Evening Star Newspaper, May 15, 1897, Page 14

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, MAY 15, 1897-24 PAGES. Written Exelusiv-ly for The Evening Star. | have had a number of expe: 3," re- marke! a well-known scientist to a Star re- porter, “proving the old adage that “there | is nothing new under the sun,’ but during | chlieman’s excavations I nsiderably amused, as ome of the new dis- are confess that T was weil as inte ted, by coveries there. People no doubt think that the ca ap dance is a modern invention and it is generally credited to the French, 1s in the matter of danc- ing that is slightly off, and I admit that I shared in the general belief in that direc- [| tion. Discoveries, howeve! n the past year prove that the can-can is 6,000 years old, | for among the inscriptions unearthed is a very fair picture of three Egyptian girls dancing the can-ean in the most outre fash- fon, with long skirts, etc. One of the girls is represented as kicking the hat off the head of a male looker on. In this connec- tion it is only fair to say that the Egyp- | thans of 6.000 years ago were much more | moral than those who live at Cairo and other parts of Egypt now. In all the dis- coveries, and among them are draw and etchings by the hundred on metal and stone, | there is nothing ating any immorality | Of course, had there been | ire who are so inger makers of that day would in their work, and there nees of it. ecially those who were famous tombs recently un-} however, very prone toj » and I vy dug out from goid orn ts weighing | pounds. Am the lot were | neck chains, bracelets | links of which are identical the links in modern chains. I also | gold mas! which were worn on the of women on grand oegasions, ch were nearly a half inch thick, the in- sic value of th gold in some of them }| running up into many hundreds of dollars | each.” j rhe clerks who have the longest dis- | tances to travel every morning,” observed | a departmental official to a Star reporter, “2s a rule are the first to arrive at the | Separtments each morning. There is a | swall army of clerks, male and female, | wko live in th uburbin towns, villiages and in the country throughout Maryland } e Virgin and is a matter of fre- | quent remark that they always put In an appearance in the departments anead of | those who have but a few minutes’ walk to reach them ‘The reason of this is that the trains and electric cars from the sub- urbs are run upon a schedule that brings em into the city from 8 to » o'clock. nis in many n as city clerks ks until a few minutes bef ard even then they have to r an ea an hour, and ny cases two hours | earlier than y clerk, ey get used to this and make their angemenis ‘ordingly. In Gistances or fifteen les from Washington the trains are | generally due to pi about S o’ck earlier. In mos: cases the the early train or get left, an it. For myself I have been a s for nearly ten years, and exc three irstances, and they were caus-d by izzards, have never failed io be at my minutes «he he official time o} is to wi the same thing wii mech, navy yard, a number of whom live in Pal- timore and other p' reaéh the na xces nearly 2 To time to go to work t 8 o'clock © to Start a3 carly as o'clock from their homes. They are often at their work in advanee of those who reside near by. It is a joke among | the navy yard «employes that tae rearer | they live to the yard the later chey are in showing up to roll call.”* **x* * £ * Garlic Is mmuch In evidence now in milk and butter,” remarked a dealer to a Star sporier, “and will be for several weeks yet. The taste of garlic is pleasant to some persons, but the great majority abhor it. There is hardly any remedy for it, though some of the dairy people have a method of Gisguising the taste with a preparation of lime. The users of the milk or butter may not know it, but it is a good sign for milk to taste garlicky. It shows the cows are fed on grass. To save the milk at this sea- son from getting garlicky, many dairymen stall feed thelr cows; that is, keep them { tied up in the stalls all day and feed them bran and other mill feed and chopped up hay. In albumen this milk is by no means { as nourishing as that which comes from cows { are allowed to eat the first | spring op of grass. and the deficiency | shows very markedly in the case of chil- dren who have milk as an important fac- | tor in their food. 7 rlic crop generaily | plays out on its own account by the middle of June. It is much better that children shoul have good milk even if it does taste of garlic than to have to give up milk on that account. The best way that I know to conceal the taste of garlic is the homeo- Pathic idea that like cures like, or the same idea expressed in other words that the hair of the dog cures the bite. This can be ap- plied very easily now that green onions are in the markets. Let the child or grown person rub an onion on the lips, even if they do not eat it. The onion taste being similar to that of garlic, though probably more provounced, kilis the after taste of garlic effectually. This is much better and far more healthy than to try to kill the Sartic taste with chemicals, which, while they may not be dangerous or very un- healthy, are never as safe as simpler methods.” ee Ee “The graveyard in Georgetown, Col. was started/’ explained a Colorado tcian to a Star reporte: sore man who was-‘Fnched. He was a bad ‘a:acter, and made himself very disagree- able in many ways. Finally he shot a saloon keeper there, and the boys, suppos- ing