Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, September 18, 1909, Page 2

THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER PUBLISHED EVERY AFTERNOON BY THE BEMIDJI PIONEER PUBLISHING 0. . ©.J.PRYOR. G.E.CARSON. Enlorod In the Postoffcs st Bomld)l, Minnesota, as second class matter. SUHSGRIP?IUH--SS.GI) PER YEAR IN ADVANCE Goldsmith’s Actor. Yord Nugent was one evening verp eloquent to Goldsmith in praise of M. (a bad actor). “But, my lord,” said Goldsmith, “you must allow he treads the stage very ill—he waddles.” “Waddles?” said Lord Nugent. “Yes, he waddles like a goose. Why, you know we call him Goose M. Well, and then, you know, when he endeav- ors to express strong passion he bel- lows.” “Bellows?” sald Lord Nugent: “To be sure he does—bellows like a bull. Why, we call him Bull M. Well. Then,” continued Goldsmith, pursuing his triumph, “his voice breaks, and he croaks.” “Croaks?” said Lord Nugent. “Why, the fellow croaks like a frog. We call him Frog M.” “But M. is a good actor.” “Why, yes,” said Goldsmith, ‘“bar- ring the goose and the bull and the frog and a few other things I could mention, and, not wishing to speak ill of my neighbors, 1 will allow M. is a good actor.”—*Memoirs of the Earl of Nugent.” The Gypsy Life. “Just as soon as my hushand and 1 have §500 saved up besides our fare we are going back to England,” said a woman player. “Then we are go- ing to buy one of these gypsy wagons they have over there. They are too awfully jolly for words, dow't you know. They are quite wide, have bunks, a cunning little kitchen and sitting room. You wander through the country all day; then at night you stop, cook your supper, sit under the trees and sleep out in the open or in the wagon, just as you choose. Many of my artist and theatrical friends’ have them and just wander from place to place. It is an ideal way to live; beats houseboats or bungalows. If you have ever slept out in the open and watched the stars over your head you feel smothered in a bedroom. I played through Australia, .and we went from place to place In a big wagon, sleeping out of doors at night.” --New York Times. Ballooning Among the Clouds. It has been my lot to see in arctic regions some hundreds of thousands of icebergs close at hand, and I have always believed them to be the most beautiful objects on earth, but the clouds of the sky, close at hand, are almost as beautiful. If you mount above one of these majestic things, swiftly overtopping one by ome its folds and wreaths, and if remembering how high it is you look down aud see only small green patches of earth through- holes in the cloud carpet be- low, you have a little thrill of con- ception of how lonely a man would feel falling away down there and not belng able to see the spot where he must alight. It is a safe little thril, however. You know that you sre not going to fall. Such dizziness as some persons feel in standing near great heights on the earth 'is almost un- known in ballooning.—Albert White Vorse in Success Magazine. 8ix His Limit. To the man who has a horse to sell considerable leeway is allowed in the matter of setting forth the animal's merits. “I've got the very horse you want,” said Gideon Lane, the Bushby Uvery stable keeper, to one of the summer residents. “He has no bad tricks?” queried the gentleman. “Safe for the family?” “Lauzee, yes,” returned Mr. Lane heartily. *“Any lady can drive him, and half a dozen children could get on his back and he’d never notice ’em. Not a trick to his name.” “Ah,” said the summer resident, “I don’t wish a horse without any spirit.”" “Spirit!” echoed Mr. Lane. “Well, you just ought to see him on circus day, that's all. And Il tell you con- fidentially 'twouldn’t be well for too many people to get on that horse at once.”—Youth's Companion. The Jews and Thirteen. Commenting on the thirteen super- stitlons in the Oestereichishe Wochen- schnift, Jacob E. Ehrlich, a Jewish writer, says: “The number thirteen is surely not a bad one for us. The holy writ tells of the thirteen attri- butes of the Most High, and we have thirteen feast days in each year. Our great arch enemy, Haman, was hang- ed on the 13th of Abas. The thirteenth birthday of our sons is a day of joy because on that day the child becomes a member of the religious community. The dream of Joseph was of thirteen —the sun, the moon and eleven stars— and Jacob had thirteen children.” He Might, 0ld Golf Professional—Na, ye’ll no mak’ a gowffer. Ye've begun ower late and ye've ower muckle pottle. But it’s juist possible if ye pr-ractice harrd, verra harrd, for twa-three years ye micht— Jones (expectantly)—Yes? Professional—Ye micht begin to hae a glimmer that ye'll never ken the r-rudi- ments o' the game.