuiness of a Throbbing Heart,’ and I am the person referred. to in its lines. It is not the story of my life, sir, but it is the saddest chapter in that stor: The first starza of it, sir, is as follow: Listen: is steeped in the tropical splendor of Love, cicd In pulsating throblets of Joy, Was chin deep in Blisses direct from Above, And life was pare golden without alloy.” The editor actually wiped his brow as the visitor closed the stirring lines. eemimy,” he exclaimed, in warm, sym- pathetic tones, “that reminds a body of ot of those Cleopatra excursions they used to have on the Nile, doesn’t it? There's a rustle of silken sails and a kind of a sw'si of nice warm water around the feathery edges of silver oars, and things like what, isn’t there? Got any more?" ‘Thank you,” sighed the visitor. next verse is thus: I kuew not a shade in the Summer sun's strine, not a shiver in all of this glow, cht that the world and its treasures were. “The all that she said simply proved it were “Of course, of course; you bet it would,” commented the editor, in the friendliest tone imaginable. “I have been there my- self and know just how you felt about it. Women are all-fired smooth in their lan- guage, aren't they? I've seen them that butter wouldn’t melt in their mouth: remember when I was about your age and thought there was only one woman in the world and she didn’t love me, that I'’—but at this point the editor was recalled to con- sciousness by a look at the visitor's face, and he hastened to beg his pardon and ask for another verse. Think of it! An editor asking a poet be- fore him to read his verses. “the third throb,” responded the visitor, honied words, the beats of my to me ouly the singing of birds, ythinie farewells as we clasped hands to “By the tapers of mud!” exclaimed the editor rapturously, “you are a loo loo when it comes to hitting them off with a poem, you are. I don’t know how ‘the story's cing to end, but if you didn’t get the girl ou ought to be thankful that you didn’t, for a girl that won't come arouad on a call like that ought to be a bronze statue on the north side of the park. See?” It cannot be said to what further ex- tre: the editor might have gone, but he caugat sight of his caller's face and once mcre stopped and apologi * After this apology the visitor bowed his head and quickly wiped a tear from his dark blue eye. “You will pardon me, I hope, sir,” said plainuvely, “but the he ext portion of From Fliegende Blatter. the poem can only be left to the imagina- lon, as it is_utteriy beyond my power of langunge to express, and you will be com- peled te, fill:ghe space with stars. our is A! iy of which I spoke to i, the trag of my young life,, which is only shadowed forta, darkly as of some shostly visitant, in the last verse, which is. as follows: “* ‘And now there's nothing to think ef bat Iraves, ‘and otherwise ~All aia While eilfnt, ii cloth, sweet Charity grievs who ff ber was bewilderingly dazed.” “Well€began the editor, but caught him- self in time, “and you didn't get her after all,” hegs: “Now that’s a shame, isn't at? wné thd deuce -didn't you—,” and once aghift the editor caught himself ere it was too late. “May I take the manu- script a moment?” he asked softly as he extendéj his ‘hand. “Certainly, sir,” replied the visitor, “but it-is nt tobe published—the editor was about ry fa ina faint—“‘at least not now, sir, We "eyou be so kind, sir, as to lay it, away, and when the June roses bud and the world {s glad with the riant life of the blossom time, some day there will be a brief little story handed in by some one of your reporters who coilect the insignificant trifles out of ihe seething ca!dron of events, pwhichy may -have.as an introduction this poem which I have jusi read to you. The story i refer to will be a pathetic story of the iading from the earth of a broken- hearied man, and poesy wil! best bring its pathos into relief. There will be a wedding notice in the paper of the same date and all I ask of you is that you wi!l let the two notices stand side by side on the same page. Here is the date of the wedding on this invitation, and the other notice will be ready when the—" “Excuse me,” interrupted the poetry edi- tor, dropping the poem most inconsiderate- ly, “but if you are contemplating the mor- tal-ooil-shuffling. act, just for a little thing like a girl marrying some other fellow. you'll have to see the city editor, or the obituary man. Here, take your pcem along. That's the chap over there by the window, with the Axminster carpet hair and the fire alarm whiskers,” and the poe- try editor opened the window to get the clammy air out of the room. = W. J. LAMPTON. | >—— ENGLAND TO TRY. A NEW BULLET. It 1s Intended to Increase the Stop- ping Effect of the New Rifles. From the Now York Sun. “Reports received at the Navy Department from