that the saloon keeper was dead, or- ganized a lynch court and executed him iu very short order. After they returned from their lynching bee the saloon keeper showed some signs of life. By the most careful kind of nursing he recovered from his injury, though it was several weeks before he was able to sit up, and several months before he could attend to his joon. The boys then saw that they had made a mistake; that a life should not have been taken except in return for a tb — a very full growth of hair, indeed, if one looks Into the matter with any care, itewill be noticed that their hair is very heavy, in comparison with others.” ae Ke OK OK “The late Gen. M. C. Meigs,” remarked an army officer to a Star reporter, “was probably the worst penman in the army, and for that reason, probably, he was one of the first purchasers of a typewriter in this city. Though he never learned to use it very well himself, he had a high appre- ciation of it. In his official duties he had plenty of clerks to write his letters, but he wrote many personal letters en his type- writer. I remember once, during the war, he was appealed to by a farmer in Vir- ginia to give him an order for a lot of quartermasters’ stores—bacon, beef, horse feed, ete.—which were taken by the army, so that he could secure pay for the same from the local quartermaster, who said that he would be perfectly willing to pay for the stores if Gen. Meigs would order it. The general steadily declined to give the order, unless it was shown by indtsputable evi- dence that the farmer was’ loyal to the Union cause. This evidence the farmer was unable to secure. Finally he had an- other interview with Gen. Meigs, who de- clined to change his decision. The farmer then asked him if ne would place his ob- Jections in writing, which the general con- sented to do, and did in a scorching, or at least what he intended to be, letter. The farmer took the letter and went back to his farm in Virginia. He showed the letter to | a lawyer, as well as other friends. They were unable to read a single word in it except the word loyal. The lawyer con- cluded that the letter was net a refusal, but in reality an order on the regimental quartermaster to pay for the stores, and advised that it be presented. The letter was presents to the regimental quarter- master, with the statement that it was an order for payment. The quartermaster was also unable to decipher one word of it, but supposing it was, as it was claimed to | be. an order for payment from his superior, paid the bil kK OK OK OK ~The first electric railroad, trolley road, ever established and successfully run in the werlfl was built not in this country, as most persons would naturally suppose, for the idea was American all the way through,” said a prominent railroad man who oniy recently returned from a tour of the world. to a Star reporter, “but in Ire- land. It runs along the north coast of Ireland, from Port Rush to the Giants’ Causeway. It has been a success from the start, and though it has been greatly im- proved during the past year or so, the orig- inal poles are still in use. ‘There is a very heavy travel during the tourist seasons to the Giants’ Causeway, wnich is one of the ratural wonders of the world. The owners of the road patterned after a small model which they saw in running operation at the centennial exposition m 1876, and nad it constructed the following year. Before that visitors were taken to the Giants’ Cause- way in all kinds of conveyances, principal- ly the jaunting car, but this mode of transportation was not exactly satisfac- tory, for the distance that had to be trav- eled was over seven miles from Port Rush. This meant fourteen miles of very rough and at times dangerous travel. It was also expensive. The trolley road does the work in less than an hour, and it has been the means of greatly increasing the numbers who make the trip. The most violent oppo- sition was made to the trolley by the jaunting car trap owners, but this has completely died out. Suits of all kinds were ought against the trolley, but beyond having to pay for a few goats, cows and calves killed, the management has had to pay no very serious damages. On the other hand, it has steadily made money. It is fair enough, however, to give credit, and there are cards in each stating that the system is of American invention. ‘here is no record of a trolley line in operation in this country for four or five years atter- ward.” a ‘The “Summer Butterfly” in Lo Frem the Sketch. I wonder if you know what a “summer butterfly” is? If you were skilled in the ways of the cabby you would know that it is the small tradesmen who turn cab- men during the season, returning to their legitimate occupation when autumn sets in. “Butterflies” are being gradually weed- ed out by the police, and a man is allowed to take out a cab driver's license only when he can prove that he is what he represents himself to be. A cabman’s earnings greatly depend, I may say, on luck: accordingly, the weekly wage may range from as low as 10 shillings to as high as £2 at certain seasons. The hours, as you know, are exceedingly long. Sup- posing a man turns out at 10 a.m.; he drives the same horse from six to seven hours, and then changing horses, goes on till 3 o'clock in the morning. There is not so much difference between hansom cab drivers and the four-wheel man as the public seem to imagine. Not infrequently drivers change and change about; thus a four-wheeler who feels that the moving of heavy boxes is past