Casper Daily Tribune Newspaper, January 9, 1917, Page 7

BIRSKY and ZAPP ; By MONTAGUE GLASS 6c SEEN Max Maikafer in the I subway this morning,” said Louis Birsky, the real estater, to Barnett Zapp, the waist manufac- turer} as they met for luncheon at the corner table in Wasserbauer'’s. “He tells me he is going to make from his boy a painter.” “Some people don’t give a swear what becomes of their children,” Zapp commented. “Is it such a bad job to be a paint er?” Birsky asked. “Seemingly Max Maikafer don’t think so,” Zapp replied. “Maybe he would enjoy it to see his son break his neck from a ladder, Birsky.” “What are you talking nonsense— wreak his neck from a ladder?” Birsky exclaimed. “A scaffold is just as dangerous,” Zapp went on. “Yesterday Iam seeing a couple fellers painting from the side of a building ten stories high, and even though one of them was an Ital- jener, I got so dizzy watching ’em that before I could eat my lunch at all it cost me 10 cents for some mathematic spirits of ammonia. If I would got to earn my living as a painter, I would a whole lot soorer be an aviator, be- cause while the funeral expenses is the same as for a painter, an aviator don’t linger long enough to run up a doctor's bill on his widow.” “You got the wrong idea, Zapp,’ Birsky said. “Maikafer’s bey would be not a house painter but a picture painter.” “A picture painter!” Zapp cried. “And I thought Max Maikafer was a business man. Why don't he learn the boy a trade where he could make real big money, like a buttonhole maker or a poet?” “That only goes to show what you know from poets,” Birsky retorted. “Jake Margonin, from the Fashion Store, Indianapolis, told me that right now there is a feller which from only being a poet is now owning most of the gilt-edged real estate in the city of Indianapolis,” “Sure, I know,” Zapp declared, “but this here feller was an old established poet when Hart, Shaffner & Marx and Kuh, Nathan & Fisher was new be- ginners already. Then again, there is a bigger opening for a poet than there is for a picture painter. Take the canned soup business, the breakfast food business and even some railroad companies—all them concerns has got working for them poets which they already pay them a good yearly sal- ary, whereas a picture painter must got to work piecework, and what for a wages could a pieceworker on pic- tures make when with my own eyes I see it a bill from a wholesaler in Welt- fisch’s art store, which Welfisch buys, 16-12 doz. assorted oil paintings in small sizes for $38.75 a dozen, includ- ing shadow boxes and frames, terms ten off sixty days, ninety days net. Yell me about picture painters!” “Say, there is a popular price line of pictures, and then again there is a high grade pictures,” Birsky said. “Even so,” Zapp rejoined. “You must got to admit that a concern like B. Altman & Co, carries a high grade line of goods, and when B. Altman died the stock was good, up-to-the- minute stuff in every department ex- “Give My Bookkeeper Instructions She Should Say | Just Went to Newark.” cept the picture department, and when it come to the pictures they closed ’em out to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for practically nothing.” Birsky shrugged his shoulders, “Say, what is the use arguing with an ignerammus like you, Zapp,” he said. “Don’t you know that them pic- tures which B. Altman left to the Bfet- ropolitan Museum wasn't taken out of stock at all? They were private pic- tures which he collected?” “So he collected them?” Zapp com- mented. “Well, that’s the way it is with them rich fellers. A big concern like B, Altman gets the credit for giv- ing them pictures to the Metropolitan M yunde body never hears about at all. It's the same way with them charitable people which is ranning all them or- phan asylums and homes. They both- er the life out of you you should give "en: for ten or fifteen dollars asytems, and when you come it up im the annual report so that you can prove to a customer that you already paid oat more than you can afford to charity, y'understand, all you see is: ‘Collected through Felix Geigermann $102.50, and the custom- er sticks you ancther ten dollars for a free soup society before he would buy from you another dollar's worth goods.” “So that’s the idea you got when I tell you that B. Altman collected the pictures and give ‘em to the Metro- politan Museum!” Birsky exclaimed. “Do you thiok the people which B. Altman collected them pictures from gave them to him for nothing?” “Why not?” Zapp said. “Last week, Birsky, your wife comes round to my wife while Iam downtown and says she is collecting for an immigrants’ home old clothing, y'understand, and my