Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, September 29, 1908, Page 2

! THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER PUBLISHED EVERY AFTHRNOON, - BEMIDJI PIONEER PUBLISHING CO. By CLYDE J. PRYOR. Wntered in the postofice at Bemidil. Minn., a8 second class matter. AN AN S NSNS NN SUBSCRIPTION---85.00 PER ANNUM. MR. THWING WAS ADVERTISED. ‘T'he recent primaries showed the value of newspaper advertising in a double sense, both good and bad, as illustrated by the results of Miller’s and Thwing’s campaigns. Mr. Miller had the strongest newspaper support ever given a candidate for congress, and he rolled up a plurality almost too big for the canvassers to count. On the other hand Mr. Thwing had the unjust but active opposition of two strong papers in his district, and it is largely to them that he owes his defeat.—International Falls Echo. One of the two papers referred to as being ‘‘unjustly” against Mr. Thwing was the Pioneer; and we have no regrets whatever for the part we took against that gentleman. A certain local manager who looked after Mr. Thwing’s interests took it upon himself to “‘go after” the Pioneer incidentally with his sup- port of the gentleman from Itasca, and in this attitude he received at least the passive approval of Mr. Thwing. The Pioneer approves of a clean campaign in politics; but there are instances where you must “fight the devil with fire”—and this was one of them. However, the campaign is over, and we hold no grudge in this matter. - CAUSTIC COMMENT. [A. G. Rutledge.] O what’s the world a-comin’ to? When you and I were young We knew exactly what to do When “Liar!” left the tongue. We broke the nose and knocked out teeth And blacked a glaring eye, And wails were heard from under- neath When someone said “*You lie!” Today “You are a liar!” sounds From platforms and from trains, And he that’s called it -bluntly— Zounds! He carefully explains! It’s an ill wind that bows the doc- tor good. Only the man who has the cour- age knows how thin it is. Many aman is abull in Wall street and a bear at home. Politicians never inaugurate re- forms. They simply carry them out when they have to. Itis hard to say which is the more foolish and futile—a baseball prophet or an election forecaster. Boys robbed a Missouri postoffice of $1,100 in stamps. Whatan awful licking is ahead of those youngsters. There never was a statesman who measured up to the description of the perfervid orator who nominated him. Gavels for use at political meet- ings are made of many kinds of wood, but the lemon tree probably will continue to hold its branches safe. Persian Burials. In Persia two sticks a foot long are placed In the coffin to prop up the arms of the corpse when 1t rises from the grave and is being questioned by the angel Gabriel. After it has satls- fled the angel that it is the body of a true Mussulman it will receive strength to stand alone. A glance from a dog is necessary to drive away the spirit of defilement, and for this pur- pose a street cur is brought into the Toom of death and Its eyes led to the corpse by a tempting bit of bread laid on the still breast. Restlessness. Mere restlessness is not a matter for which physicians are often consulted. Tt is on the face of it an unimportant malady, but when it exists In sufficlent Intensity to form the subject of com- plaint and to induce the sufferer to seek advice it Is usually found to be the superficial indlcation of a grave underlying condition.—Hospital. Change of Heart. Parson Primrose—Why do you think It was out of place for your father to say grace? Freddie—Because it was only a few minutes afterward that he was swearing over having to carve the turkey.—Philadelphia Inquirer. Labor Saving Devices. “Do you know, Sam, that a man does not have to do as much work now as he did ten years. ago?” “Yes, sah; I know it, sah. Why, I's been married nearly eight yenru, sah!” —Yonkers Statesman. < When Hypnotized Tramps Meet Death. A No. 1, the well known tramp, states that riding upon the truck beams be- tween the wheels of a flying passenger train or even of a slower going freight train is exceedingly difficult. The fy- ing cinders deluge the eyes and at times make breathing almost impossi- ble. More than this, he says that un- less one strictly watches himself one is in danger of becoming hypnotized. The rhythmically pounding wheels jolt- Ang over the joints of the rails have a way of insistently commanding atten- tion that is extremely dangerous. This noise, sharp and repeated with devilish persistence, can hypnotize the unwary, he says. Often he has had to use ev- ery resource of will power which be has in order to ward off the effects of this endless and mind compelling “click, click, click.” He believes that many a tramp who has fallen to his death from the trucks has been first hypnotized in this way. This s per- fectly sound psychology. and the proba- bility of such. hypnotism will be in- dorsed by any good specialist in this science.