his strength will take @ hansom; or again, the hansom cabby who finds that his exposed position brings on rheumatism and kindred ills will change in favor of the more jogtrot vehicle. There is scarcely a well-known cab driver in Lon- ; don but has his own appellation, generally given to him in view of some physical or mental pecuiiarity. Some idea of the liter- ary attainments and wide knowledge of cabby can be given you by the fact that among the nicknames may be found “Tril- by,” “Lord Randolph Churchill,” “Flop the Beadh Ulster Jack, weet Apple Joe,” “Busy Bee,” “Garibaldi,” “Nicodemus” and “Four-in-hand.” Not infrequently the men are known to one another only by their pseudonyms. == eee An Honest Rogue. From an Exchange. Sheridan once had occasion to call at a hairdresser’s to order a wig. On being measured, the barber, who was a liberal soul, invited the orator to take some re- freshments in an inner room. Here he re- galed him with a bottle of port and showed so much hospitality that Sheridan's heart was touched. en they arose from the table e- ut ting, the lat- ver, looking the barber in the face, satd: “On reflecting, I don’t intend that you shall make my wig.” Astonished, and with a blank visage, the other exclaimed: “Good heavens, Mr. Sheridan! How can I have displeased you?” “Why, look you,” satd Sheridan, “you are an honest fellow, and I repeat it, you sha’n’'t make my wig, for I never intended to pay for it. I'll go to another less worthy son of the craft.” —_—__+e+___ Irreconcilable Differences. From Judge. Alice—“Why did she refuse him—because they were of different faiths?” Clara—“Yes.” Alice—“And he refused to change his re- lgion?” life, and they raised quite a large sum of money and sent it to the fellow’s parents. Though the body was first planted in a guliy. it was afterward taken up and prop- erly interred in what is now Georgetown’s leading cemetery. The saloon map always kept the grave green.” keke EK “Thero is one satisfaction a bald-headed man can have,” observed a physician to a Star reporter, “and that is that there are hundreds of chances in his favor that he will never die with consumption. There seems to be some kind of a connection be- tween bald heads and~sound lungs. If a man ig prematurely bald it shows that there is something abnormal with htm, but it does not show that there is any trouble with his lungs. Indeed, {t shows that the lungs are all right. There is another thing in connection with consumptives, and it ts an cid woman's saying that'a consump- tive man or woman will never comb their hair gray. By this is meant that the con- sumptive will die before bis or her hair becomes gray, and it is a safe rule to go by. My observation is, and it’s the same with many others, that consumptives have Clara—“Oh, no; his wheel.” ———+ e+ —____ Color Term—Prussian Blue, From Life. A MAY SNAKE STORY. ty Add# a Good One to the List. Tke snake editor of The Star was per- ambulatirg through Center Market the other morning, when he was suddenly over- come by the sight of a most familiar vale of whiskers. “By gravy,” exclaimed the gentleman ecnnected with the whiskers, extending his horny hand of toil and aceompanying it by gleam of pleasure in his face, “howd’y’ do? I'm. dern glad to see you. Where you been this long time?” “Right here in town,” replied the ophid- jan editor. ‘Glad to see you, I'm sure. fai the good word in Loudoun coun- yo" “Times mighty hard up there, bui no harder than they are everywhere else, I reckon. We're kinder settin’ on the fences waitin’ fer the ery of prosperity to come along our way.” “You ought to be doirig as well as usual in snakes, aren't you? I never saw the time when Loudoun wasn’t right in the frent when it came to veal, downright truthful snake stories.” The gentleman connected with the whis- kKers caught the cphidian editor by the arm, eagerly. “Come over here with me,’ he said, “and set on this ice box fer a minute or two. Did you see,” he went on when the ice box sofa was fully occupied, “in the Lees- burg papers anything about my losin’ a fine dog ten days ago “No. I don’t fane Leesburg papers yet.” “Mebbe it hasn't, but I heard it was goin’ to be put in. Anyway, it happened and I'll tell you, so's you can make a note of it down here. You know how mother snakes has a way of carrying their young around with ‘em like a ‘possum, znd when they stretch out in the sunshine they let their whole brood come out of their mouths and play in the grass cr the warm dust! Weill, an old mother stake was doing this with her brood on my farm one of them warm days about ten days ago and my big mastiff pup come bouncin’ along and sceared her off hefore she nad time to open her mouth and let the brocd of young ones jump down it, as they al- ways do when thcre’s dafger of any kind. There was twenty-four little fellers, from about eight to twelve inchs long, and when the dog chased off the mother snake they kind of scattered, too, only they didn’t have sense enough to know what to do next. “As for the dog, Loudoun Cor it has got into the he laid down by the roadside, dead tired from chasin’ around like a ten-months’ old pup will do and stickin’ kis head down on his fore legs stretched out in front of him, laid there with his mouth open pantin’ fit to kill. I was settin’ on the fence watchin’ him, amd in about two minutes I seen the grass begin to shake in front of his head and before he could git over iis surprise at what was happenin’ I'll be doggoned if every one ef them little snakes hadn't took him