The Butler Weekly Times Newspaper, July 5, 1917, Page 2

giovsevesccooscotsesseses sete. 25 O, Hello, people, I féel better than I did yesterday but not quite so well as I did the day before. However, here I am. Qh, yes, 1 guess I’m the worst writer man that ever came down the pike. I seem to be goin’ from bad to worse |” and from there to Rich Hill. I’m nearly as bad as a local editor who can't write up the sacred rites, of a matrimonial affair without gettin’ balled up with “incubators” and sich, Half the world don’t know how the other half lives and begob it's a good thing they don't. If my neighbor fares sumptuously on loin steak and brown gravy with mushrooms on the side while I am compelled to stuff my pale hide with corned beef and gabbage (minus the beef) would -it add to my pleasure? Not none.a-tall, Where ignorance is bliss, etc., that’s what I say. 1 know that Solomon wasn't much of a traveler, but I didn’t know why until yesterday. You see, aside from the ordinary packing of his wardrobe fora trip “Sol” had about ten thous- and wives and he had to-kiss all of ‘em good bye, and by the time he had performed this ceremony he had no “taste” left for travel nor for any- thing else much I opine. Ten thous- and—Holy Mackerel! “TI told you once before there's noth- ing in a name, I once knew a man named “Straight” and he was the crookedest man I ever saw. Then I had a friend named “Short” and he was as léng as from here to Alaska. Also there was “Greene” who was the smartest fellow I ever met. No, sir, there’s nothing in a name. I wish I were an editor. I really| do, indeed, because I think an editor (and Bob Allen of The Times says it’s true) has every thing he needs. sI’m gettin’ to be the most backward fellow you ever see. “How so?” do you ask? Well, you see bein’ a mem- ber of The Times staff (of crooks) I am about the office a good bit and do you know every blamed thing in the place is done backward and as I learn very quickly I’ve got the habit. I eat backward, walk backward, get in and out of bed backward, I am backward about goin’ forward and at times (when peeved) I talk back— ‘ward. Dry? Well, yes and hot. O, for a good old rain. Why it’s so hot and dry actually I am afraid to take a drink of cold water—you know it’s not safe to pour cold water into a hot boiler—might explode. It’s so dry that I saw a wagon runnin’ around the other day with its tongue out. I sho’ did. Yessir. I know it’s quite useless for me to try to make folks over. Most of ’em was spoiled in the makin’, . If a sense of humor is lacking it’s no sort of use trying to make a sunny man out of a grouch, so I shall confine my stunts to thdse who appreciate a good thing. No use to try to enter- tain folks who can’t see the point of a joke until three weeks later. The shortage of pearl buttons is attributed to a small crop of clams. Well, by golly, I notice about as many ‘clams’ around as usual. Any- way I can’t see why that should af- fect the supply of buttons. There are still plenty of Angoras left. They say that clothes don’t make a man, but that clothes cover 9-1oths of a man. Neither do clothes make @ woman and in a good many cases don’t cover more than 4-Sths of her either. Don't believe that, eh? Well, take a look. A fellow wanted to go up in an airplane to note the effect of flying on his nerves. Well, he found out and may telephone us later. The ma- chine struck the ground head on and he was immediately dead. Birds eat and digest 30 times as much food in proportion to their size as man. So it is said. I dunno’. But I doubt it. O’ course, I can’t Come Over and ‘See Us ia County some pact and many of our Bates County. SUNBEAMS| today get all I can eat. I could ‘only get’ the “fillin’s’, It's mighty fine of you when you do something to help a friend who is in need, just bectuse you-like him and want his friendship, but when you help some one for whom you don’t care a cuss just because you are big and broad and human enough to do good for the very love of doing it. Well, that’s finer still, That's just bully. Not long since I met a fellow who said, “I’m a poet.” “Well,” says I, “the only, way you can tell a poet from anybody else is by their breath. If they can blow it they’re it, if not, they ain't,” and I says, says I, “you look about as much like a poet as a cod fish looks like Caruso, and further,” says I, “I’m the po-8 lau- reate of Peaceful Valley and don’t need you, Go, seek out other fields and don't forget this—take it with you. I'll be waitin’ in the wildwood with a club and I’'lt meet you: twixt the gloaming and the dark—I’ll hit you with my weapons roughest nub and knock you pretty near across the park. Then thousand shining lights you will discover and Protechnics of the very best. Come on and let rhe hit you for your mother—you wooden headed, pop-eyed, ornery pest.” less you want to see ( Lime In and Around Maysburg. Mrs. Iva Gilliland and husband vis- ited at Mrs. Gilliland’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Wesley Dale's Saturday | night and Sunday. Rev. Johnson filled his regular ap- pointment at Cove Creek Sunday. Every one was very glad to see Mother Dale able to be out to Sun- day school and preaching services. She