Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, March 2, 1909, Page 2

, Humayun was desperately fll. THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER PUBLISHED NVERY AFTERNOON, BEMIDJI PIONEER PUBLISHING CO. By CLYDB J.JPRYOR. ¥ntered in the postofice at Bemidji. Minn. a8 second class matter. SUBSCRIPTION--$5.00 PER ANNUM — CAUSTIC COMMENT. LA. G. Rutledge.] Senator Tom Platt is going to write his memoirs, Memoirs are things you remember. No, brother Rockfeller, money won’t buy happiness—but it will buy a few of the trimmings, John. It is getting so that one can never tell whether or not a person has insanity in his family until he mur- ders someone. Africa is boasting that the Cape- to-Cairo road is the longest road in the world. Wrong again. How about Bryan’s road to the white house? Strange that they should send the Chicago man who married fifty wives to jail. The wretch should have been sent to live with every one of them. An Oklahoma legislator has intro- duced a bill making the water wagon a common carrier, free passes to all. If this bill should become a law it is dollars to doughnuts that the man who falls off will not be able to collect damages. A certain Professor De Jassey says Lot’s wife is simply an allegori- cal typification of the sun. Along the same line of reasoning, are we to understand that Lot typifies the moon because of man’s well known weakness of staying out of nights. A Mogul Hero. Here s a little vignette of Babar, the first of the great moguls. At elev- en he succeeded to his kingdom of Ferghana. His father was accidental- ly killed, and “L” says the boy, “im- medlately mounted in great haste and, taking such followers as were at hand, set out to secure my throne.” He suc- ceeded In holding it, nearly lost it by trusting a traitor who was “the best player at leapfrog he had ever seen” and actually lost it by grasping at the possession of Samarkand. Then came two years of wandering. Then he got Ferghana again and lost it a second time by trying to make his Mongol Boldiers restore their loot to the peas- antry. And all this before he was ®eventeen! Thirty-two years later he dled, the last scene being the most striking of all. His darling son Only some great sacrifice could save him, sald the doctor. He entered the cham- ‘ber, walked round the bed three times, .8aying, “On me be thy suffering,” and a few days afterward died.—London Spectator. The Dogskin Wouldn’t Go Round. Hungary swarms with barristers. It Is the greatest ambition of the Hunga- rian peasant to make one of his sons an advocate, The son of a small farmer in the neighborhood of Budapest was sent by his father to the law school of that town, but elther from lack of parts or the necessary application he was plucked In the qualifying examina- tion. Not daring to return to the paternal abode empty handed after all the mon- ey that had been spent on his educa- tlon, he conceived and executed the plan of forging a legal diploma. The father was not, however, so ignorant 88 not to be aware that such diplomas are always written on parchment— kutya-ber (dogskin)—in Hungary. “Why is your certificate not made cut on kutya-ber?” asked the old man. “The fact is, father,” coolly replied the youth, “there are more barristers than dogs In Hungary, and so there i3 not enough kutya-ber to make diplo- mas for us all.”—London Answers. Gam’s Dry Humor. When the gallant Welsh captain David Gam was sent forward by Henry V. to reconnoiter the French army before the battle of Agincourt he found that the encmy outnumbered the English by about five to one. His report to the king Is historie: “There are enough to be Kkilled, enough to be taken prisoners and enough to run away.” This quaint forecast of the result of the battle at once spread through the camp, and doubtless every yeoman archer of the valiant company felt an inch taller. We know that it was al- most Uterally justified by the event. Poor Gam's dry humor was equaled by his courage. Ie was killed while in the act of saving the life of his prince.