Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, January 5, 1909, Page 2

{ i i H { ] 1 i 2 conss THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER PUBLISHND NVERY AFTERROON, BEMIDJI PIONEER PUBLISHING CO. By CLYDE J.' PRYOR. ‘Euntered in the postofice at Bemidji. Minn., a8 second class matter. SUBSCRIPTION---$5.00 PER ANNUM SHOULD REDUCE EXPRESS RATES. A matter that should not be lost sight of by the people, and espec- ially the country newspaper man and country merchant, is the regu- lation of the rates of express com- panies. For instance, the maximum rate within a given radius for 100 pounds is 45 cents, but any sort of a charge under 45 cents, for any weight under 100 pound. It seems plain' that the legislature should take cognizance of the situation and force express companies’and other public service corporations to give the people the relief needed. "7 A Prohibited Weapon. : Every traveler knows that there are certain restrictions upon the introdue- tion of arms into foreign countries. Among the weapons which it Is forbid- den to take into France is the “trom- blon,” which is expressly mentioned in the Bengal code as a weapon the carry- ing and sale of which are not allowed. And yet the “tromblon” is not a fire- arm which is commonly used now- adays, for it is nothing else than the blunderbuss, a weapon which old cari- catures show to have been carried by the guards of coaches as a protection against highwaymen and to have been hung over his fireplace by John Bull at the time of the scare of a Napoleonic invasion a hundred years ago. The blunderbuss had a flintlock, a short barrel and a muzzle like a trumpet, the bell mouth being designed to scatter the slugs with which the primitive plece was charged. Any one who buys one at an old curiosity shop had better take care how he introduces it into France, for the penalty for doing so is a fine of 200 francs.—London Chron- icle. Took His Joke Seriously. ‘A funny incident occurred aboard me of our big battleships. While at inchor off some large city a delega- tion of ladies representing the W. C. T. U. came aboard and were much in- terested in all they saw. One of the visitors, spying the chit box for the wine mess, which wag fastened up in the ward room, inquired what it was. A young officer, being facetiously in- clined and not for one moment suppos- ing that his joke would be taken seri- ously, told her it was a box for foreign missions and that the oficers were al- ways glad to have all those who came aboard contribute. Nothing more was thought of the matter till the end of the month, when the box was opened and, to the astonishment of all, was found to contain $12.30. The dilemma ‘was overcome by sending a check for the amount, together with a letter of explanation, to the secretary of the navy requesting that he have it for- warded through the proper channel to the cause for which it was contrib- uted.—Army and Navy Life. Interpreting a Gift. A Philadelphia man sent as a pres- ent to his son and daughter-indaw a gold eagle and with it the following letter: “The woman on the face of this coln is for you, Clarence, because men usually like good looking women. The eagle on the reverse, with the feathers on its legs, is for Lottle, because wo- men are supposed to like birds and feathers. “The ‘E Pluribus Unum, which you know 1is translated ‘One of Many,’ means that of the many of them you ‘would like to have this is the only one you get. “The thirteen stars, belng an un- lucky number. indicate the hard luck many of us have in our efforts to gath- er In the quantity of these coins we really have need for, but, then, the forty-six stars around the rim tell you that by working like ‘forty’ six days tn the week you can probably accumu- late enough to see you through.”— Philadelphia Ledger. ' Vain Pride. “Well, how do you think this looks?” asks Mr. Binderby, coming into his wife's boudoir while she is arranging her coiffure. “How does what look?” she inquires in tones that are muffled by some hair- pins she has between her lips. “I got this toupee to cover my bald spot. I'm always catching cold and”— “Why, John James Binderby! The very ideal” she exclaims. “I thought you were a man who was above such petty vanity. When a man becomes 80 self consclous of his looks it has really a suspicious appearance.” Whereupon Mr. Binderby takes off the toupee and combs the four long locks of hair over his bald spot, and his wife continues to pin on the per- fectly lovely puffs that so enhance her beauty.