Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, December 13, 1910, Page 8

New-Gash-Want-Rate — - Two Can Play. “Waiter,” called the irate diner. “there séems to be a dollar on this Bill I can’t account for.” “Oh. that's just a joke, sir,” apolo- gized the waiter, “just a bet the cash- ier and I bave. [I'll have it fixed right away, sir.” “What do you mean about a bet?” asked the diner, detaining him. “Well, sir, | bet the cashier 50 cents you would see the mistake, and he bet you wouldn’t, so I win, sir.” “Suppose I hadn’t noticed it?” “He'd have got the dollar. sir.” ~Oh, I see. Give me your pencil.” And he wrote a few lines on the back of the bill, folded it up and handed it to the waiter. “Take that to the cash- fer.” The waiter leaned over the cashier’s shoulder as he unfolded the paper. It read: “I'll bet you $5 that when you send this back you don't find me.” And they didn’t.—Lippincott’s. Practical Help. “Mister,” whined the mendicant with the wooden leg. *“can’t you help a poor old sailor wot has had his leg bitten off by a shark?” “Dear me!” exclaimed the kind nearted professor. *l believe 1 can, my poor man. Come around to the col lege.” After hobbling along for ten blocks the professor led the way through an iron gate apd up to his study. “Here you are, my poor man. Now. don’t say I never gave you anything.” The beggar almost toppled over with astonishment. “W-what's that, sir?” “Why, that’s my latest book on ‘Sharks and Their Ways.' If you have that book with you when you fall over- board next time you won't lose the other leg. You'll know just how to dodge them. Good day.”’—Chicago News. Earliest Theater. What was probably one of the earli: est theaters built was the theater of Dionysus, which was begun five centu- ries before Christ. The seating capac- ity of this remarkable building is said o have been 30,000, nearly four times that of our largest amusement palace. The theater of Dionysus was erected when Greek art and Jiterature were in their prime. Here were presented to appreciative spectators the wonderful works of Aeschylus. Sophocles and Buripides KNOWN VALUES >UBLISHERS CLASSIFIED ADVERTIS- ING ASSOCIATION PAPERS ‘WE ARE MEMBERS Papers in all parts of the States and Janada. Your wants supplied—anywhere an$ ime by the best mediums in the country. Get our membership lists—Check papera rou want. We do the rest. Publishers Classified Advertising Associa- tion, Buffalo, N. Y. ',-Gent-a-Word ‘Where cash accompanies copy we will publish all “Want Ads” for half- cent a word per insertion. Where cash does not accompany copy the regular rate of one ceuta word will ‘e charged. EVERY HOME HAS A WANT AD For Rent--For Sale--Exchange --Help Wanted--Work Wanted --Etc.--Etc. HELP WANTED. WANTED—Woman cook at State Sanatorium near Walker; muat have had experience in general cooking; geod wages. Apply to Superintendent State Sanatorium, Cass Co., Minn. WANTED — Girl for housework. 713 Beltrami Ave, L. G. Crothers, WANTED—Laundry girl Markham. genera) Hotel FOA SALE FOR SALE—Fine phonograph in perfect shape with records for sale or will trade for wood. Call Sunday or eveunings on week days, 1024 Beltrami ave. FOR SALE—Hotel with bar both doing good business. Reason for selling, poor health. Address Joe Sachapelle. Little Fork, Minn. FOR SALE—Rubber stamps. The Pioneer will procure any kind of a rubber stamp for you an short notice. o EOR SALE—Six room house 1103 Mississippi Ave. This is a snap if taken at once. H. M. Young. FOR SALE—Six year old pony, sleigh, good buggy and harness, $125. J. H. Grant. FOR SALE—Residence lots one block from school building. Ap- ply H. M. Young. FOR SALE—Cheap, a horse, at 1707 Irving avenue. Mrs. Edward Jackson. FOR RENT. FOR RENT—Five room house- 417 Minn. ave. Call at Henrionnet Mi_llinery Parlors. FOR RENT—Four room cottage, 1014 American Ave. Phone 461. Hoyt's Hospitality. It was the habit of Charles H. Hoyt, the dramatist, to invite almost every- body he met to come up and spend a& few weeks with him at