—London Sketch. Upward. “Is Mike Clancy here?” asked the visitor to the quarry after the prema- ture explosion, “No, sir,” replied Costigan. gone.” “For good?” ““Well, sor, he wint in that direction.” “He's Sarcastiec. Guest (Impatiently)—I say, waiter, how long have you been employed here? Waiter —’Bout a week, sir. Guest—Oh, is that all? Then I must have given my order to some other walfter. It is as hard to find a man without guilt as a fish without a backbone.— ‘Archytos. / All’s to be feared where all's to be gained.—Byron. 5 Family Secrsts. 5 A father complains that his little six-year-old girl Is too talkative. He says: The worst of it is . when e have visitors she is continually mak- ing mistakes of the worst sort, mis- takes-that tend to.rattle the dry bones of the family skeleton in the .cup- board. ~Recently she allowed her tongue to run away with her, asusual, the result of which ‘was that she very much embarrassed both her father and mother, although the guests seem- ed delighted. 1 had a very serious talk with her and impressed upon her, or tried to, that she must not tell any family secret. The next time we had com- pany she was permitted to come to the table only by promising that she ‘wouldn't utter a word. She behaved beautifully and. had nothing to say until the. dessert was about to be taken away. Then her lips began ‘to quiver, and finally she burst into tears. “Why, what's the matter, darling?’ her mother asked. “I—I want some more ice cream, if that 1sn’t a family secret,” she wailed between sobs.—London Telegraph. An Unexpected Burns Lecture. John Augustus O'Shea used to be in considerable request as a lecturer on his military experiences. Once, at Dumfries, he came upon the platform wearing in his buttonhole a daisy. which he quietly removed and held up “Ladles and gentlemen,” he began, “I hold in my hand a ‘wee modest flower’ I plucked this evening from the grave of Robert Burns.” The au dlence was Interested and became in- thralled as the lecturer went on tc speak of the national poet. Then, suddenly recollecting that Burns had nothing to do with his subject, he stopped abruptly. “And ‘now,” said Mr. O’Shea, “I will proceed to relate my experiences in the war.” But by this time he had thoroughly engaged the sympathies of his listen ers, who would not hear of another subject. “Never min’ the war, sir,” they vociferated; “gle us Robbie Burns!” And he did. This extempore oration afterward became one of the most popular of Mr. O'Shea’s lectures. —~—London Chronicle. Lord Penzance’s Acquaintance. When the late Lord Penzance was plain Mr. Wilde, he once took an early morning stroll round Covent Garden market. There he entered into conver- sation with an old man of genial aspect who had just made a purchase of a geranfum. Mr. Wilde soon found that the stranger was an enthusiastic amateur gardener, and the pair had an interesting chat on hortleultural topics as they walked toward Oxford street Suddenly the fare in a passing hansom cab signaled to the driver to pull up and within the vehicle Wilde saw his friend, Sergeant Ballantine. Bidding the old man adieu, Wilde entered the cab. In surprised accents Ballantine ex- claimed, “How on earth did you come to know that man?” “Picked him up just now in Covent Garden market,” said his companion. “Well, Wilde,” the sergeant remark- ed, “your new acquaintance is Cal craft, the hangman!"—London Acade g the Passengers. “There used to be in one of the southern states,” said a military man, “g rallroad that was notorious for its slowness. This line was so slow that the people took to lampooning it in the press. Thus one Memorial day a planter wrote to the Rapler, the lead- ing paper of his district: “The Editor of the Rapler: “Dear_ Sir—Is there no way to put a stop to begging along the line of the rail- road? For instance, yesterday an aged veteran with a wooden leg kept pace with the afternoon express all the way from Palnt Rock to Nola Chucky and annoyed the passengers exceedingly, going from one open Window to another with his im- portunate solicitations. “VOX POPULL" —Washington Star. Half of the Pleasure. The youngest girl of a Baltimore family was recently much distressed at dessert to discover that there was ice cream for dinner. “Oh, papa,” exclaimed the young- ster reproachfully, “why didn’t they tell me this morning that we were go- Ing to have ice cream?” “What difference ‘would that have made?” . “Lots!” sighed the child. “I could have expected it all day.”