Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, November 22, 1907, Page 2

) FRIEN The personal recommendations of peo- ple who have been cured of coughs and eolds by Chamberlain's Cough Remedy have done more than all else to make ita staple article of trade an1 commerce ove: « large part of the civilized world. Barker’s Drug Store THE BEMIDJI DAILY PIONEER PUBLISHED NVERY AFTERNOON, OFFICIAL PAPER---CITY OF BEMIDJI BEMIDJI PIONEER PUBLISHING CO. CLYDE J. PRYOR A. G. RUTLEDGE, Business Manager Managing Editor Yatered in the postofice at Bemidji. Minn.. as second class matter. SUBSCRIPTION---$5.00 PER ANNUM ———e Very Nicely Done. Gallant Man (aside)—At last I have her all to myself. Now I can tell her how I love her and ask her to be mine, How shall I do it, I wonder? Gentle Maid (behind ber fan)—It is surely coming. I am so nervous and frightened. 1 know he is going to be terribly dramatic, I do hope I shan’t bave to help him up off his knees. Goodness, why doesn't he say some- thing? I must break this horrible si- lence. (Aloud, recklessly) Have you ever been abroad? Gallant Man (smilingly)—No. saving it for a wedding tour. Gentle Mald (demurely)—Why, how funny; so am I. Gallant Man (meaningly)—Then why shouldn’t we take it together? Gentle Mald (innocently)—Possibly your wife and my husband might ob- Ject to going in such a crowd. Gallant Man (brilllantly)—The crowd wouldn’t be objectionably large If your husband and my wife were husband and wife. (Further conversation was disjointed and indlstinet).—Pearson’s Weekly. I'm Where Animals Beat Men. “Nature faking aside,” said the zoo keeper, “mice won't eat oleo. It is a fact. Lay a pat of oleo and a pat of butter side by side and in the morning the butter will be gone, but the oleo will remain untouched. “Oh, yes, some animals are incredi- bly nice about their food. The otter, when living wild, will only eat one plece, one mouthful out of each fish he catches. He will land a beautiful trout, but only one bite of it from the back, just behind the neck, is good enough for him. The rest he tosses aside. This epicure often kills a dozen fine, big trout to make one meal. “Chimpanzees have very delicate tastes. A banana or a pineapple that to you seems delicious to a chimpan- zee may be revolting. His taste is keener. Grapes grown In hothouses ‘where sulphur fumes are used as an insecticide taste all right to a man, but a chimpanzee will have none of them. “The ichneumon loves eggs. He can tell a fresh from a stale one simply by tapping the shell.”—Los Angeles Times. “Copy Reading” Howells. The London Atheneum says of the following Howells paragraph that it is the best sentence perhaps in any re- cent English book. Describing a cer- taln ancient edifice, Mr. Howells writes and the Atheneum quotes: “What, in the heart of all this blos- soming, was the great cathedral it- self when we came In sight of it but a vast efflorescence of the age of faith, mystically beautiful in form and gray as some pale exhalation from the mold of the ever cloistered, the deeply reforested past.” Very fine, all must admit. But ‘wouldn’t that paragraph have been meat and drink to the man who used to mark up Mr. Howells’ newspaper copy back at Bucyrus, O. If Howells the reporter had written that for the Bucyrus Blade he would have found it in the paper next day about like this: “The cathedral, with flowers all around It, looks fine. It is 400 years old and needs paint.”—Galveston News, Thought Nine Enough. The following amusing birth notice appeared in the Dresden Anzeiger: “To our seven hearty boys there came today, In God’s early morning, not the wished for little daughter, but, in compensation, a pair of fine boys. We Judge by this elementary event that these strenuous times demand more men than blossoms of the gentler sex, and console ourselves with thoughts of cur fatherland, to which we call: *Hurrah! Hurrah! Now there are nine, Firm stand and true the watch on the Rhine! “To all dear friends and acquaint. ances and to whom else the joyous tidings may be of interest we give this Dotice—the last of its kind—Eduard Rost and wife.” Tt Was Still There. The story is told of a clergyman, who, after he had finished his sermon, heard ome of his congregation say, “Yes It was a good sermon, but he stole it.” A short time afterward the preacher called on the man, resented the accusa- tlon and asked him to retract what he had sald. “I am not,” answered the man, “like. ly to take back anything that I have said, but In this case I will, for on re- turning home and referring to the book whence I thought you had taken your sermon, 1 !u;:nd that It was still there.” -lg’nqnh .