Chicago Daily Tribune Newspaper, December 4, 1880, Page 12

THE HOME. Mr. Claypole’s Gase Considered by the Grumpy Club. A Variety of Opinions Regarding the Gentleman's Diloma, Kittle and Cato Have a Word to Say About Trashy Novels. Tho Hired Girl Question Taken Up by Ono Who Wants a Reform. A Poot’s pinion of a Mundane Snbject—Mineellano- ous Contribntions, AFTER TUE BATTLE, Aftor tho battle ts over Do we think of the victory won, Of tho triumph gained nd tho ond attained, Aftor tho fight is donc? Wo only have room for grieving For the bright hopes cant awny, For tho foarft! cost of our loved ones lost, ‘On that gréat victuctous day, ‘Bo in the overy-iday contlict, ‘The battle of right ant] wrong, Though tho cnemy yicld a canqitered fold, Where right and truth aro strong. Thon memory Jentts te Over the troubled wi And our only sulin tsa bys dull, aad pata For the loss of one hapny day. THE GRUMPY CLUB. IT8 VIEWS NEGANDING CLAYPOLE, To the Editor of The Chicago Tribune, Dreatur, ill, Nov. 29, ing of the Grumpy Club the subject that camo up for discussion was the question pro- pounded by Mr. Claypole ‘to the readers of The Lome, * Now, What Am Ito Do?” The Club was of the opinion that his ease Merited attention, and thet it was an excep- tional one, because when a man potrs ont Als heart and soul, and sheds tears through- out three coluinns of THE least desorving of some attention and sympn- —At the Inst meet tBUNE, he fs at Tho Sceretary was entled upon to rend Mr. Claypole’s letter, and in doing so hy laid strong emphasis on certain parts of ft, espe- elally that part where the amiable Sophy ventilates lier opinion in regard to her Before discussing tho question, the Prest- dent, In Introduelng it, spoke of the strong claims every one had upen the Grumvy Ciub, especiatly in the matter of seeking ad- vice und sympathy. And he hoped the sup. ply would always equal tho demand. It might be sfld that adview was yery cheap, and sympathy costs nothing, but that was in regurd to worthless advice and mock sympn- thy. Ho assured us that the article In whieh tho Grumpy Club dents is of sterling worth, and If tho question Mr. Claypole had asked was worthy tu be entertalned by, tho Cluls tho answer would be of such a chnrac- ter a8 would justify the interest already taken in behalf of Mr, Claypote. Mr. Pickleding, on being called, sald: “Gentlemen: Whether Clnypole fs a. fraud or areal person makes little difference; the icture he has given us Is not overdrawn, Vnen a person is worthy of my sympathy, £ pour it out withoutstings but when su erson as Clnypole, represunting himself to Aman, stoops sv low as ito be gulled. by 2 ving anjoyed such mintrina- city as hespeaks of,—yes, gentlemen, ulled by thinking (tren isa godaund to his fam- ished heart,—thon my sympathy will remain boitled up, Why should wosympat! Q person that willfully seeks misu dint ts Just what Claypole has done, tell me that he was tifatunted by that family; two of which had topknots that resembled a bunch of red-peppers, yond all doubr, thata widow He was gulled “be and now the gulter fs netu- ally holding iim by the thront while the ‘amiable Sophy? has uot asparkof determination, a lacks only wisdom, to ong Instead of taking advantage of i Of a wagon on the out of the back door “iinmedinte! “loud talk? of Sophy's he had briskly walked oung Jandy amt given her to une hat stich langnnge was nut to be tolerated, and that upon x repetition sho could et up and dust, it would have shown that here were some rights he possesyed thiteven pdanghter should respect, ‘The fact kh, Mm he Jacked cournge, aud agto what te should Twould advise hin sell out qnd emigrate *red-headad, atrapplng 0, tut thea stay. we of money by do it Is dilleuit to sny, to make up his inlad te fo Arizona, anc if the Jassies’ are tuo delfen' behind and learn the yal earning it thenselves, hin to conmit suicide, for thut would afford too much happiness to Sophy, He imlght invite his own cunghters to come and tye near hhin and help te spend what remains, This would put then all on an eq * However he can take his cholee, fodgett remarked that Mr, Plekled- Was altogether tuo radicul, and” showed Mf utterance an undisgulsed KX matrimonial; eman credit for garnesiness, and for that he admired hh, “But, is Claynola a week person wo look at his case In anothe eouragcous min will not always strike the frat blow, vor plek a quarrel, he was lonesome and tel pantunship—not being a imember of the He went on tours ef observa his manner ¢ prejudice ngndn: ut he would give the gent Claypole says It the aeed of coins erumpy Chib, tlon in church pews, atel aud soctubles, No doubt he observed with great complacency the econvmlent dintribte tion of oysters at these falns and tho wonder+ aUe economy Is put to tn here Is no doubt that he Tul tests that dome chureh kitchens, saw the Widow Randall bustlin ceonomleal departnent long ere he knew her Lit fs barely possibl tndall jong before they trapplig hissies? the “Misses It wmerged Into rod-lented, sf Iy pass by tim, and newt enough for tear the remark: ‘That's of Pi “Why dInypole dit not intrude to the gaod grnees of othe he doeg not say, Teaves the Juv rehormlng widows pression on “inany that 1 dropplng of a shawl and the Cluypole served a While the darkness of the nig! pe NI nls eins Shartty after he becomes oy aged, unc, after ese iy introduced to the family, ‘the fal & moment, lot us ask Claypole up to this bea philunthropist him credit: for th Again, ‘ Relixion ourselves, Tas not dnt shown himself to If not, we must lye @ saeriico he his mite, pure and undellled ts to widows and fathertess,! more than curried out the demar rellgion? Who of us would xo venture to suy not Mr, Plekled! “In course of thing ho fs appreciated for cash, nad not for his Inhurant « Uline goes on this sentiment In stronger colors, of showhug rea; what ho is worth fin ualities. And dlls step-daughter, Ine pect, openly denounces willows the [nsult, and tin Vhat um I to do wek parlors, and # 8 the family attulrss 1 Just, this, Cli conference tn the hat you heard 6 Used In connection with Tans and the itshe wus abuut teop to; and while she persnude her to live wn stich SUID you think hut extravagunee m1 that In the future sl ize as Well as to spend, "Phat hink you are a Nation: f, HOF must sho f reenback party fs rann! ment Now, Cluypote, above, and ay muc! i carry ft out, at falls in love iu Ah nutty proper to glye ist Le stopped he ruttst learn magine that the fig this Govern conviues her of tho as you like to add Atest ussured that King remarked wtypured to say anytht as he was not (nthe hal ay ta the young (that ho was hardly spoke encouraging. ubet the sane Ung - THE: CHICAGO, TRIBUNE: SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1880-—SIXTEEN PAGES hero 1 used to real » make ady shout them thorotg! rea that when found thelr pratses are | ec wittbo much used for thd holidiy so never fafied to mention the risk that they, in thetr bilndness were about to assume, But it appeared to do no good, for they just Jaugherl at hin and