Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, December 30, 1908, Page 2

THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER PUBLISHED NVERY AFTERNOON, BEMIDJI PIONEER PUBLISHING CO. By CLYDE J. PRYOR. Tntered in the postoffice at Bemidjl. Minn., as second class master. SUBSCRIPTION--$5.00 PER. ANNUM ! MR. DAMPIER’S CHARGES. On the first page of this issue of the Pioneer is printed a com- munication from E. R. Dampier of Akeley, county attorney of Hubbard county, wherein Mr. Dampier answ- ers the resolutions purported to have been adopted recently by the Park Rapids Commercial club,which denied statements formerly made in the Pioneer by Mr. Dampier, anent the mismanagement of the affairs at the Itasca State Park. While the Pioneer is not fully informed asto these charges, we have every reason to believe that Mr. Dampier is sincere in his allegations, as he has often visited the park, and usually gets reliable information. The Pioneer believes that every resident of the state, and more es- pecially the people residing within a radius of 100 miles of the park, are vitally interested in the manner in which the park is managed and as to its preservation along the lines which were agreed to when the state became the possessor of the beautiful property. — Forecastle Gourmets. “Scouse, or loh scouse, a parson’s face sea ple, junk, tack, slush and duff —there’s a meal ye can’t beat no- wheres,” said the sailor. “Yes,” he went on, “ye can talk about yer ris de veau, yer vol au vent, yer mouses and other French dishes, but they ain’t none o them in it with sea fare dished up by a good sea law- yer. *Bcouse is soup, soup made o' salt beef. Add some good sea vegetables to it, sitch as spud sprouts and split peas, and ye get an extra fine soup, what is gener'ly called lob scouse. Pot au feu is slops beside a rich lob scouse. “Foller up yer scouse with a parson’s face sea ple. That's & pie made of bul- lock’s head. Good? Why, friend, there ain’t nothin’ like it on earth. “Junk is salt beef. Junk ain’'t no brain food. It don’t strengthen the mind like a correspondenceyourse, but, by tar, I'd ruther have it than caneton & la presse or a supreme de sole. “Tack and slush is the sallor’s bread and butter. What if ye do have to break yer tack with a tack hammer, and what if yer slush is sometimes strong emough to queer the compass? Ballors need strong food, for they must do their work.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. . A Little Card Trick. ‘A Russian priest was so devoted to the amusement of card playing that te played up to the last moment be- fore commencing the church services. On one occasion, having a particularly good hand dealt him, he thrust the cards into his pocket, intending to re- turn and finish the game after the service. Unluckily the cards fell out on the church floor, to the extreme scandal of the congregation. The wit- ty priest, however, was fully equal to the occasion. At the conclusion of the service he beckoned up one of the choristers and asked him the names of peveral of the cards, which the boy knew correctly. He then suddenly asked the lad the name of the next eaint’s day, which the child could not tell. “Beel” crled the priest, turning to the congregation. “You teach your ichildren the names of every card in the pack and leave them ignorant of their religion. Let this be the last time I am compelled to bring playing eards into the church to shame you.” And picking up his hand he made an honorable retreat—London Answers. A Misplaced Pin. “T was In an uptown tea room where the scenery is all out of proportion to the amount served you,” sald a New York clubman. “I was dallylng with some ice cream when my spoon struck & common, everyday pin in the bottom of the frozen stuff. I gave a little wave, and a walter slipped to my side. “See, a pin In this ice cream,’ I said. ‘Why, I might have swallowed that’' He took the glass and disappeared. {When he returned he reminded me of an undertaker, he was that solemn. *That pin has lost & man his job, sir, he sald. ‘Well; I replied, ‘I am sorry for that, but it might have cost me my Jife, when you come to think of it’ *Yes, sir,’ said the walter meekly. Then, fYou see, sir, most of the folks that eats here just sips their ice cream and don’t chew it.’ "—New York Times. The Pirates, The Chicago News fails to name the hero of this story, but has it that the wisitor to the home of a well known Hoosler State author found his three youngsters romping in the hallway. “What are you playing, boys?’ he inquired. “We are playing pirates,” elucidated the smallest. “Pirates? Why, how can you play pirates in Indiana? There are no seas bordering on this state.” “Oh, we don’t need any seas. We mre literary pirates, like pa.” ‘And five minutes later a chorus of yells from behind the barn told that the hand that wields the pen can also wield the shingle. I Outside of His Practice. " ®All that 1s the matter with you, sir,”’ wald the eminent physician after a ghorough examination, “Is lack of nu- fritlon. You don’t eat enough.” #T eat all I can hold, doctor,” sald Rbe attenuated caller. #Then you need to have your capac- My enlarged, and that's a case-for a n. Five dollars, please. Good %"—Omm Tribune, Mme. Geoffrin’s Husband. Mme. Geoffrin, like most Frenchwo- men, had the gift of making phrases, When Rulhiere had read in her salon & work upon Russla, which she feared might involve him in difficulties, she offered him a sum of money to burn it. The author waxed wroth at the in- sinuation implied and broke out into an eloguent “assertion of his courage and independence. She listened pa- jlently and then in a quiet tone of voice sald, “How much more do you want, M. Rulhiere?” She married at the age of fourteen M. Geoffrin, a wealthy glass manufacturer and.lieu- tenant colonel of the national guard, His duty' as h\‘lsbhpd seems to have been to providel the,funds for her so- clal campaigns and to watch over the detafls of the menage. It is related of him that some person gave him a his- tory to read and when he asked for the successive volumes regularly palmed off upon him the first, as if it were new, At last he was heard to say that he thought the author “re- peated himself a little.” A book print- ed in double columns he read straight across the page, remarking that “it seemed to be very good, but was rath- er abstract” One day a visitor in- quired after the silent, white haired old gentleman who was in the habit of sltting at the head of the table. “Oh, he was my husband,” replied Mme. Geoffrin, “before he died!"— Argonaut. Birds. That Make Incubators. In the Incubator the pale yellow chicks, their soft down not yet quite dry in places, fell in their attempts to rise and walk, like men dead drunk. “There's another,” said the chicken farmer as an excited little head came out of an egg. “Wonderful things, these incubators. Would you believe that there’s a bird that makes them? “Yes, sir; a bird, the megapode, makes its own Incubator every time it has a nest of eggs. It isn’t bothered, like other birds, with the long and monotonous work of sitting. “The megapode hails from Australia, the Barrier reef country. Its incuba- tor is a simple affair, merely a great mound of leaves. In these leaves it buries its eggs, knowing that in that hot, moist climate the leaves will fer- ment and in their fermentation give off just enough heat to hatch the chicks. “Who can deny intelligence to this bird, which makes its own incubator to hatch out its own eggs?’—New Or- leans Times-Democrat. “Belling the Cat.” “Who will bell the cat?” is a curi- ous old proverb, famous in parable and in history. The mice, says the para- ble, held a consultation how to secure themselves from the cat, and they re- solved to hang a bell about the cat’s neck to give warning when she ap- proached, but after they had resolved on doing it they were as far off as ever, for who would do 1t? Both parable and proverb have im- mortalized themselves in history. ‘When the Scottish nobles met at Stir- ling in a body they proposed to take Spence, the obnoxious favorite of James II, and hang him and so get rid of him. “Ah,” sald Lord Grey, “that’s very well sald, but who'll bell the cat?’ “That will 1,” said the black Earl Angus. He undertook the task, accom- plished it and was called “Archibald Bell the Cat” until his dying day.— Glasgow Times, A Queer Ceansus. “When I was last in India,” said the globe trotter, “they were taking the census. The returns were most re- markable. In the Allahabad census thirty-five citizens described them- selves as ‘men who rob with threats of violence’ There were 226 ‘fatter- ers for gain.’ There were twenty-five ‘hereditary thieves.’ There were twen- ty-nine ‘howlers at funerals’ There were 145 ‘ear cleaners’ There were seventy-six ‘makers of crowns for idols’ There were fourteen ‘heredi- tary palnters of horses with spots.’ There were nine ‘professional false witnesses.” “It seems remarkable, doesn’t it? Maybe, though, if we, too, told the strict truth to the census taker our own census would seem quite as quaint as that of India.” Mathematics, “Now, boys,” said a schoolmaster, “a cabman who drove at the rate of six miles an hour left London, being followed three minutes later by anoth- er driver proceeding at the rate of seven miles an hour. Where would they meet?” “At the nearest public house!” an- swered a promising scholar.—London Tit-Bits. Overtime, “Look here,” said the office boy, “I think the boss ought to gimme a bit extra this week, but I guess he won’t.” “What for?” asked the bookkeeper. “For overtime. I wuz dreamin’ about me work all las’ night.” — London Truth. All Depends. Tourist—It looks like -pretty good soll around here. What crops do the farmers grow in this section? Na- tive — That all depends, stranger. Tourist—Depends on what? Native— On what sort of seed they.puts in. Just So. “I wish you would use your influ- snce to get Jinx to attend our poker party this evening.” “Jinx! Why, he’s the poorest poker player you ever saw!” “I know it.”—Houston Post. Command large fields, but cultivate small ones.—Virgil. A Good Qualification.™ The mystety of the negro mind is fllustrated by a story which the Phila- delphia Record prints.. John, the col- ored applicant for the position of but- ler in a family living in one of the fashionable suburbs of Philadelphia, strove 'to impress his would be em- bloyer with his entire: fitness for the place.” “Oh; yes, suh,” he said, “I's sholy well educated, suh. I's passed a civil serv- fce examination.” “Indeed,” responded the gentleman, “that 1s very fine, I'm sure, but I can't say that that will be of any par- ticnlar value to me in a butler.” “No?’ said the surprised applicant. “It shore is strange how gemmen’s tastes do differ. Now, Mr. Williams,” naming his former employer, “he say, ‘John, one thing I deman’ is civil service to mah guests,’ an’ he .done gave me a zamination ri’ there, suh, an’ that’s the truf.” Then the gentleman saw .a great light. He replied: “Yes, you. are quite, right, John. Civil service is a very.important and rather unusual virtue, so if you have passed that examination I think we'll ‘consider you engage A Mogul Hero. Here is a little vignette of Babar, the first of the great moguls. At elev- en he succeeded to his kingdom of Ferghana. His father was accidental- ly killed, and “I” says the boy, “im- mediately mounted in great haste and, taking such followers as were at hand, set out to secure my throne.” He suc- ceeded in holding it, nearly lost it by trusting a traitor who was “the best player at leapfrog he had ever seen” and actually lost it by grasping at the Dossession of Samarkand. Then came two years of wandering. Then he got Ferghana again and lost it a second time by trying to make his Mongol soldiers restore their loot to the peas- antry. And all this before he was seventeen! Thirty-two years later he died, the last scene being the most striking of all. His darling son Humayun was desperately ill. Only some great sacrifice could save him, said the doctor. He entered the cham- ber, walked round the bed three times, saying, “On me be thy suffering,” and a few days afterward died.—London Spectator. The Dogskin Wouldn’t Go Round. Hungary swarms with barristers. It Is the greatest ambition of the Hunga- rian peasant to make one of his sons an advocate, The son of a small farmer in the neighborhood of Budapest was sent by his father to the law school of that town, but either from lack of parts or the necessary application he was plucked in the qualifying examina- tion. Not daring to return to the paternal abode empty handed after all the mon- ey that had been spent on his educa- tion, he conceived and executed the plan of forging a legal diploma. The father was not, however, so ignorant as not to be aware that such diplomas are always written on parchment— kutya-ber (dogskin)—in Hungary. “Why 18 your certificate not made out on kutya-ber?” asked the old man. “The fact is, father,” coolly replied the youth, “there are more barristers than dogs in Hungary, and so there 18 not enough kutya-ber to make diplo- mas for us all.”