wife gives away on me two suits and an overcoat which I wouldn't be ashamed to wear getting an accommo- dation at a bank, so becoming they looked.” “There's collecting and collecting,” Birsky explained. “When I say B, Altman collected pictures, I mean he bought them and paid his good money for them.” “And the people which he collects THE CASPER DAILY TRIBUNE got stuck with a hundred dollar sweat shop. When you come to compare pic- tures with fur overcoats, Birsky, you never spoke a truer word in your life, because while it’s an old saying and a true one that a cat comes to life nine times, Birsky, nobody but a fur over- coat manufacturer knows whether the cat is ‘going to come to life as Persian lamb, Siberian mink, Hudson Bay seal, beaver, broad tail, nutria, ermine, skunk or sable. So if I would be a millionaire, Birsky, instead of oil painted pictures I would go to work and collect railroads and electric light plants and traction companies, be- cause while it’s true that no million- aire ever got indicted on account of buying up a lot of competing oli paint- ings or making agrcements with the owners of competing oil paintings to keep up the price and limit the output, at the same time, Birsky, on a $500,- 000 oll painting no millionaire could float a $1,000,000 issue of first refund- ing 5 per cent gold bonds of 1985, un- derlying $1,000,000 of first mortgage 4 per cent bonds maturing in 1976, which is a first mortgage only on the back door of the mill, and on the rest of the mill is subject to an issue of $8,500,000 genwine, all wool, first mortgage 3% per cent bonds muturing “A Picture Painter!” Zapp Cried. “And | thought Max Maikafer Was a Business Man.” from makes a profit on the transac- tion?” ‘ad | should say they do.” “Then that is the first time that I hear such a thing,” Zapp cried. “Be- cause when someone tells me down at the store that there is a collector outside wants to see me, it don't make no difference if the collector is collect- ing for a bank, a hospital, the cloth sponger, a home or the landlord, I give my bookkeeper instructions she should say I just went over to Newark.” “Well, pictures is different,” Birsky continued. “A feller which collects pictures like B. Altman sometimes pays enormous prices, Take for ex- ample Mr. Widener Selig, the Philadel- phia milHonaire, and he is paying for a picture of a mill one half million dollars,” “What kind of a mill?” Zapp asked. “What's the difference what kind of a mill?” Birsky said. “I believe it was a flour mill.” “A flour mill he pays half a million for its picture " Zapp said. “Why for a quarter of the money plenty people would have been glad to sell him a rolling mill, and throw in a dozen pic- tures free. “And yet you say Max Maikafer should make from his boy a button- hole maker,” Birsky continued. “Take that picture painter which turned out the mill, y’understand, and if he gets only one order when he’s a new b ner, understand me, business could be bad with him for the rest of his life.” “You may be right, Birsky,” Zapp said, “but I don’t believe a picture painter gets anywheres near the retail price of his goods, because the profit to the retailer must got to be enor- mous, otherwise he couldn't live at all, A retailer which handles them Mill pictures runs an awful risk, Birsky. It’s the same like he would be carry- ing a line of steam yachts. If he's only got two on hand, he’s overstocked bad already.” “Sure I know,” Birsky said, “but such a retailer also stocks a line of medium priced pictures too. For every Mill picture he sells, I bet yer he gets rid of a dozen Horse Shows or An- geluses.” “Of course, if the feller carries An- gelus pictures as a side line, that’s something else again, Birsky,” Zapp said. “There's. big money in playé¢r pianos, Birsky, because while tn form- er times people wouldn't take a piano as a gift on account of giving their children music lessons to get the use out of it, nowadays they could pay a large price for a player piano and serd their girls to business college, and still save money on it. Conse quently the demand for player pianos is enormous, particularly as,here just lately they've got ‘em working by elec- tricity which could ran for ten cents January 1, 1917. Such things you could only do with a railroad, and be- lieve me, Birsky, if you got indict- ments hanging over your head for the rest of your Lifetime, there's more money in collecting railroads than in collecting oil painted pictures and don’t you forget it.” (Copyright, New York Tribune.) Irishman Founded British Museum. The British museum had its origin in an Jrishman’s bequest. The person referred to was Sir Hans Sloane, a celebrated