got married, so he néver Joly such matters disturb) him to any extent, My, Whinibee was not prepared to say any= thing upon sich an unromantle subjeet. Clayvole’s qualities were not the kind that heroes possessed. He was ST the subject had so {ttle interest for him, However, he thousghe ir Clavpole nly carried out tho sug. gestions that Blodgett had offered in his re- marks all would be well, 4 Cotldieton belng absent, the Secretary yas called bets to express himself on the Clay- ns nitadr. The ventured the remark that Claypote was noimyths but lf he really existed In-fleah and blood, he possessed no redeeming quatities, iv certainly, has not the ability to run his honsehott affairs, neither docs. appear to be henpecketl, Instead” of alfecting the In- difference of a martyr, he lias been playing the fool, While the Grumpy Club inay be prodigal of sympathy and ailyieo, It must be careful in distinguishing to whoin it is given, Uf the opluton of the Club fs, that Claypole exists mid that his statement Is a veraelous on let us extend our sympathy and offer advice it was moved by Whimbee, and seconded by Pickleding, that wo extend’ our sympath to Mr, Claypole, and that he follow the ad- viceot Mr, Blodgett. Curried. Tun Secrerany, TRASITY NOVELS, A GROWING EVIL. To the Editor of The Chicago Tribune, Cirieaco, Noy. 80.—It has been some time since I have added my mite to The Home. £ have been a diligent reader of Tins Thing. for years, and the Saturday edition fs always Jouked forward to with eagerness on ne- countof the pleasure and amusement. the perusal of the contributions to The Lome affords tne, LT have been particularly interested {In the views expressed by ‘correspondents in’tefer- ence to novel-rending, As an humble’ stu- dent of human virtues and frallities 1 will endeavor to give iy Jucas on this. question, ‘To my whit it ds not a questlon of society novel-reading ‘whieh should engross tho mind of the thinking man and woman, Pere sons of the ndiut age nre supposed to. have sufliclent judgment to enable them to dis- erhninate between trashy novels and those of welght and sound philosophy, It is a question of far greater importatce to tho parent, the guardian, and the teacher, Lam somewhat surprised, too, to find that The Mfome contributors inva passed this inatter over so Hahthy. Some there are who deent Ita subject of little linportance, but 1 ain sure the majority mustsee the matter In a totaly diferent leht. That uy suggestions may have somo weight, and my remarks be entitled to seme degree of respect, L will confess in humiline ton and bitterness of spirlt that Lat a livin example of the dire effevets produced by reading trashy novels. It matters not now that L alone ain to bline for this state of things, It adds little tothe comfort of the sufferer to remind hhn thatas he has sown the wind so he must reap the whirlwind. It iy enough tosay that Lhad my opportunities and neglected to use thom, and fram the bot- tou of a truly penitential heart I am sorry forit, © the bitterness of thought which wells up in my soul when Eo meditate upon the past and think what might have been! ‘The dissemination of trashy novels—dime and half-dime Indian tues, and 2-cent romances—is Bpreatiny nian flaring rate, There are In this city: hnndreds of children of both sexes who are fast hastening on the road to crime and ruin through the medium of this vile Nterature, Every few days we are amused (2) by reading In the ially, papers that “George So-and-so’ was found,” after Delug missed from his home for several days, “sovernl miles away from the paternal reof, with half a dozen of his companions, fying in 2 cave, wearing real Lowle-knives and re volvers, and acting out in mimlery the Ives of thelr ‘heroes’ as pletured in the books which are their canstant companion? ‘The young and tender imlads of our senst- tlve boys und girls are easily corrupted by the deadly poisen of this itpas-tree growlng and flourishing in our midst, Tako a stroll down any of our'prinelpal atreets and drop Into ong of the so-called hews-stands and observe, On the walls are large and showy. pictures, representing scenes from some of these “novels.” fiunense placards, informing the publle that “The new and Shelli: story, *Nat, the Scont, or the Demon of the Prairies, is commenced in tis number of the half-dlne series.” or some other equnily blond-curdlng story are posted Sona iteuGusl y to attract the attention of the maul boy und lure him to his destruction, vent Hito one of these stores a few days fo purchnso some little article of sta- Honery, and, while waiting to beserved by the proprietor, iny attention was crll two boys of perhaps ) und Lt years They ¢ looking over the nickel libraries, ‘The wr youngster stuod with feet spre Wie npart, osrms' glued to sides, and iy’ both ands the litest number of this abomtnably “Hteruture,” - Short, sturdy, portiet picture of good health he lvoe, ue there was an undite breadth of the rather small head just nbave and behind the ears, and a stoping down of hls eranium in tho ceronal region, where frenologisis lucate the organs of spirituality, sublimity, and selentiousness, ‘The ‘ec ness With w he was perusing the first chapter of his new perehase, and the oveaslonal exclamation of delight with which he greeted some particu larly pleusing passave, wus evidence onough that he was fost drifting down tho rapid strenm of fxiyorance, and would, If. not checked, soon ‘be hurled into the whirlpool of erie and rain of body and soul. The younger of the two ehlldren wasn bright “tookIng, falr-tiatred tiddie, with blie eves and delieata and sensitive organisin le Wns rapidly turning over the trash spr before hlin, VidGaily: Ih search of some par- tleular favorit. At last he found it, and the look of suttsfnetion that spread itself over hh young face T shall not soon forget, [stepped wy to the youngster and pleasuitly asked hin iC he would allow me to exnuine his pure chase, Hedld so with evident reluctance, ‘Tho book was of the samo character as most of this class of reading, havhys some ont- landish name,—L hive forgotten Just what, *Dovs your mother know you read seh books ns this?” Lo asked him, Ile evidently took me fora “queer fish?” for he Instantly sualehed the book from wy fraud. and, Inusghe ug lowly exclaimed: .