Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, January 14, 1909, Page 2

THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER PUBLIEHED BVNRY ATTERNOON, BEMIDJI PIONEER PUBLISHING CO. By CLYDE J.”PRYOR. ®ntered in the postofice at Bemidii. Minn., a8 second class matter. SUBSCRIPTION---$5.00 PER ANNUM “NICKERS” GETTING BUSY. Criticism of the legislature is al- ready being sent out to the country papers by some of the “correspond- ence bureaus” established in St. Paul for the session. Nothing could be more unfair. Not a single member of either branch has had a chance as vet to demonstrate whether he is saint or sinner and yet we are told by these correspondents that ‘‘the people must be extremely watchful” if this or that thing is to be done this winter. These writers would convict be- fore the commission of any crime. If the legislature does not on the opening day correct every existing evil it is evidence of corruption gone rampant. A body of men repre- senting sixty-three districts, each having seperate interests and de- mands distinct from the other, are expected to get together in a few days on eyery proposition that comes up. Less would be expected of a board charged with the running of a country tow mill. If members of the legislature violate their pledges to the people they should be criticised—as they most always are—but the stamp of disapproval should be placed on the senseless and unfair criticisms sent out by some disgruntled place- hunter or itchy palmed grafter. It is inconceivable that respected men, elected by the people under the direct primary law, should turn rascals the minute they reach St. Paul. And if these critics who are out with the openly avowed inten- tion of “raising h—I1l” with some- body don’t overreach themselves in the besmirching process, we miss our guess. Queen Caroline’s Pastime. Queen Caroline, wife of King George IV. of England, with whom she was on the worst possible terms, is de- gcribed In “The Diary of a Lady In Waiting,” written by Lady Charlotte Bury. The queen seems to have tried witcheraft on the king. Lady Char- lotte writes on one occasion: “After dlnner her royal highness made a wax figure, as usual, and gave it an amia- ble addition of large horns, then took three pins out of her garments and stuck them through and through and put the figure to roast and melt at the fire. If it was not too melancholy to have to do with this, I could have dled of laughing. She indulges in this amusement whenever there are no strangers at the table, and some think her royal highness really has a super- stitious belief that destroying this ef- figy of her husband wiil bring to pass the destruction of his royal person. ‘What a silly plece of spite! Yet it is impossible not to laugh when one sees it done.” Just Like a Lazy Man. An elderly gentleman, who would rather sleep late than eat the most at- tractive breakfast, was leisurely wend- ing his way toward the subway when he was accosted by a breathless wo- man. “Oh, mister, a lot of toughs are beat- Ing a hurdy gurdy man to death. Can't you help?”’ “Where?” “Right around the please come with me!” The late sleeper peered through his gold rimmed glasses at the complaln- ant and asked: “Is he a very big hurdy gurdy man?" “Oh, no, sir! He's a very small man.” “Then surely, my good woman, they can’t need any help from me.”—New York Press. corner. Oh. Doomsday Book. The Doomsday Book is a British institution. It Is a book of the gen- eral survey of England, commenced in the reign of William I. (the Con- queror), about 1080, some say about 1086. It was intended to be a “regls- ter to determine the right in the ten- ure of estates, to discover the extent of any man’s land, to fix his homage and to settle the question of the mili- tary ald he was bound to furnish.” Won Every Time. “Have you ever loved and lost?" sighed the swain. “Nope,” responded the maiden promptly. “I've won every breach of promise suit I ever brought.”—Cleve- land Leader. Amusing. N Hiram Greene—What did your sis- ter say when you told her I was going to make a speech In the town hall to- night? Willle—She didn't say nothin’. She just laughed till she bad hyster- 1es! His Sweet Voice. He—Did you hear me singing under your window last night? I hope your father didn’t bear it? She—Yes, he dld. But you needn’t worry. He thought it was the cats.—Stray Storles, *y Now They Don't Speak. Mary—Do you think It would be con- ceited for me to,tell mysfriends that I made this dress myself? Edith— Not conceited, my dear<superfluous. A wise man contents himself with floing as much good as his situation luo‘va him to do.