Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, January 29, 1909, Page 4

POLITICAL ANNOUNGEMENTS Candidate for Alderman, First Ward. I hereby announce myself as a candidate for alderman for the first ward at the city election to be’ held February 16. If elected I shall endeavor to promote all measures, which in my judgement, are for the best interests of the ward and the city at large, along lines of conser- vative business principles. Dr. E. A. Shannon. Alderman, Third Ward. 1 hereby announce myself as a candidate for alderman from the Third ward and if elected will serve as alderman for the best interests of the city. I believe in development of the city in an economical way and all my services, if elected aldermen, will be on this basis. —1J. Bisiar. Candidate for Municipal Judge. Mr. Hiram A. Simons hereby announces himself as a candidate for Judge of the Municipal Court, to be voted for at the election to be held on Tuesday, February 16th, 1909. Mr. Simons was born and raised in the State of Minnesota and has resided 1n this section of the coun- try for six years last passed, and in Bemidji since December 1st, 1904, He has been actively engaged in the practice of the law in California and Minnesota for more than twenty years and in every way is qualified and fitted for the position, and therefore feels justified in asking the support of his fellow citizens at the coming election. Woman the Tougher Sex. Although meaq, as they run, are per- haps muscularly stronger than women, thelr inability to withstand the ele- ments and their reliance upon clothes place them constderably below the so called weaker sex in the matter of un- clothed toughness. Women wear clothes for ornament. Men use them as pro- tective covering. A group of men ma- rooned clotheless on an island in the temperate zone might be expected to dle off in a mouth from drafts and colds and rheumatism. The health of ‘women similarly placed would suffer Iittle from the enforced exposure. The fact appears to be, therefore, that in everything but muscle—in vitality, rug- gedness, character, disposition, brain power, etc.—woman is the tougher, not the weaker, sex.—Kansas City Journal. A Xantippe Outwitted. An Englishman of Lymington had the misfortune to live in a continuous quarrel with hils wife, who was a mod- ern Xantippe and threatened In case she survived him to dance over his grave. It was her lot to outlive him, but it was not so easy to carry out her threat. The husband had the pre- caution to make an injunction in his will requiring his body to be buried in the sea near his residence and without ceremony. The injunction was com- plled with. . A Poor Bath. A Trenchman was talking In New Tork about the excellent bathing beaches of America. “There are no such beaches in Eu- rope,” said he. “And the sea over there is not so pleasant to bathe in. Frequently, you know, great pipes empty sewage into it. They who stay late for the bathing In Nice, for in- stance, swim about among lemon peel, orange skins, melon rinds, soaked but still buoyant newspapers—fearful rub- bish. I once bathed in Nice. The Med- iterranean was warm and pleasant, but it resembled soup or something worse. I heard an American after coming out say to the bathing master: “‘Look here, friend, where do stran- gers go for a wash after bathing here? How We Fall Asleep. It is not generally known that the body falls asleep in sections. The mus- cles of the legs and arms lose their power long before those which sup- port the head and these last sooner than the muscles which sustain the back. The sense of sight sleeps first, then the sense of taste, next the sense of smell, next that of hearing and last- Iy that of toudh. These are the results of careful and lengthy investigation by a French scientist, M. Cabanis. ' The Final Shock. Patient—Doctor, I don’t think T can use the battery any more. Wil it be mecessary to shock me again? Doctor —Only once more. I'll send in my bill tomorrow. ‘Wise men read very sharply all your 'private history in your look and galt and behavior.