gets along on crutches quite good but is far from being well. Mr. and Mrs, Clark visited at their daughter's, Mrs. McCleney, Sunday. Bernice McCoy is quite sick, They suppose she is taking the measles as they are quite well scattered in and about Maysburg. Mr. and Mrs, Ray Powell visited Mrs. Powell's parents Saturday night and Sunday. Harry White is taking his vacation and will spend-a few days with home folks. He is employed at the Delco Light Co., in Kansas City. Ermine Zimmer visited with the Yates girls Sunday. There was an ice cream s€pper at the Baptist church Saturday night. As yet we do not know the proceeds. There will be a Sunday school con- vention and basket dinner at Aaron the first Sunday in August. Every one is invited to go and take their dinner and enjoy the good music and talks that will be made. Rev. Shelton, who preached at Cove Creek for five years ind did a great work in that church is expected to visit in this neighborhood this week.| Every one is always glad to have Bro. Shelton’ come back to Cove Creek as he generally preaches one of his good sermons to them while here. Mr. and Mrs. Montia Shawn vis- ited at Mr. Weslia Dale's Sunday. 1} 1916. had 41, this 76; Reyriolds last Millard Hellems stayed all night with Fred Zimmer Saturday night. A NEIGHBOR Automobiles in Missouri. Jefferson City, Mo, July 1.—A heavy increase in the number of au- tomobiles owned in Missouri over the number registered last year, is indicated by figures compiled by the Automobile Department in the office of Secretary of State Sullivan. The percentage of increase is rath- er larger in the country than in the larger cities, indicating that residents of the towns and farmers are still active in the market for machines, St. Louis last year had a total au- tomobile registration of 21,067 and so far this year the registrations to- tals 24,035 or an increase of nearly 20 pet cent. Jackson county, outside of Kansas City, had 1,758 and this year hag 1,922 and Kansas City had 12,951 and so far this year has 14,9$7. Jasper county with a total of 4,- 720 in 1916 has a total of 5,939, an in- crease of more than‘3o per cent. - Some of the counties:in the Ozarks show ble. percentage increases. Carter year had) nine automo- biles, this year so far 21; Douglas in year’ 22, this year 61; rea ad 42, fa tor | made: t0or' ticensés had been den: ‘out # Bates county so far. this year. say for ‘sartain’ as I’m not able to But’ I feet pretty sure I could: beat. the other birds if Don't look for me next week un-| ‘he shot in self defense. MISSOURI NOTE The supreme court Satu that the law of 1915 abolishii system of paying circuit constitutional. A test suit in Callaway county. The plies to all counties in whit is not a city of 75,000 inhabitén . Miss Jeanette Spangler of dria, Mo., was drowned at Friday while trying to res Hill, at whose home she was when he cried for help while 'f ming. Mrs. Hill, the boy’s narrowly escaped. The boy su ed in reaching shore. According to a report from: Othe Secretary of State's office there are 126,777 licensed-motor cars ‘in, souri, an increase of 25,606 ov year. In addition, the secretaty, of state has issued 2,577 licenses to mo- tor cycles, 11,892 to chauffeurs, ‘and 2,474 to dealers in vehicles, Claude J. Piersol, held in the city jail at St. Louis in connection; with the kidnapping and murder of “paby Lloyd Keet of Springfield, Mo., § sked a negro jaintor to bring him some fat poison. The janitor reported the matter to the desk sergeant and an extra guard was placed at Piersol’s cell. Fear of offending their friends and neighbors-by sending their .boys to war seems to be the real cause of |the resignation of three members of the Audrain County board of exemp- tions. Added to this. is the fact that the county officials who quit think out the draft registration. At least that is a part of the explanation they made to the Governor when they de- clined to serve. sas City horsewoman, and daughter of R.A. Long, the millionaire lum- berman, was married Friday night to Robert Pryor Combs at the Long home, Corinthian Hall. Immediately left in a special car for Colorado, where the honeymoon will be spent, after which the groom will go to Ft., Riley, where he will enter the offi- | cers’ training school. was indicted by the United States Court at Kansas City, as being a “slacker,” for failing to register was released on his personal bond by Judge Thompson said that he could not read or write and some one told him that he did not have to register. He promised to go home and register when the sheriff will notify Judge Van Valkenburg and the bond will be released. Bee B. Smith, 26 years old, con- fectioner of Excelsior Springs, Mo., was acquitted at Liberty Thursday night in his trial on a charge of murdering Uriah H. Balcombe of Omaha March 7. Smith proved that Balcombe, with whom he had been having trouble over small thefts in the confectionary entered the store and reached toward his hip pocket as if to draw a revolver. Smith said Smith for- merly conducted a confectionary store in Kansas City. REAL ESTATE TRANSFERS ‘Rich Hill Brick & Tile Co. to Wy, S. Dicky 26 acfes section 5 Osage $1. Leona Bowman to C. R. Bowman 5 acres section 23 ‘Mt. Pleasant $1.00, W. S. Dickey to F. L. Dickey et al 20 acres section 5 Osage $1.00, Chas. Misner to F. M: Campbell 40 acres section 10 Elkhart $1700.00. Gus Andrix to L. M. Calhoun 48 acres section 34 Homer $1,850.00. F. R. Snider to Peacock Coal Com+ pany, 160 acres section 18 Walnut $6, 150.00. : H. H. Vergason to A. E. Gilliland 40 acres section 24 Spruce $1,600.00. : . T. W. Robertson to W. W. Jami son 202 acres section. 