—London Answers. Gam’s Dry Humor. ‘When the gallant Welsh captain David Gam was sent forward by Henry V. to reconnoiter the French army before the battle of Agincourt he found that the enemy outnumbered the English by about five to one. His report to the king is historic: “There are enough to be killed, enough to be taken prisoners and enough to run away.” This quaint forecast of the result of the battle at once spread through the camp, and doubtless every yeoman archer of the valiant company felt an inch taller. We know that it was al- most literally justified by the event. Poor Gam’s dry humor was equaled by his courage. He was killed while in the act of saving the life of his prince.—London Standard. Distilled Water. Distilled water after having been exposed to the air is one of the most salubrious of drinks. Its daily use in measured quantities 1s helpful in cises of dyspepsia and greatly assists the general functions of the body. Ev- ery large steamer carries a water dis- tilling apparatus by which sea water is made fresh. In the days before steamers primitive-distilling apparatus ‘was used on warships and vessels car- rying passengers. A Postal Deficit. “Pa, what is meant by the postal deficit?” “The things your mother always for- gets to put on a postal card.”—Detrolt Free Press. Sleepless. Blobbs—Why don’t you consult & doctor about your insomnia? Slobbs— ‘What! _And run up more bills? Why, 1t's because of what I owe him now that I can’t sleep. Wanted Full Credit. - “Now, my little man, you are accused of striking another boy and knocking out one-of 1is teeth,” “’Scuse me, jedge, two of his teeth.’ »Life. When He Enjoys Home. “Does your husband enjoy his home?’ “Yes—whenever I want him to take me to the theater.”—Cleveland Leader. Venezuela received its name from the early spanish residents, who saw in it a resemblance to Venira. Phonetic Purchass. The late Henry Miller, who was de, ;philosopher and friend to many k lovers within a thousand miles of New York, was a most successful salesman. One day he called on Collis P. Huntington and showed him a rare copy-of a book. ‘“There are two volumes of this,” said Mr. Miller. “The other volume 15 in perfect order, as you see this one is. You cannot possibly let them escape you, for you know you have nothing like this in your library.” road king. “Seven hlmd.l'ed doll.lu's,” sald the bookman. “Those are too valuable volumes for my lbrary,” Mr. Huntington ex- claimed. e Mr. Miller went back to his place and sent the books to Mr. Hunting- ton's house with a bill for $700. Next day the railroad king sent for him. “Why did you send me those books?” he demanded sharply. “Because you bought them,” was the bookman’s calm reply. “I certainly did not!” cried the mil: Honaire. “Oh, yes, you did!” answered Mr. Miller. “Yow'll remember perfectly well when I tell you what you said. You told me distinctly, ‘Those are twe valuable volumes for my libra- 1y’ ”"—Harper's Weekly. Books of -Reference. Newspaper editors like to answer questions addressed to them Ly their veaders—If they are not too hard— and they deem themselves as’arbiters rather than as accessories to a mis- demeanor when they are appealed to for information “to decide a bet.” But they wonder sometimes why certain questions’are put to them for arbitra- ment when the answers are to be found in one of three very accessible books—an almanac, a grammar and a small dictionary, These are books of reference that ought. to be in- every home library, however small. We guess that they are, but that they are sometimes dusty with misuse or out of easy reach on a top shelf. It is well to have an al- manac, a dictionary or an atlas handy when you are reading your newspaper. By consulting them frequently the reader will find his daily paper relates the habit!—New York Mail. A Sporting Parson. The inhibition of a hunting. rector by his bishop reminds a correspondent that the Rev. Jack Russell, unfounded, glve up the sport, which he continued to pursue almost to the day of his death in 1883, at the age of eighty- eight. Besides being an {insatlable hunter, he was, as his blographer pithily remarks, “a stanch supporter of Devonshire restlers, an admirable of the virtues of Devonshiré cider and cream.” pound doctrine and was a stern de- nouncer of bad language, strong drink and “the filthy habit of smok- ing.”—8t. James’ Gazette. 