—Chicago Post. The Romans Invented Horsepower. The Romans, among whom agricul- ture was a highly favored occupation, Were an Invertive race, especially in the matter of labor saving machines, Recognizing the drudgery of hand mills, they invented those whose mo- tive power was imparted by asses, youles and oxen and introduced them into all the countries conquered by their victorious armies. There is no positive record of the mame of the originator of this improvement in Dates and Her Birth. Officer (investigating old age pension elaims)—Well, Mrs. Brady, and how old might you be? Mrs. Brady—Sorra wan of me knows, indeed, sor. Officer— Think, now. Don’t you know the date of your birth? gfrs. Brady—The date of my birth, is it? Sure, there was no such things as dates when I was born! -—London Punch, 5 5 “Knew His Limitations. “I proph'sied he’d make a lving,” Mr. Hobart snid, speaking of a New York painter who spent a summer at his farm, “because he knew what he could do, little as ’twas, and didn’t try to fly too high. “Yes,” Mr. Hobart continued, with a thoughtful smlle, “you couldn’t get him to attempt any foolish flights. All that summer he set out in the hen yard, painting hens, or else out Wack o' the barn, painting pigs. And when I sald to him, ‘Look a-here, when Abe Fowler comes to paint the house I'll get him to show you how and let you take a hack at the side end, where ’twon’t show so much and allow it on your wvoard,’ he just shook his head and smiled that kind o’ gentle, sorrow- ful smile o’ his, and says he: ‘I couldn’t think of it, Mr. Hobart. I should just ruln the looks o' the house. I'll ke to the pigs and the hens, for I know my limitations.’ “Well, ’twas a real relief to me, for I suppose likely he would have botch- ed the job consid’able. And I said to him then real hearty, ‘Young man, you'll earn your living yet, for you ain’t all et up with pride and ambi- tion,” and my werds have come true, by what I hear.”—Youth’s Companion. The Retort Final. The garrulous old lady In the stern of the boat had pestered the guide with her comments and questions ever since they had started. Her meek lit- tle husband, who was bunched toad- like In the bow, fished in silence. The old lady seemingly exhausted every possible point in fish and animal life, ‘woodcraft and personal history when she suddenly espied one of those curl- ous paths of olly, unbroken water fre- quently seen on small lakes which'are ruffled by a light breeze. “Oh, guide, guide,” she exclaimed, “what makes that funny streak in the water? No, there—right over there!” The guide was busy rebaiting the old gentleman’s hook and merely mumbled, “U-m-mm. ” “Guide,” repeated the old lady in tones that were not to be denied, “look right over there where I'm pointing and tell me what makes that funny streak in the water.” The guide looked up from his bait- ing, with a sigh. “That? Oh, that's where the road went across the ice last winter.”— Everybody’s Magazine. Emerson's Memory. Emerson was a notable sufferer from the vagaries of memory. His biogra- pher relates that he met him one day in Boston apparently at a loss for something and asked him where he was going. “To dine,” said Emerson, “with a very old and dear friend. I know where she lives, but I hope she won’t ask me her name.” And then he proceeded to describe her as “the mother of the wife of the young man —the tall man—who speaks so well,” and so on, until his interlocutor guess- ed to whom he was referring. Even the names of common objects often fafled him completely. On one occa- slon when he wanted an umbrella he sald: “I can’t tell its name, but I can tell its history. Strangers take it away.” This failing of Emerson led to a pathetic scene when he attended Longfellow’s funeral and remarked as he gazed at the coffin, “He was a sweet and beautiful soul, but I have entirely forgotten his name.” Nero’s Golden House. The “golden house” of Nero seems from