—Lipplncott’s Magazine. Wanted a Pusher. “What did the new neighbors come to borrow now?” “They wanted the lawn mower.” “Is that all?” “That was all they spoke about, but I think from the way they stood around they would like to have bor- rowed my husband to run it”’—Nash- ville American. Apothecary’s Weight. “I'm sure,” whispered the gossip, “that Mr. Pillsbury, the druggist, takes a dram occasionally.” “Yes,” replied the bright girl, “I be- lieve he has no scruples in that direc- rection.”—Philadelphia Press. A Keen Business Man. Noah landed on Ararat. “Fine,” he cried—“a mountain and s2ashore resort in onel” Herewith he started to build a sum mer hotel.—New York Sun. Far Fields Are Greener. A boy always brags of what he will do when he’s a man. And when he becomes a man he al ways boasts of what he did when he was a boy.—Pick-Me-Up. The Best Way to Starve. If one feels bound to undertake star- vation for a period, it is best, a trained physlcian tells us, to make the process not quite complete by eating a little at the usual intervals of fasting abso- lutely for a comparatively long time. This makes freak treatment quite harmless. Physiologists find that as the body Is starved fat and sugar dis- appear first, and then the minor or- gans are drawn upon to support the brain and heart, continuing until no more material can be spared. Exhaus- tion 18 then very near. el TR e A I.ung Dlne-. '.l‘he longest dance on record {8 prob- ably that of Willlam Kemp, an actor of some celebrity in’the reign of Queen | Elizabeth. He was a comedian and- danced all the way from London to Norwich. He was attended by a taborer, a servant and an overseer, and it was doubtless a good thing for him that there were no omnibuses or police then, for they would probably have imposed more impediments in the way. of his progress than did the country people. He started with several presents of groats and crooked sixpences for luck, snd, laden with these, he danced to Stratford with out rest. Subsequently he went in for early rising to avoid market people, and, though suffering from a sprain of the hip which he received, he danced it well again, to the delight of the crowd which accompanied him, some 200 in number. - ‘When he reached Norwich he had to dance in.and out of the city twice, for his overseer missed him in the crowd and made him do the dlstance over again to avoid any possibility of error.—London Graphic. Live Mule, Dead Boar. An odd hunting adventure recently befell a British officer in Indla. He was mounted on a fleet mule and was running down a wild boar, intending to lance it, when the animal turned, bit the mule’s leg and then fied again. The mule screamed savagely, and in a minute she had deposited the officer on the ground. Then, kicking out vigorously five or six times, as if to see that her legs were all right, she started after the unfortunate pig at lightning speed, with fury in her eyes and vengeance in the crook of her ears. The race was not long, and the wild boar soon realized that he had exasperated a relentless enemy. He was soon winded, and the mule, com- ing up with him, caught him by the backbone with her teeth, crunched it and threw him to the ground and then, before he could rise, kicked him 8o viclously that he was a déead boar in less than no time. Then the mule returned to her master and gave utter- ance to a “heehaw” of triumph. Between Supper and Breakfast. Many persons, says a well known doctor, though not actually sick, keep below par in strength and general tone, and he is of the opinion that fasting during the long interval be- tween supper and breakfast, and espe- clally the complete emptiness of the stomach during sleep, adds greatly to the amount of emaciation,” sleepless- ness and general weakness we go often meet. It is logical to belleve that the supply of nourishment should be some- what continaous, especially in those who are below par, if we would coun- teract their emaclation and lower de- gree of vitality, and as bodily exer- cise is suspended during sleep, with wear and tear correspondingly dimin- ished, while digestion, assimilation and nutritive activity continue as usual, the food furnished during this period adds more than is destroyed, and. in- creased welght and improved general| vigor are the results.