—London Standard. et TR Distilled Water. Distllled water after having been exposed to the air is one of the most salubrious of drinks. Its dally use in measured quantities is helpful in cases of dyspepsia and greatly nssists the general functions of the body. Ev- ery large steamer carries a water dis- tilling apparatus by which sea water 18 made fresh. In the days before steamers primitive distilling apparatus ‘was used on warships and vessels car- Tylng passengers. ; B | There are but two ways of paying debt—increase of industry in raising inoome, increase of thrift in laying out. ~Cartyle, He Was Very Charitable. bazaar held in London was & refresh- ment stall, to which charitablg donors contributed supplies, thus enabling ail the takings to represent clear profits. The lady in charge requested a gift for this purpose from a well known ‘and ‘wealthy gentleman in the city, but one not famous for “parting.” To her sur- prise she received next day a note to the effect that he was sending her a sirloin of beef and two ox tongues. The same morning the lady happen- ed to go to her butcher (who was also the butcher of Mr. X.), and, after giv- ing him a large order for her stall, asked him if he would like himself to give anything. “I should very much, ma’am,” replied the worthy tradesman, “but I yester- day gave to Mr. X, at his request for this purpose, a sirloin of beef and three ox tongues.” Net gain to Mr. X.: One ox tongue and a cheap reputation for charity!— London Standard. 8t. Augustine and His Flower. St. Augustine of Hippo, the great doctor of the church, whose festival falls on Aug. 28, is a sadly neglected saint among modern ritualists and even oceasionally confused with his name- sake, who insulted the British bishops. Yet he is pronounced by Hooker “with- out any equal” and regarded by Har- nack as “the first modern man.” He has been better honored in the floral world, for to him is dedicated the goldenrod, or woundwort (Solidago vir- ga-aurea). Old Gerard, with whom this was a favorite remedy, tells us that goldenrod fetched a high price as a foreign herb until discovered grow- ing near London, when the plant was neglected. He adds the caustic com- ment, “This verifieth our English prov- erb, ‘Far fetcht and dear boughte 1s best for ladies,’ or for fantastical phy- sitions.” Before tobacco the golden- rod also furnished snuff for our medi- aeval forefathers. — Westminister Ga- zette. It Did Not Work. Mr. Seabury and his wife were on the point of moving to another flat. Both of them were anxious that the transfer should be made at the least possible expense, and the nearness of the new home promised materially to further this aim. “I can carry loads of little things over in my brown bag,” announced Mrs. Seabury, “and you can take books and so on in your big satchel.” In discussing further the matter of transportation Mrs, Seabury remarked that notwithstanding the heat she could wear her winter coat over, leave it and return for her spring coat. The idea charmed her impractical husband. “Why, I can do the same thing!” he said. “I'll wear over one suit and then come back for another!”—Youth’s ‘Companion. Hard on the Messenger. Tommy had been spanked by Miss Manners, his first grade teacher, but his next teacher had not reached the point where she felt she could do jus- tice to him in spite of all his naughti- ness. “Send him to me when you want him spanked,” said Miss Manners one morning after her colleague had re- lated his many misdemeanors. About 11 o'clock Tommy appeared at Miss Manners’ door. She dropped her book, grasped him .firmly by the hand, led him to the dressing room, turned him over her knee and adminis- tered punishment. ‘When she had finished she said, “Now, Tommy, what have you to say?’ “Please, miss, my teacher wants the scissors,” was the unexpected reply.— Success Magazine. What the Duke Meant. His grace the Duke of Argyll was addressing a select company in a Lon- don drawing room on the present state of things in South Africa. “I look for- ward to the time,” he sald, “when the Englishman will marry the Boer girl and have an Hnoglish wife as welll” Respectable dowagers looked their surprise, and the men began to.smile. Then the duke carefully explaimed that he meant, of course, that the Boer girl should become an Englishwoman to all intents and purposes.—Reynolds’ Newspaper. A Source of Joy. “What secms to be the matter with Mrs. Brown that she's ailing so?” “Why, poor thing, she’s got one of those newfangled diseases.” “She has? is, to be sure. Here I've had nothing more stylish than lumbago, and I'm three years older than she is.”—Detrolt Free Press. Smart Set English. The speech of the smart man and woman sufficlently betrays the mod- ern attitude. To speak good English is middle class. The modern vocabu- lary is very small, and the greater part of it is composed of slang.