Evening Star Newspaper, November 17, 1894, Page 17

THE EVENING STAR, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1894-TWENTY PAGES. (Copsrighted.) He got fn at Ipswich with seven different weekly papers upder his arm. I noticed that each one insured its reader against @eath or injury by railway accident. He arranged his luggage upon the rack above him, tcok off his hat and laid it on the seat beside him, mopped his bald head with a red silk handkerchief and then set to ‘work steadily to write his name and address upon each of the seven papers. I sat op- posite to him and read Punch. I always take the old humor when traveling. I find it soothing tothe nerves. Passing over the points at Manningtree the train gave a lurch, and a horseshoe he had carefully placed in,the-rack slipped through the netting and fell with a musical ring upon his head. He appeared neither surprised nor angry. Having staunched the wound with his hand- kerchief he stooped and picked it up, glane- ed at it with, as I thought, an expression of reproach and dropped it gently out of the window. “Did it hurt you?" I asked, It was a foolish question, I told myself so the moment I had uttered it. The thing must have weighed three pounds at least; It was an exceptionally large and heavy shoe. The bump on his head was swelling visibly before my eyes. Any one but an Idiot must have seen that he was hurt. I Jerome K. Jerome. expected+antrritable reply. I should have given one myself had I been in his place. Instead, however, he seemed to regard the inquiry as a natural and kindly expression of sympathy. “It did, a little,” he replied. “What were you doing with it?” I asked. It was an odd sort of thing for a man to be traveling with. “It was lying in the roadway just outside the station,” he explained; “I picked it up for luck.” He refolded his handkerchief so as to bring a cooler surface in contact with the swelling, while I murmured something genial about the inscrutability of Provi- dence. “Yes,” he said; “I've had a deal of luck in my time, but it’s never turned out well. “i was born on a Wednesday,” he con- All I Ever Had Was Advice. 4s the luckiest day a man can be born on. My mother was a widow, and none of my relatives would do anything for me. They said it would be like taking coals to -New- castle helping a boy born on a Wednes- day, and my uncle, when he died, left every penny of his money to my brother Sam, as a ‘slight compensation to him for having been born on a Friday. All I ever got was advice upon the duties and re- Bponsibilities of wealth, when it arrived, and entreaties that I would not neglect Yhose with claims upon me when I came to be a rich man.” He paused while folding up his various insurance papers and placing them in the inside breast pocket of his coat. ‘Then there are blaek cats,” he went on. “They're said to be lucky. Why, there never’ was a blacker cat than the one that followed me into my rooms in Bolsover street the very first night I took them.” “Didn't he bring you tuck?” I inquired, finding that he had stopped. far-away look came into his sad eyes. Vell, of course, it all depends,” he an- swered, dreamily; aybe we'd never have suited one another; you can always look at it that way. Sttll, I'@like to have tried.” He sat staring out of the window, and for awhile I did not care to intrude’ upon his evidently painful _memorte: “What happened then?” I asked, how- ever, at last. « He roused himself from hts reverie. “Oh,” he said, “nothing extraordinary, She had ta leave London for a time and gave me her pet canary to take charge of while she was away. “But it wasn't your fault,” I urged. “No, perhaps fot,” he agreed, “but it created a coldness which others were not slow to take advantage of. “I offered her the cat, too,” he added, more to himself than to me. e .d smoked in silence. I felt that the tion of a stranger would sound weak. “Piebald horses are lucky, too,” he ob- served, knocking the ashes from his pipe against the window sash. “I had one of them once.” “What did it do to you?” I inquired. “fost me the best crib T ever had in my Ife,” was the simple rejoinder. “The gov- My Employer Gave Me a Goone. ernor stood It a good deal longer than I had any right to expect; but you can't keep a man who fs always drunk. It xives a firm a bad name.” “It would,” I agreed. H “You see,” he went on, “I never had the | head for it. To some men it would not | have so much mattered; but the v was enough to upset me, wn used to It. | “But why did you take it?” I persi | “The horse didn’t make you drink it, he?” “Well, it was this way,” he pontinuirg to rub gently the lur 3, | exph ‘| six_pound: was now about the size of an egg; “the animal had belonged to a gentleman who traveled in the wine and spirit line, and who had been accustomed to visit in the way of business almost every public honse he came to. The result was you couldn't get that little horse past-a- public honse— at least I couldn't. He sighted them a quarter of a mile off, and ma-le straight for the door. I struggled with him at first, but it was five to ten minutes’ work getting 1 Carried It This Way. him away, and folks used to gather.round and bet on us. I think, maybe, I'd stuck to it, however, if it hadn’t been for a temper- ance chap who stopped one day and lec tured the crowd about it from the opposite side of the street. He called me Pilzrin, and said the little horse was Rollin, or some such name, and kept on shouting out that I was to fight him for a heavenly crown, After that they called us ‘Rolly and the Pilgrim, fighting for the crown.’ It riled me, that did, and at the very next house at which he pulled up, I got down and said I'd come for two of Scotch. That was the beginning. It took me years to break myself of the habit. “But there,” he continued, “it has always been the same. I hadn't been a fortnight in my first situation before my employer gave me a goose weighing eighteen pounds thristmas present.” that couldn't have done you any remarked. “That was lucky “So the other clerks said at the time,” he replied; “the old gentleman had never Leen known te give anything away before in his life. ‘He's taken 2 fancy to you,’ they said; ‘you a lucky beggar!" He sighed heavily. I felt there was a story atta-hed. “What did you do with it?" I asked. “That was the trouble,” he returned; “T did not know what to do with it. It was 10 o'clock on Christmas eve, just as I was leaving, that he gave it to me. “Tiddling Brothers have sent me a goose, Biggles,’ he said to me, as I helped him on with his great coat. ‘Very kind of ‘em, but I don't want it myself; you can have it.’ “Of course I thanked nim, and was very grateful. He wished me merry Xmas and went out. I tied the thing up in brown paper, and took it under my arm. It was a tine bird, but heavy. “I carried it in this way for some dis- tance, because I was excited and didn't care how I carried it; but as I cooled, I began to reflect how ridiculous I must look. One or two boys evidently noticed the same thing. I stopped under a lamp post and tried to tie it up again. I had a bag and an umbrella with me at the same time, and the first thing I did was to drop the goose into the gutter, which is just what I might have expected to do, at- tempting to handle four separate articles and three yards of string with one pair of hands. I picked up about a quart of mud with that goose, and got the greater part of it over my hands and clothes and a fair quantity over the brown pgper, and then it began to rain. “I bundled everything up into my arm and made for the nearest pub, where I thought I would ask for a piece more string, and make a neat job of it. “The bar was crowded. 1 pushed my way to the counter and flung the goose down in front of me. The men nearest stopped talking to look at it; and a young fellow standing next to me said “Well, you've killed it.’ I dare say I did seem a bit excited. “I had intended making another effort to sell it here, but they were clearly not the tight sort. I had a pint of ale—for I was feeling somewhat tir sd and hot—scraped as much of the mud off the bird as I could, made a fresh parcel of it and came out. “Cro3sing the road a happy ‘dea eceurred to me. I thought I would raffle it. At once I set to work to find a house where there might seem to be a likely lot. It cost me three or four whiskies—for I felt I didn’t want any more beer, which is a thing which easily upsets me—but at length I found just the :rowd I wanted—a quiet, domestic looking set in a homely little place off the Goswell road. “I explaincd my views to the landlord. He said he had no objection; he supposed I would stand drinks round afterwards. I said I should be delighted to do so, and showed him the bird. “It looks a bit poorly,” he said. He was a Devonshire man. “‘Oh, that’s nothing,’ I explained. ‘T es to drop it. That will all wash off.” - ‘It smells a bit queer, too,’ he satd. “That's mud,’ I answered; ‘you know It Caught Me on the Back of the Head what London mud is. And a gentleman spilled some gin over it. You won't notice that when it’s cooked.’ “Well,” he replied, ‘I don’t think I'll take a hand myself; but If any other gent likes to, that’s his affair.’ “Nobody seemed enthusiastic. I started it at sixpence; I took a ticket myself. The potman had ‘a free chance for superin- tending the arrangements, and succeeded in inducing five other men, much against their will, to join us. “I won it myself and paid out three and twopence for drinks. A solemn-looking individual who had been snoring in a corner suddenly woke up as I was going out and offered me sevenpence ha'penny for it—why sevenpence I have never been able to understand. He would have taken it away, I should never have seen it again, and my whole life might have been different. But fate has always been against me. I replied, with perhaps unnecessary hauteur, that I wasn't a des- tituto Xmas dinner fund, and walked out. “It was getting late, and I had a long walk home to my lodgings.I was beginning to wish I had never seen