Casper Daily Tribune Newspaper, December 17, 1919, Page 5

PAIIRON CLUB HOLOS. DINNER |N WASHINGT ON Gridiron club had ‘its little evening of fun with public men and at its open! winter dinner recently. He by Vice-President Marshall, cabinet members, ambassadors and ministers of the diplomatic » and members of congress, a large Aiea Uist included scores of men well known in public and private life. Nothing was spared from the tradi- tional gridirca. The railroad protlem, prohibition, the labor situation, woman sufirage, reform and other topics in the public eye came in for their share of good humored treatment. Members of the club, Washington correspondents, took the parts of’ the actors the skits which did the "gridironing” on these subjects. As the capital, like the remainder of the country now has “dry banquets,” or at least is supposed to, if seemed appropriate that one of the skits should be on “moonshine.” A company of moonshiners preparing some “brew" was shown ani some of the dialogue included the following “A gridiron dinner is not the place for that sort of thing.” “There ain’t no place where its more nedded."” \ “Speaking of books on the subject, I gee by the papers that the prohibition enforcement agents raided the office of ‘The Saturday Evening Post’ and con- fiseated six installments of Henry Wat- terson’s memoirs.” das it got any kick in it?” “Kick, well you ought to see, the way it keeled over Morris Sheppard and Wes Jones the other day." “I see Vice-President Marshall's here. Did you hear him order the senate gal- leries cleared the other day when we cheered Jim Reed?” “Oh, yes, that's shine around here.” “I suppose you read that Josephus Daniels thinks he has a presidential principally the oldest moon- boom?" “That's moonshine off a green cheese.” “Speaking for the o'd solid Demo- cratic party, I nominate the best known moonshine dispenser of the day, Mr. Will H.- Hays, chairman of the Republican national committee.” “On behaif of the United States Re- publican perty, progressive and reac- tionary factions, I suggest there is no finer connoisseur of moonshine than Mr. Homes S. Cummings, chairman of the Democratic national committee.” It was decided to present both chair- men with a bottle of “moonshine.”*/The bottles, they were told, were “refilla- ble.” The railroad skit dealt with “un- his -batr.) eee ‘cantouine Sow we have it. handkerchief, Yatra Ts ab tg looks — starts ‘back, rushes to McAdoo, caged ): - Hines—My God, Mac, 3 lok: can’t do the « McAdoo—That's your affair—not investor—My hat—my hat! [cAdoo—Give him back his hat. PR ie oped this mess—what will } MgAdoo—Oh, can’t kick. Hines—Here you are, hat *‘o Investor, yells:) Investor—-What a mess! Oh, I can’t use it. I can’t clean it. sell it. I can’t give it away. McAdoo and Hines—Take it up to congress: They'll fix it for you. (Both link arms, bow and go off.) Investor—Mr. President, is it true that ladies are always present at Grid- iron club dinners? Then I'll wait un- til I get outside before I say anything more. The labor problem and its, relation to politics got a “brief touch” ‘in a skit wherein a policeman disturbed the banyueters, ertering with a raving maniac. “Who's he?" was demanded. “Well,” replied the policeman, “it seems that a few days ugo he was waited on by the managers of his po- hand it back. \ sir. who takes He (Hands it and been elected to write the labor plank in the next year’s platform, There was another uwwor skit de. | scribed as the “one hundred and twen- ty-seventh installment of the Continu- ous Comedy Drama.” One actor who acknowledged that-he was made up to look like Judge Gary of the United States steel corporation, said he had troubles remembering his lines and was admonished not “‘to run up to New York for instructions” every time he forgot them. Another, called Lentrotski, an- nounced that he was the “sole surviv- ing member of the International Labor congress” and told the diners that his colleagues had been “asphyxiated by! the United States senate.” He said he used both the names of “Lentrotsiki” and “W. 8S. Foster” in “his business.” Finally, the director of the skit an- nounced that it was “rotten” and that it would be done all over again, where- upon the actors struck and announced that