all accounts to have been the most stupendous dwelling place ever built for a mortal man. Even if we regard the anclent descriptions as somewhat exaggerated it remains one of the largest royal houses ever bullt, and the internal decorations seem to have been incomparably magnificent. It was surrounded by parks, woods and pools of great size, which appear to have been entirely within the walls. The colonnades of the house itself ex- tended a mile in length and crossed one of the maln thoroughfares of the city. The citles of the east were ran- sacked for masterpieces of Greek art for the interfor, The walls shone with gold and pearls, and the roof rested on marble columns of enormous size and beauty.—New York American. Not Bull Run. The story was told of an American ‘who happened to be crossing the ocean some years ago on the Fourth of July, which national holiday was celebrated with great enthusiasm by the Ameri- cans on board. “I say,” asked one of the English- men, “what is this the anniversary of anyhow? Isn't it to celebrate the bat- tle of Bull Run or something of that kind?” “No,” promptly spoke up an Ameri- can, “not Bull Run—John Bull Run.” Takes Him Down. “Every man has his price,” quoted the wise guy. “Well, I've noticed that a woman can generally make him feel pretty cheap,” added the simple mug.—Phila- delphia Record. A Wonderful Hand. Master—I'm sorry to hear, Pat, that your wife is dead. Patrick—Falth an’ 'tls a sad day for us all, sirl The hand that rocked the cradle has kick- ed the bucket. Fear and Danger. Nervous Old Lady (to deck hand on steamboat)—Is there any fear of dan- ger? Deck Hand (carelessly)—Plenty of fear, ma’am, but not a bit of dan- ger. The United States submarine tend- ers fly a flag with a black fish on a white background surrounded by a red border, At the End of the Voyage. Jonah disembarked. *The only trip I don’t have to tip the steward,” he exclaimed. Therewith he regarded the whale half approvingly.—New York Sun. to' be poor,” sighed the seedy pessimist, “That's queer,” replied the ragged optimist. “I always found it easy ‘enough.” —_— Successful gullt i3 the bane ef se- oL s s i A FTOTTCT Husbarids to Burn., T The elderly spinster in the rear of the drawing room car had no more than settled in her seat when her at~ tention was attracted to a woman a little farther front who was garbed in the deepest mourning. As Miss Spinster adjusted her nose grabber glasses for a better Inspection of the one in widow’s weeds she saw the conductor lean over and converse with her earnestly for several minutes. ‘When the conductor got back to her seat taking the passenger’s tlckets Miss Spinster was consumed with cu- rlosity about the woman in mourning. “Conductor,” she asked in her sweet- est tones, “what’s the trouble with the lady up there in widow’s weeds?’ “Oh, that’'s Mrs. Gettem!” 'replied the obliging conductor. - “She's just taking her third husband out to a crematory.” “Oh, how dreadful!” exclaimed Miss Spinster. And then in a faraway voice she added: “And just think of it! Here I am past fifty and never had a husband in my life, while that woman up there has them to burn!”"—New York Times. Strong Monosyllables. Instructors in the art of literary composition usually condemn a string of monosyllables, -but In the well known hymn “Lead, Kindly Light,” written by a master of the English languagé, you may count thirty con- secutive words of one syllable only. They offend neither the eye nor the ear. Milton often uses a series of mono- syllables. In the second book of “Par- adise Lost” we have: ‘The fiend O'er bog or steep, through strait, rough, dense or rare, With head, hands, wings or feet pursues his way And swims or sinks or wades or creeps or flies. Such lines are not uncommon in the book: Rocks, caves, lakes, fens, bogs, dens and shades of death. And again: Of neither sea nor shore nor air nor fire. —London Notes and Queries. Courtship In Ireland. An Irish boy marries when he has a rid house and an Irish girl just when she pleases. Sometimes she so pleases while yet her years are few; at other times she is content to wait upon wis- dom. In the latter case, of course, she makes a wise choice, but in the for- mer almost always a lucky one, for luck is the guardian angel of the Irish. “You're too young to marry yet, Mary,” the mother sald when Mary pleaded that she should grant Lau- rence O’Mahony a particular boon. “If you only have patience, mother, I'll cure meself of that fault,” was Mary’s reply. “And she’s never been used to work, Laurence,” the mother said to the sultor discouragingly. “If you only have patience, ma’am,” was Laurence’s reply to this, “I'll cure her of that fault.” And he did too.