abroad tell of the disappointment in the leading services uver the failure of the new small arm bullet in general use to produce. the desired stopping effest or dam- age upon hiiting an object. Extensive experiments haye been mrade to devise some ‘means of increasing the effectiveness of the bullet without increasing the caliber of the gun, and as.the result of those conducted by Great Britain that country has adopted @ new-bullet. It is similar to the Tweedie bullet, and of the same shape as the old one, but with b hollow base lined by the Jacket, which \is made thin at the point, afd the lead core is slightlf exposed. ‘The jlead is filled in from this end, the idea | being for the bullet to upset or musnh- | room on striking an object, and thus in- crease the size of the wound. The United States navy is being supplied with 10,000 rifles of .234 caliber. This small caliber was adopted only after several years of discussion by the naval ordnance experts, as,fhere was much opposition to a gun smaller than the .30-caliber used in the army. The opponents of the smatler gun say it has not the stopping effect of the old Remington and that the new lead pencil size bullet will cut a clean, round ‘hole through a. man and still not interfere for a time with his fighting un- less some ,¥ifal' point is pierced. On the other hand, greater stress has been laid on the destructive qualities of the bullet than on any other feature of the new gun. ss lit ——_ NéWw ‘aiting to Be Killed. From the Springfield Republican. The luck of a Randolph man is some- thing © surprising, according to his lozal paper. On going to the creamery on a re- cent morning, he lost hic horse plank2t, and on the way home he lost his overcoat. While unhitching ins» horse one holdback caught gn the thill and the horse, strug- glirg to fred ‘Itself, was thrown down and broke one of.the thills, the broken plece injuring the horse in such a way that per- haps it “witi"be ‘of no further use. That seme da¥ he Was ‘offered $80 for the horse before “starting” pay creamery... After all this had, transpired he went to his su- gar house ard ju tarning the faucets to the evaporator “both broke. Later in the dey he called on ‘a neighbor, and while re- latirg -his .experience walked past the helggbor's horse while it was eating grain and was kicked, but fortunately was but litte hurt.’ The “hotse is a pet and was never- known to kick befor>, He ¢con- cluded he hed better go home, and asked his pelghbor to, watch him to see ‘that he did not get killed. << course, absolutely free, in days. * JOHNSON > Written Exclasiv-ly for The Evening Star. An Honest Envy. “Dear me!” exclaimed Miss Cayenne. “That shows what it is to be a que it makes me positively envious.” “I thought you were a thorough republi- can in your ideas of government,” com- mented her friend. “So I am, and I realize that even if we had a monarchy, the population of this country is so great that my chance would be no more than about one in 70,000,000." “What has started this train of thought? “I was reading about the queen's jubi- lee.” “But I shouldn't think you would care to be simply gazed at by a vast crowd of peo- ple, who could not by any possibility re- gard as personal friends or even acquain- tances.”” “It isn’t that. I was reading of the clothes she is going to wear.” “Why. I understood that she is going to | have the head-wear, with large black plumes, that she has used for years past on public occasions.” “That's just it. That's where I envy her. Just think of the independence that she must enjoy when she can do that without the slightest fear that the other women will turn around and whisper to one an- other, ‘Dear me! If Victoria isn’t wearing that same old bonnet!’ ” * x Ox The Refinement of Scorn. Melancholy had been doing her best to mark the umpire for her own, but up to {the eighth ianing she had not been able to leave a dint. He was one of the few whom natnre seems to have especially fitted for the respon- sibilities thrust upon them in this life. Quick of — spee: haughty and sver- bearing, and wholly indifferent to the rights of others, he delivered his deci- sions in a way which almost invariably commanded respect, even though it failed to carry conviction. But the penalty which he paid for success in his career was a heavy one. His disposition was irretrievably ruined; ae had become habitually sarcastic. The player upon whom three strikes had just been called was speaking up with all the en- ia in?” thusiasm of a man who realizes that this is a free country, and that the voice of the people as it ascends from the bleaching boards is on his side. “T’ree strikes nottin’ was the loud, la- conic comment which caused the umpire to look upon him with a majestic glare and e#tlaim: “Whut'’s dat?” “I said t’ree sirikes nottin’, an’ dat's whut.” The altercation