—Emerson. — 3% Irascible Von Bulow. Durlng Hans von Bulow's lendes ship of the orchestra at Hanover & tenor of fame was engaged to play a star role in “Lohengrin,” and while the singer was vehearsing his part Bu- low was forced to go over the same bars a number of times without the new actor beginning to sing. Tired of his wasted efforts, the leader stopped the orchestra and angrily turned to the singer. - “I know that a tenor is proverblally stupid,” he said, “but you seem to make an extensive use of this unwrit- ten law.” At another time, while one of his grand intermezzos was being played with great feeling by his musicians, a peculiar noise, hardly perceptible by untrained ears, annoyed the leader for some little time, At first he thought it resembled the flutter of wings, but soon he discovered an elegant lady fanning herself in one of the boxes close by. Bulow kept on with his ges- tures, fixing his eyes on the offender in 2 manner which meant reproof. The lady, not heeding this, was suddenly surprised by the leader dropping his stick and turning toward her. “Madam,” he cried, “If fan you must, please at least keep time with your in- fernal nuisance!” An Exception to the Rule. “It is an invariable fact,” said the professor at the club, “that the sense | of sight travels more rapidly than the | sense of sound. You will observe, sir, that when a bit of ordnance is fired from a fortress or a man-of-war you see the puff of smoke that comes coin- cidently with the explosion several moments before you hear the report thereof. Thus it is always”— “Not always,” said little Todgers i from the corner. “I know of a case where hearing antedates seeing by really considerable lapses of time.” ! “I know of no such thing .in the whole broad range of science,” retort: ed the professor pompously. “Perhaps you can eunlighten us, sir.” “Well,” said Todgers, “it's the case ( of an Englishman and a joke. In al- most every case the Englishman hears a joke about a week before he sees it, and”— But the professor had gone, and they say that nowadays when he sees Tod- gers he shies off like a frisky horse in the presence of a motor car.—Harper’s Weekly. Waterproofing Matches. Perhaps some of your readers would be interested to know that I have fournd a simple, inexpensive way to waterproof matches. Into some melted paraffin, care being taken that it was as cool as possible, I dipped a few or- dinary parlor matches. After with- drawing them and allowing them to cool it was found that they scratched almost as easily as before being coated with the wax. Several were held un- der water for six or seven hours, and all of them lighted as easily as be- fore immersion. When the match is scratched the paraffin is first rubbed oft and the match lights in the usual way. Matches treated as above would be very useful on camping. or canoeing | trips, as they do not absorb moisture. | Since more rubbing Is required to light them than the ordinary match, ft would be practically impossible to set them on fire by accidental dropping.— Scientific American. Tom, Dick and Harry. “Some folks have a hard time to find odd enough names for their children,” said a man fn an uptown club the other evening. “They will search through all kinds of books on the sub- ject, consult all their friends and rela- tives and finally burden the youngster with something never heard of before. “I know one man, however—he is a banker and lives on West End avenue —who, while he did not spend much time In search of names, adopted a scheme which is very novel. It took five years to carry out the scheme, now complete. The first boy he named Tom, the second Dick and the third Harry. This particular trio is about as much talked about in the neighbor- hood as the noted Tom, Dick and Har- ry of whom nearly every one has { heard.”—New York Times. In Vainl “In vain, in vain!” cried the young man distractedly. His hair fell in long wisps about his brows, and his coun- tenance was deathly white. The crowd pressed close. “In vain, in vain!” he cried again, with wringing of hands and gnashing i of teeth, “What?” cried the crowd. in vain?’ “The letter ‘v!'" cried the young man as he escaped. _— Dignity of the English Waiter. The English hotel waiter belongs to a race which is slowly but surely be- coming extinct and carries about him the melancholy aura of the ddomed. Every head waiter at a British inn has In him at least the making of a duke’s butler. No glimpse of avarice mars the perfection of his monumental man- ner, and if at the last he condescends to accept your vail it is with something of the air of a discrowned king.—Lon- don Sketch. e — Where Women Are Wanted. What strikes you about Auckland is the dearth of women. It is said to be the same all over New Zealand. There are far more men than women, and lots of men have to go without wives, —New Zealand Herald. “What is Not Sanguine. Majestic Person—Do you know, my lad, that every Britlsh boy has a chance of becoming prime minister of England? Youngster (thoughtfully)— Well, I'll sell my chance for a shiliing. ~Tit-Bits. Hopeless. Martha, endeavoring to instruct a would be housekeeper in the mysteries of pudding making, was overheard. “Yer jes’ takes some bread en”— “But how much bread, Martha?’ “Oh, Jes' what yer needs, Miss Min, en den yer puts yo' milk on 1t"— “And how much milk, Martha?’ “Well, yer mus’ use yer jedgment ‘bout dat, Miss Min.” thfll?m T haven't any judgment, Mar 2 “Well, de Lord he'p yer, Miss Min, .1'cause I can’t.”—Travel Magazine. Ornaments of the Peerage. Lord Lyveden is an ardent peerage reformer and tells an anecdote in this connection for whose authentleity he pledges himself. This narrates how a famous statesman of the nineteenth century was called upon to visit his son In prison. He bitterly reproached him, remarking, “Here am I, having worked my way up from a middle class home to a great position, and when I die you will be the greatest blackguard in the peerage.” The son listened quietly and then replied, with terrible rony, “Yes—when you die.” Another of Lord Lyveden’s peerage stories Is equally piquant. The son of a peer applied to a friend in the north of England for a housekeeper and was recommended a certain Mrs. Brown. The peer wrote to the woman accord- ingly to the effect that, having learned particulars of her character, he was willing to engage her as his house- keeper and making an appointment for her to call and see him on a certain date. The good woman replied: My Lord—From what I have learned of your character I decline to enter your house. - I am your lordship's obedient servant, ® NNE BROWN. —Westminster Gazette. The Plays Mixed. During one of his tours in this coun- try, when the late Sir Henry Irving was playing “Twelfth Night” in New York, he revealed absentmindedness and greatly amused the members of his company and the audience. As Malvolio he was expressing surprise at a remark of Sir Toby. “Do you know what you say?’ he asked. To his surprise, a roar of laughter echoed through the house, and his stage associates were convulsed. He repeated the line, putting undue emphasis on the pronoun, and again the audlence shouted with laughter. It was not until after the perform- ance he learned that quite unconscious- Iy he had been parodying the well known words of “The Private Secre- tary.” His only explanation was that it was done in a bit of forgetfulness while thinking of the other play.— Chicago Record-Herald. A Ghost Story. Floors castle, home of the Duke ot Roxburghe, was the scene of a curious psychical mystery over a century ago. Sir Walter Scott relates the incident. John, third duke of Roxburghe, who died in 1804, the celebrated book col- lector, when arranging his library em- ployed neither a secretary nor a libra- rian, but a footman called Archie, who knew every book as a shepherd does each sheep of his flock. There was a bell hung in the duke’s room at Floors which was used 6n no occasion except to call Archie to his study. The duke died in St. James’ square at a time when Archie was himself sinking un- der a mortal complaint. On the day of the funeral the library bell sudden- Iy rang violently, The dying Archie sat up in bed and faltered, “Yes, my lord duke, yes, I will wait on your grace Instantly.” And with these words on his lips he fell back in bed and died.—St. James’ Gazette. The Broken Bottle Symbol. The breaking of a bottle over the bow of a vessel at launching seems to be taken by many people as having a convivial, a sort of here’s-looking-at- you significance, but nothing of the kind is meant; neither has it any asso- ciation with Christian baptism, for the name of a man-of-war is given months before the launching. The real thing typified is sacrifice. Building a town or setting a ship afloat was a sol- emn matter away back in the dim past, and such an act was not to be under- taken without devoting a life to pro- pitiate the gods. Our refined and hu- mane civilization no longer dares to offer up a prisoner or a slave on such occasions, and therefore a bottle is broken to symbolize the taking of a man’s life.—United Service Gazette. Jerome’s Mistake. One of the early vicissitudes of Je- rome K. Jerome as an actor was to be offered his choice of laying the part of either a soldier or a donkey in a pantomime, a real donkey with four legs. After careful cousideration he thought the red coat the more becom- ing disguise and chose the part of the soldier. Apparently he made a mistake, from the point of view of success, at all events, for a few days afterward the manager came to him and said: “You made a great mistake, Jerome, in not taking the part of the donkey. It would just suit you, and there’s & shillings a week more in it.” A Coin Trick. Rub a coln against a smooth, upright surface for u little while, then press it hard and take your hand away from it, You will be surprised perhaps to see this coin stick to the wood. The rea- son is that in rubbing the coin ovér the wood and then pressing it hard, you drive out all the air between the two objects, and the pressure of the at- mosphere keeps the cojn in its place. Just Suited Her. “Please, ma’am, 1 haven’t a friend or a relative in the world,” sald the tramp. “Well, I'm glad there’s no one to Worry over you in case you get hurt. Here, Tiger!” sald the housekeeper. Getting His Own Back. “The giraffe has a tongue eighteen inches long,” said Mrs. Talkmore. 