—London Globe. A Theater Dialogue. - The curtain had fallen on the first act at a Broadway theater when a man, correctly attired and apparently of refinement, leaned toward a woman occupying a seat directly in front of him—a woman who had naturally re- moved her hat, but whose hair was arranged in the extreme of fashion, aided by “boughten” puffs. “I beg your pardon, madam,” said the man in an audible whisper, “but if you would remove your hair and sub- stitute your hat I believe I would be able to see something more of the stage.” The woman didn’t scream. She didn't even faint. She merely turned around and replied: ¥ “Jack, if you weren’t my brother 1'd slap your face.”—New York Globe. Her Little Confidence Game. “We're playing railroad train,” she sald as she pulled her father's paper away, “and I'm the condnector. Tick- ets, please.” He took a card from his pocket and handed it to her. She looked at it in- tently for a minute and then handed it back. “That was issued yesterday,” she said, “and isn’t good today. Youll have to pay cash or get off the train.” He gave her a dime. He knew he had been ‘“worked,” but what else could he do? * Pitched It. A boy was asked what Moses did with the tabernacle in the wilderness when the people murmured. He replied, “He chucked it away.” ‘When asked to explain he read the seventh verse of the thirty-third chap- ter of Exodus, “And Moses took the tabernacle and pitched it without the camp, afar off from the camp.”—Liver- pool Mercury. Night Rates For a Horse. “Hicks, the hotel man, has a new gcheme. He serves Welsh rabbit free to his guests evenings.” “What'’s his idea?” “Well, they have nightmare, and then he charges them for the use of one horse.”—Boston Transcript. Conceit. Concelt Is that attitude of the mind ‘which convinces a man that if he had only lived soon enough he would have been the author of the Bible.—Detroit Free Press. I have but onme lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of Judging of the future but by the past. ~Patrick Henry. A Defect. A little girl was playing with a gin} friend of her own age on the porch of her honie. An elderly gentleman, her mother’s father, and an elderly lady, her father’s mother, were sitting on the porch talking pleasantly with each other. The little girl had often wished ker grandparents were of the saive name, like other children’s grand- parents. Presently the little ‘guest re- marked, “What a nice grandmother and grandfather you have!” “Oh, ges,” she said, with a slgh, “but they don't match.” " Knew the Bound of Wood: There was an argument on a cricket field 1n a “village near. Nottingham, Bngland, which Interrupted the game for'some time. .The match was being played between the local tradesmen of the village. All' went well until the bowler, who was the village con- stable, & man over six feet tall, sent a ball . which - burmped up .from the ground and hit' the village butcher, who was® batting and who was ex- ceedingly fat and perspiring freely, on the head. The wicket keeper, 1 re- markably thin and agile man, who was the village groeer, caught the ball and yelled, “’Ow’s that?”’ - “Hout!” shouted the village baker, who posseéssed only one eye. “Hi say no roared the fat butch- er, who refused-to have it'so. “But hit’it me on the ’ead.” “HI don't know where hit 'it you,” responded the umpire, who was the village undertaker, “but Hi knows the sound of wood, when Hi ’ears hit, so hout you go.” The Tricksters. “Political tricksters always give themselves away,” sald a congress- man. “Their methods remind me of the two men who wanted to sell their corpses for digsection. These two men, miserably- clad, called on the dean of a medical college in New York, “‘We are both on the verge of star- vation, sir,’ the spokesman said. ‘We are well on in years, and it is clear that we haven’t much longer to live. ‘Would you care to purchase our bodies for your dissecting room? “The dean hesitated. “‘It is an odd proposition,’ he mut- tered. “‘But it is occasionally done,’ said the spokesman in an eager voice. “‘Well sald the dean, ‘we might arrange it. What price do you ask? “‘Over in Philadelphia, said the spokesman, ‘they gave us $40.’ ’—New York Tribune. A Natural Cross. One of the most beautiful natural rock carvings in the world is the Southern Cross, on the island of Grand Manan, in the bay of Fundy. It stands at the head of a ledge of rocks Jutting into the bay from the foot of one of the Immense cliffs at the south- ern end of the Grand Manan. Its shape is that of an almost perfect cross. Corroborated. “Though many. people think so who hear me play,” said the long haired amateur, with studied carelessness, “I have no intention of becoming a pro- | fessional musician. kill- time.” “I knew that as soon as I heard you,” enigmatically replied one of his listeners.—Kansas City Independent. 1 play merely to 8aid What She Meant. “Oh, I am so awfully ashamed of myself!” sajd Edith Jones to her dear- est girl chum. “When Henry proposed to me last night I intended to say, ‘So sudden!” but I quite lost my head and exclaimed, ‘At last!"” An Exception. “Animals,” said the teacher, “fre- quently become attached {0 pedpie; but plants never do.” “How about burs, teacher?” queried the small boy at the foot of the class.—: Chicago News. STATE OF OHIO, OITY OF TD!J.'D;J. ~ LuoAs COUNTY, } e Frank J. Oheney makes oath hhl,t he senior, Dntnel' of the firm of F. J. Cheney & doing business in the Clty. 01' Toledo, County and State aforesald, and that s fild firm wm EW the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLL. for each and every case of O that gepnoy bo cured by ‘the use of Hall’: s Clflrrh Gure FRANK J, CHENEY. Sworn to, before and uuhscrlbed in m}' Dresence, this 6th day of Degembor, i D1 (SeAL) A WNGLEAIE;ObV“ ublic. Hall's Oatarrh Oure is taken in: ernally, and acts directly on the blood and mucous ‘sur- faces of the system. Send for testimonials free. ¥ . OHENEY & CO,, Toledo, O. §01d by all Drugelsts, Toc. e a1l Fasily DA ftor constipation. "W Manufectur GAS, BASOLINE and STEAM EIEKHES PULLEYS, HANGERS, SHAFTING, CLUTCHES and all’ POWER TRANSMISSION SUPFLIES, diract o the consumer. ZLargest Machine Shop in. the West MINNEAPOLIS STEEL AND MACHINERY CO. MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. GURE FOR INDIGESTION Read What We Will Do for All Sufferers of Indigestion, slck Headache and All Sorts of Stomache Trouble. Send 10c to cover cost of mailing. ote., and we el fend WITHOUT FURTHER CHARGE o 51 ABSORPTION TREATMENT. Sponga—u plas- ter that will cure—works like magic on the solar plexus, which is the center of the sympethetic nerve system that controlls the digestive organs, Write us now and we will saye you days and weeks of misery! Adpress Ohio Remedy Co,, Box 42, Sta. F., Toledo, Ohio, Daniel Aberle & Son SMNT VAUL Buy Your Lumber Direct From the Saw Mill We can supply your wants for one house or a dozen. Headquarters for Lath and Shingles of all kinds. Let Us Figure Your Bills Douglass Lumber Gompany, Bemidii (On Lake Irving, Telephone 37I1) Lumber and Building Material We carry in stock at all times a com- plete line of lumber and bwlding material of all descriptions. Call in and look over our special line of fancy glass doors. We have a large and well assorted stock from which you can make your selection. WE SELL 16-INCH SLAB WO0OD _ >=F 151, Hilaire Retail Lbr. Co. Minneapolis School of Music, Oratory and Dramatic Art 42 So. Eighth St. Minneapolis, Minn. WILLIAM H. PONTIUS, Director Department of Music. CHARLES H. HOLT, Director D:nm&unt’ of Omzry and d most relable schoo in Northwes, him it f S oy besnche B Ve Vi O truments, all M.mdohn, Gmm. Buu Elocution, Oratory, Acting, Liter La d Physical Cul- fen b il Sptcl[ advantages for teachers during summer session, for catalogue. FALL TERM BEGINS SEPT. 6 armony, Dr.King’s New Life Pills The best in the world. BEMIDJI, MINN. The Da.ily Pioneer 40c per Month The Bemidji Pioneer Wall Chart| = The State Map Most complete and at- tractive. Made from the latest Government Sur- veys, Post Office Records, Railroad and Private data, Aiming to show more towns than have ever been represented on similar en- gravings, Exquisitely col- ored by counties, Town- ship and range numbers and lines, wherever such lines are surveyed. 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