The Butler Weekly Times Newspaper, November 4, 1885, Page 6

Tne editor ot the suspended his pub & a weeks ago, and 1 thus graphically gives his ence: “With this issue the Podunk ceases to annoy and disturt ot its late alleged patrons, a: but proper that I, the only surviving memento of a Jost cat colorea hopes, s sub " reasons to a candi id The Poser was supposed to have been a long-felt want by the leading and solid men of Podunk. I w greatly encouraged. I received at the start about $4,603,000 in prom- uses, which I devoted to building wrial castles with hanging gardens, but I'l) be hanged if I can see any | traces of their former beauties at this writing. The promises answered as _pass- ports to dreamland, and there I stuck | like a pig in a morass. My party was strong and influen- tial. Thev promised to support the Poser. j I was delighted to see little and | big business notices handed in by the business men, which | entered in a day-book—a_ kind of indignant kon, for when I came day-book, I re to make out little bills and send them | around, I not only got no money,but word came eu most cases to ‘*stop the paper. This surprised and nonplussed me, and I left the office ine great} trouie of spirit, supposing I had printed something verv naughty in the Poser, that had created mary hot boxes, though I could think ot nothing that any one ought to find fault with, so I left the office and went out to the various places ot! busiaess, and asked my friends what I had printed that had offended them. They all said ‘tnothing as they knew of,’’—on the contrary they liked the Poser very much,—but (I hate that word) you sent around bills for printing our local notices, and we don’t propose to patronize a paper that won’t advertise our busi- ness iree. T asked them how they expected editor to live, but they laughed, with a hautier toss of the head, and ex claimed, ‘that’s none of our busi- ness.’’ They seemed to think if they took the paper that should en- see how I was coming out. 1 con cluded I could pull through if I could make the same system work on my|{eyes, had a seat alone, paper maker and printers. So 1] seemed disposed to refuse a dine told the printers if I paid them for one week, they must work four came in, which I paid out fund I had rainy Poser ication some few One day one ot the principal moters of my and with muc! know why I edustind the article frot He desired I no more such articles in The next day Mr. P. with another in, she sud Poser put ouls reason that it was off another paper would be opposition. | The next day I met my first friend | happened. | anything i | and told him what had He said if | more without letting him see it,there would be another ! opposition. I saw I was in tor it—that I could not publish anything without first See | of lite in regard to the virtues of Mishlers i consulting all my subscribers to This | Herb Bi was ‘‘void of offense.”’ | was a little too mace and as work and ali mv eeseees, and that | to say the Bitt seemed very much they | thing and | all the ‘‘patrons’ | disinclined to pay, and that ooked upon a newspaper as a that should be furnished tree, | also voice each particular subscriber’s | sentiments, I concluded that either | ness,’ | Podunk was -not the place for a | new spaper,or that I was not the man Podunkani apologize to Hence this obituary. not being | the Arkansaw bottoms. I heard so subscribers able to fill out the ye recommend and liberal mercies of my successor. to] spring. It was I shall either ‘Didn't the seed come up?’ or *-Come and I able | —the profit which coula be made— newspaper literature. go to sawing wood, rag picking, government perhaps some foreign mission. To all Podunkards, good bye. Sytvanus Gritt. Podunk, Sept. 2 Adventuress Against Masher. In the first place he was 40 years » bald-headed, and ought to have the and Cleveland, been ashamed next, he probably four or five and he had no business running after strange gods on a railway train. There were about twenty passen- title them to what advertising they gers in the coach, and of these only wanted. Ubegan to ‘“figger up” to] five were females. laid over all the rest for youth, good looks, and a far-away look in her she The one who This old bald head, this old mash- -eyed girl got o and the he spouted. Says | “Durn my t _— talking away as swe enly & 7 € “ ‘Not C wey my { t, i) get into the papers jear in| Wite hold a surprise party over your remains. Comme do **She had me. I forced over. Every lstner realized that he was g the solemn truth, and every j man gasped out: in| } New York Sun. | | The testimo. ot the clergy supple- me that ot persons in evry other walk ters. Rev. Thomas Starkwesther who was long atfected with a distressing Ae had | cold, was told to use the medicine: he months did so without much confidence in the preperation, but he adds: “I am bound rs cured me, and I own ” | myself a convert to its efciency. Arkansas Melons. “This year has taught me a sad experience in the watermelon busi- rked as the boat left ” he rer Memphis. ‘*Have you been shipping ?’’ asked demands. | the tourist trom Ohio. ‘Not a ship. I live over there on much about the watermelon business that I planted a hull side hill last »ad move.”” ght up as if somebody had a rope and tackle on ’em.”’ ‘And the melons grew?’’ **Growed hke a mud hole in wet weather. That was the trouble— they growed too lar *-Couldn’t be handled ?’’ Not without the help of two nig- gers and a yoke o” steers, and that pensive. When you get an Was tooe eight hundred pound watermelon on a side hill, you’ve got to leave it thar. The steamboats won’t handle ’em if you git ’em down to the landing.’ ‘*You don’t tell me that you had melons weighing Soo pounds!’’ “Oh, those were the little ones. The big ones cum nigher a ton. hadn’t no scales,but all my neighbors are mighty peart on guessing.”’ ‘*And what became ot them?’ ‘*That’s what occasions my grief, stranger. Them melons threatened to roll down and do me damage. I drew logs to prop them up, and I wecks for the money. They rebelled | er in human torm,on whose wrinkled started for town to get some dvna— and threw down their sticks, and I} forehead the kiss of a could yet be seen tor 60 cents on the Ttold my paper maker that if I] dollar, got his eyes on that girl at an early date, and the conductor had round before he had to give in. paid him for the newspaper I used, he should throw in my jobbing stock. He wouldn’t stand that, and my last effort was in working my landlord. scarcely made his walked up the aisle and plumped down beside betrayed [paid him one month, and insisted | surprise and sadist modesty. In- wife mite to blow some of the biggest to pieces. While I was gone the ca- lamity took place. You see before you a ruined man,”’ **Wh—what calamity? the tourist. “Why. them ’ere melons broke loose and rushed down hill in a body. gasped he should omit the next three months, ! deed, she looked too coy and sweet E House, barn, corn-cribs and orchard but he told me to get out of his building, andI got. iw s torced to take an old tobacco shed, Ttound I had somehow struck rule that wouldn’t work both ways. But, it was coming on campaign time, and I thought my party would see me out. Lavish orders were made tor jobs. The cahdidates all had characters to clear parma were te be advertised, and a bil $250 soon ran up on my tie Everybody was excited. and I could not think of asking for pay until the polls closed. Wren the election was over, I presented my bill to the committee. The committee seemed to be as- tonished. They did not think they would have to pay anything, and all their funds had been spent. They Were told the paper would support the party, and did not dream I would make any charges. Ivy scriptions, The first man I struck struck me with his cane. He ae back on sub- s forced to t subscribed to help the paper along, ard chd not expect to be asked to pay anything ee more, and finally 4 2 trend, who s. the would stand by me tf it cost him a do! 7 ara year. and labor My paper bi talk, daaiine reset fully and atter a little the girl seemed to enjoy id our his company. piv her fror So young! So ready to bein ae spread for = unsc — net le { g-avel-roofec dao ush to a deep re Dy a paleness wi lave put r phe fe! ray back a no- | gy , ra = a < oe along: | that way! I kin face side of tar. Did oe r make him seasick? head pretty | stranger—it brakes me down, and I | his|have to shed the childish tear. put no ben we saw her shake her ize her words. soon the old wallet and counted out Ss This was sooner accompiished than he bobbed The Oho man considerately with- | Pp, returned to his original s hs sat down w sin her hand. was tee all over tl from one particular | were clean swept away.’’ **You don’t say!’’ “I’m serious, stranger—very seri- ous. Il might have recovered from that, perhaps, but one 0’ them mel- ons rolled mto the creek, danimed up the water, and the inundashun carried tne side off my farm clean down to the rocks. There wasn’t “nuff dirt left on 120 acres to put in hour | your eye.’’ ©} **Well, that is tough, and J pity i : "| you. **Don’t,stranger-—d anes, Cv- carpet | clones, airthquakes and sich,as brave | cats | as a lion; but when anybody pities | me—when sott words of sympathy are shot into my soul by a_ total Stranger, excuse me while I cry real | hard.’” tO i and | drew trom that sacred spot, and the n wrestled with a rmelon n broken heart. Buckien’ s Arnica Salve. ut we were} “By the great horn spoon!’’