proceeded untily in a Paroxysm of indignation, the player lifted his bat as a weapon. “Look out!” shouted one of the players. “He's goin’ to hit ye.” But the umpire never flinched. “Don’t you have no fears,” he said, as he stood in statuesque defiance. “After whut he’s been doin’ at the bat I don’t feel that I'm runnin’ no risks whatever. He may strike at me, but there ain’t any mortal chance of his toucain’ anythin’.”” Go ‘way; don’t yoh temp’ me, honey, Talkin’ “work” so free; Don’t yoh tell me *bout no money; Huyh’s er spot dat’s half-way sunny; Good enough foh me. World is full o’ people dat’ Drive de kyaht an’ make ‘er rattle; Plow de fields an’ feed de cattle. All I wants—you take de res'— Is only jes’ Laziness. When de sky is blue an’ beamin’, All I axes you Is ter lef me ter dat dreamin’ Dat de whole earf does be seemin’ Ter invite me to. You kin hab de wealth an’ praises And de grandness dat amazes; Whut I prizes dese yere days is, I is ready ter confess, ‘Only jes’ Laziness. Only jes’ dat summer feelin’— I don’t want no mo’, ‘When de breezes come a-stealin’ ‘Whah de roses is revealin’ All dat splendid glow. I ain’ bothered wif ambition; I don’t hunt foh no position, Saterfied wif my condition, I keeps whut I lubs de bes’, Only jes’ Laziness. * x The Power of Mathematics. The man who is always ventilating a grievance was talking very loyd to the bland and paticnt railway attache, on his favorite theme, the greed of corporations. “Look at the charges imposed by the railroads!” he exclaimed. “Think of mak- ing a man pay $6 merely for going from Washington to New York! It’s an unhal- lowed imposition on public rights.” “Look here,” said the railway man, “do you know how far it is to New York? It's considerably over 200 miles.” “Of course. But it’s time that counts: not distance. Your road only works a few hours getting a passenger there.” “It’s time that I'm talking about. I don’t want to inquire too closely into your pri- vate affairs, and for the sake of a calcula- tion, we'll assume that your time is worth $20 a day.” The discontented man coughed slightly and sald, “That's near enough for all prac- ‘cow, allowing that the conditions were favorable, you wouldn't expect to walk that far, over the highways, which are, of less than seven os “Very well; that would make the trip | cost-you the cquivalent of just $140, vt counting what you would unavoi iy spend for meals and lodging, nor the wear and tear on clothing and shoe leather. Sub- | an’ ‘clahed dat ef I didn’t gib ‘im er res | the e ! “I ain’ sayin’ nuffin’ "bout dat. But so avin’ is ‘scriminatin’. Day's been er payin’ all dah ‘tention ter hosses an’ yuthuh fo'- legged animiles an’ forgittin’ dah solemn duties in elsewhah. Does yer know why I's stan’ hyuh tellin’ dese all facks ‘stid er bein’ ter work? It's ‘case er man come er long an’ iuck mer mule out’n de hahn 1 Bwineter go befo’ de jedge.” | “Wasn't there anything the matter wit ees long’s dey git so pahtic'lar "bout de way mules is looked aftuh, why don’ dey take some interes’ in how white folks "buses dah chickens? Ev'’ybody knows dat fraish cir is necessary ter good heaif, an’ de way dey shets dem po’ fowis up in er coop an’ fastens de do’ so’ dey kain't hahdly draw ef bref is scan’lous. Dem critters is nsed ter out-do’ lit an’ hit's wrong ter she “em up so clus at night. But dey’s so busy wif mules dat dey fohgits ebryt'ing else an’ whut I wants ter do Is ter staht er movement ter secure better ventilation ob chicken-coops.” * * * A Phaorisce. It truly shocks my better self To dwell in plenty in the town Where viands wait, upon the shelf, And hurger never dares to frown, And think on misery, which 1 know Exists in haunts not far away, And not be privileged to show Compassion for such dire dismay. For, where the quivering shadows dip Luxuriant in the shady pool, And truant sunbeams lightly ‘slip "Mid cloistering shades so still and cool, Some creatures ravenous there be Who, in their desperation, try To snatch the insects which they see In carelessness descending nigh. And so, on charity full bent, I long to take my rod and e And fiil my soul with sweet conteat Over this most generous mood of mine; To pity as a true man should A life with misery so fraught And bring to uses right and good The fish that’s waiting to be caught. * * * Mr. Grows Apprchensive. Rafferty,” said Mr. Dolan, as he emerged from a brown study, “Would yez like ty discover what this country 1s comin’ to? Would yez like to know what the continyil clashin’ av differ’nt elliments av society is goin’ ty result “Ol would, —in- dade,” was the earn- est reply. “Thin yez kin ask some wan thot knows, fur Of! niv- ver tell ye. An’ if ye do foind out the right answer, take my advice an’ Kape it till ‘yers fur yell git no man ty belave yez. Look what they've gone an’ done!” “What d'ye