“D'ya take ‘me for agit iin 418 but one of many (Instances which have come nnder iy Inuaailiate notice, and, any of the readers of ‘The Home will take the trouble to spend a few moments ovea- sionally tn one of these news-depots, le or she will have ample a pportunity of studying this fuse of the question, é Some aay danaastiie that the only. children who rend this vily stu are the offspring of the victuus nud crit cusses, 1 tits were true, the evil is great enough to eal) ‘for jm. mediate uetion on the part-of our slugetsh Jocal authorities; bug it is not. the ense, lideed, the very reverse Is trie, for In most Instances Ib Is’ the ebildren of respectable and well-to-do people who patronize must Nberally the stands where thess books ean be obtained, dust think of I mothers, your sons ant daughters, perhaps tinknown to you, are dally volsoning thelr young minds with such Ain us this, ‘Chink not that it ts harm less, lis effects on all ehlldren are not the He, Hels true, ‘Lhe slender, delfente child, Yith vividvand Hvely dimaliation and tund- a morbldness, Is tha one who will full a vietla to its dluadly Influences, and on who the eiteets will be most heting and aangeroug, “Thousands af boys andalris are annually rulied by rouding thls vile stutY, It leads to hublis of sloth and indulenees ib creates iu Uo minds of the young wild anit strange funedes, distorts huni nature, and causes tho youthful reader to adiulre tho Most vicious traits da man, 3, fuller, see to it, L implore you, that your children ate not destroyed by this Juterual ageney, Now ts the thie when the sveds are sown} Bee to Tt that those sees are only aiteh ug Will bring forth goud results, Tho mother's tnluenes over har children ts Unbonided, and if she would seu thei blus- som Into pune virtue and womanly purity Jot her earetully jstil Inte thelr young dilnds (he demoralizing and utterly ublorren' effects of cheapnavel reading, Would The Home contrivaters do good? Lot them dicitate thts question Ul our legis: Uators und local authorities feel themselves compellad to adopt renressive —mensures Jooking to an aueloration ar the tinal aboll> ton or this curse, and they will confer a bool upon soclety whieh will Hye and bear fruit Jong aftor they shall have passed away, é Cato, FROM KITTIE, Ta the Hiitor of ‘tne vaicaga Tribune, Citcago, Noy, 24.-—-Though t do not wish to enter the lists as weritte, Lau Interested in the subject tuider discussion, . ‘Cho different letters In ‘The Home during the past fuw weeks have taken me back to qy childhood days and my retroat in tho | very unhappy by the hour, lost to everything but my book. Twas so fond of reading that I was selfish in tho love of it, and seldom mingled with the other children at play, and so easily won from my brothers and sisters. the name of bookworm, Ono of my sisters sntd to menot long sinee: “Tt, do you know that L did nat have tho fun whet L was a little girl Limiahtle it had not been for you?” “Why?! L queried. “Oh, becatae Fon were alwiuys renling, so I thought tt was not denitied to play when you wouldn't?" Fairy storius were my delight in those early days, and L was so infatuated with such tales that 1 was almost imiserabla beenuse fairies would not rise and do my bldding. “When very young L had rend everything within my reach that savored of ineldent and romance. And iny experience was that of Beth Button, —they made me sand uncomfortable, But that tue of discontent if past. Lam wiaer now than then. Atl all the novels tn tho world cond not make mo dissatitied with my home ad surroundings, Anoyvel to me now is slinply a. plensant pasting. 1 thiak it would be well If the girls vould wait until reaching tho age of disere. tion before induluine too much in works of fetlon,. Not a novel was opened by ma dure ing my closing year at school, And that year wats my best and happlest.. uch books ns Loittsa Alcott has given to the world, and some written by Mrs, Whit- ney, would vot interfere with seloot duties, Wo havo taken soltd comfort In rending aloud or listening to stories written by those authors, . My fuvorits amongst Dickens’ writlngs aro “Dombey and Son and © David Coppertield,*® I tke * Nicholas Nickteby ? and “ Little Dorrit,” though the last metitioned was vory dient ta hecome interested tn, © Ollver Twist,” at least some portions of It, gave me the horrors, yet L read on to the end, L wonder it there are_othors who like Me- Donald's writings, A friend wrote me late: ly: “1 read Gen, MeDonald's ‘Sir Gibbie? this stumners. if you have achanee, de read in” The opportunity has not enome, but L inean toread dt. ‘To those spectally inter. ested In education, rend 'Pupper’s” Pros verblal Philosophy’? on that subject, F., £ fin wad we are agreed on that weiter. ‘The truth ts, that C like everything that ts good to read, but Chiave not the opporttnity Lonce had, and when Lado rend do not allow myself to be lost in mny book. Belng an eldest. dungtiter, 1 take upon inyself the privileges and duthes belonging tome, so have not a creat steal of ielsure to devote to my favorit pastine, + Do not think that ming Is a humdrum Ife. In the everyalty Mlying of the most of us, there fs 0 srent deaf of romance, and often IE we could peep behind tho seenes of what! seus to be net living we would ‘see the poet verified that “truth ts utranger than Hetion.” Becky, L echo Kittle Mite’s Infor. mation regarding the Hartford, or climbing fern, for home-dveorating, A dear friend of ours sends me from the Enst, ench year, 08 the Christnins-tide approaches, 9 package of these beautiful vines, They will altnost do the tiniming themselves, will eting to the }iekicecomns, or linng from the gas-lixlures: in fact, wil allow themselves to be arranged almost anywhere in’ the most graceful man- ner, Although I do yery Ilttto faney work, I agree with hie that a corner devoted to that subject would add pleasant yariety to The Jlome, And 1 know there are many who could contribute to such a department to the advantage of those who want such Informa- ton. Af ft1s not.too Inte I will tell Mrs. ©. W. TP, that Wordsworth wrote the poem, “ Harry GI and Gordy Blake,” and [cian provide her wlth a written copy if she desires It, Kirrir, TWRED GIRLS. PACTS CONCERNING THEM, To the Haltor of The Chicago Tribune, Grmynewt, In, Nov, 20.—"My cook left tie this morning,” said one friend, Mrs. L., 0 few days since, and uw troubled-anxious ex- pression crept over her usually bright face, while the lines of care drawn about her mouth deepened and grew wider, “It is 80 diMcult to obtaln eMlelent help,” stie added a moment later, and the conversation drifted into uther channels, and the trulsm Mrs. 1, had uttered passed unnoticed at, the tine to be remembered nfterward nas nrefrain echoed from every housewife from the depths of her own bitter experlence. For itis a fact that this field of labor hing tho fewest totlers of any In which women fluid employment. Re- able, efllefent help is searce even In cities, while in small towns this most neeessary element of domestic ife is almost entirely wanting, In the columns of tho papers, under the head of “ Wanted,” 0 girt todo general housework " {s the tne whieh meets our eye the oftenest, and which, {f answered atall, iscertain to be unsatisfacturlly so. And why Is tis? Owlng to the precept.and e ample of such noble women as Aina Die! ihson and Mrs, Lfvermore girls aye come to renlize the prutence of being enpable of aelf-supvort, and the independence and wom- anilness of so dolng, whether necessity de- mands It or not. In conseattency there aro Indy elerks, bookkeepers, printers; in short, lady everything aud anything, but house: keepers, But, as our grandmothers tolled with their hands only, and as one extreme Is sure to be followed by another, our dangh- tors find it Inconsistent with their