—Lord Bollugbroke, "7 'Did the Bast He Knew. Geordle Horn was a character well known among the country folk of the Bcotch highlands twenty-flve years ago. He belonged to a cliss rather hard to classify, for he was neither a tramp nor a farm hand, although frequently following the habits of both. Wan: dering from farm to farm, the greater part of the time he was kindly treated and hospitably entertalned generally. While he was a man of unusual strength, he was mentally weak and exceedingly lady. “He's a gie cute chiel, though slow in the uptack” (understanding), was the way a good many described him. One day he arrived at his friend the doctor’'s and complained of a severe pain in his breast. The doctor handed him a plaster, with instructions to put it on his chest without delay. Geordie gave him one of his knowing looks #nd took his departure. The doctor met him a few days later and inquired how he was feeling now. Geordie re- plied, “Nae better.”” “Did you do as I told you with the plaster?” the doctor went on. “Weel, no, not exactly. I done the best I could. I didn't have a chest, sae I stuck it on my bandbox” (hat box). An Expensive Dolla Not long ago in this town a kind friend of the family gave one of the kids a dollar. Of course it was too much to let the kid get out and spend for candy and gum, so it was reli- glously put up on the sideboard or some other safe place to be kept—just for what the deponent saith not. In about a week the juvenile owner of the big round coin remarked at the breakfast table, “Papa, mamma spent my dollar yesterday.” The head of the house took the hint and fished up another dollar, which, like its prede- cessor, was placed in a good safe place to keep. During the next month by a careful- ly tabulated record which he kept on his cuff he repaid this elusive dollar Just thirteen times. So at the end of the month you will not be surprised to learn that our friend sent the donor of the original dollar this curt note: Dear Sir—Inclosed you will find a check for $1. It's the dellar you gave our oungster. I return it simply to avold ankruptey. Already it has cost me some- where between fifteen and twenty. —Lamah (Mo.) Democrat. Dollar Fish. “Have you any dollar fish here?’ a woman asked of one of the attendants at the aquarium. While the question may seem curi- ous, it was really very stmple, for the dollar fish is only a young moonfish. The moonfish is a curlous but beau- tiful creature, almost round in shape and extremely thin and having the loveliest of pearly sides. It swims on edge, so that it always presents its sldes of pearl to view. It takes Its name from its shape and because, further, in color 1t suggests the silvery moon. Young moonfish of the size of a standard silver dollar—and they are scarcely any thicker—are called dollar fishes because of their resemblance to that coin In size and shape and color, and the woman making the inquiry about dollar fishes was duly informed that there was none in the tanks at the present time, but that they did have them occasionally. —New York Sun. Three Sabbaths Each Week In Tangier. Moracco is a country of many Sab- baths. The first three days I spent in Tangler were all Sabbaths. Arriving on a Thursday night, the next day was Friday, the Mohammedan Sabbath, which was followed by the Jewish Sabbath—the Hebrew element in Tan- gler is considerable and strict in re- ligious observance—and that in turn by the Christian Sunday. Subsequent comparison, however, revealed little difference between any days of the week. On the Mohammedan Sabbath a black flag is holsted on the minarets at the prayer of dawn, instead of the white flag that announces the time of devotions on other days. It remains up until the middle cf the forenoon, by which time everybody 1s supposed to have found out what day it is— New York Post. The Word “Charlatan.” “Charlatan,” says a writer in the London Chronicle, “Is companion to ‘quack’ in our vocabulary, and of this word the origin is certalnly Italian. It is ‘clarlatano,’ merely a chatterer, and describes the traveling doctor in his cart who used to offer in an over- whelming torrent of talk his pills to villagers in the market place. He was a dentist as well as a physician and ‘wrenched out the tooth in public. The genus {8 not yet entirely extinct.” A Word Breaker. “Fine. looking old gentleman.” “Yes, but he was never known to glve & man his word that he did not break it.” “Dishonest, eh?” “Nope; he stutters.”—Houston Post. Dignity and Ignorance. “So you have decided to call in an- other doctor?” “I have,” was the reply. “The ab- surdity of the man prescribing linseed tea and mustard plasters for people of our position!” A Noble Parent. In writing a sketch of Washington 2 pupll ended her essay by saying, “Washington married a famous belle, Martha Custls, and in due time be- came the Father of His Country.”