the bird. I esti- mated its weight by this time to be thirty- “The id: occurred to me to sell tt to a poulterer. I looked for a shop; I found one in Myddleton street. There wasn't a cus- tomer near It, but by the way the man was shouting you might have thought that he wi doing all the trade of Clerkenwell. I took the goose out of the parcel and laid it on the shelf before him. “What's this? ‘Ir a goose,’ I said; ‘you can have it lic just setzed the thing by the neck and tt at me. I dodged, and it caught the i of my head. You can have no idea, if y @ naver been hit on the head with a goose, how it hurts. I picked it up and hit him back with {t; and a policeman came up with the usu: ‘Now then, what's all this about?” : “I explained the facts. The poulterer stepped to the edge of the curb and apos- trophized the universe generally. “Look at the shop,’ he said; ‘it's twenty minutes to twelve, and there's seven dozen geese hanging there that I'm willing to give away, and this fool asks me if I want to buy another." “I perceived then that my notion had been a foolish one, and I followed the police- man’s advice, and went away quietly, tak- ing the bird with me. “Then I said to myself: ‘I'll give-it away. I'll pick out some poor deserving person, and make them a present of the d—d thing.’ I passed a good many people, but no one who looked deserving enough. It may have been the time or it may have been the neighborhood, but those I met seemed to me tg be unworthy of the bird. I offered it to a man in Judd street, who I thought appeared to be hungry. He turn- ed out to be a drunken ruffian. I could not make him understand what I meant, and she followed me down the road abusing me at the top of his voice, until, turning a corner without knowing it, he plunged down Tavistock place, shouting after the wrong man. In the Euston road I stopped a half-starved child and pressed it upon her. She answered ‘Not me!’ and ran away. J herd her calling shrilly after me: ‘Who stole the goose?’ “I dropped it in a dark part of Seymour street. A man picked it up and brought it fifter me. I was unequal to any more ex- planations or arguments. I gave him two- pence and plodded on with it once more. ‘The pubs were just closing, and I went into ene for a final drink. As a matter of fact I had had enough already, being, as I am, unaccustomed to anything more than an occasional glass of beer. But I felt de- pressed, and I thought it might cheer me. I think I had gin, which is a thing I loathe. “IL meant to throw it over into Oakley square, but a policeman had his eye on me, and followed me twice round the rail- ings. In Golding road I sought to drop it down an area, but was frustrated Ia like manner. ‘The whole night police of Lon- don seemed to have nothing else to do but prevent my getting rid of the goose. “They appeared so anxious about it that I fancied they might like to have it. I went up to one in Camden street. I calied him ‘Bobby,’ and asked him if he wanted @ goose. “I'll tell you what I don’t want," he re- plied, severely; ‘and/that is none of your sauce.” “He was very insulting, and I naturally answered him back. What actually passed I forget, but it ended in his announcing his intention of taking me in charge. “I slipped out of his hand and bolted down King street. He blew his whistle and started after me. A man sprang out4 from a doorway in Collége street and trie to stop me. I tied him up with a butt in the stomach, and cut through the Cres- cent, doubling back into the Camden road by Batt street. “At the canal bridge I looked behind me and could see no one. I dropped tiie goose over the parapet and it fell with a splash into the water. “Heaving a sigh of relief, I turned and crossed into Randolph street, and there a constable collared me. I was arguing with him when the first fool came up breath- less. They told me I had better exy the matter to the inspector, and I thought 80, too. “The inspector asked me why I had run away when the constable wanted to take me in charge. I replied that It was because I did not desire te spend my Xmas holidays in the lock-up, which he cvidently regarded as a singularly weak argument. He asked me what I had thrown into the canal. I told him a goose. He asked me why I had thrown a goose into the canal. T told him because I was sick and tire? of the animal. ‘At this stage a sergeant came in to say that they had succeeded in picking up the parcel. They opened it om the inspector's table. It contained a dead baby. “I pointed out to them tha my parcel, and that it wasn’t my bab: they hardly took the trouble to dis the fact that they did not believe me. “The inspector said it was too grave a case for bail, which, seeing that I did not know a soul in London, was somewhat im- material. I got them to send a telegram to my young lady to say that I was una bly detained in town, and passed as quiet and uneventful a Xmas day and boxing day I ever wish to spend. “In the end the evidence against me was held to be insufficient to justify a convic- tion, and I got off on the minor charge of drunk and disorderly. But I lost my situa- tion and I lost my young lady, and I don’t care if I never see a gocse again.” We were nearing Liverpool street. He collected his luggage, and, taking up his hat, made an attempt to put it on his head. But in consequence of the swelling caused by the horseshoe it would not go any- where near him, and he latd it sadly back vpon the seat. “No,” he said quietly, believe very Much in luck, Brothers Classmates From the Hagerstown (Md.) News. A correspondent of the Boston Transcript says: “Four men surnamed Lord were graduated at Dartmouth in 1843, as showo by the general catalogue. Three of these— William H., Henry C. and Samuel A.