they worked “only three hours a day" und “knew their rights.” “Life is one damn strike after other,” groaned the director. The coal crisis came in for separate treatment in a skit “Utopia.” The Coal King, the Land- lord, the Butcher, the Baker, the Gro- cer and other functidnaries of every- day life all had prominent parts thru which they bewailed the prospect of no greater profits, The Coal King sang that his idea of the greatest fun was “high priced coal and a short weight ton.” The Capitalist said his idea of Utopia was “a place where there is neither income nor excess profits taxes and you can charge twenty per cent inter- est.” He wailed that “its got so a bi lionaire can’t lay up a dollar anymo When the walking delezate entered he sas invited to “come over ang meet Judge Anderson of Indianapolis,” , but the delegate protested that he busy The King of Utopia advised them all to go back “to the good old U. 8. the scrambling the railroads.” The’ nctors represented former Director General McAdoo, Director General Hines und An Investor. McAdoo—The late Mr. Morgan said you cannot unscramble scrambled He was wrong. By the exe of a little magic, fo which we modestly y claim, we shall illustrate how the roads of the United States may be led ane then in the twinkling of 0 eye, as it were, and so to speak, ur mbled again. Catt anyone loan me aw silk hat. I shall return it prompt Jy und entirely undamaged. (Man steps forward with silk hat, He is Mr. Investor, a well-known citizen.) McAdoo—T shall return it with its pristine beauty unturnished.” Investor—Please be careful represents the vale of a Libe McAdoo--Tut, tut—have no fear—-we shall not hurt it in the slightest. I shall break this eg into the hat—so— (breaks and drops egg and shell into the hat). Investor—Oh, MeaAdoo—Tut, tut, sir. Have no féur, Trust me. Kindly turn your yack, What you don’t see won't an- noy you. Now we take another egg and break it—so. Now we take some flour—add some coal—pour in some of this agreeable variety of ketchup—uld a little sand—and finish with a dash of vinegar. Please don’t groan, Mr. Investor, It is all right. All these in- gredients are symbolic, eentlemen. Now we have the roads scrambled. This completes my part of the trick. I shall now pass the buck—I mean the hat—to my friend, Mr. Hines, who will, in his magie way, with a few passes sproduce the beautiful rabbit Known as government operation and That hat ty bo! my hat! litical party and informed that he's; dealing with! s | Quartette, Are they ever sincere? And what kind of people ANSWER such ads? | On a wager, after the discussion of the above question a rather striking example of the genus advertisement matri- monial was inserted in the columns of the Tribune, the first part my hat!| of the month, with the understanding that the answers were to I can't/ he submitted to settle the points Scenting a good story, the Tribune obtained permission to publish the answers, of course main- taining the anonymity of both the writer of the ad, and those who re- sponded. The ad read as follows: WANTED—One young man; full of good habits only: handsome and at- tractive, active and athletic, clean cut but mischievous; good in every crowd except the common; an adept at sports; kindly at heart; generous; foolhardy, but not reckless—for a husband. Ad- dress Box K. K., Apply Tribune. The answers received follow: SO CLEVER OF THE Casper, Wyo., Dec. Romantic One, Box K. K., Tribune, Sweetie: Possibly I'l] do. Full 0’ pep with a monopoly on good habits. That's me. The “only” may queer me, tho. Handsome? I should have won many a prize had it not been for the competition, and I seem to be the main event where ever I go alone. Were I not so torpid there would be no limit to my activeness. Athlete? Yes, every bit of me. I remember how surprised was the last “Kike” I hit with a snow leovered brick. No joking Apollo or some of them birds, in other words, Greeks and Spartacans, would turn over in their graves if they caught a play the game square and find Utopia right at home.” | The walking delegate allowed that the place wasn't Utopia after all but rather was “Hell.” Some singing to popular airs with words arranged for the occasion com- pleted the evening. It included a little song for