— Delineator. Kind words are benedictions. They are not only instruments of power, but of benevolence and courtesy, blessings both to the speaker and hearer of them.—Frederick Saunders. Too Much of It. Greene—How does it happen that you don’t trade at Cleaver’s any more? You used to brag about the niee cuts of meat he always sent you. Is it because he wouldn't give you credit? Gray—On the contrary, it 1s because ha did.—Bos- ton Transcript. Tommy’s Lesson. Tommie—But, mamma, fingers were made before forks. Mamma—Yes, my boy, and dirt was made before ple, but you prefer ple, don’t you, Tommie? —Yonkers Statesman. S 7T The Chinese Hoe. The Chinese farmer stands second to aone in all the world. This is all the more remarkable since he has really so few implements with which to work the marvels he produces. His only im- plements are the hoe, the plow and the harrow. Beyond these the Chinese farmer never dreams of desiring any other. The first of these tools seems never to be out of his hands, for it is the one upon which he relles the most and s his most effective implement. It really takes the place of the spade in England, though the latter is never put to such extensive and general uses as the hoe. The Chinaman can do any- thing with it but make it speak. A farmer well on in years can easily be recognized amidst a number of work- ingmen by the curve his hands have taken from holding the hoe in the many years of toll in hls fields. With it, 1f he 1s a poor man 2nd has no oxen to plow the ground, he turns up the soll where he is going to plant his crops, and with it he deftly and with a turn of his wrist levels out the sur face so that it is made ready for the seed. With a broad bladed hoe he dips to the bottom of a stream or of a pond. draws up the soft mud that has gath- ered there and, with a dexterous swing, flings the dripping hoeful on to his fleld nearby to increase its richness by this new deposit.—London King. Extract of Knowledge. An article on “Examination Humor” in a periodical called Normal Hchoes contains some good “howlers.” They are none the less interesting for com- ing from students in training for teach- ers. A criticism of William Blake that “as a child he was precoclous in po- etry, but in later years it developed Intc dogmatism,” is a lesson in the art of being Inarticulate, while the remark that “the works of the time were most- 1y satyrs” is quaint, though obvious. Of course there is boggling over proper names. There is nothing, indeed, so good as the description of Cromwell as “a man with coarse features and having a large red nose, with deep re- ligious convictions beneath,” or the case of the “lapsed man” who, having by way of exception attended church, admitted to the rector’s wife that he had benefited, for he had learned that Sodom and Gomorrah were two citles, ‘whereas he had always thought they were man and wife. — Manchester Guardian. Fat and Disease. If the Medical Record is right, man is pursuing in the matter of bodily weight what is bad for him, a common trick, and woman pines for a physical ideal that would mean long life If achieved, something rare indeed for women to do. Most men struggle to be fat. Most women diet to be lean. Dr. Brandreth Symonds draws from a study of life insurance weights that people past the age of thirty live long- er if below normal weight than they do if at or above standard. Heart dis- ease is as rare among the underfat as it 1s common with the heavy folk, and this is true also of Bright's disease, apoplexy, paralysis, cerebral conges- tions and cirrhosis of the liver. Only In pneumonia and tuberculosis do the underweights carry a greater risk. In all the cases which he examined Dr. Symonds found not a single fat man who reached the age of eighty years, while forty-four short weights passed this mark. The Best Pride. A titled Englishman while in New- port talked most entertainingly to a group of ladies about ancestral pride. “Aucestral pride is an excellent thing,” he sald, “but there are better things. We have long felt in Great Britain that there are better things. I heard the sentiment rather neatly ex- pressed last season by a duchess. Hers is a great family, but she was talking to a young marquis whose family is incomparably greater. He 18 a rather worthless, lazy, dissipated young mar- quis, and he boasted to the duchess about his people. “‘I am very proud of my ancestry, you know,’ he ended. “‘Yes,’ saild the duchess, ‘and you have cause to be, but I wonder how your ancestry would feel about you? ” Half a League. The class had just finished reciting “The Charge of the Light Brigade.” “Now,” sald the teacher, “can any one present tell me the meaning of those words, ‘Half a league? ” Up shot the hand of Thomas Jones, aged eleven, football captain and in- domitable fullback. “Please, sir, it means they couldn’t get enough clubs to make up the full league.” Some one had blundered.