—Black and White. Stuck to It. Her Husband—If a man- steals, no matter what it is, he will live to re- gret it. His Wife—During our court- ship you used to steal kisses from me. Her Husband—Well, you heard what I eald. Easy. Jack—The fortune teller said I would marry a blond. Belle—Did she say how soon? Jack—In six months. Belle (coyly)—I can easily be a blond by that time, Jack.—Sketch. £ s ST Any man may make a mistake. None but a fool -will stick to it. Sec- end thoughts are best, as the proverb says.—Cicero. Too Much of It. Greene—How does it happen that you don’t trade at Cleaver's'any more? Yon used to brag about the nice cuts of meat he always sent you. Is it because he wouldn’t give you credit? Gray—On the contrary, 1t is because bs did.—Bos- ton Transcript. g Tommy’s Lesson, Tommle—But, mamma, fingers were boy, and dirt was -made before ple, but you prefer ple, don’t yon, Tommie? ~Yonkers Sta Among the features of a charlty |’ My, how: fortunate she. ‘| shamefully. Sloanes—I see. Examining Wedding Gifts. “Women viewing another woman's wedding presents say things which are likely to be misinterpreted,” said the bachelor who declares he hates ‘weddings, but always goes when in- vited, according to the Washington Post, “and other things which no fa- vorable interpretation would make complimentary to the bride or to the glvers. It's the way of the sex, I sup- pose. Now, why is it that the most common remark of the women who are Inspecting the layout of silver and cut glass and other gifts more or less useful is, ‘What a lot of presents she got?” ‘They don’t mean anything un- kind, but the inference an uninitiated eavesdropper would draw is that they wonder why she got so many, as if by rights she shouldn’t have had half so many. Of course they vary the re- mark, ‘What a lucky girl’ says one, as 1f she would like to add, ‘Some per- sons have too much luck’ And an- other says, ‘I wonder where they all came from," implying almost as if the bride couldn’t have enough friends to make so many gifts and must have sent some of them to herself just to making a showing.” B World's Cleanest Soldiers. ‘The Japanese soldier considers it a disgrace to be dirty. Soldiers of other nationalities are not always overpar- ticular, but, as Mr. Kipling has sung: Oh, east is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet. However, the Japanese military man is not provided by a grateful and be- neficent government with a portable bath, so when on active service he has to set his wits to work in order to ob- tain the necessary adjuncts to his ab- lutions. The Chinese, for reasons of their own, manufacture long and large jars, whose diameter is that of a western main drain. It occurred to a bright Japanese that one might just as well have a bath standing up as lying down. Accordingly he and his comrades in- terred a jar, built a furnace beneath it and filled it with water. Soon a boiling hot bath bubbled before them. Imitators sprang into being and sub- sequently into similar baths'—Bystand- er. A London composer was one summer engaged on the score of an opera, and as the weather was very hot he worked with the windows of his study open. This fact was taken advantage of by his neighbor, a lady, an accom- plished musician, with a very quick and retentive ear, to play upon him s harmless practical joke. One morning he completed and tried over a new march, and the lady on the same afternoon seated herself at her grand piano, opened her windows and rolled forth the air fortissimo. The composer rushed distractedly into his garden to his wife and, tearing his hair in anguish, cried out: “My dear, I give it up! I thought I had composed an original tune, but it must be a delusion, for my grand march—my chef d’oeuvre, as I thought it—is only a reminiscence and is al- ready the property of some music pub: ‘They Sat Down. One night at a theater some scenery took fire, and a very perceptible odor of burning alarmed the spectators. A panic seemed to be imminent when‘an actor appeared on the stage. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “compose yourselves. There is no danger.” The audience did not seem reas- sured. “Ladies and gentlemen,” continued the comedian, rising to the necessity of the occasion—‘“confound it all—do you think if there was any danger I'd be here?” S The panic collapsed. England’s Mother Church. The oldest frequented church fin England is probably St. Martin’s, at Canterbury, and you may call it the mother church of England. Walk up from the outskirts of the city and you will pass the font which gave baptism to King Ethelbert 1,800 years ago. The font still stands, the worshipers stiil mount the slope, and one' considers whether it was Augustine or Bertha ‘who dragged the king and husband to that font.