his summer home in New:Hampshire. One night Hoyt, Bert Dasher, W. H. Currie, Frank McKee and several other House guests.of Hoyt were sitting on the veranda of Hoyt's summer house waiting for dinner. The train bad just arrived, and they saw an old farmer and his wife coming up the path. “Who are they?’ asked Hoyt. *“I never saw them before.” “The dickens you didn’t,” ' replied Currie. “That is that old chap and his wife you talked to over at Spring- field and invited to visit you.” “QOh, well,” said Hoyt, “maybe they are just coming in to dinner. They will take the night train back.” Then he looked again and saw the hired man behind the farmer and his wife wheeling' a big trunk on a wheel- barrow. “No, by George,” shouted Hoyt, “they are here for a run!” And they stayed a month.—Cleve- land Leader. Long and Short Story Writers. Which are the great short stories of the English language? Not a bad basis for a debate! This I am sure of —that there are far fewer supremely good short stories than there are su- premely good long books. It takes more exquisite skill to carve the cameo than the statue. But the strangest thing is that the two excel- lences seem to be separate and even antagonistic. Skill in the one by no means insures skill in the other. The great masters of our literature, Field- ing, Scott, Dickens, Thackeray and Reade, have left no single short story of outstanding merit behind them, with the possible exception of Wan- dering Willie's tale’in “Red Gauntlet.” On the other hand, men who have been very. great in the short story, Stevenson, Poe and Bret Harte, have written no great book. The champion sprinter is seldom a five miler as well. Poe is the master of all. Poe is, to my mind, the supreme original short story writer of all time.—Conan Doyle in “Through the Magic Door.” Yosemite Versus Grand Canyon. Yosemite for a home or a camp, the Grand canyon for a spectacle. I saw a robin in Yosemite valley. Think how forlorn and out of place a robin would seem in the Grand canyon! What would he do there? There is no turf for him to inspect, and there are no trees for him to perch on. I would as soon expect to find him amid the pyramids of Egypt or amid the ruins of Karnak. The bluebird was there also, and the water ouzel haunted the lucid waters. The reader may create for himself a good image of Yosemite by thinking of a _section of seven or eight miles of the Hudson river mid- way of its course as emptiéd of its waters and -deepened 3.000 feet or more, having the sides nearly vertical, with snow white waterfalls fluttering against them here and there, the fa- mous spires and domes planted along the rim, and the landscape of groves and glades, with its still. clear, wind- ing river, occupying the bottom.—John Burroughs in Century. His Apology. A recent refusal by a member of the English parliament to withdraw “one comma” of what he had said about a member of the government recalls the fact that Richard Brinsley Sheridan once declined to punctuate an apology. In the house of commons one day Sheridan gave an opponent the lie di- rect. Called upon to apologize, the of- fender replied: “Mr. Speaker, | said the honorable member was a liar it is true and 1 am sorry for it.” The insulted party was not satisfied and said so. “Sir,” retorted Sheridan, “the honor- able member can interpret the terms of my statement according to his abil- ity. and he can put punctuation marks where it pleases him.” Poets’ Licenses. The poet was sick at heart. He just had submitted one of his very best productions to an unfeeling editor, who had rebuffed him in these gentle words: “l wish there was a law about poets’ licenses like the dog license law. If I had my way a poet would have to take out a license every year and those who didn’t would be killed.”