mane?” “The Sinnit's had a brakeman put inty jail fur thirty days. Me daughter wor readin’ it aloud ty me out av the paper. “Oi'm gittin’ so Of belave hardly any- thin’ Oi see in some o’ thim papers now- adays,”” commented Rafferty, with a sigh. “Look how they misripresinted Mark Han. na. Wan day they'd come out wid a pic: ture showin’ dollar marks all over ‘is clothes, an’ the next they'd take it boick an’ show ‘im wid a plug hat an’ a Prince Albert coat. Some av thim wint so far as ty say his first name wor * there- by insinuatin’ he wer Eyctalian. Shtill, thot’s got nothin’ ty do wit the Sinnit's ’ a brakeman ty jail. It seems loike always thrubble av some koind an’ the railroad. “What road whor he imployed an?” “Oi dunno. But by frayquint allusions ty him bein’ a shtock brakeman, Oi gather thot he must hov been worruckin’ an a cattle thrain. Take the paper an’ see fur yerself.”” After a careful perusal Mr. Rafferty an- nounced: “There's ayther some misundershtandin’ here or some mighty poor grammar. This paper says he wor a broker. Though what he broike besoides the law there's nothin’ ty show. But he's wan o’ thim folks thot kin listen ty the whistle blow at half- pasht seven in the mornin’ widout loosin’ a wink 9° slape, an’ git off ty go ty a ball game ony day he feels like it. He as- sociates wid millinaires an’ nabobs an’ capitalists— “An’ they've put a man loike him inty jail!” exclaimed Mr. Dolan. “They've done nothin’ else.” “It's the mishtake av the cinchery. What'll it lade to? You know as well as Oi do that there’s nothin’ makes the ordi- nary person so shtuck up as associatin’ wid people av wealt’ an’ prominince. The nixt ting we'll hov ‘ll be a select arishtoc- racy paradin’ around, sayin’ that they lived in the same jail wid this swell break- er, an’ loike as not findin’ people thot'll pass ‘em out free lunch an’ blarney an the strength av it.” “No, sor,” sald Mr. Rafferty, “ye'll niv- ver git me ty think that’s it's onythin’ but a detrimint til’a man’s social shtandin’ ty go ty jail.” “An’ what Oi want,” replied Mr. Dolan, “is ty preserve thot same way o’ thinkin”. But how're ye goin’ ty do it if they puts the crame deily crame in there? Av coorse, if the law wor such as ty sind ‘im ty jail, there wor nothin’ fur him ty do but go. But he oughty hov thought twoice whir he committed his original offinse an’ considered the harrum he moigat be do! ull bis country, if it gits ty be the reg-iar ving ty hov ingraved invitations ty recip- tions issued from thot place, an’ pink teas an’ shtrawberry festivals an’ the band- playin’ an’ carriages at the door, it's as like as not thot in the coorse av toime we'll be foindin’ more people tryin’ ty git inty the lock-up than thryin’ ty kape out. An’ hevvin khows the burdens av the tax. Payers is heavy enough as they are!” * * * . Greatness. RR “I hope,” said Col. Stilwell to an ac- quaintance whom he had recently mado, “that you will allow me to have the ex- treme pleasure of intrcdvcin’ a fri¢pd of. mine, so that the pleesure of his convuh- sation can be added to the other features which go to make the accidental meetin’ of this little pahty of friends a most mem- orable an’ gratifyin’ event, suh.” “Certainly, colonel,” replied the host of The United States Circuit Court n injunction a: ‘Trace Marn, Mas granted the patented IMPERIAL Infring. HAIR REGENERATOR FOR GRA OR BLEACHED HAIR. Ce: |. olleriess, Inst of poten. tn and baths do not wor crimping. Price rd Tt dows not « SIH not stain feet “Mt $10 M oP ANY nutacturers and 1 CHEMICAL MI ave., New York, In Washington sold by PALAIS ROYAL. Made at Martborough hwest. and feminine beauty, the American conti- nent stands fo’mos’. 5 ndoubtedly,” was the patriotic reply. “And what fs the greatest country on the American continent?” “The United States.” Exactly. Now follow me kyahfully. If there is any gentleman from Kentucky here, I know he will bear me out in the assertion that of all the states in th United States Kentucky can produce 1 statesmanship, mo’ blue grass end m valor than any other. It is not necessary foh me to ‘tell yoo anything about buh hievements in the past and huh resources oh the future. And if you had o . that state you would know as wel did that the state of Kentucky couldn't get along without the town of Calhoun And everybody in that town will with me in saying that Calhoun, Kentucky, suh, wouldn't be Calhoun, Kentucky, tf tt did not include Major Mott as a respecced and influential resident — She Would Not Stay. From Harper's Bazar. “The situation of your house suits me, mum,” said Norah McCarthy, who had vis- ited the home of Mrs. Tenspot with a view of inspecting the inducements offered for her to assume the position of help-lady in the household. “I am glad you like it,” replied Mrs. Ten- spot, with becoming humility. “The pay you offer is satisfac