—Bohemian Magazine. A Winnipeg Sermon. A story is going the rounds about one of the Winnipeg clergy, which he himself has told with great delight. A farmer and his wife came to Winnipeg on a visit, and on Sunday their host requested the farmer friend to go with him to church. “No,” said he, “I never go to church.” And his wife backed up his assertion. The visitor was finally persuaded to g0 to a local church and was told the pastor was also an American. After the service he was introduced to the pastor, and the following conversation took place: “Well, doctor,” said the visitor, “I enjoyed your sermon.” “T am very pleased to hear that,” re- plied the pastor. “You know,” explained the farmer, “I do not go to church very ofteh, but that sermon of yours was the least like a sermon I ever heard.”—Winnl- peg Telegram. Modern Witchcraft. Says a correspondent of the London Chronicle: “This writer knows of a west country English farmer, a hard headed business man, who uses the latest machinery on his farm, yet holds the belief in pixies as firmly as any article of his religious creed. Having been visited by a series of minor mis- fortunes, he confided to the writer in the utmost seriousness his fear that he had offended a pixy by inadvertently stepping into a fairy ring and stated that he intended going on the morrow to the white witch at Exeter to get further misfortune averted. And this level headed business man took a day from his farm in the busiest time of the year and journeyed to Exeter and back—a matter of some sixty miles— for this purpose. On his return he was as one who had ca#st off a heavy bur- den. But the white witch’s mysteries no persuasion could induce him to re- veal.” A Violin For a Vane. One of the most curious vanes to be seen on any church in Great Britain is that at Great Gonerby, a parish ad- Joining Grantham, in Lincolnshire. It is in the form of a fiddle and a bow and is unusually large. Its history is a curious one. Many years ago a peasant resided in Great Goner- by who eked out a modest livelihood by performing on an old violin, which was almost a part of his life. At last he decided to emigrate and out in the far west prospered and became a rich man. One day he sent to the clergy- man at Great Gonerby a sum suffi- to the gift the curious condition that a metal replica of his old fiddle and bow should be on the summit of the edifice. The gift was accepted, and the vane may still be seen on the church, Club Stories. Two stories are told of the time when the Athenaeum club, while its clubhouse was undergoing renovation, was hospitably taken in by the Unit- ed Service club. One was of a distinguished officer who, after a vain hunt for his um- brella, was heard to mutter, “That comes of letting those — bishops into the club!” The counterblast is to the effect that when an Athenaeum man, while his club was still the guest of the other, asked for the librarian, the answer was, “Please, sir, he is in the dining room carving the roast beef!” Took Him at His Word. ] Gradgrind (to his employees)—No- body but me is to touch that clock. Nobody is to begin or leave off work except as it indicates the time. Fore- man—Yes, sir. Gradgrind (the mext day)—Why, the day is one-fourth gone and nobody’s at work! What does this mean? Foreman (meekly)—You forgot to wind the clock, sir.—London Fun, Cause of His Hilarity. Green—I'd like that fellow Brown better if he didn’t always laugh at his own Jjokes. White—Brown doesn’t laugh at his own jokes. He laughs at you fellows who are silly enough to listen to. them.—Illustrated Bits, Foretelling the Future. Mrs. de Style—So your baby girl is three weeks old. My, how time flies! Mrs. Gunbusta—Yes. Just think In thirty years from now she will be twenty-one years old.—Sphinx. No Vices. Nell—I don’t suppose Mr. Sillicus has any vices? Belle—Vices! Why, he be- longs to a glee club, an amateur the- atrical society and writes * poetry.