for tieir mother and gone kitin’ down his throat. “And you ought to seen him a minute later. He knowed something was wrong, and I guess the snakes inside of him did, too, fer the way he wallered and clawed and howled was a caucion to behold, and it got so bad that le begun to have fits, and then we had to shoot him. Fine dog he was, too, and I'd been offered $50 for him by the saeriff of the county. — “And the mother snake?” inquired the “Dern her tu pieces,” replied the bereaved owner of the Gog, did hear she went off down to the Potomac and drowned her- self fer grief, but somehow I don't more'n half believe it —_—. ONE ON THE e Court Official Who Got the Worst of I When he related the incident, in confiden- tial whispers, and with a guilty blush, to a bosom friend the other day, Clerk Joe Har- per, the sealor deputy at the Police Court, really did not know that the facts would ever appear in print. Mr. Harper recently purchased a new spring hat at a bargain. A few weeks la- ter the conviction dawned on the genial official that he must either have his hair trimmed or-secure headgear of larger pro- portions, inside measurement, the former being plainly the more economical proc2-d- ing. Mr. Harper applied for and was granted leave of absence from the office for half a day. Later, as he down the street, his eye rested on a placard bearing the inscription, “First-class hair cut, 15 cents.” As Mr. Harper is said to have told the story, he submitted to the tonsorial artist and was entirely satisfied with both the man and his effort. Mr. Harper tendered a quarter in payment and was politely ush- ered toward the entrance to the shop. “How about my change?” inquired, Mfr. Harper, thinking mightily of the dime ‘that was due. “No change, sah,” replied the sable servi- tor, bowing low. ‘Twenty-five cents is cor- rect, sah.” “What's the meaning of that sign, then?” demanded the deputy clerk of the Police Court, just a little bit ruffled in temper, as thoughts of a prosecution for false pre- tenses chased one another about his think- ing mechanism. “You say there, ‘First- class hair cut, 15 cents.’ ” “Yes, sah,” was the accompaniment of another humble bow. “That's right, sah; first-class hair cut, 15 cents; but your hair is not first-class, sah.”” —— Quick to Pick Up the F From tho Youth's Companion. To that far-distant region lying below Hudson bay a fur trader took his Boston bride, and on the following Sunday proud- ly led her to the seat of honor in the Itttle chapel. ‘The congregation, to be sure, consisted chiefly of converted Eskimos, but there were a few English and American residents, and the natives, as the story will show, were not unappreciative. ‘The bride was dressed in the voluminous fashion of thirty years ago. A generaus circle indeed would have heen required to outline her skirts, and a coquettish little veil shaded the upper half of her pretty face. Entranced sat the Eskimo women, but with the call to prayer their heads bent reverently_in the customary attitude of worship. Were they following the earnest words of the minister? Were their peti- tions rising with his? On the contrary, all the women were busily engaged in drag- ging forward to the tips of their noses the nets which, after long urging, the mission- aries had induced them to adopt to confine their flowing hair. The veil of the bride had demoralized their religious devotion. Such was the honesty of these Hudson Bay Indians that never but once did the missionaries 1 any possessions by theft. The week following this memorable Sab- bath the Americans could not keep a bar- rel for themselves, even the one devoted to ashes falling apart one night because ita hoops had been purloined. Where they went, however, the former possessors had abundant evidence at the next chapel serv- ice. An English Soc! ‘perience. Gov. Smalley in Harper's Magazine. ~ ~ I have known American guests arrive at an English house in the afternoon when host and hestess and all thé guests were out shooting or driving. The arriving Americans thought they were betng treat- ed unceremoniously, and were disposed to resent it. I asked them whether they real- ly thought that the day's plans for a score of guests ought to haV@-been upset in ofder that the host should meet them at his front door ag they pms up. new point of view I will repeat here. An English friend, whom I met by chance in Landon on Fri- day, asked me to come to his house in the country from Saturday to Monday. I was engaged Saturday evening, and arranged to come Sunday morning instead. Arriving at 11 o'clock, I was shown into the draw- ing room, where sat a lady whom I had never seen, but whom I guessed to be my friend’s wife. Of him there was no We talked for a while, then went out for a walk. My host came in just before lunoh+ eon; one’ or two caine gua wis. mn ‘This lady told me long that no more knew me than I her; that her husband had told her e man was iy a morning, far ‘not say w! ERK. A Poll ion. was walking, THE BURGLAR’S STORY. Am Unusual ExpPrience Even for a Man Used ‘to Surprises. ‘The man who was talking to The Star man was a burglary. nét one of the re- fcrmed kind, etther. WaS not prosecut- ing his profession just at that particular time, owing to the gact that as the result of a prosecution by state he was mak- ing himself more ugefpl than he had beén ing long time. ES in other words, §& penitentiary, and his tinuous reminder zebra must have in that neighborh ‘ “Well,” -he_said,_in ‘the language of a man-who had seen better days, and in