—were brothers and were the sons of the Rev. Dr. Nathan Lord, a trustee of the college from 1821 and its president from 1828 to 1863— thirty-five years. The third of the above named was a twin brother of Frederick R. Lord of 1842. John K. Lord of 1856, Joseph L. Lord of 1888, Nathan Lord of 1851 and Francis B. Lerd of 1858 were also sons of President Lord. , “Hagerstown can boast of a somewhat similar incident, similar in every respect save one—two of the brothers were not twins. The year In which Dr. McCosh_ be- came president of Princeton College three gentlemen of this city—Charles S., J. Clar- ence and William P, Lane—entered the same class at Princeton, and th 1872 all three of them were graduated with honors. The Lanes seem to have a slight advantage over the Lord family in that Mr. Charles Lane now has three sons attending school at Lawrenceville, N. J., almost under the shadow of old Princeton, and it is his in- tention to have all three of the boys do as he and his brothers did—enter college to- gether in 189% and become members of the same class. Mr. William Lane has two can’t say that I College. children, whom he will enter when they are old enough. soe State Work for the Unemployed. From the Boston Commercial Bulletin. The report of the Massachusetts bureau of statistics of labor gives an interesting review of public attempts in England and France to furnish relief to the unemployed. It shows how nearly impossible it is to get any adequate return in the way of service for money expended by the state. The tendency is to pauperize, or, at least, to de. moralize, the workmen and destroy e dis- position to labor. At the same time it in- jures private employes, for a man who knows he can really loaf most of his time | under the pretense of working on the public roads cannot be pressed to give fair com- pensation in labor for his wages. In calami- tous periods, like the famine in Ireland or the cotton famine in Lancashire, or the in- dustrial paralysis in France in 1848, some- thing in the way of state work must be re- sorted to, Yet, just as sure as each person receives an equal dole and knows he will be supported anyway, it is impossible to get any reasonable amount of work out of him. The problem in this manner is a very dif™- cult one to solve, and as a method af out- door relief in ordinary times it is disastrous both to the pockets of the taxpayer and the character of the workman. —_—_—__+e- A Pastel. From Puck. “See the woman!” “Is the woman glaring and frothing at the mouth?” “The woman is glaring and frothing at the mouth.” “Has the woman a fit?” ‘Syhat is just the question; the dress- maker says she has; she says she hasn't.” “They are speaking of the matter.” * 00 Owing to Otherm From Life. Father—“Why is it that you have no money the day after you receive your salary?” Son—“‘It is not my fault, daddy—it is all ewing to other people.” SOON OUT OF. A JOB Sor 9 2 ER What the Defeated Members of the House Will tat SOME WILL MAKE-THETR HOMES HERE a ¥F The Attractions 6fThis City as a Place of Residence. THE EX-MEMBERS’ COLONY Written for The Evening Star. HERE WILL BE [ examples ail over the country after , | March 4 of “a states- man out of a job.” What will they do with themselves? That is no doubt what some of them are thinking today. It is not an casy thing for a man like Mr. Holman, who has devoted the Breater part of a to turn to some to Congress, other occupation than law-making. Mr. lifetime Holman, to be sure, 1s unique. He has the record now of the longest service in the House ever attained. But there are other men, who, when their age is con- sidered, can be credited with as much de- votion to congressional work as Mr. Hol- man, They, too, have become members by profession. One of theso who loses his job through the recent election is Mr. Springer of Illinois. Another is Mr. By- num of Indfana. One has given twenty, the other ten years of continuous service to the House of Representatives, Both are lawyers, and both left good business at home when they came here. Mr. W. H. Morrison of Illinois said re- cently of campaigning in Illinois that the work for a re-election occupied all the time between the sessions of Congress. Campaigning in Indiana is quite as ab- sorbing a business. Therefore Mr. Springer for twenty