— Philadelphia Record. Ungallant. © “My face is my fortune, sir,” she said. “Well,” he replied, “poverty 18 no dis. grace, but it's awfully inconvenient at times,” The Wicked Husband. “Why does a man Ue to his wife?”’ nsks & woman writer. Dear me, does he?—Duluth Herald. A moral, sensible, well bred man will, ot lnsnlt me. No other can.—Cowper. clent to build a church and attached |- o Only a Salute. “One of our early lawyers had a in Caught Out, A poet, a-pair of trousers across his knee, sat in his attic trying to thread murder case to defend,” said a MonJ’ a needle, tana official, “and he had a hard case. ‘When it came time tosum up he asked permission to take a recess for ten:| minutes, and during that ten minutes’| he went over to the hotel to get an inspiration. When he came back he walked out in front of the jury and sald: ‘As regards to this case, this is the greatest country on which the sun ever shone. We are the greatest ped- ple. We. have the greatest destiny. ‘Why, gentlemen, every time one of the ships of our glorious navy sails into the ports of the world with the stars and stripes flying every ship of that power and every ship of every other power fires a salute from great can- non in her hénbr, and, gentlemen of the jury, 'if you listen to what the scoundrelly opposition of this man has| to say you are about to incarcerate in prison or hang by the neck my poor, unfortunate client simply because he on one occasion fired one small revolver shot at a man who unfortunately died on that occasion.”—Saturday Evening Post. The Editor on Carelessness. “Yes,” said the editor as he put his gum brush into the ink bottle and tried to paste on a clipping with his pen, ‘“yes, the great fault of-newspaper con- tributors is carelessness. “Indeed,” he continued as he drop- ped the copy he had been writing into the wastebasket and marked “Edito- rial” across the corner of a poem enti- tled “An Ode to Death,” “contributors are terribly careless. “You would be surprised,” said he as he clipped out a column of fashion notes and labeled them “Farm,” “to see the slipshod writing that comes into the editorial sanctum. “Misspelled, unpunctuated, written on both sides of the sheet, illegible, un grammatical stuff. Contributors are terribly careless. They are”’— Just then the office boy came in with that dictatorial and autocratic manner he has and demanded more copy, and the editor handed him the love letter he had just written to his sweetheart. —London Globe. Queen Caroline’s Pastime. Queen Caroline, wife of King George IV. of England, with whom she was on the worst possible terms, is de- scribed in “The Diary of a Lady In Waiting,” written by Lady Charlotte Bury. The queen seems to have tried witcheraft on the king. Lady Char- lotte writes on one occasion: “After dinner her royal highness made a wax figure, as usual, and gave It an amia- ble addition of large horns, then took three pins out of her garments and stuck them through and through and put the figure to roast and melt at the fire. If it was not too melancholy to have to do with this, I could have died of laughing. She indulges in this amusement whenever there are no strangers at the table, and some think her royal highness really has a super- stitious belief that destroying this.ef- figy of her husband will bring to pass the destruction of his royal person. What a silly plece of spite! Yet it is impossible not to laugh when one sees it done.” Just Like a Lazy Man. An elderly gentleman, who wouls rather sleep late than eat the most at- tractive breakfast, was leisurely wend- ing his way toward the subway when he was accosted by a breathless wo- man. ““Oh, mister, a lot of toughs are beat- ing a hurdy gurdy man to death. Can’t you help?”’ “Where?” “Right around the please come with me!” The late sleeper peered through his gold rimmed glasses at the complain- ant and asked: “Is he a very big hurdy gurdy man?” “Oh, no, sir! He's a very small man.” “Then surely, my good woman, they can’t need any help from me.”—New York Press. corner. Oh, Doomsday Book. The Doomsday Book is a British institution. It is 2 book of the gen- eral survey of England, commenced in the reign of William L (the Con- queror), about 1080, some say about 1086. It was intended to be a “regis- ter to determine the right in the ten- ure of estates, to discover the extent of any man’s land, to fix his homage and to settle the question of the mill- tary aid he was bound to furnish.” Won Every Time. “Have you ever loved and lost?” sighed the swain. “Nope,” responded the maiden promptly. “I’'ve won every breach of promise suit I ever brought.”