—London Answers. Not a Bargain. “Do you think that Miss Kidder was having fun with me?” asked Chawlie. “Well, old chap, give me the detalls,” was Awthur’s response. “You see, I had my bull terrier with me, and I said to her, “That dog knows as much as I do’” And she said, ‘Don’t you think $4.50 was too much to pay for him? ”—Cleveland Leader. The Right Bone. “Fred, dear, I feel it in my bones that you are going to take me to the theater tonight.” “Which bone, darling?” “I'm not sure, but I think it's my wishbone!”—Kansas City Independent. Apprehensive, The Heiress—I want to be loved for myself. Count de Broke (apprehen- sively)—My dear lady, is there any pos- sibility of this being a case of mistak- en identity ?—Illustrated Bits. Suspicion always haunts the gullty mind.—Shakespeare. Snapped It Out. “Dear, am I the only woman you have ever loved?’ “Yes, or ever will.” And 1t must have been the way he sald it that made her mad. Her Little 8lip. Guest—We've had a sim- ply delightful time! Hostess—I'm s0 glad. At the same .time I regret that the: storm kept all our but pooph wm—&wm "Biundoers of ths Types. Ever since the introduction of type- setting errors, weird or comical, have emanated fram printers’ offices. The mistakes are not always to be shoul- dered on to the compositor, for bad homdwriting { must be taken into ac- count. Here are a few instances of aptual | blunders collected by a proof- neader'in the course of his daily worl “His 'blushing bride” was transform- «d Into “his blustering bride.” A major was stated to have “gerved with destruction in.the army.” The writer thought he used:the word “dis- tinction.” “The Galley I Love™ was the descrip- tlon of a picture entitled “The Galley Slave.” Speaking of theatrical folk, a critic wrote that “nearly all have husbands or wives.” The paragraph printed read “hundreds of wives.” “They safled for three days around the cape and finally slaughtered a small Palian” should have been “gighted a small island.” One more in conclusion. “He takes delight in talking on his family shame” was a shameful thing to say when “favorite theme” was meant. Y, Only a Salute. “One of our early lawyers had a murder case to defend,” sald a Mon- tana official, “and he had a hard case. ‘When it came time to sum up he asked permission to take a recess for ten minutes, and during that ten minutes he went over to the hotel to get an inspiration. When he came back he walked out in front of the jury and sald: ‘As regards to this case, this i the greatest country on which the sun ever shone, We are the greatest peo- ple. We have the greatest destiny. ‘Why, gentlemen, every time one of the ships of our glorious navy sails into the ports of the world with the stars and stripes flying every ship of that power and every ship of every other power fires a salute from great can- non in her honor, and, gentlemen of the jury, if you listen to what the seoundrelly opposition of this man has to say you are about to incarcerate in prison or hang, by the neck my poor, unfortunate client simply because he on one occasion fired one small revolver shot at a man who unfortunately died on that occasion.”—Saturday Evening Post. The Editor on Cal ness. “Yes,” said the editor as he put his gum brush into the ink bottle and tried to paste on a clipping with his pen, “yes, the great fault of newspaper con- tributors is carelessness. “Indeed,” he continued as he drop- ped the copy he had been writing into the wastebasket and marked “Edito- rial” across the corner of a poem enti- tled “An Ode to Death,” “contributors are terribly careless. “You would be surprised,” said he as he clipped out a column of fashion notes and labeled them “Farm,” “to see the slipshod writing that comes into the editorial sanctum. “Misspelled, unpunctuated, written on both sides of the sheet, illegible, un- grammatical stuff. Contributors are terribly careless. They are”— Just then the office boy came in with that dictatorial and autocratic manner he has and demanded more copy, and the editor handed him the love letter he had just written to his sweetheart. —London Globe. A Threo Legged Bison. In 1867 Small Eyes, a Blackfoot who had come down from the north and Joined the Arapahoes and lived with them, told Black Kettle, a Cheyenne in George Bent’s lodge, about having killed, between the Cimarron and Beaver creek, a tributary of the north fork of the Canadlan, a buffalo bull ‘which had only one hind leg. Accord- ing to Small Eyes’ story, it did not ap- pear that the bull had lost one of its hind legs, but rather that it never had had more than one. The hind leg was very large, seemed to be in the mid- dle of the body instead of at one side, and there was no sign of any missing leg. It looked as if the two hind legs which the buffalo ordinarily has had 1in some way fused together. The war party with which Small Eyes was traveling was passing along near a hollow when the bull came up out of it, and some of the men ran ahead, got around it and shot it with a gun. It was not able to run fast, but rather hobbled along.