re- sponse to a ior from the reporter, “I suppose I might,telt-you a story if there was going to be anythi&g in it to‘me.” What a heartless wfétch he was! Trying in this calculating manner to rob the strug- gling reporter out of a part of his hard- earned” stipend. However, the reporter wasn’t mean, and after a brief bargaining the inactive burglar proceeded. “I'll commence at the beginning,” he said, “and tell you how I got my start—all great men get their start some way or other, you know, and I’m no exception. When I was twelve years old I ran away from home in the country, where I lived with my uncle, a school teacher, and if I do say it myself, I was one of his bright- est and sharpest scholars. I got io New York as the usual runaway boy does, and unlike most of them, succeeded in elud- ing pursuit, and settled down to business as a newsboy. It was congenial work, and IT used to go to night school, and soon was a leader among the boys. By the time I was seventeen I had a position in a restan- rant as a cashier, and the handling of the micney was too much fer me, and one day I skipped out with 3100 and went to San Francisco. For the next four years I kept getting a little worse, but I never fell into th> hands of the police. “Then I got sick, and they put me in a city hospital, and one night I died—I mean,” explained the burglar, “that as far as they knew I was dead. I didn't have any friends, and as the yourg doctor who attended especially to me didn’t get any pay for his trouble, the authorities, to recompense him somewhat, and to save fureral expenses, turned my body over to him, and he took it to his office for the usual purpose. He laid me out on it table in a back room about 1 o'clock one morn- ing. and left me there in the cold, while he adjourned to some other part of his house and went to bed, I suppose. In fact, I know, as you will see presently. “I don’t know what time ‘n the night it was or what was gving on around me, but after a while I began to come to, and in a few minutes I knew that I was not in tne nerrow little bed at the hospital, and in a few more minutes. I began to be seared nearly to death, for I knew right away that I was in the hands of the doctors, and in a fair way to be chopped up. The fright gave me strength, and I got up from the table, and was about to break away eny- where, so long as I got away, when the absence of clothes suggested that I get scme, and I began to lock around a bit. 1 scen got into the doctor's wardrove, and it wasn’t long until I had dressed myself very well for ready-made thiags, and wasn’t half as bad scared as I had been, owing to a good drink of brandy I got out of a@ bottle I came across. “I don’t know why the burglar iastinct should have showed up at such a time, but the sense of safety that I felt in know how easily I could. account for my pres- ence in the house seemed 10 urge me on to getting as much value as I could out of the dector’s house before my departure, and thinks to his carelessness and wealth, when I finally made my exit I had a thousand or more dollars’ worth of jewelry, watches and that sort, to say nothing 2bout a hiindred dollars or so I got in cash. In fact,” concluded the burglar. with a heartfelt siz! don’t think in all the after years of. my work, improved as it should have been by experience, study and practice,.I ever did a more pleasant and profitable job than my first one, to which, of course, was added the keen pleas- ure of the joke I had played on the doctor.” es The Spider-Growing Industry. From Nature. When mine host:in the ideal country inn, which all of us seek but none of us find, brings up a bottle of crusted wine covered with cobwebs and dusi, this outward end visible sign is taken as convincing evidence of age. We grieve to:have to record that the trust may now be misplaced. A bull tin (No. 7) of the division of entomology of the United States Department of Agricul- ture says that-in France and Pennsylvania an industry has recently sprung up, which consists of the farming of spiders for the purpose of stocking wine cellars, and thus securing almost limmediate coating of cob- webs to new wine bottles, giving them the appearance of great age. This fndustry is carried on in a little French village in the department of Loire, and near Philadel- phia, where “Epeira vulgaris” and “‘Nephi- la plumipes” are raisedgin large quantities and sold to wine merchants at the rate of $10 per hundred. This application of ento- mology to industry is one which will not be highly commended. ————+ee A Good Buy. bas doing time in a ess sult was a con- ithe. reporter that a skinned somewhere “Don’t you think that railroad siock of Jones’ was a good buy?" Jim: “‘Yes, a good-bye to the money in- vested.” -o2—___ Some Experiments With a Single Line. From Life, y/ D ] BYo PHILANDER. JOHNSON: Written Exclusively for The Evening Star. A Comparisén of Cost. He is one of the men who do not dis- criminate as to time or place when he is in a mood for eloquence. He has ideas about many things and is fearless as well as verbose in expressing them. He was industriously inveighing against this world and the people who inhabit it. “We are the victims of prejudice,” he said. “We arc bound down to the tra- diticns of a past compared with which the present day is as a calcium light to a pine Knot. People in power fear to encourage progress, believing it is better to bear the ills we have than fly to others that we know not of." “Yes,” replied Miss Cayenne. “That has been commen gossip