physician and naturalist, who was born in County Down, Ireland, April 16, 1660, After receiving a thor- ough i terary and medical education he became physician-general to the Brit- ish army, physician to the king, and succeeded Sic Isanc Newton as presi- dent of the Royal society. He spent several years in the West Indies, was much interested in the development of the American colonies and was an ac- tive promoter in the settlement of Georgia. In 1749 he made a will be- quenthing to the nation a splendid col- lection of books and natural history specimens which had cost more than $250,000, on condition that the govern- ment pay his family $200,000, After his death, in 1753, an act of parliament was passed accepting the gift and pro- viding quarters for it. This was the beginning of the great museum. With the Other Porkers. “Stop!” The brakes of the motor were suddenly applied, a pandemonium | of whirling wheels ensued, and the motorist came face to face with Con- stable Coppem, who had been hidiug in the hed, “Excuse me, sir,” said the portly policeman, taking out his notebook and pencil, “but you exceeded the speed limit by two miles over a méas- ured piece of road.” “I have done nothing of the kind,” retorted the motorist; “and be- sides—” “Well, if you don't believe me Pl call the sergeant, bein’ as it was ‘im as took the time, ’E’s in the pigsty yonder.” “Don't trouble to do that,” was the prompt reply; “I would sooner pay 50 fines than disturb the sergeant at his meals !”—London Tit-Bits, Really Eagy. Jones—I say, Smith, you are a good hand at arithmetic? Smith--Yes; I am considered very good. Why? Jones—Well, here is a little problem for you: There was a man named Little living in Dublin, who had a daughter. Now, she was in love with a chap she knew her pater did not approve of, so one day she eloped with him. When the old man found out, he was very angry, and at once followed them. Now, then, what:time was it? Smith (angrily)—What time was it? How on earth do you suppose I can tell you? I give it up. Jones (triumphantly)—-Why, a Little after two, cf course. Settling It “Pahson,” said Brother Buckaloo, “me and Brudder Sankey Smith has jess been havin’ an intellectual ‘spute "bout de pen and de swo'd. Which does you say, sah, am de mightier?” “Ugh—well, sah,” repli Parson Bagster, “dey bofe has deir pints o’ s'periority. swo’d am de best to stick into a man and de pen am de best to stick a man into. Hursumph |”—Kensas FAVORITE OF FILMDOM. Gail Kane. Movie actress who has big personal following among patrons of the silent drama. Mothers’ Cook Book Me frcrch frormncl i finvrnnel fost It must be somewhere written that the virtue of the mothers shall occasionally be visited on the children as well as the sins of thelr fathers,—Bleak liouse. Some Simple Pudding Sauces. The best of puddings may be ruined by an insipid ill-chosen sauce. Hard sauces are to be served on hot pud- dings. The following are a few which muy be varied by different flavors. Warm but Go not melt a half cupful of butter and add gradually a cupful of pulverized sugar, then fold in the whites of two eggs beaten stiff. Flavor with the juice of a lemon and two tea- spoonfuls of vanilla. and keep cool until ready to serve with the pudding. A good hard sauce is made by using the same amount of sugar with the white of one egg and half the butter, Mash a pound of maple sugar, add a half cupful of water and boil until it threads. ,Pour this in a thin stream on ‘the well-beaten whites of two eggs, stirring and beating the mixture brisk- ly all the time. Add a half cupful of whipped cream just at the last. Fluffy Sauce. Scald a cupful of milk in a double boile Stir in a level tablespoonful of cornstarch, wet with a little milk. Cook ten minutes, stirring often. Cream two tablespoonfuls of butter, add one cup- ful of powdered sugar until very light. Add a teaspoonful of vanilla and a pinch of salt, then beat this into the thickened milk which has been cooled. Bent the white of an egg dry and whip it into the sauce until light and fluffy, =e. Fruit Sauce. Take a cupful of sugar, 2 tablespoon- ful of cornstarch or two of flour, mix well with the sugar and add a half cup- | ful of boiling water, cook until smooth and the starch or flour is thoroughly cooked, then add a cupful of any kind | of canned-fruit juice, or if that 1s not | at hand add two or three tablespoon- fuls of mild vinegar, more hot water |} and a tablespoonful of butter with a grating of nutmeg and a pinch of salt. This sauce is esy ally nice with cot- | tage pudding, a pudding made like a | plain cake. To make a most delicious sauce which is neither a hard or soft one use two tablespoonfuls