—Cleve- land Leader. Amusing. Hiram Greene—What did your sis- ter say when you told her I was going to make a speech in the town hall to- night? Willie—She didn’t say nothin’. She just laughed till she had hyster- ies! His Sweet Voice. He—Did you hear me singing under your window last night? I hope your father didn’t hear it? She—Yes, he did. But you needn’t worry. He thought it was'the cats.—Stray Stories. Now They Don't Speak. Mary—Do you think it would be con- ceited for me to tell my friends that I made this dress myself? Edith— Not conceited, my dear—superfluous. A wise man contents himself with doing as much good as his sitbation allows him to do.—Lord Bdlingbroke. The Problem Solved. Newed—My wife has a habit of tak- ing money from my pockets when I'm asleep. Oldwed—Mine used to do that, 0, but she doesn’t any mose. Newed —How do you prevent it? Oldwed—I spend every cent I have before I go home.—Chicago News. An Exception. “Ah, kind friend,” sald the mhister, “it 18 deeds, not words, that count.” “Oh, I don’t know,” replied the wom; an.: “Did you ever send a telegram?’— Detroft Free Press. “The proper way,” he sald, “Is to hold the thread still and push the nee- dle toward it or to hold the needle still and push the thread toward it. Mark Twain says both.ways are right. Then ‘he says they are'both wrong.” Taking down *The Prince and the Pauper,” the poet read: “He did as men have always done and probably always will do to the end of time—held the needle still and tried to-thrust the thread through- the eye, which is the opposite of a wo- man’s way.” Then the poet; taking down “Huckle- berry Finn,” read: ‘“‘Bless you, child, when you set thread still and fetch the needle up to it. ~Hold the needle still and poke the thread at it. That's the way a wo- man most always does, but a man al- ways does t'other way.’” Who Would Want to Be a Lama? The lama pilgrims among the Tibet- an Hindoos, as they pursue their moun- tain pilgrimages, literally measure off the distance with their bodies. The distinguished traveler Sven Hedin, writing of his discoverles in Tibet in Harper’s Magazine, describes them as lying down full length on the ground, making a mark on the road, rising and stepping Torward to the mark, once more to fall full length. One such walking journey as this, says Dr. Hedin, equals thirty ordinary ones. Among the lamas also are to be found those who immure themselves in a dark cave for life, food being passed In through a passage or hole under- ground. Should the dish be one day untouched those outside may know that the sacrificial prisoner has dled— seated, since all good lamas must die seated, in the ‘wooden frame which was fashioned for him when he was entombed. Useless. There was some speculation as to whether the instrument would benefit the old gentleman or not, One was holding the ear trumpet, while anoth- er was explaining its use and showing old Mr. Borrows how to hold it to his ear. “Say something to him.through it, Joe,” said one to the other. Now, Joe had long waited for an op- portunity to reach Mr. Borrows’ ear. So, speaking very distinctly into the trumpet, he said: “You’ve not paid me that sovereign you owe me yet, Mr. Borrows.” But the old gentleman put the in- strument down, with disappointment on his fuce, and they could see it was a failure even before he had time to say: “That thing’s not a _bit of good to me!” And he sighed, but his sigh was not 50" deep as that which came from Joe. —London Express. Talking Down. The superintendent of a Sunday school class in Philadelphia recently called upon a visitor to “say a few words” to the class, the members of which are mostly children of tender age, The visitor, a speaker well known for his verbose and -circumlocutory | mode of speech, began his address as follows: “This morning, children, 1 purpose to offer you an epitome of the life of St. Paul. It may be perhaps that there are among you some too young to grasp the meaning of the word ‘epitome.’ ‘Epitome,’ children, is in its signification synonymous with sy- nopsis.”