Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, December 3, 1910, Page 3

A Good Bluff, He was young and had just gradu- ated from law school. His resources were exhausted, but he bravely swung forth his shingle and waited. But nc clients stopped on that side of the street. His office rent was due, and his clothes were becoming shiny, but he went to his office with a regularity that would indicate a thriving prac- tice. He was deep in an imaginary case, and when the authorities were all noted and arguments prepared he started forth downtown and thrashed the mayor’s son, Whom he met in the street. The act aroused the righteous indignation of the townsmen, and he faced an angry court. But in his tes- timony he was able to include a sharp attack on the mayor and his adminis- tration. He quoted law from Lycur gus and Solon and gave them the page, number and chapter every time. The case was continued and sent up to a higher court. At last it reached <he supreme bench, and the young man made the most of his opportunity to show his ability as a lawyer. He lost the case and paid his fine cheer- fully, for he had established for him- self a practice which assured his fu- ture.—Joe Mitchell Chapple in National Magazine. President Johnson'’s Impeachment. The bouse impeached President John- son on Nov. 25, 1867, charging him with having removed Secretary of War Stanton in direct violation of the tenure of office act, with having ap- | pointed General Thomas contrary to the same act, with conspiracy with General Thomas and others for the intimidation of Secretary Stanton and the unlawful disbursement of the war department’s money and with inducing General Emory, commanding the de- partment of Washington, to disobey orders. The louse adopted the resolution of impeachment by a vote of 126 to 42. After the trial of the case before the senate the vote for impeachment there stood 35 to 19, thus being short of the necessary two-thirds. The senate ad- journed sine die, however, without voting on some of the primary articles | embraced in the charges against the president. Thereupon the chief justice of the United States court entered a verdict of acquittal on the record.— New York Times. A Great Trade Secret. As every oue knows, the process of manufacturing the paper of which Baunk of England notes are made is one of the greatest of all trade secrets. It is known only to the governor of the Bank of England and to three oth- er persons intimately connected with_ the industry, which is carried on at Overton, a quiet little village in Hants. All that the outside world is allowed to know concerning this precious pa- per is that it is made, among other in- gredients, out of charred husks and Rhenish vines. Quite _as profound a secret is the wanufacture of both the paper and the ink used for American banknotes. The former has the double advantage of not being a secret preparation, but one that only “takes” one particular kind of ink. which is quite unique, the American government paying the man- ufacturer, who alone possesses the se- cret, the sum of $50.000 a year for making it.—Pearso Weekly. How Did He Know? Joe, the fat boy in the “Pickwick Papers,” spent most of his time in slumber. He was happier that way. Probably there are a good many other people in the world a good deal like Joe, but most of them do not get the chance for sleep that he had. This scrap of conversation, recently over- heard. would seem to indicate that, al- though this is a nervous age. the de- sire for sleep is not wholly dead. “1 don't feel well,” remarked Smith as he took off his coat in the office, preparatory to sitting down at his desk. “The trouble with me is that 1 haven't slept as | should. I don’t feel well unless I've slept.” “That's the same way with me,” re- mnarked his partner. “In fact, I think I feel best of all when I’'m sound asleep.”’—Youth's Companion. The First Oyster Eater. The gluttonous Vitellius is reported to have eaten 1,000 oysters at a sitting. “He was a very valiant man who first ventured on eating of oysters.,” King James was wont to declare, a senti- ment echoed by the poet Gay: The man had sure a palate covered o'er With brass or steel that on the rocky shore First broke the oozy oyster’s pearly coat And risked the living morsel down his throat. Trying to Help. Hotel Clerk (to rural guest closing front entrance)—Hey, there! What are you trying to do? Uncle Eben—Don’t git excited, young fellow! I jes’ thought, seeing as how 1 was prob'ly the last one In tonight, I'd do the right thing and lock the doors’fore going to bed!—Puck. : Matter of Intelligence. Mrs. Suburbs—John, did you call at the intelligence office today to inquire about a maid of all work? Suburbs— Yes, my dear. Mrs. Suburbs—Couldn’t you find ome? Suburbs—Oh, yes; I found a dozen. but they were all too intelligent to'come out to this place.