tratuing to Inbor save with thelr brains, Patehwork was a mania Hite our grandinothers, Intel- Jectual culture (3a mantn with our girls. A Inanla to which practical duties, physleal health, and In many tnstanees life itselt 13 made secondary, Overworked parents must (ax thelr strength to the uttermost to educate thelr “daughters for tenchers, although — this demurinent ig already filled to overtlowing, with a yearly fnerensa of muubers, ‘Truc, only. Tew, compura- tively speaking, innke It nlite work, and yot there fy seareely more roon nat the lop of the Jadder than at the fout. But no one edticates thelr daughters fur housekeepers, "Sha Works out 13 1 phrase caught from the Towest and most inltorute of emigrants, but It has become a stlema nevertheless. Like Ate brand of Cain, it followsa grb up and down, nnd WH not be shaken olf or Tousen lis hold, And this I¥notthe worst, For it debirs her from the best soclety and the Jnost Innocent auusements, HU she is aluvost desperate Crom the mere miture of hor sure roundings, ‘There ts my huaatiary disgrace attendant upon the occupation whiel even Mrs, Muloney feet. and so denned that Bridget learn atrade, though. if allowed volve in the mutter Bridget hersedf would profer doing housework, “The daughter of the house cannot assoeinte with her mother's cook, even Uhough the hatter be her equal hn all things. and her superior. In many, Lal: jnit that there nro only a few xdrls wortly to be retained tna cumily and treated as one af its Wembers, Hut ia the present state of tho altalr caleulated to Inerense the amber? bit you aver isk yourselves, you whe spent one-half your thie in search of a iibred aiel?” whiy thls: partl dlepartinent was a0 cuptys while ail ot were crowded? Whether you did or net, Twill-tell you. Tt fs owl to shobbishness--pure, wiiloyed, Tomitigtted shobbishness, on Ui part of te employes, “There ure lundreds of girls tos day who are breathing the linpure. alr. of printing-olices, and grawing steopslontlere over musty aecount-boaks, that would only too glad'to lo housework Instent, that employment looked upon and t with the honor it merits, disgrace ta Amur PALUNUNE hts through: thelr trigue of fovelin servants, heeded reformation. Is surely ngar at hand, ‘There niust be sume hewers of wood and ated t As tk standtiy CRE WONT that thy des pe Inte such disrepite drawers of water, and we Will be compelled to elther udugate our daughters jn the anny household industry, orto treat branches of With respect these who toll In thelr stead, Neue i, Sop BLUES.” PEOPLE WHO NAVE THES, Ty the Editor uf The Chicago Tribune, Ciicano, Noy, 87,—There are within this world many Individuals whoghave an unftort- Uitte hablt of broading overall iuanner of Imaginary evils,—who are continually talk- Ing, thinking, or drdaming of coming ealami- Hes—and su fully de thelr minds: became filed with melancholy misgivings, presentl ments, and apprehensions that they are ws ablo to tind anything cheerful or satisfactory in the experiences of the present. Such peo- plo are not rare; they exist in every commu: nity; thelr condition of mindisa very unfort Mats one; thelr fafluened is bad upon others; und thelr diseasu Infectious, I know of ng disease more contagious or hurtful to both wind and body than haying “the bins.” People who haye “the blues” are notonly Themselves, but they -between the mind and the tobe tecounted prosperous who fill i uismanagement and the In But a much. e ly mieamftortabl hey faunhonls: censure and selon pra o all parties of whom they converse; t bey are ounspariiz In thelr strictures and pliitess in their eriticlsim; they: continually condemn tho faults of tumanity, thoy rarely endeavor to imitate the virtues 0) mankind. ‘They will con long distance and pitt theinsetves to a creat amouatof unneces- sary trouble ta werk an tnjiry ton tallow= creature; they will magnify the silghtest In- discretion of ‘a fallible nelahbor, untll in the sightol the world ft beconies 9 stupendous wrong: ke Asop's fox withont 1, ail, they Jove to have companions in their misery. People who have “the blues,” particularly when the disease 1s chronic, are of precious little benalit to. the world, "Thelr sphere of usefulness 1s about as narrow and contracted aga iniser’s soul. ‘There are two classes of Individuals who have “the blues’? Were i naked to classify them, 1 should ctaracterize them os hypo- chrondrlaes aud cronkers, ‘The tirst division is composed af persons who are continually complaining of mental and physical ailinents, or of social, spiritual, or pecuniary dlatress, They atways walk upon the shady sido of the street, and they lave abvoutas much re- Rant for sunshine as an Orangeman for holy water. Lam frequently brought Inte personal_con- tact with creatures of this character, Some of them haye talents and abilily, but froma lnck of bodily vigor and Intellectual energy, which are the true foundations of all: tric manly pluek and perseyerance, they fall in their undertakings and waste their lives away in hopeless sighs and miserable Jamen- tatlons. Fe * Dusurg you are rightand then go ahead 1s food SiGHtO. but Mie nian wha would: ha useful or prosperous In Uns world should notdevote the whole of his Hfeto the first part of the sentiment. ‘There should be hours for action as well ag the for thought, Men are more renily to plan than able to exceute. Ifthrougl Inckof foree and pe! severance thoy fail in their business und takings they are upt to sit down discontent. edly and wall over thelr want of success and absence of “iuek,” If business-men depended entirely upon “tuck” for prssanerlty the commerce of the work! would soon come to a standstill. ‘The cornpr-stone of ali genutne success Is honest labor, - Sald a manto me the other day, “I was born malncky. Everything 1 wnidertake re- sults tn failure, My phina are perfectly formed and wy calculations carefully made, but Lam successful in nothing; there Is no further use in trying to necomplish anything in ita wort ly lifels a fullure. Damn unlucky man,’ é that wan had “the blues,"—his sonti- ments had become chronic, and the spirit of discontent and despondency he breathed forth everywhere tie went made others thint, fea), and act like him. never sve a genuine hypochondriac without thinking of the bleak and desolate wind that: comes in the month of October, biighting and blasting’ all the fair and dell- ents buds and blossoms that it encounters in ts witye Hynochrondria arises princlpally from loss or fuilure to make money, Mall of the diseases and ailments that men have, or fancy that they haya, arise from pe- cuntary mistortunes, Seu the erect, lead, tho cheerful smile, tha elastic tread of the successful business man, Note the crestfallen alr, the steoplng forin, and the sham Uilng footsteps of the individ tal who hus failed. Whats strong bond of sympathy. there Is body, tha mental ‘and the physteal organization of man A despondent spirit creates a disordered constiution, ‘Lhe only effective reinudy tor hypochondrla ts a capaclous and plump pocket-book, Persons who suffer