1 Osage $: _J. -A. Warford to. Sylvester’ lot 1 block 15 West Side Addit to Butler $450.00. ‘ J: W. Payton to W. R.. Payton lo 1, 2, 3, 4. and § block 25 Amoret_$ F. E. Brown to H.W. Neuschaf lots 14, 15 and mie 3 Amste dani $1.00. ; J. A’ Corn to Kelis, Moules tot 4 block 27 Amoret $1.00, q ‘Theo Green to M. 1 Green acres section 7 West Point and lo k $10.00, that they did enough work in getting | Miss I.ouela Long, the noted Kan-| after the wedding the young couple, Ernest Thompson, of Osceola, who Van Valkenburg Saturday-! ‘provisions were enacted into law on- long to chance: You want. duce. -Conven the pleasure of Have you every corner +4 wife if that. old for a Built-in, thinge that is used int th “e Ives, no drawers, no i ae eve: in a \ with its adjustable sven fou valeepliig porch, it gives to you the long nights “ peaceful jeep. in a poorly Misi ted room. : '| Lomoco Better Built Homes with all. of their convenience: Modern Désigns, built-in feature all that will make your home more beautiful and pleasant is shown in - our book of home plans. Better Built Homes It you will call at our office and: give us your name we willbe glad to have one of these books sent to you, they are new and they will give you the latest ideas in building. We Furnish Blue Printe and ‘ Specifications Free. That's just a little part of Louidce direiccc ad us tor more. | Logan-Moore Lumber Company BUTLER, MO. PHONE 18 ee TO RETAIN GUARD OFFICERS | New Guard © Regiments Authorized. . - Farm Loans. my Washington, June 23.—Orders| If you desire freedom from the bur- have gone out from the War Depart-|dens of everlasting debt, it will pay ment officially authorizing the for- te ite 4 Me beh phirfes plan nol i f ee ¢ lone. means’ low mation of the new units in -the N&-| cost, with the most libetal pre-pay- tional gyard, so as to permit each|ment privileges. No renewals, with state to get up to its maximum|the attending cost, that come peri- - strength. As Missouri and Kansas odically, and some times ‘aise in went ahead forming their new units| rates, It costs nothing to investi- without waiting for the final orders,| gate, your own inter-st should most of the units are all ready to be| prompt you do the best that you can. taken into the guard upon inspection. | We invite a full investigation, i They will go into federal service ° Canterburys, along with the other units August 5. 36-tf Butler, Mo. | Guardsmen Must Pass Physical Test | and Meet Other Requirements, However—Baker Won't q Press Defense Act Change. Washington, June 27.—Every offi- cer of the national guard, when taken into the federal service will retain his rank and command, providing he passes the physical examination, If any weeding out has’ to be done it will come after the guard is called to the ‘colors. Equal opportunity for enisted men to gain commissiéns and for commis- sioned officers to win promotions is to be given in the national guard, the national army and the regular army. These declarations of policy were made today by Secretary of War Baker to the House Committee on military affairs and represent the in- tentions of the administration with respect to the military forces of the Nation. The committee had under consideration a bill advocated by the War Department to amend certain sections of the National Defense Act. Among other’ amendments proposed is one providing for the appointment of officers of the national guard when taken into the federal service. . The National Defense Act states that the ‘commissioned officers of said organizations shall be, imported from among the members. thereof,” and it is proposed to amend this pro- vision by inserting “or, in grades ‘above the rank of captain, may be appointed from officers of the regu- Hlar-army.” This. means that if the The Maxwall’s Vital Organs Make It Endoranca bhanpion A great heart and bral: —the engings Great lusgs—the radiator; Great bones and musci ihe trancmiss! jon, axles and frame—they _ make the Maxwells world champion, How the Maxwell Has Mode Good AMs orwel rt i M in every detall with your Maxwe' fod 28.028 rnit ng Ho days and nights—at the rate’ of snaps rots our—and 22: miles aalion ol gatline without sopeliea ty far Nong jam Lg le prod Wt Ply pect er nat steam or elec The Maxwell Everyman's Car. aga wr te the ily within your reach. The pee lonbg ae ay the money, Lod i geta sles nd: sem a hardly © ly the lieutenants and captains would be certain of being taken into the fed- eral sefvice, while majors, lieuten- {Fant-colonels, colonels,’brigadier gen- ‘erals and major-genetals might — Ly taken from the regular army. ‘would: bé a practical reversal of as policy adopted in the enactment of the National Defense Act. : “Secretary Baker today appeared fgn ae committee. to eat