for a long time.” “What is the remedy? Some strong man must step forward and guide the country to higher and better things. Some Cin- natus must come from his plow and de- vote himself to the ‘public good as only a man deveid of vain ambition can.” “You favor the farmer in politics, then?” “I made the allusion in a general way." ou’re not a farmer yourself, are you No. I'm an architect.” “Well, I suppose that if there were no farmer handy and it came to a pinch, an architect would do? “I suppose so;” repiied the orator rather suspiciously. “By the way. Could you tel! me what the cost of a country house will be.” “Certainly,” was the reply, as the busi- ness instinct asserted itself. “It all di pends, of course, on the style of the house. “Well, supposing it were a house, whose construction cost ten thousand dollars How much would you charge me for the plans?" “About four hundred dollars.” “Is that all?’ panvgre You thinking of having a house “No. I inquired merely as a matter of curiosity. Of course, I don’t pretend to understand business; but it is interesting to learn that a man’ will charge four hun- dred dollars for the work of desig small dwelling, and give his unreservea energies to remodeling the whole universe for nothing. ’ * OK Rivals, I saw ’em goin’ up the road like flashin’ streaks 0’ light; An’ I didn’t blame my good ol bay fur shyin’ at the sight. And in the distance minglin’, Bells an’ laughter kep’ a jinglin’, ter tell the truth, I felt a heap more envious than polite. The bay, he tried ter ketch ’em, but a wreath o’ dusty cloud, Was all that, in the distance, presence of the crowd. An’ I says ter him, “Ol’ feller, ’tain’t no use of arguing; The hoss is a back number an’ the bicycle’s the thing. Tin, told the ‘Twus jes’ a bit "fore twilight when them People come along. They wus goin’ home on foot; ‘twus plain thet suthin’ had gone wrong. The broken bottles seattered By some tramps their hopes had shattered. I never see a more dejected, weary lookin’ throng. They all sung “Home, Sweet Home.” I harhessed up an’ took ‘em there. when they gladly paid two dollars each, by way of fare, The ol!’ bay winked one ear at me an’ tried his best ter say, “The bicycle ain't in it an’ the hoss is here ter stay.” An’ * x * A Ready Explainer. There was an ominous look in her eye that made the cierk in the book store un- eesy. His apprehensions increased when, in response to his inquiry as to what he could do for her today, she gave him a havghty glare and proceeded to take the string off a small bundle. The young man was especially annoyed, as his employer was present and his recordyas a salesman had been so good that he had reason to hope for an increase of compensation. She laid the volume, which she had uuwrap- ped on the counter and said: “Do I look as if I came from the coun- try.” “Certainly not.” “Do I seem to be one of these persons who may be depended on to come along and buy something that nobody else wants?” : “I am sure no such insinuations have been uttered in this store.” “They have not been uttered. But they have been implied. Did you get an extra commission for selling me this book? I understand that in many stores the clerks are paid a bonus for getting rid of old- style materiai to people who don’t know any better.” “Really you are doing me an injustice of some kind. I wish you would explain.” “You sold me this book, did you not? ‘ “Yes. And it’s a charming bit of litera- ure ut when I came in I told you I wanted a fin de siecle story.” “I remember. You sald you didn't know of anything in particular that you want- ed, but you would like something clever and modern.” “I sald fin de siecle.“ “Certainly. And when I asked you if you had read this you said ‘no.’ I com- mended it and you took it. I'm sure you haven't read it or you would like it.” “I got through only a small portion of the preface. Then I discovered the impo- aiticn. If you will glance at the preface you will see that the story was written in the year 1701.” “There is no denying that.” “Does that date,” she went on with chill- ing sarcasm, “indicate that the book an- Swers the requirement I mentioned?” He took the book. looked at the preface, and then with a bland smile replied: “Of course! I should have known better. But you must admit that you were partly to blame.” e = fest: - see how." “You left me a little in the dark, you know you didu’t tell me which end ot the century you referred to.” here this morning A gentleman from London, who is visit- ing in this clty, very much resents any in- Sinuation that @ Briton has not a keen ap- preciation of humor. He was telling about his arrival in this country. “I was extremely weary of being on the water,” he re- marked. ““I don't “You don’t mean to say that you want a serious answer to that inquiry?” “Certainly.” Well.” he proceeded with a very know- ing twinkle in his eye, “I didn't see any Long Island sound, but I have no doubt that if i had visited Long Island I should have heard several ie them, hi zs * * A News Item. Ye kin put it in the paper, so's ‘twill cir- cle-ate aroun’, “Mrs. Corntosselle an’ husband is a-goin’ out 0” town!” 1 hev spelt it sert o’ fancy, cause I thought by doin’ so “*Twould look better in “sussity, course, is whur ‘twill go. Ye kin also tell the public, ef fur more there's a demand, Thet we're on an expedition which long years ago was planned. We've worked weth faith an’ saved weth hope fur this auspicious hour, An’ me an’ Mandy’s ready fur ter take our weddin’ towr. which, of It’s thirty year