most from the dread disease of hypochrondla are invartably Indi- viduals without “gumption” and ‘yin? External circumstances have less to do with falture that most people finagine, ‘The fault is In the man. Attribi ting falr or evil fortune to good and bad luck Js the weak, vapid, aud silly apology of men without zeal in business for tholr failures and shortcomings. Dy way of « brief digression, allow me to remurk that the word “success” is as much milsconcelved und misunderstood as any dis- syllable in our langue, Alen generally re- gard the sumniltof success ag the mere ac- cumulation of vast wenlth, Alas, that this should be the sole motive of life with such a countless multitude a8 Ibis! Are men guy tele coffers with gold? Are creatures only lo be regarded successful who meet all their obli- gations promply and onjoy all the amuses ments and luxtrles of fife? Are wisdom, benevolence, honest fame, and yreainess at character but secondary consiierations In tha existence of na successfil man? Lerein ig food for retlectlon, ‘The worship of Mammon mnkes millions of hypochondriacs. Men under tho burden of unny failures sink ‘Into a condition of hopvless molnneholy, ‘Thetr minds becoine diseased and disurdered, and they go wy und down the highways Of the world without nergy, without hope, with nothing—nothing but “the bliea," ‘ But the worst class of human’ crenturcs who have “the blues” are the croakers, for they noy only hate themsulves butregard thelr whole race with disfavor, ahey find fanle with every person, place, and thing they en- counter, “‘Thoy quarrel with thelr neighbors and live at war with their fellow-townsuien, Whenever any public or private ealauity occurs they cry: * I sald go, but it was none of my buslness. Peopla who break their dishes must not expect me to pay fer them,” eter These croakers know, or celal to Know, how everything should be, and they are quite positive that nobody does right. ‘They understind how other people should minnage chitdren, household, church, anit puede affairs, how shiners at home should 8 sityed and heathan In far-away lands con- verted and spiritually enred for, and finally how the.grent globy itself should turn poi its Invisible axis, ‘They are positive that the human racy Is going backward, that Chris- tanity ison the wane, and that the whole hinnan race ts degenerating ba health, man hood, and morals, Of all people who have “tho blues.” people who entertain sich sen- thinents as these are the most uncomfortable, Away with “the blues.” Down with the hypochrondriacs and croakers. ‘The world. §y progressing so fast that soon thore will be no roow for them, "The thie has come when they have ceased to bo ornamental,—they never were usgitth Like mosquitoes and fleas, they only exist to annoy worthy humanity, ‘They could only have been ereated by Godin the first place to HI out the Sinbty spaces In wine as pital windows are put Into bulld- ings to retleve vacancy. Euaene J, Wann, A LONE WIDOWER, WHAT SIAL ne DO? ‘To the Fititur of The Chicayo Tribune. Cranipay, Il, Noy, 16—1t has been a Jong time slnco £ looked in upon ‘The Homo, but new Lim In trouble and am coming for udvlee, hoping that the kind matrons will not frown at me, and that the young ladics will not ridicule me, Some of the girls wha {ike to huven little sport playing the co- quet, like Polly Phemus, Concelted Liitle Fool, and Darky, may asplre te have a Httle fun at my expense, but I will give them fair warning notto trifle with me, for At Will be to thelr sorrow, Yes, Fern Leaf, Lana widower,—s poor, disconintate whlower; sv 1 shall not oxpect any sympathy trom iu. but only your con- tempt, for T fave nat forgotten ast visit you treated me very seorntul MutT have left my subject, As 1 said befor 1 na widewer,—not 9 young and dashing ony, but vl L say old, for fam oot) ainost GO years of age, My wife died several yeitrs since, and deft with 9 large funily of children, ning in all; some oof “them are married, others are nt home with one, for 1 still cluima home, My daughter is hiny housekeeper, Now, wy quandary is ths; have some tdea of murrylng aga. Of vourse you witl say that ts fhe ease with all widowers, but Lwlsh to state: emphatically that Laman exception ta the average whi. ower, 1 feel lonesome and discontented without a wite. Aube you will say, “Ger one then’: but Linkeht not get one that would be contented with me, but Uyat ty What L want the tadies ty tell nle,—what kind oC a disposition must E look f Woukl a young, widdlenged, or pratt fady be most apt te contorm her mode of life and habits to her surroundings? Loam not niuch qe. qualuted with the talr sex, for L never stile jvd the nature of any except my ownwite, J dave a nice home dnd Lam blessed with an atnhable sposition and goud habits and an tempurite as regardg the use of intoxicants and tobacco, . Can wny of you tell we which class of In- vs are best ‘adapted to the care of ate children? for of course if £ marry J should want some one wha would be kind tomy children and) dove then as thotigh they were fierown. EF know there ure women Who are good and kind to stepcohildren, tor 1 have seen theut, heard of eu, and read of them, but they seoim to ba sounded throughout the land, and that fa the kind Twant, but the questlon is, Where shitll Took for her,—among the old or the young, the high or Jowly, the pieh or pout, the plons or tha worldly?) Which of these would be Wnostapt to he kind to amazed man, and ctreat Tm as her disband rather thay her servant, and once Inn while, at least, afer hin some assurance of her regard for hte? Task the ladles these questions, because £ know that they can te a ceriain extent menstira othor womei's affections by thelr awn if they eannat, thoy mu thelr own feelings regarding such matters, Some of tho ladles must know what feelings the: could enterlain for another woman's chil. alren, especiably If thelr mother was dead and {heir father had married. her for bibs second wife, Perhaps some of the ladles may think that It would not be prudent for ine to inarry atoll If you elye ine any ade view express yoursel¥es freely, Perhaps some of the Indies would not approve of iar tying wilowers, ut there are many thatdo, for there aren great nmny witowers, und they all avem to find wives, Naw, Indies, do not Taugh at me nor scorn my appeal, for Lam at a loss to know what to dos whether to marry and what to marry, ‘There may be some who are tho wives of whlowoers ind are step inothers, If so, plenso tell me what to do. Briaurox, MISCELLANKOUS, b NOW 8 IT DONG? To the Falitor of The Chicago Tribune. Avuona, I, Nov, 17%—If tho old friends of The Home who are skilled It sieh imate tersstill read ft, will some of them plense tell me how to cook vegetables, such as beets, parsnips, turnips, and cabbage, in some ways besides the comon one of bofling] I nilss the recipes which were always to be found in Saturday's ‘Titmmunr, and seo no way to get them except by dennit request, ‘Thora are game of you who will be sorry to ave the subject of, cooking dragned out main, but to