The Butler Weekly Times Newspaper, June 26, 1889, Page 2

1 i | oe cree ann ng remains Ee BUTLER | till eleven next morning, then sneeze \ After that I'd cough ; for an hour. twelve more. For real genuine enjoyment a cold NATIONAL BANK. like I had is almost equal to a funer- — Th Weur Bank Building BUTLER, MO. Capital. - %66,000, SURPLUS -- $7,000,00. DIRECTORS Dr, T. C. Boulware, Booker Powell, : H. C. Wyatt Brees W - Walton, us - Hf Sullens, John Deerwester, EF ican ’ Dr. NL. Whipple Frank Voris, Wx, E, Walton, C. H. Dutcher J. Rue Jenkins. Receives deposits, loans money, and transacts a general banking business. We extend to our customers ever commodation consistent with sate ing. ac- ank- CORRESPONDENTS. First Nat’! Bank - Kansas City. Fourth National Bank - St. Louis. Hanover National Bank - New York. JOHN H.SULLENS........ President BOOKER POWELL,... Vice President. Wa. E. WALTON «+ e+ee Cashier. J. RUE JENKIN: a Caashier, DON KINNEY.....Clerk and Collector BATES COUNTY National Bank. (Organized in 1871.) i OF BUTLER, MOQ, Capital paid in, - - $75,000. | Surplus - - + - $7L000 F.1. TYGARD, - HON. J. 8. MEWBERRY, J:C.CLARK* - = a ene President. My Cold. One Sunday last fall, impelled by | a desire to do something that would surprise myself! I went to church. | Thas just been presented with a | pair of blue suspenders with a pink | worsted parrot worked on them, by | a lady friend. She has since been locked up in| an insane asylum, but that has noth- to do with my story. Therefore I went to church in my shirt sleeves to show my suspenders for it is only once ina while that I get a chance to be overbearingly and stuninglv stylish. Ishowed my suspenders anda policeman showed me the station-| he has got a tomatovine and six cats | house. He arrested me on the charge of habjtual idiocy, and remarked {that persons who meandered around in their shirt sleeve in Noyember ought to get six months. But he was only jealous. He but- toned his pants onto his vest with a shawl pin, for he couldn’t afford ‘em. Only the good and the handsome can get blue suspenders with worst- ed parrots on them. As it was, I caught cold. It was the first time I had caught anything since my grand-mother had fits but I was’nt proud of it. It was a double-breasted, forty- ty horse-power cold. One of those that sets you to looking all over youself for a‘place to breathe through, and gives you a | I'ma hard hitter if I do have a cold | voice like a cow with an. apple in her throat. It put a regular head on me too. My eyes bulged out, and got red and sentimental. They wept at \a habitual little fairy tales. al. It beats setting up with a corpse jal hollow. \ }a safe by bank burglars | Somebody suggested thet I get varnished and put ina frame fora picture of misery. Indeed I felt like hanging myself with my blue | COL. SWITZER’S DEFI. He {sa Democrat But Expects to Stay | [38 in Office. Washington, June 17.—Col. Wm. '§, Switzer, of Columbia, Mo., is still In about two days I looked as if I | chief of the bureau of statistics and |had been blown up, by mistake for | ig likely to stay there some months, if he succeeds, as he says he will, in holding office until his forthcoming report is issued. He expected to have his report out by May 1, but s few days ago he an- suspenders, but the sight of those | nounced that he couldn't get it ready pink worsted parrots stopped me. Of course every articulating idiot | I came across suggested a cure. My grandfather told me to take h. Like a fool I did. I love baths—at a distance. About ten miles distant with no way to get to them. : But I tried it. I caught about six quarts more cold, but my nose quit running. It commenced gallopping- I got to using sheets and table-cloths instead of handkerchiefs. Then mother said use mollasses, rum and onions. It was a lovely mixture. Once is enough to try it, twice usually sends them to the cemetery, with a beautiful wooden overcoat about you. I only tried once. | The doctors bet five to one I'd die | —but I didnt. eld. T only caught more office came to see me. He told me | to use paregoric and glycerine. Ti | would knock the cold higher than Hamnen. T have since foundo © Was Glycerine and paregoric one of me the jacking eramps,a fits. I had the combination k. Folks used to com d see me in place of going to