—London Chronicle. A Gallant Clergyman. It 1s sald that the Rev. Sydney Smith could be gallant as well as witty on occasfon, 3 “Oh, "Mr. ‘Smith, I cannot bring this flower to perfection,” sald a young lady to hfra once as she showed him about her conservatory. ‘Whereupon he took her by the Hand and said, “Then let me bring perfec- tion to the‘fiowe! A “Place of Learning.” Sydney Smith, once asked why a cer- tain college was called a place of learn- ing, replied that, although a great many had been there to get learning, no one had ever taken learning away; hence it was appropriately named. Officeholders. “Well, there's one thing to be ‘said for public servants.” “What's that?” ‘Leader. Out of Mind. - Fenton—At first he was simply crazy about her, but now he neglects her At first he went out of his mind, and then she ‘went out of his mind.” No man’can be wise on an empty stomach.—George Eliot. A Famous Year. made before forks. Mamma—Yes, my gave more celebrities and perss genlus to the world than any ‘other year of the nineteenth century. Among. those who were born in that memora- Allan Poe, Olliver Wendell Hblmes, Willlam Ewart Gladstone, Charles Dar- win, Lord Houghton, Alfred Tennyson, Edward Fitzgerald, Professor Blackle, | Mary Cowden Clarke and -Felix Men- delssohn. 3 lisher!” & “When you hire one you never have | .any trouble keeping him.”—Cleveland | It is contended that the year 1809 ble year were Abraham Lincoln, Edgar:| Perils of Our Dwelling Houses. - The scholars in one of ‘the Fuchow. ‘Chinese schools Wwere recently desired to write an essay in English on the subject of “Which Are the Healthier, Chinese or Forelgn Dwelling Houses?’ One young man “spook” about the matter with his “friends,” ‘dnd they sald that the “Chineg bullding s much better than foreigners: This, he adds, was the “senses of their de- bate:” “The foreign building is too helgh and coverless and always built on the top of the hill. In the summer time it receives the most heat from the sun. The people who living in it is the same as putting in the stove, but in winter it is fully filled by the sharp air which cut the faces of whom living in it. So that the foreigner is compeled to put themselves on fire. The fire would do our bodies harm. As we were prepared our dinner; we put the beef on the fire by and by the beef dry in that case the of course man would dry too.”—London Telegraph. Walt Whitman's Pride. ‘Whitman’s grandmother was a Quaker, and the bard had been all his life used, Quaker fashion, to sitting in the house with his sombrero on if it suited him to do so. One day, with a friend, he entered the gloomy and half empty precincts of Trinity church, New York, and took a back seat in the obscurity and for a moment forgot to remove his hat or was probably just about to do so when an-officfous verger stepped up and requested him to take it off. " Walt, a man of immense pride, not seeing fit to do so instantaneously or being-very slow in his mental proc- esses, was taking the matter into con- sideration - for a second when the verger knocked.the offending hat off his head. Walt picked up the huge felt and, doubling it together, smote the fellow vigorously twice or thrice with it on the head and slowly left the church, the red faced sexton fol lowing and threatening him with the law. 5 Mozart's Skull. “If we were all constituted like Ham- let and could handle a skull as philo- . sophically as he,” writes a sentimen- talist in a Hamburg paper, “we could visit the Mozart museum at Salzburg, enjoy the sights it offers and leave there without finding any fault. Un- fortunately, however, we are not.so cold, and therefore the protest which I make. Among the Mozart souvenirs which are pointed out to the visitor, in the same line with the ¢ld piano, let- ters, manuscript musie, portraits, etc., is the skull of the: great master. It matters little whether the skull is really that of the composer or one used for show purposes. The fact remalns that in the Mozart town, in Salzburg. there seems:to be no one who can make the city fathers believe that the exhibition demonstrates alack of rev- erence which shocks many people.” Afloat on Hot Air. : Members of the house of representa- tlves are fond of poking fun at the florid style of speech affected by a cer- tain congressman, who Invariably con- tributes