Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, January 11, 1911, Page 4

The Kaffirs Thought It a Joks. T once took some Kaffirs from their desolate homes fn the more desolate gorges beyond the mouutain ranges to the more civilized south. Like most savages, they looked with stupid in- difference at the marvels about them, and once only were they excited by an incident which opened their eyes to what they considered a most extraor- dinary and unnatural state of things. They were descending a road when one of them chanced to remark that he was hungry, and the English “sahib” bought him some food at a wayside shop. The Kaffir saw the money change hands. “How is this?” he inquired in sur- prise. “Do you have to pay for food in this country?’ “Certainly.” “What a country!” cried the man in amazement. Then, after pondering awhile, he continued doubtfully: “Sup- pose a man had no money in this country, He might starve.” “It is quite possible.”” The Kaffir shook with uncontrol- lable laughter. It was the best joke be had ever beard. He then explain- ed the ridiculous system to his com- panions, and they roared in chorus. —*Where Three Empires Meet.” Literary Censorship In Russia. In an article on the literary censor- ship in Ru a writer in the Frank- furter Zeitung says that some of the queer esamples of this work on the part of the czar's government are worthy of note. In a poem the line “Under strange skies we may be hap- py” was cauceled, with the remark that “no sky can be more conducive to bappiness than that which spreads over Russia.” A biography of Suma- rokow mentions the novel “Korew” as his first “creation.” The sentence was blotted out because “‘God alone cre- ates. Man may write, work, compose, ete, but he does not ‘create.’” \When the names of the gods of Greek my- thology are written capital letters must not be used “except in the case of Mars. Our gracious czar has had S0 many wars that he owes Mars this compliment.” A poem was suppressed because it contained the line, *T'o sol- itude devoted. 1 despise the world.” The censor said: “Despising so gener- ally includes also the czar. Thank me, writer, for saving you from Sibe- ria.” Ancient Table Courtesies. In the Ambrosian library at Milan there is a thirteen century manuseript entitled “Fifty Courtesies of the Ta- ble” Its author is Fra Bonvesin of Riva, and it throws an interesting light on the table manners of those times. “Do not,” writes this rigorous censor, “fill your mouth too full. The glutton who fills his mouth will not be able to reply when spoken to.” The perfect diner is adjured not to soak bis bread in his wine, “for,” adds the writer, “if any one should dine with me and thus fish up his victuals 1 should not like it.” But of the fifty “courtesies” mentioned by the ecclesi- astic the prize most certainly must be awarded to the following: *“Let the hands be clean, and, above all, do not at table seratch your head, nor, indeed, any portion of your body.” After this the advice to refrain from wiping one’s fingers oun the tablecloth comes as an anticlimax. How Scott Bore Adversity. Once when 1 was staying with Mr. Ruskin he ook delight in showing me his Scott manuscripts. He took down ““Woodstock” from the shelf, and, turn- ing the leaves over slowly and loving- ly. he said: “I think this is the most precious of them all. Scott was writ- Ing this book when the news of his ruin came upon him. He was about here, where I have opened it. Do you see the beautiful handwriting? Now look as T turn over the pages toward the end. Is the writing one jot less beautiful? Are there more erasures than before? That assuredly shows how a man can and should bear ad- versity.”—London Graphic. P S T0 ALL AILING WOMEN A Little Sound Advice Will Help Many a Sufferer in Bemidji. No woman can be healthy and well if the kidneys are sick. Poisons that pass off in the secretions when the kidneys are well, are retained in the body when the kidneys are sick. Kidneys and bladder become inflamed and swolen and worse troubles quick- ly follow. This is often the true cause of bearing down pains, lame- ness, backache, sideache, etc. Uric poisoning also headaches, dizzy spells, languor. nervousness and rheumatic pain. When suffering so, try Doan’s Kidney Pills, a remedy that cures sick kidneys. You will get better as the kidneys get better, and health will return when the kidneys are well. Let a Bemidji woman tell you about Doan’s Kidney Pills: Mrs. Thomas Wilson, 111 Park Ave., Bemidji, Minn., says: “I was troubled with disordered kidneys for three or four years and at times it was difficult for me to do my work. Having my attention called to Doan’s Kidney Pills, I decided to try them and procured a supply. They gave me such great relief that I take pleasure in recommending them to kidney sufferers.” For sale by all dealers. Price 60 cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buf- causes falo, New York, sole agents for the United States. Remember the end take no other. name—Doan’s— An Accommodating Man. “You see,” said the old farmer as he measured out the green tomatoes to the grocer, “I brought along my spade by accident, but it was a good thing I did.” “Wagon get stuck in the road?’ was asked. “Oh, no! I was coming along about a mile back when I saw a feller in a fleld. He had a crocked stick in his band, and a little boy with other crooked sticks was following him along. The man was knocking a wood- en ball along the ground. “‘Hello,’ says I as I stopped. “‘Hello yourself.’ ““What you doing? “‘Holing a ball in the ninth.’ “‘Hard work, hain’t it? “‘Yes.! “‘Then let me help you a little. Nothing mean about me.” “And I grabbed the spade, climbed the fence and dug that ninth hole out till it was as big as a bar'l, and the feller laid right down and rolled over and over and laughed so much he couldn’t find words to thank me.’— Rochester Democrat-Chronicle. A Great Cannibal Feast. Probably the biggest cannibal orgy on record is one of which Miss Bea- trice Grimshaw tells in “The New Guinea:” “In 1858 a shipload of China- men was being taken down to Austra- MB. The vessei.was wrecked upon i reef close to Rossel island, New Guin- ea. The officers escaped in boats, but werg never afterward heard of. As for the Chinamen, numbering 326, the natives captured them and put them on a small barren island, where they had no food and no means of getting away. They kept their prisoners sup. plied with food from the mainland and every now and then carried away a few of them to eat until all but one old man had been devoured. This one succeeded eventually in getting 'away and told something of the story, which seems to have'met with general disbe- lief. True itis, however, on the evi- dence of the sons of those who did the deed.” Imprisonment For Debt. About the middle of the last cen- tury the power of imprisoning a debt- .or for life was taken from the creditor, and it fills one with amazement to think that a system so ridiculous should have continued as long as it did. The three principal debtors’ pris- ons in England were the King’s Bench, the Marshalsea and the Borough Compter. In the year 1759 there were 20,000 prisoners for debt in Great Brit- ain and Ireland. The futility of the system was quite as great as its bar- barity. More than half the prisoners in some of the prisons were kept there solely because they could not pay the attorneys’ costs. Many prisoners had thelr Wives and children with them. There was no infirmary, no resident surgeon and no bath. Imagine a place in these days containing 1,399 persons and no bath and no infirmary!- We have indeed “progressed.”—Dundee Ad- vertiser. Halley, the Astronomer. At fifteen years of age Edmund Hal- ley was the captain of St. Paul's schoo! and already an accomplished astrono- mer. At twenty-two he was elected a fellow of the Royal society. and before he was thirty he had uraged New- ton to produce his “I’rincipia” and published at his own expense that fa- mous work, in which Newton gave to the world his great discovery of the |- law of gravitation. Kor eight years Hualley was editor of the “Iransactions of the Royal Society.” and he was only forty-seven when Oxford made him Savilian professor of astronomy. At fifty-nine he observed and predicted the circumstances -of the total solar eclipse of 1715, and at sixty-four he became the astronomer royul of Great Britain. In his seventy-fifth year he announced to the Royal society (hat he had made 1.500 lunar observatious. He was then in receipt of a salary of £100 a year: with no allowance for au assistant. Frugality is founded on the priusl- ple that all riches have limits.—Burke Hens' Teeth, “Your composi®on, as a whole,” sald _the professor of literature, “deserves a great deal of praise, but I must ob- Ject to the expression, ‘as fine as hens’ teeth;’ it is not merely uncouth, but also suggestive of nature faking, for it Is common knowledge that hens’ teeth do not exist.” < “I do not see why they don’t exist,” muttered the composer. “Don’t combs have teeth, and don't hens have combs?"—Chicago News. A Dig at May. “I thought you sald May Nagget had married a good natured man?” “So she did.” “Nonsense! 1 met him just now, and he’s a beast.” “Well, he's been married to May nearly four .mopths now, you know.” ~lustrated Bits FUSSY GHILD Deliver us from a fussy whining nagging child—but it's not the kid's] fault; the parents are to blame. Wormy children and sickly children are al- ways troublesome. Kickapoo Worm Killer (the delicious candy tablets) stops the trouble quick- ly, safely. Itis a trustworthy rem- edy for children. Price, 25c., Sold by druggists everywhere. Brinkman Family Theatrs Vaudeville and Moving Pictures Program for Tonight OVERTURE , The Goddessof Liberty............... (Joe Howard) Mrs. Harry Masten and her orchestra. MOVING PICTURES (Imp) THE MUSICAL MONROES MOVINGC PICTURES (Imp) PADDOCK & PADDOCK il s 50 - S _— i 1 § - hY H— | i | ot | | | | il