8arcasm In the Commons. The reluctance of the house of com- mons to adjourn over Derby day re- calls a story related of one of the Ro- man Catholic peers who took their seats some four or five years before the passage of the first reform bill aft- er an exclusion of a century and a half. He gave notice that on a certain day he would make a certain motion, whereupon there arose from his noble colleagues a general cry of “Derby!” The astonished novice named another day, only to be greéted with an equal- ly unanimous expostulation of “Oaks!” At this he explained that he would have to ask the forgiveness of -their lordships; but, having been educated abroad, he was forced to acknowledge that he was not familiar with the list of saints' days in the Anglican calen- dar. His_ Gla He came home in the small hours of the morning, and: his loving spouse, confronted him with wrath in her eye and a telegram in her hand, saying, “Here is news that has been waiting for you since supper time.” He blinked, looked wise and, braced up agalnst the hatrack, felt through his pockets, murmuring, “I left my glasses down town.” “Yes,” she replied, with scathing trony, “but you brought the contents with you.” Not Grasping. “What a grasping fellow you are, Hawkins! You've bothered me - about this bill fifty times in ten days.” “You wrong me, Jarley. I'm not grasping. I've bothered you about the bill, I admit, but I haven’t been able to grasp anything yet.” Found Him Guilty. Oounsel (to the jury)—The principal fault of the prisoner has been his un-, fortunate characteristic of . putting faith in thieves and scoundrels of the ‘basest description. I have done. The' unhapy man-in the dock puts implcit faith in you, gentlemen of the jury! She Had to- Mend Them. Benham—I believe in putting -my best foot forward. Mrs. Benham—I have noticed that your toe always goes right through your stocking.— New York Pros A Loud Kiss. Bob Footlite (actor)—Failure? I should think it was! The whole play was ruined. Bhe—Gracious! How was that? B, F.—Why, at the end of the last act a steam pipe burst and hissed me off the stage. A Lark. What a-lark it would be if an egg came down the chimney! No, it wouldn't, unless it was a lark’s egg, and even then not untl it was hatched. There Is Only One “Bromo That Is Laxative Bromo Quinine| Alwuylnmembeftheinflnm. Look Quinine’’ OURE A OOLD IN ONE DAY. “What is the pflce?” asked the rail-.| —this farm from this time forth be- his early historical studies to present | the Berlin parliament had a precedent events and makes his touch with the | In the mother of parllaments, the Brit- world closer and more significant. Get | Ish house of commons. A writer In condemned the inaccuracy of the par- the fa- | make allowance for acoustic difficulties mous west country sporting parson, |and the buzz of intervening conversa- was once clted to appear before the | tion. bishop of Exeter to-answer charges of | the malicious suppression of his speech- neglecting his spiritual and parochial | €s, and the gallery then refused to re- dutles, and he was also remonstrated | port him at all. with for keeping and following a pack | thundered in vain, even moving that of hounds. The charges were proved | the ringleaders be brought to the bar and Russell refused to [Of the house. and all was well. 1871 fell foul of the press In the same way, and the late Lord Monteagle had his name omitted from London news- paper reports for two years because he sald something the reporters did not like. sparrer and ay enthusfastic upholder | -~~~ = And In the pulpit he tried to | PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any reform conduct rather than to ex- |caseof Itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protrudc ing Plles in 6 to 14 days or money refunded. 50- IR First Silver Wedding. The first silver wedding dates back to the time of Hugues Capet. The sery- ants, says Home Chat, belonging to him had grown gray in his service, & man and a woman, and what could he do as a reward? Calling the woman, he Bald: “Your service is great, greater than the man's, whose service is great enough, for the woman always finds ‘Work harder than a man, and therefore I will give you a reward. At your age I know of none better than a dow- ry and a husband. The dowry is here HERE IS NOTHING an attack of croup. nothing but a slight cold and longs to you. If this man, who has worked with you five and twenty years, Is willing to marry you, then the husband is ready.” “Your majesty,” said the old- peas- ent, “how fs it possible that we should marry, having already sllver hairs?” “Then ‘it shall be a sllver wedding.” And the king gave the couple silver enough to keep them in plenty. This soon became known all over France and ralsed such enthusiasm that It became a fashion after twenty-five years of married life to celebrate a sil- ver weading. that has been in use for nou-ly to fail. The Treasury Vaults. The first question the average vis- itor ‘to the United States treasury building asks is, “Couldn’t burglara tunnel under the vaults and rob the government?”’ Well, that is not likely, An armed guard sits beside the vaults. Every twenty minutes he is required to ring an alarm just to show that he is awake. An armed patrol makes the rounds hourly. Seccret service men in plain clothes, with concealed weapons, keep watch and ward outside and in- side the building. As to tunneling, the officials hold that if a man by any pos- sibility should manage to bore under- neath a vault the heavy metal would crush him to a jelly, thus administer- ing a lasting gold cure. Even If the tunnel burglar should get away with his life he could not get away with much gold. Ten thousand dollars in double eagles - weighs thirty-eight pounds. Forty million dollars in gold certificates of the $10,000 denomination weighs eleven and a half pounds. Even burglars prefer the gold certifi- cates to the real thing.—Buffalo Times. Mr. Homer Krohn, of Lisbon, Towa, in a letter to Lhe manufac- turers of Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy praises this medicine for what it has done for his children, He says: “It has not only saved & them once but many a time. Only two weeks ago my boy had the croup so bad in the mght that had it not_been for having a bottle of Chamberlain’s Cou; gh Remedy in the house he would have choked before a doctor could have gotten to the house. It is a medicine that no one should be without at any time.” Tt is pleasant to takeand many children like it. Journalistic Revenges. The curious boycott of the press in hmhofpnmhmorethmhbeawgkendm the night by the ringing cough which accompanies be aroused by the ominous symptoms. Every home where there are small children should be prepared for these sud- - den attacks, as prompt treatment is necessary. Do mot experiment with remedies of doubtful value, but get CHAMBERLAIN’S COUGH REMEDY For Sale at BARKER’S DRUGC STORE .that strikes terror to the The child may retire with a few hours later the family forty yean and never knwn “We gparantee every bottle of Chamberlain’s Cangh Remedy,” says W. M. Parish, Palmerston, Ontario, “Out of the many bottles sold last winter not one was re- turned. We recommend it espe- cially for children with croup.” Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy is famous for its gtompt cnxes of coughs, colds iven as soon as the chil becomes oarse an attack of croup may be werted, ‘This medicine is entirely t‘ree from narcotics or injurious sub- stances of any kind and may be given to the little ones with abso- Tute safety. % Attacks of croup are most likely to occur during the early winter months, and every family with young children should " be prepared for it. Keep a bottle of CHAMBERLAIN’S COUGH REMEDY in your home. It only costs a quarter, large size 50 cents. Your dl:llflilt :elh fi Harper's Weekly recalls that the per- son Involved was no less a celebrity than the late Daniel O'Connell. He YOU OWE it to your family; a means of instant, certain and inexpensive communication wita the outside world. Hamentary reports, but he forgot to He charged the reporters with Dan stormed and Order the Northwestern Finally he apologized, Lord Lyttleton in PILES CURED ING TO 14 DAYS to sell our Minne- sta Grown Nur- A sery Stock. Pay ‘weekly. Hustling Aquatacan; make Manufacturers of 6AS, GASOLINE and STEAM ENGINES, PULLEYS, HANGERS, SHAFTING, CLUTCHES and ‘all POWER TRANSHISSION SU”I.IE! direct to the coasumer. Largest Machine Shop in the West NNEAPOLIS MI STEEL AND MACHINERY CO. MINNEAPOLIS, MINN. ELECTR'C THE BEST FOR BILIOUSNESS BITTERS ~ ANDKIDNEYs. DR.KING’S NEW DISCOVERY Will Surely Stop That Gough. Typewriter Ribbons The Pioneer keeps on hand all the standard makes of Tyvewriter Ribbons, at the uniform price of '75 cents for special makes. all ribbons except the two- and three-color ribbons and