much “hot air” to any debate in which he niay participate. On one occaston the .politician in question ventured to air his views touching a financial act under consid- eration, when he drew the following ribald observation from an opponent: “Our able and adventurous friend has undertaken to’present his views upon this question. In this he re- minds me of a beautiful swan breast: ing the sea .with arched neck and wings outspread to catch the glint of the sea, moving along in serene and stately splendor, but blissfully uncon- sclous of the unfathomable depths be- low.” _'He Explained. At a school one day a teacher, hav- ing asked most of his pupils the: dif- ference between an island and.a penin- sula without receiving a satisfactory auswer, came to the last boy. “I can explain it, sir,” sald the bright youth. “First get two glasses. Fill one with water and the other with milk. Then catch a fiy and place it in the glass of water, That fly is an island, because it is émtirely-surround- ed by water. But now place the fly in ‘the. glass of wilk,and 1t. will be a peninsula,- because it is ‘nearly sur- rounded by water.” The boy went to the top of the class, Fulton’s Power: of Thought. Robert Fulton possessed to a remark- able degree the power of concentrated thought. 'He studied- French, Italian and German and acquired a proficlen- cy in the three languages. = Higher mathematics, physics, chemistry and perspective also demanded. his atten- tion as he progressed in scientific re- mrch,—Centu%'y. s Not Led. “So she was led to the altar at last?” remarked the girl in blue. “Led!” repeated the bride’s dearest friend.. “Lied! /I fancy yot didn’t see her. She didn’t have to be led. When she started doyn the aisle you couldn’t have driven her off with a regiment of cavalry!”—Londlon Telegraph. . 8Snall Change. “It's three years since I was In this city;” said the stranger as he fin- “City looks the ed the walter ps he took up the dime that was left |from the dollar bill.— Puck. The Midnight Sun. The midnight sun is visible wholly above the horzon at the North Cape from May 13 to July 80, at Hammer- fest from May 15 to July 27 and at Tromsofromlgay%to.mlyzz. ¢ Over and Under. : hie is fiirly going crazy over his’new motor, s “That’s strang Every time TIve seen him he Ifls been going crazy un- Ker,lt.': i The trouble fimh many a man’s in- tegrity s that |t neads constant vindi cation.~Chicago Ne i COLDINONEDAY, it 1t falls tocure. | 15 on each box. %cs 2k “I don’t find much change,” remark- BROMO Quinine mma}:: ¢ During Grant’s first term his secre- tary of the navy, Borfe, for a time turned the actual administration over to Admiral Porter. Admiral Porter was a sailor in the strict etymological sense of the term in that he belleved there was nothing like sails. As soon as he was in authority he caused the four bladed propellers of the: vessels to be removed and replaced by two bladed ones in order that the ships might maneuver better under sail. The inefficlency thereby brought about is, of course, apparent to any engineer, as the size of the propeller opening was fixed and the two bladed screw could not be made large enough. A few years later in a report to the department he actually claimed that the vessels were faster under steam with the mutilated screws. The facts, of course, were just the reverse, and when his influence be- came less proper propellers were again fitted. This was when he was still in his prime and his judgment was, at least, not impaired by age. About twenty years later, when the Roach cruisers were being bullt; the dear old man, then. over seventy, went before the naval committee and said that the plans of these vessels were wrong be- cause they had only auxiliary safl power. In his judgment they should have been given full sail power with steam as an auxiliary. He was still a sailor! The world had not moved for him.—Engineering Magazlna. The Desert Tortoise. One of the most interesting reptiles of California’s great desert is the des- ert tortoise. A writer in Suburban Life says: “I have found as many as twenty of these hard shelled fellows that we usunally associate in our minds with the thought of water in the very heart of the desert, where the water was exceedingly scarce. Yet when you pick them up they generally void two or three large spoonfuls of liquid. Dis- section shows that they each have two large water sacks on the back, and these afford them their water supply. They are great travelers and can walk faster than we should imagine. They are also good climbers. I have watch- ed one for hours climbing up and down the rocky sides of a desert mountain. He could wriggle himself up to a rock almost as high as he was long. Raising himself on his tail end, he would use his head as a hook, then claw with his right leg until it had secured a good hold, then, with what seemed to me extraordinary strength, he would lift himself up and wiggle his body into a secure posi- tion.” Considerate. Jasper—Whenever a great man dies Longhair writes a- poem about him. Rasper—Well, I must commend his consideration In not writing It before the great man dies.