of softened butter and a cupful of powdered sugar and when well creamed fold in a half cup- ful 8f whipped cream, Flavor to taste. Werece Mor wet The Speed of Animals According to the naturalists, no anl- mal is known to have exceeded the Speed attained by the famous race- horse Sysbonby. Instantaneous photo- graphs show the full length of one com- plete stride as about 26 feet. In the stride of the fastest racers the hind quarters and limbs are raised consid- erably higher than the shoulders, and from this relatively great height brought downward and forward, widely separated from each other, as a sports- man says, “to avoid striking the fore- legs.” The hare, which ts hunted with fast hounds has not in reality the speed of the dog. The dog, on the otiier hand, dose not attain the speed of the horse, The giraffe is said to run at the rate of 15 meters per second under the most favorable conditions. The elephant, going at the rate of two yards a sec- ond, carries a weight approximating that carried by six horses, They Just Want to Know ' The inquisitiveness of children which, as Oliver Wendell Holmes says, makes them the terror and despair of their parents, has no object save the Pack in a mold | Making Glad Waste Places of Earth. By A. W. DOUGLAS. Throughout all time the inkabitants of the desert have been men of force and originality both in thought and endeavor. have ever been marked alike by material and mental accomplishments. It was no mere coincidence that this was as true of the Arabs who overran Spain as of the Babylonians who blazed the way of civilization, for their freedom of thought and initiative in action were bred in them by the vast- ness and solitude of their environment. So in our times, we are building in our arid regions an empire of irri- gation that embodies the spirit of progressive democracy. Their civilizations It is no mere accident that irrigated regions have set the pace in all manner of intelli- | gent agricultural production and distribution. Nor is it by blind chance | that in the main the states of irrigation are among the lowest in illiter- ;acy and the source and mainstay today of most of the reforms in our | social, economic and political life. For irrigation is that wonderful thing, the creation of life from death, and making glad the waste places of the earth. “English as She Is Spoke” _ Not Much Like the English Language, Declares Writer Spoken American has traveled far from spoken English. The English lift the receiver and mildly inquire: “Are |3 Americans rattle the han- Who- y: “Rahther!” “Sure thing!” They “do her in;” we “double-cross her. hey tap their foreheads significantly and mur- mur: “Balmy We remark: “No- buddy a-tome! And spoken American has traveled even further, Hugh Mearns writes in McClure's. We have no written lan- Our print is the glish Inn- eur speech is the American, agtish | stance, we must use English let- | ters to indicate the sound of a common American salutation: “Godda mzrcha bowcha (Have you got a match abaut you?). But, alas, how this crude | spelling maligns our smoothly articu- lated vernacular, Our language—the American—ts no stationary thing. It is on the move; it has characteristic “hustle.” We are busy smashing consonants, spoiling vowels, crushing whole phrases into a grunt—“uddia-doon-air (What are you doing there?) Sry.” (That is right.) In that respect our develop- ment is like the French language dur- ing the period of its most rapid ad- vance. Like the French, we have be- gun to drop our final consonants, A jitney ride costs “fi-ce (five cents). Our evening valedictory Is “Goonight !” Like the French, too, we have @ marked lialson—the borrow!ng of a let- | ter from the preceding word. We tn- vite one another to “C'meer.” (Come here.) We guess at a hard name and add: “Sumpin nike at.” (Something like that.) If we don’t hear distinct- ly we nudge our neighbor and Inquire: “Wah zee say?” (What did he say?) “Hoo-zat?” (Who is that?) has as good a liaison as the French vous avez. In a few years one may not be as- tonished to see the great American novel decked out in its own patois. Fancy a page like this: “Wen-juh gid din?” sez she. “Lass-night,” ces he. “Binna way long “Munce n’ munce. oh town?” » nole ciddy,” sez he. “Ass-rye,” sez she. Isn't it intoxicating? One's own, one’s native speech. To be sure, this is only a faint phonetic reproduction of the great American language—to do it justice would require a special alpha- bet—but it is “sompin nike at.” Things That Are New From a mixture of sugar cane re- fuse and bamboo fibers a Trinidad | planter has succeeded in making a pa- per equal in quality te the best wood pulp product. A