4 “And knows how to hold it, too,” growled Mr. Talkmore, who had had a long curtain lecture the night before.—' London Answers. Don’t try to be a mind reader. Think Low uncomfortable it would be to know what people are thinking about you.—Atchison Globe. A Loud Kiss. Bob Footlite (actor)—Faflure? 1 should think 1t was! The whole play ‘was ruined. She—Graclous! How was that? B, P.—Why, at the end of the last act A steam pipe burst and hissed me off the stage. A Lark. What a lark it would be if an egg came down the chimney! No, it wouldn't, unless it was a lark's egg, and even then mot untll It was hafched. 4 Eggsactlyl i i Milk Fed Edible Rats. The Ohlnese diplomat regarded his grilled frogs’ legs with faint disgust. tered. “It is hard, though, to conquer my repulsion, Yet they are clean— clean!feeders, eh?”, i The American !laughed long and loud. “You,” he cried, “are repelled by frogs’ legs, you who eat dogs and rats!” “Ab, but,” said the Chinaman, “our edible dogs ‘and rats are the cleanest feeders imaginable, They are equal to celery fed'duck or California peach e:‘d bog. They are confined in runs, you know, and to make their flesh white and delicate they are fed on mushes of bread and milk and vege- tables—no meat whatever. 4 “You Amerlcans think it disgusting to eat rats and dogs because you imag- ine them fattening on carrion and offal, But thesc frogs here— No, I'm afrald I can’t. They may have fed on some tramp suicide for all I know.” He pushed back his plate and waited for the next course. The Elusive Chuckwalla. The chuckwalla is one of the most interesting of the creatures to be found in southern California’s great desert, The chuckwalla seeks to es- cape bis adversary by crawling into a crevice of a rock so narrow that it seems impossible to get him out. But the Indians have learned all his tricks and how to eircumvent them. To the desert aborigine the chuckwalla is al- luring. He feasts on the chuckwalla; hence he grows wise as to its habits. He takes a plece of strong wire or a bent twig, and, poking it into the crev- ice, he taps the chuckwalla on the end of the nose. In a moment the angered reptile exhales a kind of hiss, the noise being made by a rapid expulsion of the breath. As he thus exhales he loses his hold on the rocks, and in a moment the Indian pulls on his tail. As speedily as a flash of lightning the chuckwalla inhales again and tightens himself in his recess. Another tap on his nose and then exhalation; another pull, another exhalation—so it goes un- til at last the Indian has him in hand. ‘Then he cooks him.—Suburban Life. Depth at Which Miners Can Work. Below fifty feet the temperature rises in the proportion of one degree for every sixty-five feet of depth ex- cept where currents of water carry the heat away. The result is that at a depth of about 4,000 feet we reach a temperature of 98 degrees, or blood heat. This renders it exceedingly dif- ficult to work coal pits below that depth. This is the reason that Great Britain’s coal commission decided that mines are not workable below 4,000 feet. The thickness of the solld rocks building up the crust of the earth is at least thirty to forty miles. At that depth the heat is such as would reduce everything on the surface of the earth to liquid. But the pressure of the over- lying rocks is so great that until the relation of the heat to the pressure is known it cannot be sald whether the earth at that depth is fluid or solid.— Chicago Tribune. Not “Lost In London.” The confession of. the provost of the Great St. Bernard hospice that he al- most got lost in London and found it more bewildering than his own Alps recalls to the London. Chronicle a re- markable feat of the great guide Mel- chior Anderegg of Meiringen. He had never seen a larger town than Berne when he visited London, and when two famous climbers, Leslie Stephen and T. W. Hinchliff, met him at Lon- don Bridge station and walked with him thence to Lincoln’s Inn Fields there was a thick London fog. Never- theless when a day or two later the three were at the same station, return- ing from a trip to Woolwich, Mr. Hinchliff confidently said, “Now, Mel- chior, you will lead us back home.” And straight to Lincoln’s Inn Fields Melchior guided them, pausing only once. I ‘Why Joyner Left Home. “Are you ready to receive the obliga- tions?’ asked the most upright su- preme hocus pocus of the Order of Hoot Owls. “I am,” said the candidate firmly. “Then take a sip of this prussic acid, place your right hand in this pot of bolling lead, rest your left hand upon this revolving buzzsaw, close your eyes and repeat after me”— Early next morning shreds of Joy- ner's clothing were found upon the bushes and trees all along the road to Pottsville, thirty miles distant, and at Scrabbletown, sixty miles away, he 'was reported still headed west.—Judge. Knew the Symptoms. The Minister—John, John, I am sur- prised to see you. What good does it do you getting muddled like this, put- ting you off your work? When you go to bed you cannot sleep, your tongue 18 parched, your head is like to split, and you have no appetite. John—Gle us yer hand, sir; ye've been drunk yerself.—Philadelphia Inquirer. A Useful Key. ; . “What is this pecullar key on your typewriter? I never saw it on any be- fore.” “Hist!. My own invention. When- ever you can't spell a word you press this key and it makes a blur.”—Boston Transeript. . Changed. Nell — Maud couldn’t have thought much of that fellow she married. Belle—Why? Nell—She boasts that she has made another man of him.—Phila- delphia Record. Everybody stumbles, but no man need lle in the mud.—Gentleman. i Needed a Big Dose. The president of the Waiters’ club of New York in a recent argument on tip- ping said to his opponent sharply: - “Your reply is altogether beside the point and irrelevant. It reminds me of & woman’s reply In a8 German court. ‘| This woman was accused of polsoning her husband. The prosecuting attor- ney said to her: “‘You have heard the evidence. The. body contained enough arsenic to kill ten persons. ‘What have you to say? “‘My husband,’ the woman answer- o4, ‘was a big eater”” = " e—m “I suppose they are good,” he fal-* Our Wonderful Railroads, =~ Gall Hamiiton was right when she pald that if there were mnever to be any railways on this continent it would have been an impertinence for Columbus to have discovered it. Only by the rallways could its magnificent distances be bridged. Equally cosrect was Charles Carroll of Carrollton, the last surviyor of the signers of the Dec- laration of Independence, when, on throwing up the first shovelful of earth for the first railway of the Unit- ed States which was intended to carry passengers and freight, the Baltimore and Ohio, he exclaimed, *“I consider this event second only to that of the adoption of the Declaration of Inde- pendence, if second even to that.” That was in 1828. But England was far ahead of us in railway building in the beginning. Bven Russia got a bet- ter start than we did. At the outset ‘we imported not only our locomotives and cars, but also the rails on which they were run and the men to run them, However, John Stevens, Peter Cooper, Evan Thomas, Matthias Bald- win and others changed all this and in their various fields laid the founda- tlons of a railway system which is to- day in dimensions and completeness far ahead of that of any other half a dozen countries in the world combined. —Leslie’s Weekly. The Franz Hals Museum In Holland. 01d Haarlem calls up the shadow of Franz Hals. The museum is verily a sanctuary to his memory. There the famous corporation pictures hang. One sees the members of the various guilds in the fullness of careless life, eating, drinking and merrymaking. Here Hals 1s'seen at the height of his power. The splendid color and directness of work are a revelation. Every figure seems alive, and one is convinced they were all in the flesh once. This great mas- ter with one bold stroke of his brush made these men immortal. At eighty years he still painted, and his last pic- ture hangs beside his masterpieces. Haarlem and Hals will be associated as long as the place lasts. One mar- vels at the execution of the Dutch painters, whether it be in the broad work of Hals or in the miniature finish of the genre masters. All of them had a splendid sense of values, atmosphere and human life; a perfect harmony of relation fills their canvases.