—Forest and Stream. Waking a Deaf Person. “To waken a deaf person who wishes to be called at a certain hour is about the hardest proposition a hotel clerk runs up against,” said & member of that genial fraternity. “To ring the telephone is useless because the man couldn’t hear if. you rang until dooms- day. Knocking, for the same reason, ig equally futile, Now and then a guest who has lost his hearing suggests that he leave Lis door open all night so we ean walk right In and shake him, but even though he does appear to be a dead game sport there are so many chances of somebody else less’ guileless than ourselves walking in ahead of us that we cannot consent to that. So far the only satisfactory way found for waking a deaf lodger is to tle a string to his wrist, pass the string through the keyhole and then tug away at it at the appointed time. That method, however, is rather primitive. It seems to me that the man who can patent a harmless artistic device for waking the deaf 1s sure of fame and fortune, not to mention the gratitude of hotel cler] —New York Sun. Saved by a Photograph. A very remarkable incident occurred at Rio de Janeiro. A passenger on board ome of the large liners took a photograph of the harbor. It included a small yacht which had sailed in the morning with two men in her, but returned in the evening with one only. The survivor sald his companion had fallen over- board, but his statement was not be- lieved. He was tried and sentenced to death. The matter had by this time come to the ears of the photographer, ‘who remembered that the picture had been taken on the day of the “crime” (or accident) and that the scene em- braced a yacht. On examining the print more carefully he noticed a small speck on the sail and in order to de- termine what it was had an enlarge- ment made. It proved to be the figure of a man falling. It was shown to the authorities at once, and the condemned man was released. Dropsical Oysters. ‘With a sneer the oyster opener point- ed to a brownish smear upon a Saddle Rock shell. “Some fool,” said he, “has been try- ing to fatten up a batch of Saddle Rocks with cornmeal. You might as well try to invigorate flowers with corned beef hash. But it is a common error to believe that cornmeal or oat- meal will fatten oysters. I continually find oysters with their shells stained ‘with those grains. It makes me laugh. As a matter of fact, there is no such thing &s fattening oysters. All you can do is swell them up with water, pre- cisely the same as water swells a sponge. You put them in fresh water, which, being less dense than the soft they are accustomed to, by the princi- The Mullahs ndia. A mullah, or, as it {8 more properly written, mollah, 18 a title given in In- dia and throughout the east generally to a religious leader of any description. Thus the sultan of Turkey 1s a mol- 1ah, because he Is the supreme head of the moslem world. dreds of others. To most of the more conspicuous among them we prefix the adjective “mad.” - This, however, must not be taken to mean that they are insane, the word being used rather in its orlental significance of “inspired.” The person of the mollah is sacred. Not even the mighty Habibullah him- self would care to lay a sacrilegioys finger on one of these saintly persom- ages. If he were to venture such an unheard of thing, vengeance would surely overtake him. For it is the cardinal principle of the Ulima—as the mollahs are collectively termed— that an injury purposely caused toone of their number can only be atoned for by the death of the individual in- fleting it. 51 Greatest Danger to Swimmers, “It isn’t cramp,” said a life guard, “that carries off so many good swim~ mers. After all, what is a leg or arm cramp? Could’t a good swimmer easily turn on his back and float till the attack departed? No, cramp won't account for the strange seizures that in a twinkling tyrn a very fish of .a swimmer into a helpless, speechless, drowning paralytic. What accounts for this business is water inhaling. A swimmer inhales spray through the nostrils, it passes through the pharynx, behind the epiglottis or windpipe guard and so down into the windpipe. The result is nearly certain death. Swal- lowing water does you no harm, but breathing it may kill you. How to avoid accidentally breathing it, though, that is a question nobody seems able to answer.