The Butler Weekly Times Newspaper, November 22, 1882, Page 6

BORROWED WIT. Mr. Cobb recently married Miss | Webb; he knew they were intended for each other as soon as he spider. A boy at school, on being asked to describe a kitten, said: ‘+A kit- ten is remarkable for rushing like | mad at nothing whatever and stop- ping before it gets there.’ Professor in So ae we | conceive of anything as being eut of | time and_ still occupying space?’ | Musical student thoughttully—‘* Yes, sir, a poor singer in a chorus.”’ **What do you want with arnica! asked an old man of his son. Why. | I saw my wife just start to drive al | j nail, and I expect every moment to | hear her call for it.’’ | Ligntning recently struck a tele- | graph pole and ran along the wire into the ofhce at Coatsyille,Indianna, when the clerk seated at the iastru- ment excitedly telegraphed back, **Don’t send so fast.’’ Astranger asked, ‘Boy, what are you building that mud dam across the gutter for??? The little tellow answered; ‘‘my father is a congress- man and will get me_ an appropria- tion if I can make a shingle float.”’ Another illustration of the value of advertising: A gentleman came into the Courant office late the other night and advertised the loss of a valuable dog. When he reached home, fifteen minutes later, he found the dog sitting on the door- step. A Sixth Ward Democratic orator got off the following eloquent pero- ration: ‘And, fellow citizens, there is not a man, woman or child in the house of 50 years of age who have not had this truth thundering through their minds tor centuries’’ *sJohnny,’’ said the teacher, ‘‘a lie canbe acted as well as told. Now, if your tather was to put sand in his sugar and sell it, he would be actiug a lie, and doing yery wrong.’’ -*That’s what mothor told him,’, said Johnny impetuously, ‘‘and he said he didn’t care.’’ ‘Little Tohnny has pecular views as to original sin. One day he was about to be punished for some mis- demeanor, when he pleaded: ‘It wasn’t ine, mamma dear!—it was the bad man!” **Well, Johnny, I am going to whip the oad” man out of you.”” Ah, yes! but that’ll hurt me more that it will the bad man.”’ ‘A gentleman, while bathing at sea, saw his lawyer rise up at his side, after a long dive. After ex- changing salutations, says he, ‘By the way, how about Gunter?’’ “He is in jail,’’ replied the lawyer, and dived again. The géntleman thought no more of it, but on getting account he found: *T'o consultation atsea, about the incarceration ot Gunter, three dollars.’’ A clergyman in the country had a stranger to officiate for him one day, and meeting his beadle atterwards he said to him: **Well, Dougall how did you Ike last Sunday’s preaching?’’ ‘It was a great deal more plain and simple to me,’’ re- joined the beadle. ‘‘I like sermons that jumble the judgement’ and con- found the sense. And, sir, I never saw one thit could come up to yourself at that?*” Wanted.—An Eo Cornet Player, baker by trade,: well bred ‘and well raised, of pte-ous habits and not too crusty, kneads employment. I; Doughnut think he has bun out of employment very long. A band de- siring the services of such a man may rest assured that he will take } the cake every time, and that he neither 2 loaf-er nor spong-er. Ad- dress. Dough-re-mi, Box 95300, Yeast Schedectady, Minne-soda. The colored voters are beginning iS | to understand politics as w ell if not! better than most white voters. Their ' natural disposition to tie and steal, as crops out in the cases of Whrtta- ker and Flippir, is of great advan- | tage to them during a political cam- | paign. One of the candidates for! & an office at the municipal election in | Austin not long since. relied on the | fidelity of an old family servant to | help him out among the colored | i voters. The candidate was beaten. | After the election he was told that | the colored political friend veted ! against him. He did not believe it; but meeting him one day, the ex- | candidate said: “DP give you a dollar, Jim, to tell me whom you voted for.’” “I voted agin you, boss.’ *Wel-, here 15 the dollar for your “candor.”” “Look heah, boss. if yer am gwine ter pay for de candor, | mout aswell own up. I voted agin you tree different times. Free dollars | moah, if you Please. | boss. -The Height o of Folly. ‘Yo wait until you are in bed with S- ease yOys nay not get over for months, is the tof folly, When you might be easily during the early symptoms by Par Ginger Tonic. We have known sickly families made the health- test <yatimely use ofthis pure med eine.