and the number of people in t 1 The roora your help-iady occupies is prett good, tov, but I must ask you a few more questions before I e up my mind to re- main in your service. “Certainly replied Mrs. Tenspot, hume bly. “Ask all you like.” Do you ride a bicycle too, “Yes’ “Mr. Tenspot, too?” “Fes. “Do you provide a bicycle for your cook?” “Yes, certainly. clusive use.” “I am glad of that. to think that cooks eel.” “Oh, we would not think of depriving our cook of that privilege.” “What make is the wheel?” “The same as Mr. Tenspot’s and my own —the Ripsnorter. We have one for her ex- Some people seem ht not to ride a “Then, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I can't come.” “Why not?” “I don't know that make. IT couldn't think of ridin’ anything but the Jimdan ly make of bicycle. Good-bye, mum.” ales = What He Wanted. who was in need of a presa listened to the young man’s story, was evident that he not im- but it you won't do,” be said. returned the young man you doubt my ability \L like to refer you to . it tsa't t laterrupted the r “You don't c A good pre inventor rather than : t the stuff the 3 people to write i o- you submitted vit- a writer, an- h Editor—“Have this poem anywher en how is it you have g walk on crutche. Diack Pearson's “ obs = If you want anything, try an ad. in The Star. It anybody has what you wish, you will get an answer. Ten Thousand Suicides. More men murder them- selves than are told of in the papers. A hundred men kill them- selves by overwork, overworry, neglect of health, to one who uses a pistol. A_man has a little trouble with his head, his stomach, his nerves—he doesn't sleep well, or feel well, and he doesn't pay aiy attention to it. He loses flesh and strength and say “Bye and bye” he will take a vacation. He lies to himself. What he needs is a tonic, a blood maker, a nerve builder. He needs Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery. It is the most wofderful health maker in the whole world. It puts the entire body into good order. It Begins on the diges- tion. Makes the appetite and strong—helps to digest the food—renders it easily asstmilable—puts blood making, blood purifying properties into it. Sen it tingling into every fiber of the body. Puts cushions of fiesh all around the abused nerves. Brings healthful, restful sleep—inakes solid fiesh—makes a new man of you, If your ist is honest, he will rec- ommend it. he is not, he will try to sell you somzthing else. tract the $6.50 we charge you from $140, and it leaves a saving of $133.50, rot counting extras. What do you want us to do? Write out checks in your favor and mail ‘em to you?” the occasion; “bring him along. Who is vince the sisters that the rod was not the cause of the whole trouble. Indeed, I had to aumit !t looked that way, but I think on the whole lightning rods do much more that a man with so limited a knowledge of the law should have ever succeeded so far in beguiling his fellow-citizens as to secure their commission to sit on a bench good than harm.” for the trial of causes. Ped = * * *€ * * “The court will fine you $10 for contempt “Much is sald and written about the | of court, Mr. Voorhees,” said the jurist. Another Reformer. transplanting of teeth,” said a well-known Mr. Voorhees’ retort was quick and “Dah’s er heap o’ changes goin’ on at and popular dentist to a Star reporter, | crushing. dis present time, ain’t dey?” said the old colored man, thoughtfully. “In what way?’ inquired the District employe. “May it please the court, your honor will have to name a sum far in excess of that if the court wishes to make a fine at all commensurate with the degree of contempt “and there are many things in favor of the theory and practice, but so far such @perations are not always attended with success. With careful handling may be | TI feel.” “In de way dishere gov’ment's bein’ run.” two successes will occur in each five at-| To be a perfect story it should stop right . tempts. That in itself is a great deal, to | there. But in the cause of truth it must be recorded that Mr. Voorhees later apol- ogized, and the fine was remitted. ———eee- In Women’s Eyes. those who get a solid, healthy natural tooth in the place of a decayed old snag, but more is demanded. I can give the names of lots of people in this city who now have good healthy teeth where they had before very bad ones. In such mat- ters it is only fair to refer to successes, not to the failures. No dentist who thinks anything of his reputation will guarantee any results. There are so many uncer- tainties about the matter that nothing can be guaranteed. My best success has Deen in taking out the tooth and. filling it @arefully and then putting it back Hun- From Puck. = He—‘What's the matter of Blanche Ped- die’s wheel?” She—“Oh! that’s her ‘96 wheel made over. becoming.” It’s wretchedly un!