— Chicago News. No Necessity. Perdida (at the candy pulling)— 'Wh,ere do we wash our hands? Myr- tilla—Oh, we don’t have to do that. Pulling the candy makes them beauti- fully white and clean.—Chicago Trib- une. Make not thy friends too cheap to thee nor thyself to thy friends.—Ful- ler. ——— | Hoyt’s Hospitality. It was the habit of Charles H. Hoyt, the dramatist, to invite almost every- body he met to come up and spend a few weeks with him at his summer home in New Hampshire. One night Hoyt, Bert Dasher, W. H. Currie, Frank McKee and several other house guests of Hoyt were sitting on the veranda of Hoyt’s summer house waiting for dinner. The train had just arrived, and they saw an old farmer and his wife coming up the path. “Who are they?’ asked Hoyt. “I never saw them before.” ““The dickens you didn't” replied Currie. “That is that old chap and his wife you talked to over at Spring- field and invited to visit you.” “Oh, well,” said Hoyt. “maybe they are just coming in to dinner. They will take the night train back.” Then he looked again and saw the hired man behind the farmer and his wife wheeling a big trunk on a wheel- barrow. “No, by George,” shouted Hoyt, “they are here for a run!” And they stayed a month.—Cleve- land Leader. Long and Short Story Writers. Which are the great short stories of the English language? Not a bad basis for a debate! This I am sure of —that there are far fewer supremely good short stories than there are su- premely good long books. It takes more exquisite skill to carve the cameo thdan the statue. But the strangest thing is that the two excel- lences seem to be separate and even antagonistic. Skill in the one by no means insures skill in the other. The great masters of our literature, Field- ing, Scott. Dickens, Thackeray and Reade, have left no single short story of outstanding merit behind them, with the possible exception of Wan- dering Willie’s tale in “Red Gauntlet.” On the other hand, men who have been very great in the short story, Stevenson, Poe and Bret Harte, have written no great book. The champion sprinter is seldom a five miler as well. Poe is the master of all. Poe is, to my mind, the supreme original short story writer of all time.—Conan Doyle in “Through the Magic Door.” Yosemite Versus Grand Canyon. Yosemite for a home or a camp, the Grand canyon for a spectacle. I saw a robin in Yosemite valley. Think how forlorn and out of place a robin would seem in the Grand canyon! What would he do there? There is no turf for him to inspect. and there are no trees for him to perch on. I would as soon expect to find him amid the pyramids of Egypt or amid the ruins of Karnak. The bluebird was there also, and the water ouzel haunted the lucid waters. The reader may create for himself a good image of Yosemite by thinking of a section of seven or eight miles of the Hudson river mid- way of its course as emptied of its waters and deepened 3.000 feet or more, having the sides nearly vertical, with snow white waterfalls fluttering against them here and there, the fa- mous spires and domes planted along the rim, and the landscape of groves and glades, with its still, clear, wind- ing river, occupying the bottom.—John Burroughs in Century. His Apology. A recent refusal by a member of thé English parliament to withdraw ‘“one comma” of what he had said about a member of the government recalls the fact that Richard Brinsley Sheridan once declined to punctuate an apology. In the house of commons one day Sheridan gave an opponent the lie di- rect. Called upon to apologize, the of- fender replied: “Mr. Speaker, I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and 1 am sorry for it.” The insulted party was not satisfied and said so. . “Sir.” retorted Sheridan, “the honor- able member can interpret the terms ! of my statement according to his abil- ity. and he can put punctuation marks where it pleases him.” { Poets’ Licenses. The poet was sick at heart. He just had submitted one of his very best productions to an unfeeling editor, who bad rebuffed him in these gentle words: “l wish there was a law about poets’ licenses like the dog license law. If I had my way a poet would have to take out a license every year and those who didn’t would be killed.”— New York Press. Her Little Composition. A class was reciting in a school. “Who can give me,” said the teacher, “a sentence in which the words ‘bit- ter end’ are used?” Up jumped a little girl excitedly. “I can, teacher. ‘The cat ran under the bureau and the dog ran after her and bit her end.”” Method In His Generosity. My husband is awfully good na- tured. I gave him a beautiful box of cigars for ‘his birthday, and he’only smoked one himself and gave all the rest away to his friends.—London Opin- ion ¢ Strong Evidence. “What makes you think he had been to a drinking party?”’ “He came home,” sobbed the young wife, “wearing d'phonograph horn for a hat.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Always Happens. : A man who goes around with a chip on his shoulder will finally encounter as big a fool as he is and there will be a fight.—~Atchison Globe. The sense of smartness is sure to make a man shallow. A Very Large Mine. There was once in Cripple Creek an odd character named Burns. He was an odd person who always. no mat: ter what his work, wore what used to be called a *“‘Prince Albert.” He struck a rich vein of ore and named that the Prince Albert. Being of a generous and convivial disposition. this lucky fellow was, of course, surrounded by many self seeking friends. When he and they were in their cups some of them, with an eye to the main chance, managed to wheedle out of Burns on one pretext or .another a deed of a share in his mine. With royal prodi- gality he scattered deeds about among his retainers and camp followers un- til finally something had to be done. and the case was taken “into court One of the lawyers had Burns on the stand. “Now, Mr. Burns,” said the lawyer, “will you please tell the court how you can explain your . conduct? The evidence shows that you have deeded away twenty-nine twenty- fourthsiof your mine.- What have you +0 say to that?’ *“Well, sir,”” replied che witness, “you must remember, sir. that the Prince Albert is a very large mine.” A Cleanup. The three amateur sharpers smiled. They thought they had found un easy mark. He was well dressed and grossly inebriated. And he bore a tight roll of bills that looked like a bologna sausage. “Boys,” he thickly said, “I'm goin’ to shend thish wad of shtuff to th' gov'ment laundry an’ have it dry cleaned. It’s sho fearful dirty. May- be one of you gents would kindly shee it’s addreshed to proper place?”’ “Why, yes.” replied the gang. “We'll take care of it."” “Thanks,” replied the victim. “An’ now 1 mush ashk you to lemme have a few clean bills for emergensish, don’t you know.” " So they searched themselves and gave him a new twenty and a ten and a five. Then, taking the soiled wad. they hurried away. Two days later the three clever ones were arrested for having counterfeit money in their possession. But the guileless inebriate was seen no more.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. A Born Diplomat. “Splendid!” exclaimed the old colo- nel as C company passed the saluting base. “Did you hear wot ole nasty face ses?” Ne. 3 of the front rank asked No. 4. “Stand fast after parade, No. 4, for talking in the ranks!” snapped a ser- geant from near by. “It wasn't me talkin’!” muttered No. 4. “Youw’d better not git two on us in trouble.” advised No. 3 in a whisper. “Talking while marching past!” ech- oed the adjutant. ‘*“What on earth did you find to talk about then?” “As we was passing the salutin’ base.”” explained No. 4, “the colonel ses, ‘Splendid” ‘Yes,’ I ses to meself, ‘an’ you've got the smartest officer in the British army to thank for makin’ us splendid, and that's our adjutant.”” “Er—sergeant, send the man away and don't bring such frivolous com- i plaints before me again.” snapped the adjutant.—London Answers. The Change of a Word. “You wouldn't think there’d be enough difference between the definite and the indefinite article to matter much, would you?” said a woman who writes for a living. “I made a lifelong enemy of a woman once just by writ- ing ‘the’ where I meant ‘a.’. It was an account of her wedding I was doing. T said something about the ceremony be- ing performed at. the home of the bride’s aunt, and then 1 added that there were present ‘only the few friends of the family.’ The bride nev- er got over that ‘the’ in front of few. It happened five years ago. and when my name is mentioned she still froths at the mouth.”—Washington Post. Beaver Tales. The Indians say that if a beaver sent out from the parents’ lodge fails to find a mate he is set to repair the dam. If he fails a second time he is banished. An Arab writer has the same story. He tells us that those who buy beaver skins can distinguish between the skins of wasters and slaves. The lat- ter have the hair of the head rubbed off because they have to pound the wood for their masters’ food and do it with their heads. A Surprised Landlord. The very young traveling salesman was registering at the village hotel, “I want a room with running water in it,” he remarked. “Runnin’ water?’ cackled the land- || lord.” “What do you want to do, mis- ter—practice indoor trout fishin’?’< | ‘Argonaut. The Getaway Fellows. “What is this ‘wanderlust’ you read of S0 often as compélling people to | leave home?” “I don’t know,” replied Mr. Cumrox; “but, judging from my observation of || people “who have it, ‘wanderlust’ is German for ‘creditors.’ ”—Washington Star. His Literary Treasures. “Jones took me to his rooms to see a collection of rare and curious manu- seripts.” ““What were they?” “Receipted tailors’ bills.”—Cleveland ‘ Leader. Family Jars. The beginning of many family jars comes -with the wife trylng to ‘jar a little money loose from the husband.— || Atlanta Constitution, I A Persistent Yankes. To fllustrate Yankee persistency a Wall street magnate told the following story the other day: “A pew England Yankee who was a pflqoner on a pirate ship in the good old days when pirates roamed the seas became, because of his Yankee attri- butes, objectionable to his captors. It was finally decided to maroon him on a desert island with but little food and a coffin to remind<him of his in- evitable fate. The island was found, and the New Englander and the coffin were left alone on the beach, while the pirate ship sailed away. For several days she sailed and then became be- calmed. For three days she lay there with not a breath of air. On the even- ing of the third day a black speck was noticed on the horizon. It steadily grew larger and soon was close enough for the men on the ship to make’ out what it was.” The man of millions paused for an instant and then said, smiling, “It was the Yankee in his coffin, with half of the lid in either hand rowing for home.”—Cincinnati Commereial Trib- sne. Grace Before Meat. The Zulu admires a woman accord- ing to her weight. The Zulu can re- spect a 200epound woman. but it is only a 300 or 400 pound one that he can really love. We enlightened per- sons. on the other hand, have been taught to like grace before meat.—Ex- change, Made a Noise. “He didn’t win the prize In the life race, did he?" *“No. but be hollered like he bad it and some people died envyin' of him.” —Atlanta Constitution. Armed For Peace. Wife—Will your disarmament meet- ing finish late? Husband—Yes. about midnight. | expect. But don’t be nerv ous I shall have my revolver.—Bon Vivant. Not the Same. On one occasion when “The Mikado” was being rehearsed Gilbert called out from the middle of the stalls, “There is a gentleman in the left group not holding his fan correctly.” The stage manager appeared and explained. “There is one gentleman,” he said, “who is absent through illness.” *“Ab,” came the reply from the author in grave, matter of fact tones, “that is not the gentleman I am referring to.” —Dundee Advertiser. A Silent Partner. Nibbitt—That woman who just went out is the partner of your joys and sorrows, [ suppose? Rufton—She’s partner to my joys all right, but when it comes to my sorrows she slips over to see her mother. A sprained ankle will usually dis- able the injured person for three or four weeks. This is due to the lack of propey treatment. When Cham- berlain’s Liniment is applied a cure may be effected in three or four days. This liniment is one of the best and most remarkable prepara- tions in use. Sold by Barker:s Drug Store. Do not failto care for your notes promptly the day they are due, and do not overdraw your account. | A Home For the Future - Most every young man has the hope and ambition to some day have a home of his own. Such an ambi- tion is commendable, yet of itself, 1t will not bring re- sults Energy and purpose, together with ambition and a savings account will bring him to the desired goal almost before he knows it. There is no better plan of saving for a home than the saviogs account. We will open an account for one dollar. We pay three per cent interest. Interest is compounded twice a year. We treat all our depositors right. We will do the same by you. : Let us help you realize your hopes of a home of your own. The First National Bank 0f Bemidji, Minnesota Surgrising Prices FOR MADE-TO-ORDER CLOTHES \ YOUR choice of scores of stunning , styles in suits, coats, skirts, dresses We have and capes, and 268 fabrics. them all on show. The garments will be made to your individual measure by the American Ladies Tailoring Company, Chicago. They will be made under the personal direction of their tamous designer. Our fitter will take all the measure- ments. We will see that you get all the man-tailored effects. We will ourselves guarantee the fit, the workmanship and materials. SEE THIS EXHIBIT This is a remarkable exhibit—these styles and fabrics of these famrous Chicago tailors.” Pledse don’t fail to see it. .If you see what you want we will quote you a surprising price—almost as low as ready-made prices. Yet the garments will be made to your order. T. BEAUDETTE 315 BELTRAMI AVE. Pioneer 1911 Calendars! We have in stock 10,000 fancy 1911 Cal- endars appropriate for all lines of bus_inesé Can You Use Any at Your Own Price? We will take your order for lots of 50 and up, printed any style you like, and deliver them to you before the holidays - At Your Convenience Step in and look them over. Security Statc Bank Building Publishing -,