— bserver. Nov. r-1m _will make a beautiful | country which the malady of the 1 ; convince all of our THIS AND THAT. ‘An Atlanta, Ga., sight the other day was a cart drawn by a team of B55 Alligators, Mrs. Thos. Payne, the bride of a onroe, W. Va., clergyman, is only 11 years old. WORTH SENDING FOR ' pr. J.H. Schenick, ot Philadelphia, has . Lungs and hew they can be Cured,” plicants. tion tor all who suppose themselves to be afflicted with, or liable to, any disease the throat and lungs. Address J. H- A shower fof small peebles that | Schenck & Son, 600 Arch street, Phila- continued for fifteen minutes fell in Watseka, LIl., recently. A Washington woman files her claim for $200 for suggesting that} closed and the results certainly Garfield be ted on rice and milk. Admiral Seymour, it is reported | young widow Lady Alcestor when he assumes i that title with his peerage. Poor Arabi Pasha mentions that he was in bed trying to go to sleep, when he heard the first gun from the British fleet bombarding Alex- andria. ; The Baltimore News does net be- lieve that a young lady of refine- ment 1s called upon to take an in-} troductien to a gentleman wearing a j paper collar. Mr. Jacob Bright says that if the liquor interest be seriously interier- ed with in England money compen- sation will have to be given to the publicans? Duclere, the French Premier, is said to have been a type setter in his youth. It is atleast known that he was proof-reader on an insignificant newspaper. - Arucles in certam papers in Ger- many say that the American girl is fickle in her studies as in love. She wishesto be painter, sculpter, poet musician. A resident of Kirksmanville, Ky., 1s a cousin to his own children, having married his aunt. He is uncle also to his brothers and sisters, and cousins, and brother-in-law to his tather and mother. *Tothe first widow of Lincoln who shall seek a husband after my death I bequeath $200,’’ was a pro- vision in the will of a Nebraska widow. Just forty minutes atter this became known the claimant ap- peared. ‘sNow my dear,’’ said the teacher, ‘tell me what is memory?’ The little girl answered, after a moment’s reflection, ‘‘It is the thing you for- get with.”” There is an Indian superstition connected with Lake Sarzatoga to the effect that the stillness of the water is sacred to the Great Spirit and that whoeve: disturbs it by speaking while crossing, will sink. In the early days of the first settlers it is related that an English woman who was being taken across ina ca noe by some Indians, uttered a loud cry to convince them of their foolish fears The canoe reached the shore safely, when the woman ralied the chief on his credulity. ‘*The Great Spirit is merciful’’ answered the Mo- hawk; ‘‘He knows that a wh'te woman cannot hold her tongue.’ DIED. At its home in the United States, on Tuesday, November 7th, 1SS82, Halt-Breed Stalwart Radicalism. Its death was not wholly unexpected tor several years. It has been predicted that its veriegated disease of central- ization, hypocrisy, fraud, thievery, black-mailing, civil service corrup- tion, assassination and other rascal- ities too numerous to mention, would eventually prove its disaster. But the sudden tuin for the good of the ate Mr. H. S. Radicahsm took was such an utter surprise to its friends thateven the attending physicians were dumbfounded. These physi-— cians were so well skilled m the practice of this disease (having been then.selves for years afflicted with it) that a mentien of theirnames will readers that no Ways or means were spared to save i Mr. R. ‘They were the assassin- given President and his Cabine sisted by numerous others commen! | enero | denominated -*bosse The body has been packed in its dise pase for preservation until the first Tuesday in November. 1884, at which tin j and with the ballot box for a place, the tuneral sermon will be preached the by peuple. In the meantime its friends and physiciaus have determin- ed to try numerous experiments tor | re-vitalization.. It may be safely pre- | dicted, however,that no resuscitation will be had, as all the remedies pro- posed is based upon and consists of | the disease it died oi It may be that a few fantastic contortions wi be given the body, sin ta thes imparted to the de irog by the ap; tion of an electric battery. This will not deceive any one but its friends, who blinded | the mist of tears of desire, will im- agine life from) tortured) death. muscics of Welcome, indeed, to the lone snuffer- | ing and patient populace is the deat". of Mr. H. S. R. Wagons, buggies, teed and straw cutters. ete., 2 taux & to. sil tor sz j ceiphia, Pa., P.O Box _2833- 51-4t- campaign just in- dicate that the Democracy have no need to fear it as a leading issue in 1884. There could not bea sharp- er division on this issue than was made in Hurd’s district in Ohio in October and in Morrison’s 1n Illinois afterwards. Dockery and Bland in Missour: also made it a prom- inent feature in all their speeches and those experiments show the re- publicans have nothing to gaim in 1884 by a repetition of the tactics they tound so successful in 1580.