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. lce and For horses suffering from l.nflamml- ton of the lungs an old prescription was a mixture of shot and powder in milk. This has even been applied to human beings. In “Idlehurst” mentlon 18 made of sparrow shot, five or six to the dose, to be taken twice a day, as & remedy for “brown kiters,” which s believed by the English farm laborers to be caused by the “lights” (their term for lungs) rising up the windpipe. The shot is supposed to weight them down In their rightful place. Sussex, England, is the scene of “Idlehurst.” It was a Sussex woman who was or- dered by the doctor to put some ice in a bag and bind it on the temples of her sick boy. Inquiring after his patient the next day, the physiclan recelved the reply, “Oh, Tommy’s better, but the mice are dead!” Ohnlpu . Servant—Please, sir, missus wants you to send for the plumber, ’cos she’s dropped her diamond ring down the bath pipe. Mr.. Nuriche—Tell your mistress not to be ridiculous. I'll buy her another diamond ring! — London Malil. Snow fell in Europe for forty days In 1434, TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY, Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets. m(lsr.s refund money if it fails tocure. W. GROVE'S signature is on each box.£2c5. And there are hun- | S9%Y. Beware of Otntmm- lnr Clilfrll thatContain as mercury will surelg destroy the sense of = smell and wmnlewly ennke 'fhe ‘whole sys- tem when ent through the mucous ¥ surfaces, Such nmclea should never be used e except on prescriptions from reputable phy- siclans. a5 tho damage they do lsten fold you can possibly derive from them. Haf SOstareh Cure, manufnctured by ¥ 3. o. .. contains nomer- crnaily. acting directly Snd mucous surfaces of the system. In buying Blll‘l Catarrh Cure be sure Yoll Zet the genuine. Itis taken intern- go.nn made in Toledo, O., by F. J. Cheney & Testimonials ll’ee Sold by druggists, ice 75¢ per bottle. Take Hall's Flmlly Pflls for eonnlmblon Want Ads | FOR GRENTING A PROPERTY, SELL- 3 ING A BUSINESS OR CBTAINING HELP ' ARE BEST. Pioneer GAR-GOL An sbsolute specific and anti-septiq preparation for all kinds of SORE THROAT SIMPLY A MRGL! OR SPRAY hnm%fin % an( PURIFYING H[lLIliI SODTHING HARMLESS the most eminent throat specialisty in the oount ould be kept in every home. BERG MEDICINE CO., OWL DRUG STORE Des Aetnes, Ine ] R ple of osmosis penetrates and distends their tissues—gives them, as you might say, dropsy. For my part, I don’t like fattened oysters.”—New Orleans Times- Democrat. For a Bride’s Dowry. There 18 a very pretty custom in some of the northern parts of Europe. There the white poplar In good sofl increases a shilling in value every year. The trees are generally cut down at the age of twenty years, as they are then supposed to have attained their full growth. When a daughter is born in the family of a well to do farmer the father as soon as the sea- son permits plants a thousand young treés, and these are to constitute the dowry of the maiden, “which grow as she grows and increases in height and value as her virtues and beauty in« crease.” Out to Work. “What soclety needs is a clearing house.” “What do you mean?’ “I wish I dido’t have to go to the Van Squawks’:ball next week. The Van Squawks wish they didn’t have to ask me. Why can’t we exchange certificates and call the thing even?’ —Kansas City Journal. Why He Barked. A witness in an Irish court talked so loud that Charles Philips, who, K was counsel on the other side, said, “Fel- low, why do you bark so furiously?’ “Because,” sald the man, looking hard at Philips, “I think I see a thief!” Retribution. Tommy—Pop, what is retribution? Tommy’s Pop—Retribution, my son, is something that we are sure will even- tually overtake other people.—Phila- delphia Record. Posted Him. Ho (valnly)—See that sweet little gir] In pink? T was engaged to her the whole of last summer. Stranger (eager- 1y)—Very glad to hear it. I am the lawyer she’s commissioned to sue you for breach of promln. Lusty. Bhopkeeper—Is there anything else I can send you, sir? What would you #ay to a plece of this cheese? Custom- er~I wouldn’t éare to say anything toit It mlchtmwermohuh Typewriter Ribbons The'Pioneer keeps on hand all the standard makes of Tyvpewriter Ribbons, uniform price of 75 cents for all ribbons except the two- and three-color ribbons and special makes. at the