Vice-President Marshall to the tune of “Bubbles” with the refrain: “I'm forever facing troubles, But they never get my goat.” Senators Borah, Reed and Johnso: of California, came in for a little ditty entitled “Hiram, and William and Jim.” } Four newly-elected members to the club, Ashmun N. Brown of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer; Mark L. Goodwin of the Galveston and Dallas News; H. E. C. Bryant of the Charlotte (N. C.) Ob- server, and Charles S. Groves of the Boston Globe were iniated. ‘They tried to pass themselves off successively as the Four Horsemen pf the Apocalyy .the Four posties, the Big: Four-at_the "Peace Conference,and the. Gxidiron but the diners would have none of it, the chairman pronounced them the four-flushers, whereat they retired to “get up" another skit. of the discussion. glimpse of my physique, mistaken for a whiffenpoof stroyed. I'm good Yn “Cookie.” Got eight watches, nine wal- lets, and a conglomeration of other ar- ticles in the last one. Everyone is com- mon, tho—at least I find it so. TI don’t include myself in this for I'm very much out of the crdinary. Two-thirds, anyway. Goofey? Uh-uh. Kindly at heart? That’s one point I win. I re- ceived much praise from the last blind man I robbed for leaving the pennies. My generosity has no bounds. It’s in- ert. I would just as soon give a dime to see the statue of liberty turn a flip flog, as take a nose dive out of J. Y. Stock’s aeroplane. Brave where wo- men are concerned, or even one-legged men. Sweetie, if you marry me I will buy you the best wash tub and board in town. Looking forward with delightful an-/ ticipations to your reply, I am Impatiently yours, FULLOF BUNK, ESQ. Box 1079, Casper, Wyo. Je parle ‘francais un peu, aussi. Examined by HESA HELLER ADMITS -HE'S ATTRACTIVE Chadron, Neb. Box K. K Was reading the Casper Tribune, saw your advertisement. I am young and very attractive and surely can meet all| your requirements. I am 26 years old and have a very good position, and at times feel as if I need someone for a companion. So now, little girl, I know would make good if only you give me half a chance Will close, looking for an early Yours respectfull that I would ly. THINKS HE SEES THE JOKE (Slightly censored) Casper, Wyo. Miss Husband Hunter, Casper, Wyo. Dear Intended: une. I think it very in on this "joke" me? and if you are dress G. catching. I am D., according to signature. svon. Say, look out. I might take a toe hold on Your intended, Eribune WONDER CEASES WH Y M ARRIAGE BUREAU FLOURISHES—TRIBUNE _|pes: Fein: a GETS REASON FROM ADVERTISER What kind of people write matrimonial ads? wondering how I got by the doctor without being and de- a crowd to ~--(deleted) IT am answering your ad in the Trib- with you 50-50, get | I will enclose one of my pictures | interested you can ad- if you are lonesome there is a pair of us. I certainly fill all strict requirements. Tell me where to meet yoy and how if you-are a bum looker pf making a lving for two?—{censored) ; IN FREE VERSE Van Tassel, Wyo front in Rastern Wallachia. 1917—U. 8. submarine P-1 rammed and sunk by F-3 in American waters, with loss of 19 lives. Miss Sue Hyer of the Casper Stor age company, has been confined to hei for the last three days by a serious at tack of tonsilitis. Will drop you a few Words Believittg myself to be just About the man you wish to meet. I am 28 years old, 5 feet 7 inches Tall, weigh 160 pounds. Just a Little good looking. Can entertain Very well. Very good natured, Bull of pep, energy and Wisdom. Have a fine education and Good language and know How to use it. Have fine habits and just A little foolish but not Simple. Well, as I haye Run loose long enough T will ring of Hoping to hear from You by return mail. I remain as ever, Your friend. My address, No. 1 Mixed Nuts, Per Ib Fancy Eggs, Per dozen . Fancy Creamery Butter, Per Ib. Cream of Barley Per pkg. Quart Jar Pure: Apple Butter, per jar.. | P. S—Good bye, And answer No. 214 can Eloise Cane and Soon. Maple Syrup, per can ............ Bie bys: = No. 5 can Eloise Cane and Maple Syrup, per can.. | Today’s Anniversaries No. 2 cans Libby’s Por} Beans, per can .. 8 Bars Yale ‘Laundry Soap for .. —a 1792—The parliament of Lower Canada first met in Quebec. 