years and Mr. Bynum for ten years have been neglecting their law prac- tice until they have virtually none left. Mr, Bynum has announced already that he will not attempt to take up practice in Indianapolis again. He is going to settle down here as an attorney before the de- partments. He will join a large colony of ex-Congressmen here. There are £0 many that people seldom Identify them “as ex-members of Congress. It is not a von- sptcuous honor here to have been a mem- ber of the House. In any other com- munity it is considered a distinction. Most of the men who come to Congress are lawyers. A law practice is built up by years of effort and steady application. It is natural, therefore, that men whose cerma in Congress have expired, who know ihat they must return t6 their old homes to struggle for perhaps fite or six years be- fore they can place, themselves where th were before they caine. to Congress or re- main here in the practice of their profes- sion before the departments, should pre- fet the easier life’ For a time they command business from their own state: Then they pick up. @ general busin Sometimes they confine themselves to iaw and claims. Sometimes they take up mat- ters before Congress ‘atid become lobbyisis. ‘There are so many of these ex-congression- al lobbyists in this,city that it has been necessary to curtail the privileges of the floor of the House. Privileges, of the Floor. Formerly all ex-members were entitled to the floor. In the Fopty-ninth Congress old “Richelieu” Robinson of New York made himself so conspicuot$\in his advocacy of legislation that the privilege was taken away. Now it is limited to ex-members “who are not interested In any claim or bill pending before Congress;” and Speaker Crisp has had to apply the prohibition of that rule more than once during his three ars as presiding officer of the House. Several ex-members have been warned off the floor because the Speaker was informed that they were interested in pending legis- lation. Mr, Reed, who will be the Speaker of the next Congress, is perhaps even more intolerant of the ex-member lobbyist than is Mr. Crisp. He said not long ago, “I se no good, reason why ex-members shui come on‘the floor any more than any other class of citizens. ‘The floor of the House should be reserved for legislation, not for visiting or the private discussion of mit- ters before Congress. If ex-members are not allowed to debate or to vote, *hey should not be allowed to come on the floor and add to the confuston, which is already too great.” Are Residents Here. In the list of attorneys here who have been in the House or Senate are many well-known names. Mr. Bynum will find himself associated with ex-Representative and ex-Commissioner of Patents Ben. But- terworth, formerly of Ohio, then of Chi- cago, but now practicing law in Wash- ington. Jere Wilson, who became famous in the Breckinridge case recently, and his partner, Judge Shellabarger, were mem- bers of the House from Ohio and Indiana, respectively. John Goode of Virginia was a member of the House from 1875 to_1SS81. | He was solicitor general in the: first Cleve- land administration. He now makes his home in Washington and practices law here. Another distinguished Virginian who can almost call Washington his home is ex-Senator Mahone of Virginia. He owns a sreat deal of property here. Senator Hunton of Virginia, who goes out of office next March, will undoubtedly re- turn to the practice of law here. He is an iMustration of the public man who coes not lose his hold on his state by settling in Washington. Mr, Hunton w a mem- ber of the Forty-third, Forty-fourth, For- ty-fifth and Forty-sixth Congresses. Then he settled in this city and took “up the practice of law in partnership with Jef- ferson Chandler of Missouri. A dozen years after his retirement from Congress he was appointed to the Senate by the governor of Virginia, and afterward elect- ed by the legislature to fill the unexpired term of Senator Barbour. The late Sena- tor Perkins of Kansas was another ex- ample of the dead statesman called to life. He retired from the House and began prac- tice here as a claims attorney. To the surprise of every one he was appointed Senator from Kansas at the time of the death of Mr. Plumb. He failed to get the election to the vacancy and Mr. Martin succeeded him. H. D. Money of _Missts- sippl, who has just been re-elected to the House, is another example of political re- suscitation. Mr. Méne¥ was a member of the House in the Forty-fifth Congress and he held his seat fer ten years. Then he began the practice of Jaw in this city and no one suspected hinyof further political ambition. Eight years after his retire- ment he bobbed up as a democratic candi- date for the House,in Mississipp! and was elected to the Fifty-third Congress. John B. Clark of Missouri thought that’ he could go back to his state and obtain another election to-Congress after he had been superseded ag clerk of the House. He had been a member of the House from 1873 to 