— New York Press. Her Little Composition. A class was reciting in a school. “Who can give me.” said the teacher, “a sentence in which the words ‘bit- ter end’ are used ?” Up jumped a. little girl excitedly. “l1 can, teacher. ‘The cat ran under the bureau and the dog ran after her and bit her end.’” * E Method In His Generosity. e My husband is awfully good na- tured. I gave him a beautiful box.of cigars for his birthday, and he only | smoked one himself and gave all the rest away to his friends.- —London Opin- ton, Strong Evidence. “What makes you think he had been to a drinking party?” “He came home,” sobbed the young wife, “wearing a phonograph horn for a hat.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Always Happens. A man who goes around with a chip on his shoulder will finally encounter as big a fool as he is and there will be a fight.—Atchison Globe. The sense of smartness ll sure to make a man shallow. A CARDINAL'S SALT CUP. Monumental Work of Art Designed by . Benvenuto Cellini. ‘At the same time that the cardinal gave me some other commissions to execufe he employed me to make a model of a saltcellar, but desired it should be in a different taste from the common ones. * * * T designed an oval almost two-third of a cubit in size, and upon this oval as the sea appears to embrace the earth I made two fig- ures about a hand high in a sitting pos- ture, with the‘legs of one within those of the other, as some long branches of the sea are seen to enter the land. And in the hand of the male figure, repre- senting the ocean, I put a ship, design- ed with great care, in which was de- posited a great quantity of salt. Un- der this I represented four sea horses, and in the right hand of the ocean I put his trident. The earth I represent- .ed by the female figure, the most ele- gant and beautiful I could form an idea of,'leamrng with one hand ‘@gainst. a grand and magnificent temple. This was to hold the pepper. In the other hand I put a cornucopia adorned with all the embellishments I could think of. To complete this idea in that part which appeared to be earth I represent- ed all the most beautiful anjmals which so small a space was capable of containing. In the remainder of the oval I placed several grand and noble ornaments.—From Benvenuto Cellini’s Autobiography. NOT A TRAMP. The Tag That Rider Haggard Put on a Literary Hobo. Rider Haggard was on one occasion traveling across the United States as the guest of John Hays Hammond in Hammond’s private car. “What I want to see,” said Hag- gard, “is the real tramp. I haven’t seen one since I reached this country. I can’t believe you have as many as has been stated to be the case.” Harris Hammond, the eldest son of John Hays, promised: . “I’ll show you one at the next stop.” He had seen one riding on the trucks under the car, and at the next station he went down and called the hobo out. When the tramp entered the car he was- covered with cinders and dust and looked. like something from the lower regions. i Hammond shook hands with him and introduced him, saying: “This is Mr. Rider Haggard. “Rider Haggard!” exclalmed the hobo. “Why, I've read all of your books and loved every one of them!” Then he sat down and discussed lit- erature with Haggard for half ‘an hour. took him back, let him get some of the dust and cinders off and handed him a good cigar. “That fellow’s not a tramp.” said Haggard. “He’s a gentleman in dis- tress.”—Popular Magazine. - \ The Virtue of Traveling. i There are two great fallacies based on ancient and rusty saws it were a noble deed to demolish. traveling is a form of wrongdoing, founded belike on the stupid saying that a rolling stone gathers no moss. A pertinent reply would be that a mossy stone is never highly polished and that a stone is not a proper place for moss, anyway. The other undermin- ing caution is that one ought to see ones own new country before one sees the wealth of the old countries. Un- less on business bent, there is no earthly reason why one who can af- ford to travel should not begin at once with the richest and most beau- tiful countries, with Italy and Greece. ‘Life is short and uncertain; one can- not tell what may happen to deprive one of sight and health and means day