— Seumas MacManus in Lippincott’s. The Nervous Mother. An Atchison woman who is very nervous and inclined to worry is the mother of a boy.. She recently read of a boy who was killed while roller skating and immediately put her son’s roller skates in the fire. Another; newspaper told of a boy who was kill- ed riding the street cars, and as boys are frequently killed while walking by street cars running- over them she chained her boy to the front door. ‘Then she read of a boy who died of blood poisoning caused by his shoe rubbing his heel, and her boy’s shoes and stockings came off. The story of a boy who bit off a button on his walst and choked to death resulted in her taking off her boy’s clothes. He had left only a flannel shirt, and she is reading now that wearing flannel shirts is the cause of great mortality and is thinking of removing that.— Atchison Globe; The Bloom on the Egg. “I know these eggs at least are fresh,” said the young housewife. “As I took them from the basket a white bloom, like the down of a peach, came off on my hands.” Her husband, a food expert, gave a sneering laugh. “In that case,” he said, “T1l tarego my usual morning omelette. That bloom, my dear, proves your eggs to be a year or so old—maybe four or five years old. = “The bloom, as you so poetically call it, is lime dust. It shows that the eggs are pickled. Lime dust, which rubs off like flour, is the surest test we have for pickled eggs—a not une swholesome article, but not to be com- pared with the new laid sort.”—New, Orleans Times-Democrat. The Riddle. Here is a strange riddle which we have never met before. It is sent us by a friend from Jhansi, India: Divide 150 by o. Add two-thirds of 10. So ends the riddle. Here is the answer: CoLENSO. C—100. L—50. EN—two-thirds of TEN. S0O—ends the riddle.—London Scraps. Changeable Names. Tom—Belle s a strange girl, She doesn’t know the names of some of her best frlends. Maud—That's nothing. ‘Why, I don’t even know what my own will be a year from now.—Boston Transcript. The Process. “You are a pretty sharp boy, Tom- my” “Well, I ought to be. Pa takes me out in the wood shed and straps me three or four times a week.”—mr— per’s Weekly.' - At Home. “He was perfectly at home at the banquet.” “Why, he didn’t have a word to say.” “Well, that’s being perfectly at home for him.”—Houston Post. Won a 8mile. Attractive Young Lady—I should lke “The Wide, Wide World.” Chivalrous Bookseller—Were it mine, miss, 1 would willingly give it to you.—Path- finder. - None knows the welght of another’s g ‘When the Spanish war came upon us Commodore Dewey was at Hong- kong. The navy department had sent him no preliminary orders. He didn’t know anything about the ultimate pol- icy or what the ultimate plan of cam- paign would be. The navy department didn’t itself know. Dewey ' should have moved two or three days sooner than he did, and two or three days sometimes are vital. But our Wash- ington _officials were only aroused to the necessity of giving Admiral Dewey an order by a cablegram from Dewey informing them that ‘the British gov- ernor of Hongkong insisted that our fleet must leave there. 'We were s0 dazed by the’immediate exigencies of ‘war that the English government had to prod us in the ribs to wake us up. Then our Washington authorities is- sued an order and not till then. They told Dewey to proceed to the Philip- pine Islands and capture or destroy the Spanish fleet. In other words, they gave him the stereotyped war or- der in the phuaseology of the signal code, which, literally translated, read: “Go ahead and do the best you can. ‘We give it up.”