— Mo. Republican. full discussion in the “Necessity is the mother of invention.” Diseases of the liver, kidneys and bowels brought torth that sovereign remedy nature’s normal Kidney-Wort, which is curative for all those direful complaints? In either liquid or dry torm itis a per- tect remedy tor those terrible diseases that cause so many deaths. Res A pint of the finest ink for families or schools can be made froma tea cent Try them. package ot Diamond Dye. Ww ithin the last three months every state in the Union has had an election, and the Republican party can show solid victories in but six out of the thirty-eight- On the other hand, there are twenty-one states in which the Democrats have secured all of the state officers voted for, a majority of the legislature and a ma- jority of the congressional delega- tion. In the other eleven states the Democruts have either elected some of the state officers, a majority of the legislature, or a majority of the congressional delegation. ‘Lhis is about as briefly as we can explain what our Republican friends mean when they say this is an ‘‘off year.’ Mo. Republican. Highly Esteemed. The vouthtul colors and rich bustre are restored to taded or gray hair by the use ot Parker’s Hair Balsam, a harmless dressing highly esteemed tor its perfume and Pe Nov. 1m Don’ t Waste Money Ontrashp extracts when sou can buy a latting perfume so deiighttully tragrant and refreshing as Flore ston ologne. Oct 1-1m S72a Week. easily made. Costly outfit tree. Trae & Co., Augusta, Mame. $12 aday at home A ddres r6-1v Entirely Satisfactory. Ladies wishing a pertume that com- bines novelty delicacy and richness, find Floreston Cologne entirely satisfactory, Nov. t-1m. Bucklen’s Arnica Salve. The best salve in the world tor cuts bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum,- fever sores, tetter, chapped hands, c ilblhins, «orns and all skin eruptions, and posi- tively cures Piles, It is guaranteed to give perfect satistaction, or money re- fur.ded. Price 25 cents wer box. 32-tt For sale by F. M. lee & Co. A Vexed Ciergyman. Even the patience ot Job would become exhausted were sje a preacher and en- deavoring to interest his audience «hile they were keeping up an incessant cough- ing, making it impossible for hins to be heard. Yet, howvery easy can all this ve avoided by simply using Dr. King’s New D scovery for consumption, coughs andcolds, Trial b ttles given away at No.2 F i. Crumley & Co’s, drug store, SOMSUMPTION, just published a book on ‘‘Diseases of the | which is offered free, pcestpaid, to all ap- | It contains valuable informa- | ot | 1s08—_1883. MISSOURY REPUBLICAN PROSPECTLS | ABLE”) THE'“CLDR SPAF A Journal! For the South and West. In issuing 1ts Prospeetus tor 1882-°83,the | Mussour! RepusLigan points to the com- The tariff question got a Prectand eee) Sea | of the prin | gacy and evil tendencies of the Republi- During the last year, (with the opening of new lines of communieation, spreading in every direction), it has greatly in- | creased its telegraphic service; augment ed its corps of editors, reporters and cor- respondents; improved its mechanical | features; bettered its system ot conden- sing and arranging the news; an‘ main- tained in regard to the character of its contents, the reputation it has long held throughout the whole Southwestern country as the ian tsb Taclenbenaie BEST NEWSPAPER PRINTED The REPUBLICAN has distanced all at- tempts at rivalry or competition, and is now the only Democratic English news- paper published in St. Louis. Its support ples of the Democratic party is universelly recognized as strong in logic | whilst moderate and conservative in tone. In its exposures of the corruption, profli- can party, itis tearless and aggressive. But it isin the material interest of the | South and West—agriculture, commerce | and the mechanic arts—that this paper } finds its widest and most productive field. Next to collecting and commenting upon the most interesting news of the day its ; energies are devoted to the progress and prosperity of. | i THE GREAT MISSISSIPPI VALT EY i And the tributary regions. From its | columns mere sensationalism is carefully excluded, w th the view of making it a welcome visitor to the purest home cir- cles. To the farmer, merchant, trader, | manutacturer, banker, or business man ot any class, it is indispensable Its finan- cial and commercial reports are full and reliable. Every movement ot trade,com- merce, transportation, &c., is faithfully recorded. With all this, it finds room tor a large quantity of miscellaneous reading matter to give variety and entertainment. GET YOUR NEIGHBORS TO SUBSCRIBE The support and pride otf a first-cla: newspaper is a large subscription list. The cost, of course, is immense t6 the con- ductors, but trifling to the reader. May we not ask our friends, who have been with us so long, to aid in extending our circu- lation still further? If your ‘neighbor is not asubscribe:, show him the RePusLi- canand have him send in his name. ‘Valk 1t up. Increase the clubs. TERMS IN ADVANCE. | TERMS OF SUBSCKHKIPTION. By Mail— Postage Free. H Daily,including sunday,per vear...