reel to be attached to an automo- bile wheel has been invented to enable a lineman to pick up or pay out wire much more rapidly than can be done by hand. Surgical instruments that are not af- fected by the presence of electromag- nets are being made of a secret steel alloy by a French professor of medi- cal electricity. The inventor of a new auger bit has made it thick at the edges and thin at the center and claims it will force the chips toward the center and thus avoid clogging. To prevent the absorption of damp- ness from the ground by stone build- ings a new Europeon practice is to cut slots in the walls and insert asphalt- coated lead plates. A Wisconsin boy is the inventor of portable equipment to enable a person to connect with any telephone, or tele- graph line and either talk over use telegraph instruments. id Silk manufacturers in Japan are now receiving, for the first time, or- ders from the United States for sili neckwear, fest Soft-iron castings and forgings can be changed into hard steel by a new electrical process. 4 Italians are succeeding with experi- ments in the production of cotton on the cazes of Tripoli. A revolving steel barrel to test the relative durability of paving blocks has been invented, A rubber bulb to Increase the suction Fat and Forty. By DR. SAMUEL G. DIXON Commissioner of Health of Pennsyl- vania. Forty is an unlucky number for men five feet eight or under if it is the waist measure, Any number above that is equally to be avoided, Over- weight is danger- ous and is indica- tive of several things. Either the appetite is not controlled, tnsuffi- cient exercise is taken or the diet is made up of im- properly selected foodstuffs. If any or all of these things are to blame it is the part of wisdom to seek expert advice and begin the remedy forthwith, To sink into the placid indif- ference of the fat-and-forty stnge ts a crime against your herlth. It means in all probability that the liver and kid- heys are overworked and the result of any such strain prolonged {s at times fatal. ‘There is another reason which is worth almost equal consideration. To overfeed undermines one’s health, Phy- sical fitness has a distinct bearing on a man’s mental attitude and unfitness has also, The man who through neg- lect and lack of control over his appe- tite begins to eat himself into an early grave, loses his crispness of thought. The self-respe t which every man who achieves things should have for him- self as a clean well-groomed animal, is lacking. Don't weakly excuse yourself if you have unconsciously slipped into this class. Get busy and work yourself out of it before it is too late. Had Suffered Enough An old American revolutionary sol- dier was a candidate for congress, and his opponent was a young man who had “never been to the wars,” It was the custom of the old soldier to tell of the hardships he had endured, Said he: “Fellow citizens, I have fought and bled for my country. I have helped to whip the British and the Indians. I have slept on the field of battle with no other covering than the canopy of heaven. I have walked over the frozen ground tili every footstep was marked with blood.” Just about this time one of the vot- ers, who had become grea/iy interested in his tale of suffering, walked up In front of the speaker, wiped the tears from his eyes with the extremity of his coat-tall, and interrupted him with: “Did you say you had fought the Brit- ish and Ingins?” “Yes, sir.” “Did you say you had slept on the ground while serving your country without any kiver?” “I did.” “Did you say your feet covered the ground you walked over with blood?” “Yes,” replied the speaker, exult- ingly. “Well, then,” said the tearful citizen, as he gave a sigh of pent-up emotion, “I guess I'll vote for t’other fellow, for I'll be hanged if you ha’n't done enough for your country.”—Pittsburgh Chroni- cle-Telegraph. Origin of “Humbug” The word “humbug” had its origin as follows: Aimong the many issues of base coin, made from time to timo in Ireland, there was none so worth- less as that made by James IT at the Dublin mint. It was made of what- ever metal was the easiest to get— lead, copper, pewter or brass—and so Pre low was its intrinsic value that 20 shillings of it were worth only 2 pence sterling.. The soft mixed metals of which the worthless coin was com- posed were kKacwn to the Irish as “ulmbog,” pronounced “oombog,” mean- ing soft copper cer worthless money. pone tie Doras “humbug” originated y @ person saying: “That is a pleee of ilmbog. “ “Don't try to pass off your uimbog on me,” 5 From Bad to Worse. “Well, Jane,” said Mrs, WeStyle, impatiently, “haven't you ‘found the Ws as canantacesapenare ~