one. who is: inexperienced the ndvlee and ald of on older housekeeper is very welcome, Good aud reliable reelpes are not to be found everywhere, while one ean enstly cultivate her tind with the help of books whieh every one ean have aceess to, J hope the valunble spice devoted to ‘The Tiome may be partlilly oecupled hereafter by artlelus pertalning ‘to our homes, EXTRAORDINARY TRIAL, ‘Two Sistors Contradict Each Otlor Undor Oath—One Inspired by Love and the Other by Wato. Ono of the most important murier trials ever held in Arkanens bas juat cuded xt Fort Smith. Tho Facts in tho ense are theso: George Buyer. a restdent of Wellington, Kus., made a trip to Toxasin tho suinmer of thi6 to buy enttle, He wisuccompunted by hls wife and her alster, Mrs. Ciesa, both of whem were In poor health, and hoped to derive benoflt from the trip. When ho had bought tho cattle, Moyer bired in young man named Charles Lee to assist him tn driving tho herd baek to Kan- sus. While. en route Leo concelyved a violent affection for Mrs. Cless; and sho ro- turned his pussion, Hoyer and bis wifo ob- Jected, and a series of bickering’ onsued, with fatal results.. Onc evenlog the party camped nlong a litte stream {nouedf tho wildest and “most picturesque portions of the Indian Terrl- tory, and Hoyer requested Lee to surrender tho pistol which ho had bought at Fort Worth, Tex. Leo refuseil, and when Boyer repented tho ro- Quest, trew the platal und'shop Boyer, who felt in bia wife's outetretehed urmy, “Leo, terribly excited, udvanced n few pices and fired four othor shots into Noyer's body, while bis wito kept shrieking, * He Is deud—doad—dond]" Leo. snatched Boyer's pistol, and, running somo disianen from the camp, trod neurly ath the ehurges into tho alr. The roports ‘tracted tho attention of a hunter ;who ehunced to be near, and uwlso of a boy who wis herdiug the cattle further up the ravine, Lee showed then the pistol, and said he had killed Hoyer in self-defense, and thut thoy would he witnesses. Boyer was burird, and the pars went on to Kansas. When they arrived, und «told the story of tho tragedy, Intonse excitoment prevutied, Mrs. Boyor suid her busbunod Mrs. Cless anid Lee hud Ht Boyer in setf-dot ‘Tho fathor of tho women sided with Lev and advised hint to ty or he would be lynched. Lee ated on the stiggestton, going to Toxus, After his Mirht investigation reveled thit Lee was not hie real nme, but it was Solomon Wilson; that he hud gone under Various ullagus, und tind served a two-yeurs’ term fn Texas State Prison, Pursuit was nade, and he was cn ‘edn an obscure town tn the: Lone Star Stuto, ‘The first telal came oat Fort Smith lust September. {t was one of remurku- bie dramatic interest, Tho court-room wis crowded, Wheo Mra. Boyer, clad in mourning, entered tho witness-box, and, in a volee broken with emotion, guve her teathmony, a protousd sensation wos ereated, Tho defense tried in ‘valu te dinpeach her testhnony, and she left the stand having produc in the minds of nenrly every one an tinpression Deopudivsal to Lee, The*muin wituess for tho defense wus Mrs, Cleas, Sho fen beautiful woman, and shows evidence of moro than ordinary culture and refinement. Her story of the inagads. was dif> {erent from. that “related by her sister, Inasmuch as she allirms puattlvely, that tho ea was oan uct of self-pres- eryation. or testimony was singularly Intercating, One could alinost see the wide, gtrotching prairie, the nurrow stream whiting: through the quiet Jandsenpe, the men in angry. Mapute, wud tho final Kceno when Royer fell, bleeding and lifelcas, Into hls wife's arms, Tho dary was so [impressed that they could not agres Upon a verdict, Lev or Wilsun was again put on tril enrly this weok. ‘Thosecenes attendant upon the first trial wore again onaeted, ‘There were the crowded court-room, the two alsters testlty- Ing dlvergely, tho lawy ers striving to break down: the testhinony, and the doubts culled into [fe by tho eviden Tho Jury, after long deliboration, returned u verdict. IU wis, “Guilty of mane slaughter.” No sentence tine 1 yet been passed on the prisoner, and tt is understoud big counsel aro woving tu socuro a now trinl, eee te ed A CHURCH-FAIR IN THE CITY OF WAYOFF. Por Tha Chieago Tribune. Vake Indies elx, with nothing elso to do But ait on Sunday it a trst-class pew. (Most adiuintble peoplo—there’s nu blame ft love of Heaven blends with a soolal atin); a gcure of girls of various complexions, Choxen for looks, goud clothes, und guod con nections, And all snob motives justly reckoned * high" Ky those at fire who mame and who buy, Hob third-cluas stores of Wil the worthless truck ‘That, epite of Uve-cent counters, had the luck To Heeve tions permanent than Cleopatra's cede, = However placards boast and poorcterks wheedle, Then add komo fancvy-work whose deep design Nove but the futthtut ann by flth divine ‘Things wrought fur looks, that puln the crudest. Cm ‘Things wrought to wear, that 'twero in vain to ary, Provide scant dole of wat'ry lemonade, Of wkimemitk crew, and Berries hull decayed, Prove ta the world rulle, wires asauredly nlee hg on thigh atundard—that’s tle price, acoltl, eile the pubhe ing the maral speciucto begin, A andl matron ply the huckster's wilo— vequalutanee—prott lig santo; 8 Sortune—there deetde by lot ai valited doth, who wins ft nots ‘ate for Beauty with a purehnsed vote— bas tho lin wimock Lostiitutress wrote, Flot te tyros, 1s the roonis thoy ringe, Whato'er they pay, oxpeet Ue nisalng changes “rere rade 10 nel Teo tiny zoalowe uted, Lee had murdered Hum, honest deating Ina cause tke this, Co, gay ine friends! In auch a righteous cause Who would hold back, or who profanely pausol TPourent your subetunco! Let this ape Usstres At lent n't d. porhaps, will rene the Poort Manson, Wis, Coautnes Nowe Onegony,. ——— NEW YORK FASHION NOTES, Donnot strings ary tnnonsely wide, Ulsters of seal aro shown by furriera Beaded bonnet crowns ure all the rage, Leopard gots nro worn by young Indes, Tush tlowere grow more and moro popular, Old-fasbloncd mink-talt dueques ure revived, Sualskin sucques remualn the popular tur wrap, Quilted satin mutts edged with fur will bo used qNblte totteta aro tn best tusto for: ovening: reas. b Fur collara and capes have taken the placo of cs, Hysstan ond Japlend furs are to bo worn this winter, * Silver and bluo fox are amoug tho fuyorit fancy furs “ Meuyy eatin de Lyon fs tho best material fora furelined circular. A handgome *imillinory eet" conslats of a bous Net und mud to outeh, Long gloves, reaching aboye tho elbow, are do riguowr, with short sleeves, 4 Ho yguriniy plush Is the namo given to that with the longest, richest pile, Bluck fox and black tusstun haro pelorines and collars are worn In mourulng, The Olga is 4 protty uew wuift of plush, or silk, or eutin, with reticule aftuchment, The Princess sacque form for children's dress- 6 remulita tho preferred style. ‘Tho tasnonable sculskin sucque is shorter by two inches wl nround thin that of jast year, Artitlcind Hower house decorations fn tho form of sure low! plants, Ceres, und