1807—John G. Whittier, the poet, born at Fast Haverhill, Mass. Died at Hampton Falls, N. Y., Sept. 1892. 1819—New jranada and Venezuela were united in the republic of Colombia. 1891—John MeBride was elected presi- dent of the American Federation of Labor. 1914—Berlin claimed an important vic- tory for the Germans in the re- gion of Warsaw. 1915—Severe artillery combats raged| along the entire western front. 1916—Von Mackensen’s army forced | Roumanians back over broad “QUALITY—COURTESY—SERVICE” Phone 903 143 E. Second St. | Hy What Shall I Give? The Perplexing Question Quickly Answered ‘In the Men’s Shop Give him something he wants, of a,quality he P consider a little extravagant if he bought it himself—but | Just a few day. s until Christmas. Ina Our Store is overflow- ing with new merchandise of the most up-to-date varieties.. Let us help you solve the question of what to give.” Just a Few Suggestions COMMUNITY PLATE SILVERWARE FRENCH IVORY Complete for lady or gentleman BOOKS TOILET WATER Il leading brands a sensible, usable, carefully chosen gift. Men’s Lisle Hose Liffel they all know and ask for. We have them in all sizes and colors, at 25c to $1 Men’s Silk Hose Full fashioned in pure dye silk. know their value Made of Borders, Shaw! Collars—- Blankets, funey Cord Trimmed—with $9 to $35 Men They fit and wear $1.25 to $2 Men’s Handkerchiefs Linen Handkerchiefs, hemstitehed, ut 35c, 50c, 75c with Shire $1 Men’s Handkerchiefs Initials. Men ent. We have Men’s Fibre Shirts lain with value, and A colors Mair ut in Crepes Line Stripes. * Crepes special $7.50 Men’s Silk Shirts Men like Silk Shirts that are made of good heavy quality, They wear better and are the best investment We have them, at— $10 to $17.50 like something differ the very new styles Box of 3 at $2 Hats and Caps A late shipment of Velour Black, gray and fawn, They Heautiful and specially priced, at $10 and $12 A Cloth Cap This is a fine Scoteh Angora Wool Invi Plaids -SUk lined. Hand made, Thuve a look at our caps, at Men’s Collars Men have their favorite collar. chances are it is an Arrow De & W. We have them. Arrow de Luxe— Box of 6 at $2.00 Box of 6 at $3.00 Hats are The Luxe apartment in the West hotel building} Men’s Gloves $2 to $5 POCKET BOOKS, HAND BAGS AND TOILET KITS STATIONERY For the traveler ty gag rete hisses CARYING SETS, CUT GLASS : | Always a Beautiful gift CIGARS AND CIGARETTES Fi i All sizes of boxes and packages CONKLIN’S SELF-FILLING STAR ELECTRIC VIBRATORS A most practical gift. Priced at $6.00 Wand him uw pair of Gordon, Mocha or Cape, Daniel Hayes Buekskin, Kayser Silks and Fabrics, Greut Western Heavyweight lined — he'll know the. make. » They -stand + for quality und ftit— $2 to $15 Neckwear Neckwear Specialty Shop you best. Silk Neckwear, so popular and s . can be had in ' ! abundance. Priced at 75c to $5 Our Men's can serve McAdoo for hiy trust- and confidence. 1 wish he had finished the trick. He vor It is @ little messy, (Covers hat ; Neckwear Special "ila Pipe tones itege veedebeipus 2 FOUNTAIN PENS CIRBRETTE SAFES A Wonde?ful Assortment—Men’s Neckwear— passes —eo-—saying the vabalistle words PERFUMES CHRISTMAS CARDS, SEALS, $1.50 to $5 —hocus, as taught me by Mr..McAdoo. Then BOOKLETS, BELLS A Christmas Box, if You Like 1 quickly raise the cloth and here we have—(starts back, looking{ nervous). Popular lines, 50c to $16.00 an ounce For the Little Ones TOYS OF ALL: DESCRIPTIONS CHILDREN’S BOOKS —Such as Aeroplanes, Machine Guns, DOLLS Card Tricks and a counter full of p smaller ones. Irom the tiniest to great big ones control, und return the hat undamaged hates the limelight and likes to retire Ah, I see, Mr. MeAdoo forgot ‘some: to my good friend, Mr. Investor. (in at while the r ‘ing is good. But torthe pecus—1920—Brotherhoods— thing, Let me add the Plumb plan Vestor groans.) trick, gentiepien. Let me first co (Drops ° th Mir (looks at hat and glares the hat for-aesthetic and olfactory rea plums and_ breaks an- other egg.> lesoesess Adoo)—1 am deeply indebted to Mr. Investor groans and tears Our Windows Contain Many Suggestions JOHN TRIPENY CO. Drugs, Sundries, Confectionery } Phone Drug Store 99 143-145 So. Center | escesoese Phone Confecti opery 72 esssosoovoosooooosecese soceeoooocececeeeset ft bigs COAAD AO AD Atle SOs \ | i a