the circus. When I got wel iac told me to sork my feet in hot water. I did. By accident I got the water seald ing hot, and the skin all peeled off spetable miun- my feet. al cold. Next I met a farmer friend. And [ caught an addition- He in his back yard, and likes to be call- eda farmer. “Got jest the stuff for a cold,” said he. Bung’s Cough Pannacca for man and Beast. some.” He did. Ill bring you till July 1, but now he says it can’t be issued before December or Janu- ary. He has been posing lately as something of a reformer, and not much of a democrat anyway, but when the Missouri republicans got after him and asked him why he did not resign he let his anger run away with his tongue, and announced him- self as hot a democrat as ever and he blurted out: “If you will come over tomy office I will prove to you by statistics that the democrats put down the rebel- lion.” “You can’t do that if you live a thousand years, and remain office all that time as chief of the bureau of statistics,” was the retort of one of the republicans. “I can prove it by statisties,” shouted the colonel again. “1 can prove it by statistics that the demo- crats put down the rebellion.” in eal the feet of Lis r Next the bockkeeper down to the | Col. Switzer gay jand stalked m: |R. I i | i i | And with this gauntlet thrown at epublican opponents, ea snort of defiance estically away. Milk Dresses and New Bonnets. k dress since I bonnet for F complains Mrs. C. V. She declares she is bound to have a new bonnet if s! s to work for i i t, but work three seasons, object, are ise they are al- ntly afflicted with dis- unable to do so bee. most cons eases peculiar to their sex. D. ng down tins. displacements, leu- corrhe nd other uterine disorders, jare the bane of ry women’s lives; j bat Dr. Pierce’s Fayorite Preserip- ; tion will cure when peunds fail. all other It is the only medicine for women, sold by druggists, under a positive guarantee from the manu- facturers, that it will give satisfac- tion in every case, or money will be refunded. This guarantee has been printed on the bottle-wrapper, and faithfully carried out for many years. com With Their Throats Cut. Neb., June 17.—News has just reached here of a horrible double murder, committed near Seward, Gresham in the northwestern part of this county last night. John Le- vitt, a farmer, living about four miles At the first swallow I threw up from that place, had been visiting in everything except my cold. I even threw up my socks. If I had had a full hand I would have thrown that up too. My friend glared at me wildly. “Well, I'll be gosh-durned,” he said, “if I hayn’t given you the wrong sort of ‘cough cure.’ There is two kinds—one for man and one for Gresham during the day, accompan- ied by his wife. On driving home in the evening shortly after 9 o'clock they found their eldest daughter, aged 18, lying dead in the middle of the floor with her throat cut. They returned to Gresham and with sev- eral people went back to the farm. Another daughter, 8 years old, was beast and I'll be jewillikered if I found dead in the front yard with havn't given you the one for beast. That man went home in sections. occasionaly. Somebody else sugg ought to drink cold water. I obeyed. I drank cold water until the res- | the transackshun. her throat cut. There is no clew to the perpetrator of the crime. Bro. Gardener, of Lime-kiln club | notoriety, gives the following sensi- gested that I | ble advice to young men who are | bent on marriage: If you must mar- | ry. let common sense have a show in Doan’ go off yer everything. Everything those blam- | ervoir fell three inches, and there | feet bekase you meet a girl who kin ed eyes looked at it seemed to sug- gest sorrowful memories. They'd weep at an ash-cart just as readily as a hearse. Then my nose swelled. I got tired of walking and com- menced to run. Asa runner, it was a glorious success. It took every handerchief I could borrow off clothes-lines when the folks were abed to keep my moustache from being drowned. My moustahce was very weak, and if should get wet I would never see itagain. It consists of only one hair and I am afraid that as only a boarder. Of course my cold got into lungs. It was a freeand easy cold and went everywhere. I began to cough. I would cough from twelve o'clock = was not