Howers, placed {a Jardiniered, baskets, vases, pote, aud fuuvy ro- sun ivitles, ia Large fue pelerittes, covoring tho shoulders and ott He almost to tho walet, bare been re- vive, ’ Phe Albani {sn long cloak with dulman sleeves, noi far buck, so ns to give a narrow effeot 1a the buck, ~ Greelan lynx and Artes chinchilla remain tho fashtountia furs for young Jadics and milescs {1 thelr teens, er ow English driving coats, with enpes an homie are fom, Inoar, comfortable rurmonts, ine tonder tu tako the place of ulsters and waters proofs, ~ The Americar ete ts the PAvOt oreat ot Uttle Lonton girls, It is a one-piece xarn siteque niylee trimmed to slinulate o kilt skirt and Jneket, aah Tho “Mother Hubbard" fs anew English cloak, wiih shirred about tho neck, back, and front, and with elbow siceves, also shirred, tho skirt long, pinin, and close, Clreulur fur-lined cloaks continite in vogue, butare a fen i Hie fasing as. the sncer LOE, viaites sold under the new names a! = rit, Richelleu, Mother Hubbard, Lahore, Rajah, aud Mediel, Furniture tidlos are things of fino ort at the present tline, ‘They re of silk, ratty, plush, nod Iree, ‘and enriched with hnud-pulnted dee signd, sinbroiterios of chenille aud tinsel. and trinmed with ribbons, Inees, balls, and tussots. One of the pretticst “miltinery sots’” seen this winter isa brant ‘ar togite of tnireon plush with a garnet satin olume fistoned on one aide nnd waving duwn the back; on the opposit alde of the toque are seme red plush rosebuds, Tho muitof maroon plush is trimmed at the onda with garnet entin quilled border in place of a bein and a long ostrich quilting and red-silc Ince. On the front of the mull instead of u bow a red puroquet is placed flat, its head covering the steel chisp of a eoncented urtuinariiais The curl eee suspends the mulf Is of heavy garuct chenille, IMPROVING THE MISSISSIPPI, A Wig Grab Preparing for the Hum- bug Levee Schone for tho Bonoltt of pitractors wid PaxeE wera, Menvnts, Noy. 00, 1880.—To the Edlttor of the clualunche: To read the St. Louls, New Orleans, aul some other papers, people not unilerstanding the game of this setas ‘Trens- ury plunderors and railway kings would be male to believe that they were really in earnest about the carly completion of a work 80 hinportunt as the perminent Improvement of the Mississlppt River, and the reclamation of Its valley lands from overflow. If thoy were honest in what they say, why {a It that.they can only reengnize and recom mend the plan of the so-called River Com- tutsslon, whieh, according to statements mado by {ts own membors, will cost from $50,000,000 to $75,000,000, and require o many year to complete the work, But sifee'tho exposé that I have made of their schemes, and demonstrated that there was a way by whieh this great and much needed work could be accomplished in two or threy years’ thing, and ata cost not to ex- cved $10,000,000, permnnently rectalming the lower yailey from overilow, and securing a rellable channel of elght feet from St. Louls to Cairo, and not less than ten feut from there to New Orleans, ‘These Jobbers—now us an_ entering wedgo —come before Congress asking for only $6,- 030,000 to repair levees and experiment, 13 they have becn.doing for the Inst six years, at an expense of several hundred thousand dol- lars, and have got no more water than there was before they began, The Horse- bar, a few miles below St. Louls, Cape Girardeau, Mo. und other places below St. Louis, is goudevidenceot tho truth ot what I sit Now, If it requires six years’ thme and ral hundred thousand dolinrs to do ne goad at one bar, how long will it re- quite tor thé to get a ten-fuot channel from. St Louls and Cairo down to New Orleans over fifty such bars, with the same process of working? . Itlovks to mons if their object was to spend money, waste time, and do nu good, And all this tlk aboutaten-foot channel to be seetired by this work isa trick of the rall- rouls, whose Interest it Is motto have the Mississippi River opened and deepened, and otherwise perimunently improved; for no one Understands better than do the. half-dozen men who control fully three-tuurtbs of all the railroads inthis country, costing fully ‘$+,000,000,000, that the day stich a chaimel a3 is talked about may be secured from St, Louis to New Orteans, together with an ont- | Jet tothe Gulf ag deep, poruancnt and in. every way as retlable, ad Pie | ships as Jnrge as ut Now York, Minealay If the grain and all other products of the Northwest ard Southwest seek the markets of the world via New Orleans, for the simple reason that the rites of transportation via river and sea from all Western poluts to Liverpuol will be dona hy ns via vail from the sane Western io New York and other Eastern At- le ports, and would annually gave to the neopleof Hils, valley $1,000,000,000 on present proityctions, Uut nas to what would be saved to. the pee; ple of the country these cormorants feel no concern, but are louking to th own short- sighted and seffish zains, no matter what hae poverishment they may bring on the conn- try. -Hence all these shams, frauds, and std: shows, such as jetties, levees, and river ¢ missions, packed conventions and a WS- paper urticles are forming these iu the interest of the railroads, there was no other way. by which this erent work could be done,—in a short tne and ata small cost—L would not write. this letter, Dut there ts a plin well known to not only the reading pnbile, and all. those nuws- papers, bitte the great detriment of those schemes In Congress, ‘Then why is 1t thut they all make so much nolse about deep ehannels, when, at the site tine, they oppose and ignore the one by whieh the work can bo accomplished inashort time and at small expense, but advocate the jobs. set on feot by the so- called River “Commission, whieh “will cost hundreds. of milliams, and no definit thie for completion, fever? During alt of whieh thing the ratlroads are the beneticlaries, at the expense of the peuple, And hence 1 say that all the talk nbout the hnprovement of the Mississippt River Is one of the problems thata Enelld cout not solve on any other hypothesis than that ofa sttinelituus fraud, —trylnu to deeelve the people with results they nover expect to secure, Jn defense of this plan, which will accom. nish so innel in a short thne, and at sinall cost to the Government, and do admitted by. all practhead men, L propose, In a genoral way, to say a few words, and challenge rete tutlon, and ask these journals te give pub- Melty to whut Loimay say, so that the country may know what are the facts about the outlet system, as proposed by wy- self. Daiirm that according to results pro- duced by the Bonnet Carre outlet, which, on the averige, for tour years did) lessen: the Nigh-water mark at New Orleans four feot, and elght feet at Vieksburg, that if the outlet into Lake Borgne were made, at a cost not to Oxceed $250,000, ut one high-water period the high-water mark at New Orleans would be ned to witht ton feetof tow or tide- water mark, or seven feet below the hish- water