thet we hev been a puttin’ off the trip They're thirty years o’ sunshine an’ there isn’t one we'd skip we had the means 0’ startin’ over from the day When, so skeery-like, we answered whut the preacher had ter say. I told her it was usual fur ter travel some by rail, But she said ‘twas wastin’ money an’ I iet her rense prevail. I didn’t hey no fortune an’ she didn’t bring no dower, An’ we've only jes’ got ready fur ter take our weddin’ towr. E life all We've talked it o'er most every day, jest at the set o” sun, When she got the supper ready an’ I had the milkin’ done. We're gointer keep a-driftin’ till we find a pleasant spot And we'll tie cur baggage ‘round weth long white ribbons, like ez not. We've read the advertisements "bout the seaside an’ the springs, But we sorter think the city’s whur ye see the best o” things. ‘Though there's nothin’ we could find ter make us quite furgit the bower Whur we're growin’ old together, we're on our weddin’ towr. while We've cleared off all the mortgages; the future locks serene; An’ we're goin’ ter view the sights thet long ago we should hey seen. We'll stroli along the bullyvards an’ watch the folks go past An’ she'll take my arm ter help her when she's gettin’ tired! at last. We'll pattarnize the big hotels an’ read the bill o” fare An’ pay the price, whutever "tis without a single care. We want it done in style, so let the press 1s power e public me an’ Mandy’s on our weddin’ towr. * * x A Heroic Remedy. The member of Congress from Yellow- Jeg Branch was not angry. He was only grieved. There was cordiality in his toae but repeoach in his glance as he gresied the reporter. “Il am not one of those men who abuse the newspapers,” he sald. “1 do not make @ practice of getting imto a crowded ele- vator and saying that the public press is a frivolous and ir- responsible — institu- tion, so that my in- jurious statements may be scattered broadcast every time we stop to let off passengers. I wouldn't do such a thing. I'd rather suffer in silence. ‘Hav2 you been slandered ?” ‘No. 1 don’t think that any intentio.al wrong nas been done me. I don't believe that your paper desires for an instant to annihilate the prospects of any man whose political principles are not antagoaistic to Ss own.” ‘Of course not.” “Then perhaps you'd go so far as to right the wrongs you have done?” You want a retraction published?” “No. I want something that will at‘ract attention and not look like a subterfng: ‘What do you .want said?” I guess the best thing would be a col. umn article with extra large headlines and exclamation points all through it, telling about my narrow escape from asphyxla- pone owing to my having biown out the “But you surely don't—" “Yes, I do. I won't 0 so far as to re- quest any misuepresentation of the facts if your conscienee won't permit you to int duige in a litue inventive tresdom. I'll go to bed this very night at 11 o'clock and leave the gas burner going at full tilt. Then you can come around at a quarter after eleven and send up your card and discover me for yourself in an unconscious: pone don’t forget to come.” “But what do you wi make | self ridicnlons Cer ne ne vom “My boy, to paraphrase an old prov ridicule is’ merely a matter of geograpiy, I belong to a community that resesta’ the effete phases of our civilization and clings to the rugged simplicity that has so ofte, been associated with true greatness. You have published several paragraphs abowt my wearing a dress coat and going to pink ae, Rot doubt are now circus effect peop! Who once voted for me. ‘I've stnpee me to do something to Square myself.” > * * * $ Struggling Against Time. “There are occasions,” Senator Sorghum was saying, “when filibustering is justifi- able. One cannot always be guided by broad principles. A Statesman’s duty is to serve his country as a whole, but how is he going to do it if he neglects the appro- priations that’ affect his Particular patch of territory and gets put out of sf The minister, tentively, nodded his head “I can understand,” said h Who had been listening at- approvingly. bustered, myself.” “I didn’t know that hi up_in politics!” exclaimed ‘the’ sense, “It wasn’t ‘in politics. But I fillbustered | minutes longer? I nodded assent and took @ fresh start. I didn't mind it much, a: there were a number of thoughts suggest ed by the text to which I was glad to giv: expression. I kept an eye on the clock, and when the five minutes had elapsed be- gan to summarize with a view to reaching an easy termination. I felt another tug at my coat. ‘Doctor,’ said the deacon, ‘can't you preach five minutes longer ‘What is the matter? I whispered. ‘We have lost something,” said he. ‘I'll let you know as soon as we find it.” I started in on the sermon which I had mapped out for the evening, and gave what 1 could of it. As my auditors realized experienced a new impulse an uneasiness manifested { very painful to me. There was an ominous look of stern resentment on the faces of several pillars of the church, which grew more and more severe as the minutes passed, without bringing me any notific tion from the search party. Cold perspira- tion stood out all over m: Every time I commenced a sentence the congregation fidgeted, and Igwas on the point of bring- ing my martyrdom to a desperate close when a wail arose in a corner near the that I had of eloquence, elf that was dcor. In a few minutes the deacon came up to me, radiant with smiles, and said ‘It’s all right now. You can stop preach- ing now and go al We've found the baby “It