after tomorrow, therefore it is well to see and énjoy the best while one can. —Harper’s Bazar. Deadly Pulque. In spite of her long years of inde- pendence Mexico has not solved the drink problem. The national drink of the poorer classes is pulque (pro- nounced “poolkay”), the fermented ‘off- spring of a plant resembling the aloe. It tastes like stale buttermilk dashed with a strong dose of stagnant water and must be drunk within twenty-four hours of fermentation. Its action is instant and powerful, and its speedy results are softening of the brain, pa- ralysis of the nerves and death. So deadly are its effects that no employer of labor will employ a peon from the pulque making districts until he has tried everywhere else.—Chicago News. Expecting Too Much. It was a cold, raw day, but the Nev- ersweats and the Fearnoughts were playing a game of ball on the prairie just ‘the same, The pitcher for the Neversweats, his fingers half frozen, failed dismally in getting the balls over the plate. “Aw,” sald the captain, “I t'ought ye wuz one o’ dese cold weather pitch- ers!” ; “I am,” said the slab artist, blowing on his benumbed digits to warm them, “but I ain’t a ice pitcher, blame yel" Chicago Tx‘lbune Anticipating. “My wife and myself had nnother foolish “quarrel.” “About what?” “About where we ‘would go if we had money enough to travel. "—Wash- ington Herald, He Never Went There Again. Hostess (at the party)—Miss Robin- son has no partner for this waltz.: Would you mind dancing with her in stead of with me? Hawkard—On tho contrary, I shall be delighted. At the end of the talk Harris] One is that || Under the Orator’s Spell. Justice Brewer was once speaking of the oratory of John B. Gough. “I1 would go home after hearing his elo- quence thoroughly eluted. but when my father or mother asked me what “Gough hagd said ! could uot tell them for the life of me. I remewmber once at a Yale commencement along In the fifties, about the time that I was gradu« ‘ated ‘there, an incident illustrating the force of persoual magoetism. Gough was to deliver an oration. He spoke. of course, on temperance. There was a distinguished audiénce. On the stage were many of the venerable. notable men in New Haven of that day. A large space was clear about the table, for Gough liked to ivalk back and forth as he talked. He described how, a drunkard had beaten his wife and came to his climax with, *‘Any man wno would kick a woman ought to be kicked out of the universe! “He emphasized his words with a vigorous thrust of one foot, whereat every persou on _the stage, intensely wrought up by the orator, likewise kicked outward as did Gough.”"—Kan- sas City Journal. When Tabby Raises Her Battle Cry. Despite the cat’s softness. laziness. fluffiness and purring amiability, her piercing warcry in the night startles and exasperates us beyond all bearing —not by its loudness, but by a certain vicious, weird, half terrifying, balf in- furiating note in it that makes us spring to arms with the bootjack or other substitute for the boomerang, as the warwhoop of our tribal enemies did a century or centuries ago, says Dr. Woods Hutchinson in Success Mag- azine. One of Mark Twain's wise old fron- tiersman had caught this note when he explained to the tenderfoot that dn- imal speech had rules of composition and grammer, just like buman speech, and that “the reason a cat flles ye so ‘ain’t ‘on account .of ‘the ooise she 'makes, but on account of the sickenin’ bad grammar she uses.” And he was right, for the grammar of scalp lifting and the whole alphabet of battle, mur- der and sudden death tingles and screams in the rasping cry. The Change of a Name, How family names change in the coirse of many years is illustrated by the conversion of “Botevile” “Thyone.” An English deed bearing date in the closing days of the fifteenth century shows three brothers then flourishing—John Botevile of Botevile and Thomas and William Botevile, er Boteviles by the explanation **of the nne,” or family residence. the title to ‘which had come to their joint posses- sion. Ralph Botevile-of-the-Inne. from which the transition to Ralph Thyme is easy. His descendants have been Thynnes i| ever since. J into ; The trio are distinguished from all oth- ; Johu's graudson was known as ; i { money and valuable FOR THE ‘LADIES Silver Toilet Sets. .... $2.00 to $15.00 Gold Toilet Sets=.... 