—Spring- field (Mass.) Republican. Unconquerable. It was a veteran soldiery that re- peopled the plantations and the home- steads of thc' south, writes Thomas Nelson Page in the Old Dominion, and withstood the forces thrown against them during the pericd of reconstruc- tlon. In addition to personal pride, self rellance and physical courage, they possessed also race pride, which Is inestimable in a great popular strug- gle. However beaten and broken they were, the people came out of the war with their spirit unquenched and a be- lef that they were unconquerable, A story used to be told of an old Confederate soldler who was trudging home after the war, broken and rag- ged and worn. He was asked what he would.do if the Yankees got after him when he reached home. “Oh, they ain’t goin’ to trouble me,” he said. “If they do I'll just whip ’em again.” Cold and a Candle. Dr. Moss of the English polar expe- dltion of 1875 and 1876, among other odd things, tells of the effect of cold on a wax candle which he burned. The temperature was 35 degrees below zero, and the doctor must have been considerably discouraged when, upon looking at his candle, he discovered that the flame had all it could do to keep warm. It was so cold that the flame could not melt all the wax of the candle, but was forced to eat its way down the candle, leaving a sort of skeleton of the candle standing, There was heat enough, however, to melt oddly shaped holes in the thin walls of wax, and the.result was a beautiful lacelike cylinder of white, with a tongue of yellow flame burning inside of it and sending out into the dark- ness many streaks of light. Siege of Crete. Crete can claim to have been the scene of one of the longest sieges on record, longer than the slege of Troy, for in the seventeenth century it took the Turks more than twenty years to capture its capital city. The island, in fact, is famous for protracted military operations, for, though the revolution of 1821 was speedily successful in the open country, the fortified towns were still uncaptured when the powers in- tervened in 1830. Awkward For the Aeronaut. ~ An element of humor characterized one of Mr. Spencer’s Indian experi- ences. ‘One day, after making a para- chute descent, his balloon, traveling on, came down among some fisher folk, who promptly unpicked the net to use for fishing lines and cut up the balloon to make waterproof clothing'— London Captain. Humility and Vanity. It is the humble man that advances. He recognizes his imperfections and sirives to improve. HIs progress is the result of his knowledge of self. The vain, conceited, arrogant man stands still. A Rule of Auto Etiquette. No gentleman will take another man’s automobile out in the country and blow it into such small pieces that it cannot be removed to a repair shop. —Chicago Record-Herald. Quite Obvious, A needle has only one eye, but it looks sharp just the same.—London Family Herald. 2 Dramatic Note. . There’s nothing makes a man feel queerer than to have his. wife describe play to him all wrong when he can’t correct her because he told her he didn’t go to it the night he worked late at the office.—New York Press. > One Cure.- “I believe I'll rock the boat” de- clared the man in the stern. “Don’t do it,” advised his compan- lon. “It might discharge this unloaded pistol T have in my jeans.”—Loulsyille Courler-Journal Food and Emotion. The following really happened on board a pleasure steamer in the Kyles of Bute. A young honeymoon couple were sitting side by side gazing on the lovely scenery around them, “Isn’t it heavenly, George?” she mur- mured. “I feel thrills all over me.” Then without a pause, as if still car- ried away by the inspiration of the moment, “Dearest, if there are any left I think I would like a chocolate.” No good reason exists why spiritual emotions should not make one hungry. The bride who demanded sweets was wiser than a girl who once remained starving and ‘inconsolable in her room after the departure of her lover for India, At last an amateur Hebe ven- tured upstairs with a cup of coffee and a plate of toast. Yielding to per- suasion, the afflicted malden was in- duced to eat and drink and began to look somewhat less dejected. “I believe I was dying for something all .the time,” she finally confessed, “but I was afraid to ask lest people would believe me to be less unhappy #han I really am.”—London Black and White, = A Tribute to Sauerkraut, ~ Those Americans who have visited Munich know well the noble statue at the head of the Kartoffelsaladstrasse, raised by grateful Bavaria to the mem- ory of St. Hermann of Pllsen, in- ventor and protagonist of sauerkraut. The genial old saint, a smilé upon his face, 1s seen stirring a large kettle of kraut with an oar of gilt bronze, and 8o lifelike is the carving that the trav- eler, standing by, can well nigh scent the perfumed steam and hear the flut- ter of angelic wings. In these unro- mantic United States we have no pub- He monuments to Hermann, and his very name indeed is unknown to all save a few cognoscentl, But neverthe- less and notwithstanding this neglect the delicious victual he gave to the world is firmly enshrined in the hearts of the American people. Stewed gen- tly in Rhine wine, it tickles the esoph- agl of the opulent; boiled in plain hydrant water, it nourishes the son of toil. It is at once a viand, a passion and a pubdlic institution.