seems that the mother had intrusted the child to its father, and he had laid it down, while it slept, in an egpty pew, and gone out to look after his horses. When he got back he forgot about the baby and went to sleep in another part of the church. That man’s carelessness. very nearly cost me my position, and whenever I hear of a public man’s being obliged to do any fili- bustering I long to hunt him up and clasp him by the hand and tell him how my heart goes out to him.” WASHING VS. WORKING. d with the baptism. A Tramp Makes a Test of € persti The drummer who sees his trade in the northern neck of Virginia by going down the Potomac on a steamboat and doing the rest of it via a buckboard, was talking the other night on the steamer bound for the field of his labors. “Four weeks ago,” he said, “on one of those warm days, I was driving in toward Kinsale, and when about three miles from town I ran upon a combination which was as surprising as it was unaccountable. About fifty yards ahead of me I saw a tramp sitting in the shade, on the bank of a brook that babbled softly through a fence, and slipped quietly across the road. He was gazing at something as if spell- bound, which, upon coming nearer, I saw was his traveling companion washing his dirty face in the stream and spluttering like a porpoise. It was evident the splut- tering had awakened the tramp on the bank, and the sight that met his gaze had fascinated him as a basilisk might charm. The road was so sandy that I was within speaking and hearing distance of them y had not heard me. “"Hully chee, Muggins,’ ejaculated the one on the bank, when he had recovered sufficiently from his astonishment to speak, “but what on de eart’ er youse doin’ dere? “It's like dis.” spluttered the other, as he rose, dripping like Venus from the sei and blew the water out of his. mouth, ‘I hears somebody a-sayin’ in de noospapers dat dere wasn’t nuttin’ worse’n work, an’ I'm jis seein’ if it's de trut’. “By this time I was discovered, and the two of them dropped all abstract matters and questions and came down precipitately to the concrete proposition that I con- tribute a nickel or so to their emaciated exchequer.” eee MINDFUL OF THE HORSES. A Statesman Narrates a Tale of His Trials ynd Tribulations. “4 prophet is not without honor, save in his own country,” quoted The Star report- cr to a distinguished statesman. “Nor a member of Congress save in his own district,” responded the statesman to whom he was talking, and who happened to be a representative from a state whose name shall not be mentioned here. “Are they so bad as that “Well,” laughed the statesman, “be good for a few minutes and I'll tell you a story. When I was running for Congress in my second race, that is to say for re-election, I had one appointment in the most remote county, to which 1 had to go alone, my traveling compgnion having been taken sick. I knew only a few of the people, as it was very strongly the other way, and I did not cultivate it very zealously, and I scarcely knew the country at all. How- ever, Legot in a speech one night, and af- ter it was over was picking my way back to the house where I was to sleep. In the course of my wanderings I struck an old shack of a railing, and the next thing I knew I had gone through it and dropped into a well of some kind, very large and with perhaps four feet of water in it. I wasn’t hurt, but I was scared, and I set up a lusty shout, which soon brought a couple of men to the rescue.” “ “Who's thar?’ called one of them down through the dark. “It's me,’ I answered, ‘Colonel Blank, i member of Congress. Help me out of this.’ “In response to this there was a cgnsul- tation, most of which I heard. “Oh, I say, Bill,” laughed the one who had first called, as if talking to some one farther away. ‘It’s that Congressman that’s been makin’ the pow wow at’ the school house.” ““Goshariny,’ haw-hawed the other one, ‘le’s let him stay thar. It'll only be one Congressman less,-and him the one we want to beat.” “Dern ef I wouldn't like to,’ said the first, hesitatingly, ‘but ef we do it'll spill the weil, an’ what'll the hosses and cows do fer drinkin’ water? What other pleasing reflections they might have cast upon me,” concluded the gentieman, “I don't know, for I became im- pauent and set up such a row that they were forced to come to my assistance in a hurry.”* —_.___ THE ENGLISHMAN’S WIT. An Entire Shipbuilder Runs Afoul ef an American Joke. There was an Englishman haiiing from Hull on this side the water recently look- ing at America end, of course, he came to Washington. He was a large man weigh- ing not less than 250 pounds and rising to a height of at least six feet three inches. He was for an Englishman not yet Ameri- canized. quite chatty and affable, after the ice was broken, albeit just a wee bit slow of wit. “I'm a Hull shipbuilder,” he was saying to a Yarkee newspaper man in a small party of journalists who were blowing him off to a few rations wet and dry at a foun- dry where such things are manufactured. “Of course you are,” responded the Yan- kee as he measured his huge proportions and smiled; “you could scarcely make us believe you were only part of one, don’t you know.” Those in hearing laughed and the Eng- lishrian looked at the Yankee with a pus- zled, yearning expression on his broad and honest face. “Really,” he pleaded, “I beg your par- don?” and then before international com- plications could arise, somebody called on the Englishman for a speech or something and the Yankee joker got away.