1883 and his father was a member before him. But the people of Missouri sent some one else to Congress and Mr. Clark returned to Washington to take the position of chief of division in the super- vising architect's ,Mflce. He holds that office today. ? They Prefer This City. Congressman “‘Archfe" Bliss of New York has settled in Washington as a real estate speculator. L. E. Payson of Illinois, who was defeated for the Fifty-second Con- gress by Herman Snow, opened a law office In Washington immediately. George 8. Routwell, Grant's Secretary of the Treas- ury, was a candidate for Congress three times, but unsuccessfully. He sat in the Senate for a time, though. He lives here now and practices law, but he !s now more of a whist player than a practicing lawyer. Ex-Representative Hemphill of South Caro- lina married a Washington woman end because she preferred the capital to his southern home he came here and engaged in the practice of law. Ex-Representative Phil. Thompson of Kentucky, who was brought into notoriety during the trial of the Breckinridge case, has been engaged in law practice here ever since his term in Congress expired. Ix-Representative Wilkins of Ohio remained here whon his term expired and in partnership with Frank ton bought the Washington which, under their joint manage- ment, became a fine property. Since the death of Mr. Hatton Mr. Wilkins has been sole manager of the Post. Ex-Senator John B. Henderson of Mis- sourl went to Missouri and made a fortune practicing law after his retirement from the Senate. He has returned here because he liked the city. He is not in politics now, but bis son has bought a farm in Virginia, and the latter may be heard from in the congressional elections some day. Ex-Sen- ator Van Wyck of Nebraska went west after his retirement, with a view to getting another election; but failing to beat the re- publican candidate for governor of the state he has returned to Washington, Mx- Senator Conger entered upon the practice of law here when his term in the Senate expired, and he is still a partner in the business which is carried on actively by his son Chilion. Ex-Senator Eustis settled dewn to a life of well-earned rest in Wash- ington when he left the Senate, but Presi- dent Cleveland sent him to Paris. Green Bt. Raum was a member of Con- gress from 1867 to 1809. Then he went back to Illinois, where he remained until he was called to Washington to be commissioner of internal revenue in 1876. After his ser- vice in that office, he settled here and prac- ticed law untii made commissioner of pen- sions by President Harrison, There are some ex-Congressmen in office under the present administration. Ex-Senator Hamp- ton is commissioner of railroads. He will probably remain a resident of Washington. Ex-Senator Carlisle, Secretary of the Treas- ury, is probably a permanent resident of this city. Ex-Representative Herbert is at the head of the Navy Department. Ex- Representative Mansur of Missouri is depu- ty controller of the treasury. Ex-Repre- sentative Scott Wike is assistant secretary ef the treasury. A great many ex-members have business interests to which they can return. Dock- ery of Missouri, if he should be denied a seat, has his banking business. Cummings of New York has always kept up a connec- tion with journalism, and he will slip back into the work very naturally. Holman of Indiana is wei to-do, and he will retire to a well-earned rest. Tom Johnson of Ohio has large business interests which he has been neglecting while he has been in Wash- ington. Possibly his constituents consider- ed this when they ed to return him. A majority of the “ex's” will turn to con- genial occupations; but there are some who wil) miss that $5,000 a year most grievously. > Life Without India Rubber. From Longman’s Magazine. In our own day It really seems as if we cculdn’t possibly get on without India rub- ber and gutta percha. Though both are of comparatively recent introduction, the num- ber of purposes to which they are applied is so immense that our civilization without them would at least be very different from the form in which we actually know it. To lump a few miscellaneous examples in a single paragraph—without those two, sub- marine cables would be almost impossible, telegraphy would assume many unlike modi- fications, goloshes would not exist, water proéfs and mackintoshes would be a beau- tful dream, and a rubberless world a hid- cous reality. stic, In the sense in which ladies use the word, for tying hats or mak- ing garters, would never have been evolved; tobacco pouches would still be of silk or leather, our combs would be of horn, and our buitons, paper knives, penholders and pipes much dearer than at present. ‘As for machinery, where would it be with- out India rubber cinctures, and tubes, and cups, and valves and buffers?) Where would engineering be without the endless minute applications of the elastic gum? Where would surgery be without the innumerable devices, the syringes and squirts, the belts and