—Baltimore Sun. Scared Out of the Duel. One day M. Edmond About called upon Grisier, the most celebrated fenc- ing master of his day. “I am in a quandary,” said About. “I allowed myself yesterday the pleasure of a joke in bad taste, and a duel is to be the result. I know nothing whatever about fencing, and, as you can see, 1 am fat. Will you give me a lesson, so that I may not make myself too ridicu- lous?” The lesson was given, but About proved a very poor pupll. On his way out he saw a photograph of Grisfer. “I suppose,” he sald, “I must not ask you for one of these?’” “With the greatest pleasure,” said the fencing master. And, with a chuckle, Grisier wrote across the photograph, “To M. Edmond About, the best pupil I have ever had.” A few hours afterward the seconds of About’s adversary called on the writer, saw the photograph on the mantelplece and, fearing for their friend at the hands of so redoubtable 2 swordsman, arranged the affair with- out any duel. How Henry Irving Wanted to Die. “What have I got out of it?” sald Henry, stroking his chin and smiling slightly. “Let me see. Well, a good clgar, a good glass of wine, good friends”— Here he kissed my hand with courtesy. Always he was so courteous—always his actlons, like this little one of kissing my hand, were B0 beautifully timed. They came just before theé spoken words and gave them peculiar value. “That’s not a bad summing up of it all,” I said. - “And the end—how would you like that to come?” ¥ “How would I like that to come?” He repeated my question lightly, yet meditatively too. Then he was silent for some thirty seconds before he snap- ped his fingers—the action again be- fore the words. “Like that!” — Ellen Terry in Mec- Clure’s Magazine. Microbes. “Speaking of the ark,” he said, “I saw a little boy at play with his Noah's ark the other day. I watched him put aboard all the people, all the painted animals, and then I saw him place carefully in a sheltered spot two tiny splinters of wood. “‘What are they, my son? I asked. “‘Them’s microbes,’ said he. - “It had never occurred to me before, but there must of course have been a pair of microbes in the ark.””—Har. per’s Weekly, The Honest Way. “Money? Pooh!” exclaimed a suc- cessful financler . contemptuously. “There are a hundred ways of making money.” “Ah, but only one honest way!” pro- tested his companion, “What’s that?” “Um! I thought you wouldn't know.” ~—London Telegraph. Indulgent. “I have such an Indulgent husband,” sald little Mrs. Doll. “Yes, so George says,” responded Mrs. Spiteful. - “Sometimes indulges a little too much, doesn’t he?’—London Tit-Bits. Sweeping. “That is a sweeplng argumient,” re- marked a husband whose wife used a broom to convince him that he ought to have been home several hours pre- viously, i The weeping at a wedding is never as real as that ‘which sometimes comes afterward.—Atchison Globe. At Home. “He was perfectly at home at the banquet.” > “Why, he didn’t have a word to say.” “Well, that's being perfectly at home for him.”—Houston Post. Won a Smile. Attractive Young Lady—I should like “The Wide, Wide World.” Chivalrous Bookseller—Were it mine, miss, 1 ‘would willingly giye it to you—Path- finder. 2 = None knows the welght of anothers e i ea WANTS ONE CENT A WORD. HELP WANTED. WANTED—Good dining-room girl. Inquire at Bereman Cafe. FOR SALE. P AN AN NSNS FOR SALE—One dark bay mare ten years old and one light bay horse twelve years old. Team weighs 3000 lbs. Wagon and harness go with team. ’Phone 361. EOR SALE—Rubber stamps. The Pioneer will Pprocure any kind of a rubber stamp’ for you an short notice. 2 FOR . SALE—Three good milch {cows. Inquire of J. M. Phillippi at the county poor farm. FOR SALE—Horses, harness, sleds, at my barn in rear of postoffice block. S. P. Hayth. —_— _ FOR RENT. D RSSO FOR RENT—Large furnished room down stairs. Callat419 America Ave. . MISCELLANEOUS. Ao r o PUBLIC LIBRARY—Open Tues days, Thursdays and Saturdays 2:30 to 6 m.; and Saturday evening 7:30 to 9 p. m. also. Library in basement of Court House. Mrs. Harriet Campbell librarian. WANTED—A position to do general house work. Address, Miss Betty Jacobson, Bemidji, Minn., care of John Stohl. YOU OWE it to your family; a means of instant, certain and inexpensive communication wita the outside world. Order the Northwestern Ghe PIONEER Delivered to your door every evening Only 40c¢ ‘per