—Collier’s. The Silver Thread. A matron in Harlem was calling upon another matron in Harlem. Nei- ther was young, but one looked more 5o, “Really, my dear,” said the one that looked more so, “you ought to have your hair treated.. It's becoming quite gray in spots. See what a difference it has made with me. You would look much younger—really.” 2 “But I don’t ‘care to look much younger if I must dye my hair to do 80,” was the reply. “I prefer to be natural. If the Lord sends me gray, hair there’s a good reason, and I'm sat- isfled.” “But think of your children, my dear. They're grown up now.” “What have they got to do with it?” “Why, don’t you see? The younger you look the younger it makes them appear. And your girls are way past twenty, you know.” 3 The matron who was gray in spots was still looking dazed when her vis- Itor departed.—New York Globe. Costly Law ‘Robes: An English judge’s-outfit in the way of robes imposes a heavy tax upon the newly appointed judge, although the cost 1s not nearly so great as it was in the early days of Queen Victoria. Then it was the custom for the law luminaries to attend court functions in figured damask silk gowns, with costly lace bands and ruffles. Thesi- ger, a celebrated legal dignitary of that day, is said on one occasion to have spent £100 on bands alone. The lord chancellor’s robes cost something like £150, and even a judge’s stockings are an expensive item. The wardrobe of a judge costs anything from £500 to £600, and if the newly fledged “my lord” is attached to the king’s bench division he will require five gowns, a girdle, a scarf, a casting hood, a black cap, a three cornered cap, a beaver hat, a cocked hat, a silk hat, lace bands and two full court suits, swords, ‘etc, to keep up the majesty ot the law.—London Globe. What They Safd. “Did the girls say anything when they heard of my engagement?’ she asked, with a little curlosity. “Very little,” was the reply of her dearest friend. “But they said something?” “Oh, yes; they sald something.” “Well, what was 1t” “Well, most of them merely ex- claimed, ‘At lastl'” There was a pause, and then she asked: “Well, what did some of the others say?’ “One of them said, ‘Who'd have thought it? Another, ‘Will wonders never cease? And a third”’— “Oh, never mind ‘the rest,” inter- rupted the flancee. “I mever did have much curiosity.” Was He Delirious? “Almost every man,” says a Baltl- more speclalist, “learns sooner or lat- er to think of his doctor as one of his best friends, but this fact does not hinder the world from laughing at the profession. S “‘How is our patient this morning? asked a physician, a-fellow graduate of mine, of a patient's brother. “‘Oh, he’s much worse,’ came from the other in a tone of dejection. ‘He's been delirious for several hours. At 3 o'clock he said, “What an old- woman that doctor of mine is!” and he hasn’t made a rational remark simce.’ ”—Lip- pincott’s. A Rising Fall. A certain member of' the British government who was admittedly a great faflure was being discussed by two of his colleagues. “And now,” concluded ome, “they want to make him a peer!” “No,” said the other, with greater acumen; “they want to make him dis- appear.” X Taking Chances. Mother—Johnny, your Uncle Henry will be here for dinner, and you must have your face and hands washed. Small Johnny—Yes, mamma, but s'pos- in' somethin’ happens and he.don’t come, what then?—Exchange. Not 86 Exacting. “So you're a butcher now?” “Yes,” explained the former dry goods clerk. ‘“The ladles don’t try to match spareribs or steak. —Knnuu Oty Journal. If a chameleon becomes blind it loses its power to change its hue and remains a biackish color. Helping the Burglar Out. “John,”- she whispered, “there’s a burglar in the drawing room. He has Just knocked against the plano and hit Beveral keys.at once.” “I'll go down,” said he. ““Qh, John, don’t do anything rash!” “Rash! Why, I'm going to help| him. You don’t suppose he can re- move the piano from the house with- out assistance!"