—Philadelphia Ledger. Explosive Diamonds. A curious fact about diamonds is that It is not uncommon for the crys- tals to explode as soon as they are brought up from the mine. Sometimes they have burst in the pockets or the warm hands of miners, due to the ef- fect of increased temperature. Large stones are more likely to do this than small ones. Valuable stones have been destroyed in this way. To safeguard them some dealers place large dia- monds in raw potatoes for safe trans- port from South Africa. Nonreversible. Lang—Didn’t you tell me that you made yourself solid with Mrs. Vane by asking her if she was herself or her dagghter—couldn’t tell them apart, and so on? Strang—I did. What about it? Lang—Why, I tried the same gag with the daughter, and it didn’t go for a cent.—Boston Transcript. Took the Cue. “Now,” said the teacher, who had been describing, the habits of bears, “what is the flercest animal in the polar regions, Johnny?” “Why—er—er,” stammered Johnny. "(;ome, don’t you remember? The pol”— “Ohb, sure; the polecat!"—Philadel- phia Press. ) An Explanation. Little Dot—Mamma, I was playing with your best tea set while you were away, and when you bring it out for company you'll be shocked, ’cause you'll think one of the cups has a hair in it, but it isn’t a hair. Mamma— What Is it? Little Dot—It’s only a crack.—Pick-Me-Up. Called the Turn. “What's the old lady doing now?” asked the old stocking in-the work basket. “She’s getting out her necedle and yarn,” replied the scissors. - “Well, well,” exclaimed the stocking, “Pll be darned.”-Philadelphia Press. Diverging. Husband—I'm afraid I'm becoming cross eyed, my dear. Wife—The idea! ‘Why do you think that? Husband— This thing of trying to look at my fin- come and our expenses at the same time I8 slowly but surely getting its work In.—Chicago News. Caught Him. Mrs, Hoyle—I've found out where my husband spends his evenings. Mrs, Doyle—Where? Mrs. Hoyle—At home. You see, I had to stay in myself last night —Harper's Weekly. 3 out to thread a needle don’t hold the’ " “A Bibulous Lord Mayor. Any one with a love of queer names #hould study the. names of past lord mayors of London. Besides one or two that are merely uncommon and did not belong to men of any distinction, such as Sir Richard Spaa, mayor in 1482, there are some that deserve no- tice also for the sake of those who bore them. There was Sir Jolin Brugges in 1520, whose ancestor fought at Agin- court, when, curiously enough, the name had the more modern form of Brydges. There was Alderman Mica- Jah Perry in 1739, who laid the first stone of the Mansion House, and Sir Benjamin Hamet, who was fined £1,000 in 1797 for refusing to act as mayor— positively a cheap way of getting out of it. The most appropriately named lord mayor seems, however, to have been the cheerful Sir Robert Viner, who en- tertained Charles IL. and drank the king’s health so often as to become un- duly merry. The king tactfully sought to retire, but Viner plucked him by the sleeve and vowed he should “stay and take the other bottle!” Charles 1L, never at a loss, complied, murmur- Ing, “He that is drunk I8 as great as a king.”—St. James’ Gazette. Awed by the B ‘When Beau Brummel, the celebrated dandy, was, in consequence of his fallen fortunes, residing at Calais, he had oceasion to visit Paris. Through the kindness of the consul at the for- mer place he was enabled to accom- pany a king's messenger to the capital and thus travel free of expense. When the messenger returned, the consul was curious to know how he and his aris- tocratic companion had fraternized upon the road. “What kind of a trav- eling companion did you find Mr. Brummel?” asked he. “Oh, a very pleasant one, indeed, sir; very pleas- ant,” replied the messenger. “Ah! And what did he say?’ “Say, sir? Noth- ing! He slept the whole way.” “Slept the whole way! Do you call that be- ing pleasant? Perhaps he snored!” The messenger acknowledged that Brummel did so, but immediately, as If fearful of casting an improper re- flection upon so great a personage, he added, with great gravity, “Yet I can assure you, sir, Mr. Brummel snored very much like a gentleman!”—Argo- naut. Missed a Chance. “But, Tommy,” said his mother, “you asked for two cakes and I'gave them to you. Aren't you satisfied?” “No, I ain’'t,” growled Tommy. “You was so easy I'm kickin’ meself now ‘cause 1 didn't ask fur four.”—Phila- delphia Press. Driven to Drink. Artist—My next picture at the acad- emy will be entitled “Driven to Drink.” His Friend—Ah, some powerful por- trayal- of baffled passion, I suppose? Artist—Oh, no; it’s a horse approach- ing a water trough! No Heredity About It. Gerald—My father was an old salt. Geraldine—That's funny. You are & young fresh. A covetous man makes no friends,— Cingalese Proverb. 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