— | | diately. j is no mi on’ttalk to me| E CNIWWOIIY SISIDDNYG ANV SNWIDISAT BEST TONIC. edicine, combining I v e@ tor Cures Dyspepsia, ‘Indigestion eo impure }» Haluria,Chillsand Fevers, and Neuralgia. Z n unfa Kidneys and Liver. It is invaluable for Diseases P Women, and all who lead sedentary | for Diseases « tion Of food. te. €, and str the appetite. aids the a eves Heartburn and Bel« ens the muscles and nerves, For Intermittent Fev. Energy, &c., it has no equ: &z- The genuine has above trade mark a: 1 crossed red lines on wrapper. Tuke no other Made only by BROWN CHEMICAL CO., BALTIMORE, UD, WANTED GREEN AND DRY HIDES, FURS, SHEEP PELTS, Tallow, Beeswax Wool, Feathers, Rags, SPOT CASH PAID AND NO GRUMBLING. LEWIS HOFFMAN, North Ms MISSOURI TRUST COMPANY, SEDALIA MO, PAID UP SURPLUS AND CAPITAL $105.000 ——DEALERS IN—— All kinds of investments, securities, state it and county and city bonds boug sold. Savings deposits received and interest allowed thereon MONEY to LOAN On real estate, in sums to suit, from one to five years at lowest rates. For fur- ther particulars apply to J. K. BRUGLER, BUTLER, MO GEO. O. FAULHABER, Treas. O. A. CRANDALL, President. ADVICE TO MOTHERS. a= you dist urbe at ni. crying with pain ot c send at once and Winslow’s Scothi Tee will = taste, and is the prescript the oldest and bes: fem physicians in the United Sta forsale by all drugg world. Price 25 cents a bottle. of one rarses ees PECK’S SUN, TUTT’S |. ee PILLS 25 YEARS IN Us The Greatest Medical Trium, SYMPTOMS oa in Sst. It so, Mrs. Children and is Mav 28 "S4-1yr 5, WES SEILWARRE ore CEO. W. PECK, ind Proprietor Edito Funniest Paper in America. What V ali-pox, PECK’S SUN ist alty ir elebrated BAD BOY aiden a specimen Copies, Free to any address, ling a Pe t SUN will be mailed you FREE. Don’t neglect to send at once and tell r neighbors to Sl WORTH OF FUN FOR le ——- +e mo s GEORGE L. LORD, Business Man Milwauke Adar: Wives! Mothers! Daughters! Be Your Own Physicia A ladv who red torments worse than ling of ons. Uterine Troubles, fa leucorrhoea, suppress and who had despaired ot being cured, found a remedy which completely cured her. Anv sufferer trom such trouples can use the remed and thus cure herself, without revealing her condition to any ut subjecting her womanly one, and wl modesty to the shock of an examination by a physician. ‘Lhe prescriptions and tull descr iptions tor use. sent free to any address, securely sealed, enclose one (two stamp. Address, naming this paper cent Mrs. Ww. C. Holmes, 658 Broadway 18 6m New Yor. The Gre establish- ment of American one of the many won- dertul enterprises the great west is noted for and which none tavored with oppor- tnnity should pass seeing is the great ablishment ot Da lawn own- Dunham at Wayne Ill. 35 milés from Ct >. Hisimportations of percheron horses from France to date have aggregated the immence sum of 3 000 000, and at the present time at Ou land 500 head of the choicest specimens ot that :ace nearly all recorded with their pedegress in the Percheron Stud book ot France can be seen while on their Col- rado ranges age 2000 mares and 32 impor- ted Percheron stallion in breeding. NO SURPRISE Thn Government Eudorses ‘ihe; breeding es edby MW Ameriean. Agriculturist| B From the tenth cencus, vol. 8, just pub- lised. “The American Agricultnrist is especially woathy ot mention, because of the remarkable success that has attended the unique and untiring efforts ot its pro- prietors to increase and exjend its circu lation: Its contents are duplicated every month jor a germanedition, which also circulates widely.’’ This tribute is a pleasing incident in the marvelous nearly} HALF A CENTURY CARaER of this recognized leading Agricultural Journal ot the world. WHAT IT IS TO-DAY Six months avo the American Agricult- urist entered upon a new year ot prospe it id to-day it is far similar periodical ever prod or auy other country. Riche ial strengt r, and p s of ori ed on finer pay eryi m 0 illustrations. Dr ber, tor n ist, Coi. 3 50 (as year, and 15 Loss of appetite, ait nenna fuclination to exertion of be emper, Low spiri a feeling of hay ‘elected ~~ Fe se, Dizzines: hs Heart, Dots beforet over the right eye, fitful dreams, Highly colored CONSTIP. TUTT'S PILLS a to such cases, one dose t They Increase the Appetit body to Take on Fie: TUITS HA ‘AY Harr or WHISKe! cu = Y BLACK by a singie'ap sDYF. It Hl geal ay Pte instantaneously. express on Te celpt “es omice 44 Murray St. Health is = ii Da E. C. 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Price 20-. eat Drvesito 5 ir 4 celebrated “Works VICTIMS be nto canes of Nervous lity in every singe. nakee no Oterence wh aken, oF who bas fai n warranty of cure G ae undertaken, nent every bere We . M off amet St. 5%