enough aqua left to pnt out fires. If I had fell off the roof and brok- enIwouldhave deluged the whole street. But it didn’t cure my cold. I have it yet. and still I am not happy. Does any reader of this paper know of a cure? If they do please send it to me: I shall consider it a | personal favor. Walt Whitman is unconventional , in his own style, but he seems to have some apprehension of what is correct in literature. He says the greatest pleasure of his old age has been in reperusing the novels of | Charles Dickens. Salt Lake threatens to become | “too fresh.” It has lost 9 per cent lof its saltness in the last five years. | Sing like a robin, smile like a rose, jand jump of a street kyar without bederin’ the driver to stop. A wife will have much to do besides ‘eultivatin’ dimples. Befo’ you ‘fall in love wid a gal who looks too sweet for anything in a red plush saque, kinder figger how many sich duds your income would jafiordher. Befo’ you let a pair 0 flashing black eyes an’ cunnin’ dimpel captivate ye look around a little and see if the owner has got a | temper like a wildcat. Marriage is 'a failure simply bekase people take each odder unsight and unseen.” Notice of Final Settlement. Notice is hereby given, That the undersigned Catharine Horn. administratrix of the estate of N. D. Horn, deceased, will make final set- tlement of his accounts with said estate as such administratrix, at the next term of the probate court of Bates county, Missouri, to be holden at Butier in said county, on the 12th day ef Aucust, Iss, CATHARINE Hors, 2 Administratrix. AARON HART, Carries a Full Line of —THE PIONEER— | Dry Goods MERCHANT \ —OF BUTLER— BOOKS AND STATIONERY DRUGS, PAINTS, OILS, WINDOW GLASS &e Also All the$Leading PATENT MEDICINES | Is Now Eocated on the South Special and personal attention given | West Corner of the Square, 4 sate | With Full and Complete Ling to filling Prescriptione. | —or— Store one door south of Bates Coun- i ty Nat'l Bank. Give me a call. | 7 1 y ‘DRY GOODS, \ —NOTIONS— DR. E. L. RICE. | CLOTING, HATS, CAPS, G. N. Repairer and Rebuilder Adn Gents Underwear Hays, | In short he carries one ot the Largest Stocks of Goods in the | City, and is not Undersold by | Any body in the city. Uncle Aaron is one of ‘the oldest Setlers in Butler, and has justly won the name of being the Pio- neer Merchant of this City. When in the city call and see Him and investigate his Goods and Prices. aK of Furniture. CPHOLSTERING & MATTRESS MAKING, —Done to Order on Short Notice.— SPECIALTY REPAIRING —-RINGERS .—— of CLOTHES AN Work Shop at South-East Corner Square, Butler, Mo. Cousins Can't Marry. to be con- Inquiries are begining mide at the State department CALIFORNIA. LAND OF DISCO cerning a bill passed at the late Gen- y> TERIES section 2 of which reads follows: Section 2; Certain M: 3 Pro- »1—All inarriages between par- ents and ehilds luding grand- and degree. betw of the half as well parents grandchildren of every un brothers and sisters blood, S nieces. aunts and nephews, first cousins, white persons and negroes, are prohibited and de- clared absolutely void; and this pro- hibition will apply to illegitimate as well as legitimate relatives. In the limited circle in which this has become known it has created consternation, inasmuch of property rights of first cousins who marry in detiance of the law will be forever impaired. The satisfaction re- maining for first cousins who want to become man and wife is that such a marriage is not made a crime, the words “first cousins” being omitted from the prohibitary section of the act on “crimes and criminal proceed- ure.” But there are punishments great- er than confinement in the peniten- tiary or county jail, and the fact that hereafter the marriage of first cousins in this state will be looked upon as concubinage and the issues of such marriages illegitimate will be suf- ficient to deter the most foolhardy from precipitating the results of that character. whole and between unc} UM 2 oe ae SPN STHNt Covers, ‘agp TONEDIL CHESS las UNS out on Gur rttlle Send for circular, S] per bottle 3 br Qe L THE | LY— UARANTEED RUARA ¥: i t } SANTA ABIE AND CAT-R-CURE SOLD AND GUARANTEED BY F. M. CRUMLEY & CO. keS"Try Santa ABIE CHEWING GUM. A natural CalitorniaGum. By swallow- ing the saliva produced in chewing [will materlally aid digestion. WOODWARD, FAXON &CO., DISTRIBUTING AGENFS, Kansas City, Mo. Consumption Cured. An old physician, retired trom pratice having had placedin his hands by an East India missionary the formula otf a simple vegetable remedy for the speedy and permanent cure ot Consumption, Bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma and al! throat and Ipng affections, also a positive and radical ture for Nervous Debility and all Neryous complaints, atter having tested its wondertul curative powers in thousands of cases, has telt it his duty to make it Known to his suffering fellow. Actuated by this motive and a desire to relieve human suffering. I will send free ot charge, to all who desire it, this re- ceipt, in Germac, French or English, with tull directions tor preparing and using. Sent by mail by addresing with stamp, naming this paper. W. A. Noyes, 149 Power’s Block, Rocheste N. Y. Heads Fall Fast. Washington, June 16.—First As- sistant Postmastsr General Clarkson is not idle. Last week he decapitat- ed 1,012 democratic fourth class postmasters and substituted repub- licans. This nearly equalled Clark- son’s record-breaking week in May, when 1,16 changes were made. Since the incoming of the present admin- istration over 11,000 changes were made some voluntary others involun- tary. Some of the mugwumps have protested against this “wholesale slaughter of the innocents” as they appear to esteem it; but Mr. Clark- son says it will go on as long as he is first assistant postmaster general. Sherman, Tex., June 11 —A little child of Ben McBride died here to- day. It was born 15 days ago. Af- ter its death it was weighed and tip- ped the beam at one and three quar- ter pounds It was perfectly form- ed, but measured but 144 inches in | length. Its head was just about | the size of an ordinary turkey egg {and its hands about the size ofa | small teaspoon. Another remark- American pluck dislikes to surren- der. Colonel “Jack” Haverly, the once famous minstrel manager, ad- mits having made and lost seven | able circumstance is that its mother | fortunes, and says he is now trying | died in giving it birth. The mid-|to get together the eighth. He's | get was apparently healty up to the | working his mining interests in the j time of its death. west. | ‘DRUGGIST, Warranted to give Satisfaction. | - DREJL RICE 4 | | | 1 | " Every nterprising Threshe: nds that —n the threshing machine that will work the most rapidly, clean perfectly, and save all the grain will bring him the best jobs and best prices, and so he will Write now to at once investigate our claim that made in all these and other points, The wide-awake Farmer will also get our circulars and satisfy himself whether he can afford to have his grain wasted by other threshers when he can make money by having his grain threshed with the New Vibrator. Our pamphlet giving full information about Threshing Machinery and Traction Engines sent on application, NICHOLS & SHEPARD BATTLE CREEK, MICHIGAN ARBUCKLES’ name on a package of COFFEE is » guarantee of excellence. kept in all first- the Atlantic to the Paci COFFEE is never good when exposed to the air, is brand in herm all PACKAGES. SCOTT'S EMULSION OF PURE COD LIVER OIL aND HYPOPHOSPHITES Almost as Palatable as Milk. ——$—<—_ So disguised that it can be digested, and assimilated by the sensitive stomach, when the —_— ell eannot be tolerated; and by —-_ bination of the of] with the hypophe> phites fs much more efficacious. Remarkable as a fiesh producer. Persens gain rapidly while taking tt. SCOTT'S EMULSION is acknowledged by Physicians to be the Finest and Best prop tation in the world for the relief and cured CONSUMPTION, 6CROFU GENERAL DEBILITY, WAST! DISEASES, EMACIATI cones and cay for Ca couc pot great rem or Consumptian, Wasting in ‘Children. Sold by all Druggiait bn - _ * FOR . CONsumPt 0" ites permanently cured =a of cases pronoun by doctors hope less. If you have premonitory toms, acai as Co of Breathi &., don't poe fe on PIso’sS RE For CON! immediately. By Druggists. 25 conte Se Children Cry for Pitcher’s Castori2- When Baby was sick, we gave her Castor.~ ‘When she was a Child, she cried for Castor Ay When she became Miss, she clung to Castor'ly ‘When she had Children, she gave them Casta zeus » 3. | e@ Ca20Reetcen aap.