—London ’l'hrone. TO CURE'A cm.n IN ONE DAY, | Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine: Tablets: ‘Dr id_money. if it. fails to %fi\mlmmr,e ison ewg hox'f“k“é. -Just a Fish Story. FPorty years ago, when my father was captain of an East India trading ship, ‘while off the coast of Africa near the equator the ship’s carpenter was taken sick and died. He was sewed up in canvasg, and with him were sewed his kit of tools and grindstone for ballast to sink him. Services were held and the body committed to the sea. Four days later the ship’s boy fell overboard, and a great shark came up under the stern and swallowed the boy before he could be reached. The next day the shark was still fol- lowing the ship. A shark hook was baited and put over the stern, and the shark was caught, but was so large it ‘could not be taken on board, and they ‘were obliged to shoot him. He looked 80 plump and large the mate, who was an old whaler, wanted to go over the side and cut the fish open. He was lowered over and cut a hole in the shark and was surprised to hear voices and on looking in saw the ship’s boy turning the ‘grindstone for the ship’s carpenter, who was sharpening his ax to cut their way out. My father, who is eighty years old, can vouch for this that it is a fish story.—Boston Journal. His Old College Chums. A conductor sent a new brakeman to put some tramps off the train. They were riding In a box car. The brake- man dropped into the car and said, “Where are you fellows going?’ “To Atchison.” “Well, you can’t go to Atchison on this train, so get off.” “You get,” came the reply, and as the brakeman was looking into the busi- ness end of a gun he took the advice given him and “got.” He went back to the caboose, and the conductor asked him if he had put the fellows off. “No,” he answered, “I did not have the heart to put them off. They want to go to Atchison, and, besides, they are old schoolmates of mine.” The conductor used some very strong lan: guage and then said he would put them off himself. He went over to the (] car and met with the same experience as the brakeman. When he got back to the caboose, the brakeman sald, “Well, did you put them off?” “Naw, they're schoolmates of mine too.”—Wellingtor (Kan.) News. Shiftless. Mrs, Borrow—Our neighbors are very shiftless people. Mr. Borrow— How do you know? Mrs. Borrow— When I go over to borrow anything they never have it. Compensation. Friend—If your washerwoman charges by the piece, it must be rather expen- sive. Young Housekeeper—Oh, no! She loses so many things thnt her bills are never high! Beware of Olatments for Catarrh that Contain Mercury as mercury will surely destroy the sense of smell and completely derange the whole sys- tem when entering it through the mucous surfaces, .Such articles should never be used except on prescriptions from reputable phy- slcllus. as the damage they do is ten fold to e good you can possibly derive from them. Hlll sCMIH’h cur munu!ncmrad by F, J. Cheney & Co., Tols 0., contains no mer- cury, and is taken lnmrnxlly. acting directly upon the blood and mucous: surfaces of the system. In buying Hall's Catarrh Cure be sure yo\l get the genuine. Itls tlken intern- llgann made in Toledo, O., by F. J. Cheney Testimonials free. Sold by druggists, Price 75¢ per bottle. Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation. Does not Color the Hair Ayer’s Hair Vigor is composed of §utehur. G Show. this to your doctor. Ask him if there ls a slngle injurious ingredient. Ask him if he thinks Ayer’s Hair Vigor, as"made from this formula, is the best prepa- ration you could use for falllng hair, or for dandruff. Let him decide. He knows. J. O. AYER CompANY, Lowell, Mass. inin, Sodit Ay g Lumber and Building Material ‘We carry in stock at all times a com- plete_line of lumber and bwlding material of all descriptions. Call in and look over our special line of fancy glass doors. We have a large and well assorted stock from which you can make your selection. WE SELL 16-INCH SLAB W00D St. Hilaire Retail Lbr. Co BEMIDJI, MINN. BUY A GOOD LOT With the growth of Bemidji good lots are becoming scarcer and scarcer. We still have a number of good lots in the residence ‘part of town which will be sold on easy terms. For further particulars write or call Bemidji Townsite and Im- provement Company. H. A. SIMONS, Agent. Swedback Block, Bemid}. Subscribe For The Pioneer. e SRR Typewriter Ribbons The Pioneer keeps on hand all the standard makes of Typewriter Ribbons, at the uniform price of 75 cents for all ribbons except:the two- and three-color ribbons and special makes. .