mark of 1874, and with a corresponding cfeet to Memphis, which would not be less Vian four or tive fvet—demonstrating. the great problem of reeluitned land, and deep ened and permanent low-water’ channels, withaut levees and river fetties, Then, by further alting tho river, In one year more the Lake Borgne outlet could be so enlarged as to become the food tide inouth or the river, or in other words d[s- charge all the surplus water into the Gulf eolng six miles with all tho fall ft would have tn going HO miles to thé river mouth, Tha, neal, would lower the blgh water mark at New Orleans tally fourteen feet, retieving tho lower valley from overtlow, fas thls tnerease of current in the lower sedtlon of the river would not only give more water abthe river month, 1 amy difference, but woul draw the water off from above, so that rcould not rise by ten feet at ‘Memphis patd n “Jobs tra, agit naw res, ‘This would not only be a igertiaanune and everlasting remedy pee ust all ot overttow of the entire valley, It would at tho samo ‘ato all. the water of (sive that of the Red 2h should te dive bunks of the rt the low-water mark fustas tho high-water muck may be Jowered, causing aconeentration of all the witer Into and constantly deepening ity chiuinels, leaving the bauks higher’ and higher eneh aud every year; this not only forming untlorm shore lines, securing the much-alkedof tenteet channel from St. Juvuts and Catro to New Orleans, bat In the panty Hate nid way otect tha Upper Missls- alppl from St, Louis ta Keokuk, the Oliu to Loulsville, the Missouri, the Cumberland, and ‘Tennessee from thelr mouths to thelt first shoals, ‘This ts Nature's planj—a sya- tem that will wark every second, | minute, haus, and day of the year, growlnig better all the Hine, beneilting the country and develop lng its resoutees, ts Lever Wis Any, country or people before, When, on the adber tind the Job recommended by the sd-called River Comission ean only be worked at and during low water, of not one-third of the year, aud Hable to by destroyed every the econ the, valle br oshed, “which hinthe natural Contin, etinit time nuvary to a refec COM) sense, nnd initural Haeuetien cnt dong aa possibly -any rejtet wil tet Fron tho railway monaptiate [lO ran tat all these levee nud jerty Sobberg talen ¥ ae ¢ ‘ho Lake Borgne o the foundation Teste will not nts {ruth of Al Lhave over sai mutate ye wenter in tung ae age tw a c salty af bans that a Weeder eh ver a en city will thon be provi ba entra ue there ww’ lever there than at New y, Philadelphia. “Phen pas all othe hot relleved from epldeites. ani ier usatter what kind and how nant New One be No me tay or eae! alisease nay be brow they ght never spread, eg 8, tnd Hot atinrant Cy ys uf iNew Orleans a the i ‘\ Misxisaippl must lave, the tlonal Buonrés of Ueattis vie of other scientists to the coutrary ok | ing and arrayed against Chis grees te witleh 80 wnuch uni would be Teg te with go Hitle cost and tn so short g a thine aro wll the grent ratty itera as they are by leveo and Jetty Jot peony teal the sooner’ sneh men as Gibson, Tens and Ella, of Loulstana, and others theta, Southern valley States are tunderstat & retired the suener will this enunty 10d ‘Eon overtiows, inalarlal and yell owned TS bu deepens Dave ti : pened ahd otherniseis ais Ww! rine tts nat wealth Trlendshtp, and ones 3 great: Northwest, tnt bring our Tends uarket, inviting a) European clvillaak whieh will soon give us streneth hatha, which only can come pulltte; commerchy equality. , Jor HUMOR, Tho tolegraph totls us “tho Kurds ba back,” which, perhupa, Jadicat seats ie clone. Ses tea thay ‘Tho Itnilway Superintendent drive a fast horse, ulthough bo body on the round. Professor—"' Mr. M., whint {6 tho an secon question?” dIrJM. (atter waltng trae to bo promptcd)—""Nobady seems to KOON, Pry. fussor."—Callege Mercury. , “Am 1 lookin’ for work?” indignant re the honest trainp, fn response to the cles weston, “Am I lookin’ for work? Notm alu't.| ‘There's too much work In the Count now. I'm trytn' to keep auto’ tho way ori? Astringor In Galveston asked Tesveat, how malarial fever could be iistinguisen ee yellow-fover, “As in general ching,” was ity roply, you can't tell until you pave tried Son ain talivo, thon It f¥ host likely sellorte yor.’ “You havo always hat the repui An honest man. How dovs it Tppacn aie have buen guilty of theft? “Is the fault ot fhe nee in alot. we ie. The matt who wanty oO muke an honest living nowa tunloss he steals," . seh a Childhood's innocence: Somebod Atiqustus two toya, give his one iyee etr little sister.” he sald showiug tie lanier, “ Leenuse ee the) pr SOE cad the delighted mamma, No,” he replied, withou 4 Mbecuuse It's broken pe Base-ball, it will bo rememberod by olde tlers, isa gitmo played by elgbteen pros wearlng shirts and drawers. Tuoy acater around the iuld and trv to vateh a cannonball savored with ray ide, ae eae i toe et Reo ple to pay two al ngs to come boslde the fe = Milwaukee Sun. ay Rosa MoWnhortleberry heard bor master rm mark ut the dinner-table the otber day thetk. inct meant “fate.” und thut Is the reeson wir Bho so natonished her mistress by remarking to nextday to Belinda, the chumbermald: ‘oy, Blindy, Leun'tsearcoly walk wld tho chills all over mo two Kismets." Nurse (to professional friend making acalh- “Well, Usa," BZ he, ‘Ixt anc ‘orty like, bee, ‘wot do you think?’ suys he. ‘Doctor, [in quite differonshlal, [sez * I'm quite pt pearoie y jon,’ Tsez. *And i'm the same way of thinks, huss,’ kez he. And so we gottles It.” Professka: al friond (much Interested," Lor'l And wotmg his oplnion, now?" Surgo—" Niles ver’art| dear ereetir, In course bo never Hadn't grea none! "Punch. # Asad-looking man went {ito a Hurtiogia, drug-atore. “Can Ae ive me,” be “something that, will drive from my windie thoughts of sorrow and bitter secullecuoan* And the drugylst nodded, and put thin up attte dogo of quinine, wormivond, and rhubarb te som snits, and u dash of custoreail, and garelite heat fo ae once tee Hint co god of anything In tho world except now for petting the tute ont of ils mouth—Bunkse, $$$ REMEMBRANCE, oes not alee ON pats aay, For The Chicago Tribune, Forget thee? Nuy! while Meniory sway Her regal sceptro o'er this clay, Thy lovin vision will haunt mo still, Rove where ing wand'ring footsteps will; ‘And, though the sou! mity sadly sigh. When thoughts of hippy diys gone by, With falry vistona in tholr train, Greut mo with scenes of yore ugaia, Yet will remembrance fondly eluim A lasting place for thy talr name, Light and shadow alternate fal), ‘Aud lighten or darken tho lives of ally Yet, though dark elouds awhile appear, Heaven still to ug can yet be near if we but know that bearts are trua As youder aky of beaven's fair blues Tit Jour Hat aunts, ‘Abo eunderel iy a\re stoudfust, trie us Bel Let re ‘And through’ Life's atorni-clouds,” dark wl drei, } mithes to soul, * Thou suit! art near. Bepeoaruie th so eT DavED D METAL, {le off your corns with tho ' Japanese Dore Phot? 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