bandages, of which India rubber forms the sole, and, as it seems to us now, indis- pensable basis? Fancy putting out fires without the invaluable hose; fancy whirring manufactories without the ‘Inevitable gear- | ing. The bicyclist would miss his pneumatic tires; the artist would miss his ever-handy eraser, When we go to the dentist, which is a ways in ftself a delightful’ excursion, a happy hour is made happier for us by the India rubber sheet with which he dexter- ously contrives to check undue loquacity. When we go to the gymnasium, half the apparatus we employ is based on it. And what would life be at the present day with- out India rubber hot-water bottles? eee Looking After School Children. From the New Yrk Times. Are your children in school? Do you know what they are studying and how far along they are? Have you visited their school? Do you know how much light they have in the school room or anything about its ventilation, er how many children are in the same room with them? Perhaps they do not get on well and their com- plaints against the teacher are loud and long. Have you investigated the matter, or do you think the blame ts all on one side? A visit to the school might reveal what sort of person the teacher is and why there is friction between her and your children. If the children have work to do at home, do you know if and how they do it? Do you give your school boys and girls nour- ishing, carefully prepared food, or do you let them have anything that is at hand? Do you see that they are early in bed and that they have plenty of sleep? Are you chtul that some time every day is given to out-door play? And have you searched and discovered the little ambition every boy and girl cherishes, and, if it is a rea- sonable one, are you’ pleasing them and gaining their confidence by fostering and encouraging it? What of these questions, mothers, some or all of them? Care of the Feeble Minded. From the Philadelphia Press, In size, administration and general care of the fechle-minded, the American insti- tutions ure in advarce of those of the old world, One distinctive feature of the in- stitutions of this country is that they aim to provide “homys” rather than “asylums” for the defective. There ere twenty-five schoolk for the fecble-minded, and there are about 100,000 imLectles in this country. Only one-sixteenth of these receive in- struction. The Pennsylvania Asylum for the Mentally Defective at Elwyn, near Philadelphia, has the largest number of pupils43. Its factlities are also fully equal, if not superior, to these of other scheols. Next in point of size comes the instivition at Columbus, Ohio. California has built a school with an accommodation for 1,000 inmates, but it has not yet gath- ered them in, The Massachusetts State Asylum, at Waverly, under the very en- lightened and progressive control of Dr. Fernald, has 440 pupils, eight buildings and an estate comprising 100 acre ~2oe,——_—— The Largest Monolith, From the Providence Journal. The largest monolith ever quarried and finished in this country has recently been put in positign ut West Point, where it is erected to*the memory of the regular soldiers who perished in the rebellion. The main shaft is a single plece of white gran- ite, 41 1-2 feet long, 6 feet 6 inches di meter at the base and 5 feet 2 1-2 inches diameter at the top, and weighing 184,000 pounds. “It was polished at the quarry at Stony Creek, Conn., and was taken from there to the site at West Polnt*on two eight-wheeled platform cars, each 38 feet 6 inches long. The manner’ in which the shaft was transported over temporary tracks and finally erected on the pedestal prepared for it is full of interest. To avoid danger of the stone breaking by its own welght, it was crated for shipment in four 14-inch’ square tmbers, which were trussed in pairs, to furm essentially vertical Howe trusses. From Life. ba ee it, Lizzie, a boy or a gal?” “A gal “Dear, dear me! there's some onc else got to worry about gittin’ a hus- : i7 FOR THE PLAIN PEOPLE. Paine’s Celery Compound Makes Men ” SSS SSNS S = SSS Dr. Shrady, in the Forum, gives some of the big fees that physicians receive from wealthy patients, For four weeks’ attendance during typhoid feyer the physivian to the Prince of Wales received $50,000. It 4s the countless homes in moderate circum- stances, however, that find it so hard to pay for the frequent doctor's visits. What the plain peo- ple want is the very best medicine, yet not beyond their means. They have it in Palne's celery com- reund, To prepare such a great, popular remedy, that should embody the most advanced ideas regarding disease, und yet be easily within reach of the thousand modest homes where sickness exists, was the lifelong ambition of that eminent Dartmouth professor, the greatest. physician America has produced, Edw.rd E. Phelps, M.D., LL.D. Paine's celery compound, that remarkable nerve regulator and blood purifier, was first prepared by Prof. Phelps in the laboratory of the Dartmouth medi- cal school. Paine’s