—Boston Glehe. How's This? We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hall’s Cataxrh Oure: _ F.J. CHENEY & CO0,, Toledo, O. We, the undersigned, have known ¥. J, Cheney for the last 15 years, and believe him pertectly honorable in all business transac- tions, and finarcially. able to carry out any oblisations made by his firm. 'WALDING, KINNAN & MARVIN, - " ‘Wholesale Druggists, Toledo. Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting directly upon the blood- and mucous surfaces of the system, Testimonials sent free Price 7oc per bottle. Sold by all druggists, Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation. Not That Color. ‘Willie lost his pet dog and was much distressed. He spent his time search- ing for it, and so often did he run into the house crying, “Come, quick; there’s Fido; I saw him!”-the family grew somewhat dubicus. ‘One day Willie rushed in more ex- cited than usual. “Mamma, mam- ma!” he cried. “I've seen'Fido! Tve seen Fido!l” “Oh, no; I guess mot,” replied the (- patient mother. “It must have been your tion.” ‘Willie looked at her much aggrieved. “Well,” he said indignantly, “I guess my ’'magination isn’t white behind.”— Delineator. Too Suggestive. ‘Wimbleton—Hello, Simpelton! = How d1d you enjoy your visit to the insane asylum the other day? Simpelton— Oh, so-go. It was all right enough, I guess. Wimbleton—Well, you ‘don’t talk as though you were impressed with it. Did you give the superin- tendent my note of Introduction? Stmpelton—Yes, I gave it tohim. Wim- bleton—Well, what did he say? Sim- pelton—Oh, he just looked at me and sald, “Make yourself at home.”—Lip- pincott’s. Wedding: Present - Problem. 3 ‘What people ought to do when they send out invitations to a wedding is to add after the R. 8. V. P. the letters P, 8. L., which stand for “Please send list”” The would be donor would then #end a selection of, say, four articles from 1 shilling to £1,000 in value, and the bride would pick out what she wished—London World. BABIES SUBJECT T0 COUGHS AND COLDS EICK OFF THE COVER AND TAKE COLD. How One Baby Was Cured of a Dreadful Cold by Chamber- lain’s Cough Remedy. Al the world loves a baby and everyone is more or less interested in their hé:letiymd happiness, There probably nevér was a baby that did‘not kick off “the covers and take cold; in fact, babies are particularly susceptible to colds and croup, and the favor- ite remedy for these ailments is Chamber- lain’s Cough Remedy. It always gives quick relief and is pleasant and safe to-take, in fact, it contains nothing injnrious. Mothers have become acquainted with this fact and do mot hesitate to give it to their babies when such a preparation is required. Mrs. John D. Harmon, of Melfa Station, Va., says: “About two weeks ago our baby had a dreadful cold, and at one time I feared it would have pneumonia, but' one of our neighbors told how Chamberlain’s Cough Temedy had cured her little boy, and 1 be- gan giving it to our baby at onee and it soon cured her. T had tried other remedies and they all failed to do her any good. Our baby is now well and we heartily thank Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy, for it cured her. I cannot recommend it too highly or say t0o much in its favor. I hope all who md"thiu will try it and be conyinced ag ] was. = For Sale at Barker’s Drug Stere BUY A GOOD LOT With the growth of Bemidji good lots are becoming scarcer and scarcer. - still have a number of good lots in the residence 'part of town which will be sold on We < easy terms. For further particulars write or call Bemid}i Townsite and Im- provement Company. - H. A. SIMONS, Agent. Swedback Block, Bemidji. ‘Subseribe For The Pioneer. Typewriter Ribbons The'Pioneer keeps on hand -all the standard makes of (Typewriter'Ribbons. at the uniform price of 75°cents for all ribbons except the two- and three-éolor ribbons and special' makes.