3.00 to 12.00 Ebony Toilét Sets.... 1.00 to 6.00 ‘Walnut Toilet Sets... 2.00 to 5.00 Rosewood Toilet Sets. 1.00 to 6.50 Jewel Cases—Silver.. 1:25to 3.00 Jewel Cases—Gold... .75 to 5.00 Jewel Cases—Leather 1.00 to 6.00 Triple Mirrors. 75 to 3.50 Hand Mirrors .10to 5.00 Manicure Sets. . .50 to ' 5.00 Music Bags Fancy Wisk Brooms Writing Sets Stationery Traveling Sets . Perfume Atomizers Post Card Albums Handkerchief Boxes Glove Boxes Puff Boxes Desk Novelties Palmer,s Xmas Perfumes 10c to $10 Toilet Waters .. 25c to §2 Brushes and Combs Pictures Photo Holders Novelties of all Kinds BookS cssennsssvasasese 25c to $1.25 Hudson’s Xmas Candies 10c t0-$2.00 The New Gty How fo Save Money| In buying Christmas gifts, your way to save time is to read our Christmas suggestmns for Christmas shoppers, then call and see’ for yourself our large and complete stock of Holiday Goods, Here are a few suggestions for both sexes: I FOR THE MEN l Shaving Sets.......... $1.00 to $5.00 + Collar and Cuff Boxes. .75 to 3.00 Collar and Cuff Bags.. .50 to 2.00 Safety Razors. . 100 to 850 Smokers’ Sets........ 150 to 4.00 Tobacco Jars .50 to 3.50 Fancy Pipes.. .50 to - 3.00 Hat&Clothes Brushes 35 to 2.50 Necktie Boxes....... .75 to 2.00 Fancy Ink Wells..... 35 to .75 Desk Novelties....... .25 to .50 Bill Books....... 50to 2.00 Post Card Album. 50 to 1.50 Cigars, per box. - 1.00 to 6.00 Traveling Sets ...... 150to 500 Muffler Boxes........ .50to 2.00 Card Cases Fancy Playing Cards Palmer’s Toilet Waters Stationery Ash Trays Necktie Holders Den Supplies of all kinds Pipe Racks Shaving Mugs and Brushes 50c to $2 Military Brushes.......... $1 t0 $8 Drug Store ( Where Qualily Prevails) 309 Beltrami Ave.] A Serious Joke. “YWhat has bappened to Mr. White, who used to be such a joker?" “Well, he proposed to his present wife as a joke. She accepted him, and he has given up making jokes ever since.”—Dorfbarbier. Receiving. Mr. Closecoyne tduring his wife’s reception)—She .gives. 'em lights. she gives ’em music, she gives 'em food. flowers. champagoe. and that's what she calls receiving.—London Tit-Bits. Phone 52 Every Stationer Should Investigate ! tall stationers PEERLESS MOISTENER CO. For Sale at The Ploneer Office. ‘as merchandise. closer to our store. Gall This Store on A7 Q You Can Telephone this Store Free on any Northwestern, Private or Public ’Phone or Pay Station in any Portion of this City or these Towns in Northern Minnesota Another step towards store perfection—another patrons of this exclusive women’s and children’s store. Call this greatest ‘women’s.and children’s store at any time of day on our special leased wire, Main 53, and the call will not cost you one cent. Use this special number, Main 53 on the Northwestern, freely without cost. how large an order, do not hesitate to call as often as you like, as every order is received it is carefully analyzed by an experienced shopper and every effort is made to fill your order as carefully as if you were shopping in person. Orders are filled and delivered the day received up to 3 p. m. to all thesetowns. Blackduck, Cass Lake, Free Telephone Service from More than Twenty Nearby Towns to this. Store the Northwestern Phone No matter how small or Hines, Farris, Tenstrike, Rosby, Farley, Fosston, Turtle River, Lengby, Walker, Ebro, Laporte, Bagley, Guthrie, Shevlm, Benedict, Sol- way, Nary, Wilton, Fowlds. A Telephone Innovation This is the store that gets the new things first, in methods of service as well . It has remained for us to find out a way to make the “tele- phone an even greater public utility—to bring our telephone cuStomers even We have found a way. wonderful saving for v