celery compound embodied the sound theory of Prof. Phelps, that only by feeding and rebuilding wornout, diseased nerve tissues could firm health be restored. ‘This greatest of reme- dies sets to work at once to store the nerve tis- sues and the muscular tissues with the means of rapid growth. It urges the excretory organs to cleanse the blood, and fills it with new red corpus cles. There has never been anything like Paine’s celery compound for building up the system when tired out, weak and bloodless. It has showm its marvelous power in permanently curing nervous debility and exhaustion, neuralgia, sleeplessness, melancholy, headaches, dyspepsia, rheumatism and disordered liver und blood disease—these many ailments being due,.to poverty and. impurity of the blood or to an underfed state of the nerves. ‘This most progressive remedy of ‘this century soon made its way tnto hospitals, homes of physi- clans and into ¢ountlesé ‘modest households in the large cities, and the happy resultsgduring all these years in every city and hamlet in this broad land suiliciently show its marvelous power over diseases of debility and weakness. Physicians advise its use whenever the system is ‘run down,” and as an invaluable general tote for speedily recruiting the strength of the body. Mr. E. E. Towne, who ts one of the best known business men in Springfield, Mass., has been a res- ident of that city for over thirty years. He has a fine residence in the McKnight district, and is well and favorably known among the best people of the city. He writes: ’ “I had spent thousands of dollars in hospitals and at different springs in trying to cure sciatle theumatism. Almost every known remedy, both internal and externil, was tried, but results were not satisfactory; no cure was effected. Barly in 1894 (after I had had some temporary rellef) I was again taken with very violent suffering, pain night and day. I tried various remedies for two months, but with no help, As another experiment, I com- menced taking Paine's celery compound. 1 began to improve at once before using up one bottle. The pains grew less, my appetite grew better, and I began to get sound and refreshing sleep, and have gained in three months fifteen pounds. I have only taken six bottles, but am nearly well. It has done for me in three months what other medicines did not do in years.” The example is plain. Keep Your Cash! It's a handy thing to have when the house rent is due—or when sickness invades your home circle. If you need some furniture— Just tell us that you will pay for it—a little money once a week or once a month—out of your current earnings—that's all we want. No Botes—ao such thing as interest. Buy of Us . On Credit! Let us fix your house up in the coziest kind of style for winter. When you visit us you will find every price marked in plain figures— it won't stir a hair's breadth whether you pay CASH—or whether you prefer casy pay-| 30-in. wheels. ments, We make and lay all carpets FREE OF COST—no charge for waste in matching figures. PLUSH OR HAIRCLOTH PARLOR SUITES CHOICE, $22.50. SOLID OAK BED ROOM SUITE, $13. SPLENDID BRUSSELS CARPET, 500. PER YARD. RELIABLE INGRAIN CARPET, 350. PER YARD. MADE AND LAID FREE OF COST. SOLID OAK EXTENSION TABLE, $3.50, #0-POUND HAIR MATTRESS, $7. WOVEN @VIRE SPRINGS, $1.75. HEATING AND COOKING STOVES—ALL SIZES—STANDARD MAKES, YOURS FOR 4 PROMISE TO PAY. GROGAN’S MAMMO Th GREDIT NOUSE; 819-821-823 7th Street Northwest, Between 11 and I st-cets, High-Grade Butterine | Only. Wilkins & Company, Square Marble and Glass Stands, B ST. WING, NEAR 9TH sT., Center Market. \f Physical ult orset Co,’S prack consers. ist cakes well make a sale on them. A finer, larger, more varied stock was never shcwn. Imported $9.50 mak domestic makes—corsets cut Mrs. Whelan, igr.,.o%uaxcr 204 bias and straight-plece goods—made from the best horn a —the best makes. «|/Do You Eicrak || Ogranm’s, November Clearance List 1894. Second-Hand and Shop- worn Wheels, 2 Century Columbias, *98 pati J. tres; Nos, 9089 and 15068; newly refn- tabed, each........... : ++ 75.00 1 Dart, G. & J. pneumatic tires, "94 pattern, 2 Junos, ladies’ wheels; cut from $65.00 to (each) . Drop frame; see . 3.08 bearing, and in good condition, Gormully & Jeffery Mfg. Co., 1325 14th St. N.W., Washington, D. C. oc81-tt NEAR DUPONT CIRCLE, CARPENTER JOHN T. WALKER, Builder, or 1920 N st. Jobbing by experienced and reliable men. o3-3m* Wish to porchase a MUSICAL INSTRU- MENT of any make or description We have them. IMPORTED MUSIC BOXES, MANDOLINS, RARE OLD VIOLINS, STEWART BANJOS, BAY STATE GUITARS. 4 LARGB and complete assortment of trimmings for all instruments, NEW end popular standard MUSIC ta great variety, suitable and arranged for all instruments, SPECIAL DISCOUNTS TO THB FESSION. Sanders & Stayman, LEADING MUSIC HOUSE, 934 F St. N. W. ul ee PRO- e244 Myrrh and Orris ~~... | Toothwash, Culture’ Special Price, 25C. The nicest, sweetest and most ben tooth wash ‘on the market. Recomm by leading dentists. 12 Pa. Ave.