$12 Daily,without Sunday, per year I Sunday paper, per year----.... Tri-Weekly, (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) per vear..... Weekly, 52 numbers, per year Daily, delivered in the week.........6- NEWS DEALERS Regularly supplied by us or by the St. Louis News Co. at 3 cents a copy. Allsubscriptions are pavable in advance and d scontinued at the end of time paid tor. TERMS TO AGENTS Postmasters and others acting as agent for the circulation of the RepusBLican may retain twenty-five per ce on sub- scriptions to the Daily and Tri-Weckly, and ten per cent on subscriptions to the Weekly. HOW TO SEND MONEY. Remittances may be made by draft, money order, or registered letter, at our risk. Give post-office address in full, in- cluding state and county, and address GEORGE KNAPP & CO., St. Louis, Mo Notice of Fina! Settlement. Notice is hereby given to all creditors, and others interested in the estate of | klisha E. Frazee deceased, that Johnsen |} Hill, Administrator of said estate, in- tend to make final settlement thereor, at the next term of the Bates county Pro- bate Court, in Bates county, State. otf Missouri, to be held at Butler on the: 13th day 03 November, 1882. i Jounxson Hii, 45 Public Ad’mr. | j PRUMKENESS AND OPIUM EATING C.C. Beers, M.D. & Son 433 Fourth avenue, New York, have painless rem- edies forthese evils. Thousands cure Call or send stamp for evidence. She this oty ux.¥ © LPIA SINGER. Ey fenper to market, geome 6t te be. Se oe BM fel See Be THE GISEASES OF YOUTH and MANHOOD AQUIDE TO HEALTH WITH: ft 4- A PHYSICIAN of air Belson ‘Ss oR ee ed aa tions its Hook Dugs, which it exposes. Price sects THE PUBLISHER, Bex 234, Maweskee, Wink Wis. ; inthe market, oil, and all | lumber. DOWN GO TH FURNITURE. Iam now prepared to sell Furniture lower than ever before I will sell a bu- reau for $9.50: a set ot chairs tor $3.50 and everything lower than an house this or Bates county. I also keep trunks, in| | BRIDGEFORD & HUPP. Ornamental House --AND— Sign Painters iining, Paper-Hanging Decor | ting, Sign and Buggy Work valises, croquet sets, oil cloths curtains | and the BEST ‘Sewing Machine kinds ft sew-} machine. needles, alse buy walnut | My undertaker goods were never more comp ete, all sizes of coffins | always on hand. Millinery Department. ing Superintended by Mrs. Leonard. We have a large stock of new goods and our | trimmer Who has been employed by B. | Leibstader & Co., Kansas city, the past | season will trim in the in the latest st le. call and price our goods before buying | elsewhere and we will rule vou in price | and quality. WW. HE. Leonard, _ ARCHIE, MO. JOHN DUFF | PRACLICAL Wactimaker & Engraver, BUTLER, - MISSOURI. SETH THOMAS’ CLOCKS ” hy S 8 D> Ww DRUC STORE! W J. LANSDOWN, Prop’r. Good Stock of Pure, Fresh Drugs. Tr SIDE OF NE [ON THE WE IN BUTLER, MO. I will give my personal attention to compounding prescriptions, day or night. Give me a trial trip. W. J. LANSDOWN. Also proprietor of the OLIVE HOUSE, A first-class Hotel in the Southwes corner of the public square, BUTLER, MO H.V, sai oe DEALER IN FURNITURE. BABY af all atytes and prices, Good Hearse Always on COFFINS Made and turnished on Hand short notices j Orders may be left at F. Evans? stable after night eron Sunday. Butler, Mo THE SQUARE | PECTALTY P. MORGAN tas opened Second-hand Store EDWARD'S BUILDING |NORTH MAIN TS. u ‘Money to Loan | On Farms at 7 per cent interest and ' | Commission on 3 to 5 Years time with privalege ot paying betor due it desired. Money turnished on short not W. E. ei, " C, BRICKER, Having parchased the interest of Thos Berryhill in the CARRIAGE, SsTA BLE North Side ot the Public Square, I am now prepare! to furnish the very best of TEAMS On short notice. able. My terms are reason Also keep good Saddle Horses. on is extended to the ally those in need of to cail and see me, C. BRICKER ' A cordial invitati public and espec anything in my lin nal Service Sacomrter 3 On fg cory re THERMOMETER COMBINED, Kes PBI TO i ree correcti ie will tell what kind rate thermume*er bination. This great W. aan ihe ‘Scientific men af tine day i Thermometer aud Hasosicter s most eminent OMETT Largest extahishimert “hatsnd Cee, gest estab ishinent of the kin + LY. Woreter to the sf ostenastet fational Banks. or ane business Utes, PABA Its reher aad Cure as c With safets hict ‘Tt of b ter cure, tain as day follows day rom the dangers of strangulation and willie rae) hould send to cents ter h also endorseme né others who * agor. Postmaster, a rome ae tie, fee Foe @RAD ma Let sind rfactona ieliable & 704 by Dr. EA LIVERY AND FEED } Ee ames Sins