‘:ogubllo. g Her Purse and His Handkerchief. “The thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.” The other day a young woman who had dropped her purse, full of pay money for the corps of girls under her charge, considered the thoughts of youth to be rather too “long.” She was in one of the large depart- ment stores, and as her hands were occupled she let her purse le for a few moments where it had fallen, But her eye was on it: In the meantime a bright little fellow not more than nine or ten years old left his parents near by and deftly covered the purse with a handkerchief. The womun, who s a perfectly self possessed young person, could hardly belleve her eyes, but she waited to see what the boy would do. Just as he was stooping to his prize she placed her foot quietly upon it. The young- ster slipped back without a word to the well dressed “respectable” people with whom he was. Then the woman picked up her purse and, taking the handkerchlef over to the lad, handed it to him, saying, “There 18 no reason why you should lose your handkerchief just because you didn't get my purse!”—New York Post. Too Good to Miss. “Theater audiences have improved in recent years,” said a manager. “Why, with provincial touring compa- nies in the past maltreatment was reg- ularly expected. In fact, the compa- nles profited by it in more ways than one. “I know of a company that was playing ‘The Broken Vow’ in Paint Rock, a one night stand. The audience dldn’t like ‘The Broken Vow,’ and eggs, cabbages and potatoes rained up- on the stage. “Still the play went on. The hero raved through his endless speeches, dodging an onion or a baseball every other minute and pretty sore from those missiles that he hadn’t been able to dodge. “But finally a gallery auditor in a paroxysm of rage and scorn hurled a heavy boot, and the actor, thoroughly alarmed, started to retreat. “‘Keep on playing, you fool,’ hissed the manager from the wings as he hooked In the boot with an umbrella. ‘Keep on till we get the other one.’” How a Tree Grows. Both earth and air are required for the growth of a plant or tree. The roots absorb molsture from the soll, which, in the form of a watery fluid called common sap, rises through the fibers of the last deposited annular ring, traversing all the branches and leaf stalks until 1t reaches the leaves; there it undergoes a change by the absorption of carbonic acid from the air. It then travels downward again In the form of proper sap, just under- neath the bark, which is expanded by the accession of moisture and in the cavity so formed a new layer of ma- terial 1is deposited which gradually hardens and forms a new annular ring. And so, from absorbing the moisture and minerals of the soil and the carbonic acid of the air the tree goes on until 1t finishes its cycle and dies.—New York American. Jack Tar at a Christening. A sailor went up to the font to have his baby baptized. Sallors as a class claim little stock in bables, and natu- rally enough this one presented the in- fant feet foremost. “The other way,” sald the-minister, and accordingly Jack turned the infant upside down. “Excuse me,” sald the clergyman, “I mean the other way.” So back came the embryo foretopman to the first po- sition, to the discouragement of every- body. “Wind it, Jack,” sald the nautical assistant, and with an “Aye, aye, sir,” Jack promptly turned the baby end for end, and it was duly christened head first.—“On a Man-of-war.” The Alternative. The Count—Doctor, I' have such a fearfully bad cough. What can I do for it? Doctor—Well, sir, you must re- member that you are no longer in your first youth and you must take care of your general health. So you had better leave off smoking; take no alcohol in any form and do mnot excite yourself in any way; do mot— The Count—The mischief, doctor; what am I to do then? Nothing but cough?— Lustige Blatter. ‘The Virginia Plover. The most wonderful bird fiight noted is the migratory achlevement of the Virginia plover, which leaves its haunts in North America and, taking a course down the Atlantic, reaches the coast of Brazil In one unbroken flight of fifteen hours, covering a dis- tance of over 3,000 miles at the rate of four miles a minute. Condensed. “Here is an article on ‘How to Live a Hundred Years.’” “Yes, and the whole subject can be condensed into two words.” “What are they?’ “‘Don’t dle’” — Cleveland Plain Dealer. Not the Music He Loved. I3 Mrs. Talkamore—Your husband 18 a great lover of musie, isn’t he? Mrs. Chatters—Yes, indeed, I have seen him get up In the middle of the night and try to compose. Mrs. T.—What? Mrs. O.—The baby.—Stray Stories. Well Named. “This is the parlor, eh?” tentatively remarked the real estate agent, who was looking over the house. “Yes,” replled the old man Kidder, “but I usually call it the courtroom. I've got seven daughters, you know.” If you make money your god, ‘twill plague you like a devil.—Fielding. First Run on a Bank. The first “run" on banking institu- tions in London was in 1667. Many Lombard street goldsmiths and bank- ers had lent out the money intrusted to them and, being called upon for payment, weré unable to meet the de- mand. A crowd of creditors and oth- ers assembled, and a rlot followed, In which four bankers were hanged at their own doors before order could be restored and the angry creditors per-|. suaded that they were mot being swindled, A : tors Compliments A@rr Death, There {8 a German proverh which says, “Man darf nur sterben um gelobg su werden” (We need only die In order to get praised), This, we cannot help but admit, 18 fairly true in a general sense, and If we required any proof or confirmation the epitaphs In ceme- terles, churchyards and churches would readlly furnish it. Indeed If we had no other testimony to go by than these plous inscriptions we might al- most fancy that men and women had arrived at such a state of perfection that they were little less than angels. Death, like time, 1s a great healer of wounds, a great soother of passlons, a great calmer of turbulent thoughts, a slayer of enmity., He is the peace- maker par excellence, having caused the saying to galn general currency that we should say nothing of the dead but what is good. Among the laws of the “Twelve Tables,” complled by the Decemviri, there was one which, in fact, forbade to speak injuriously of the dead. It is In exchange for this doubtless that we are always doubly anxious and ready to vilify the living. ~Westminster Gazette. A Spurgeon Ruse. Spurgeon, the famous English di- vine, once passed a stonemason who, after each stroke of his hammer, curs- ed and swore, Mr. Spurgeon laid his hand on his shoulder and, looking kind- ly at him, said: “You are an adept at swearing. Can you also pray?” ‘With another oath he replied, ‘“Not very likely.” Holding up 5 shillings, Mr. Spurgeon said if he would promise never to pray he would give him that. “That Is easily earned,” sald the man, with a fresh oath, and put It in his pocket. When Spurgeon left the man began to feel a little queer. When he went home his wife asked him what afled him, and he told her. “It is Ju- das’ money,” sald the man, and on a sudden impulse he threw it into the fire. The wife found it and took it out and discovered who had given it to him. The man took it back to Spur- geon, who conversed long with him, warning him, and at length was the means of saving him. He became an attached member of his flock. Love and Wedlock. A man of middle age and a youth of romantlc appearance sat alone in a smoking compartment of a nearly empty evening traln. In the solitude the youth took a photograph from his pocket, looked at it and then sald to his companion feverishly: “Were you ever, sir, in love?” The man of middle age started. He laughed. “Was I ever In love?” he repeated as he relighted his pipe. “Was I ever in love? Well, I don’t know if’— “You don’t know?” cried the youth. “Well, If you ever had been in love you'd know it. Why, when you're in love your life is a sweet dream, you have no taste for food, you think of nothing but the beauty of”— “Were you ever married?’ snapped the middle aged man. “No, but"— “Well, If you ever had been you'd know it. Why, when you're married your life {s"— But the youth. with a scowl, edged off to the far end of the carriage.and got out at the next station, disgusted. —London Scraps. Hescued Foxy” Squirrel. A man in New York state who owns several fine cats stepped out of his house one day to see two of his feline possessions crouched in the grass, and equidistant between them sat a com- mon striped squirrel, not daring to move a hair lest he invite the sharp claws of one or both of his enemies but the anxious brown eyes rolled fron side to side as he calculated his chances of escape between the two. The man walked on toward the squirrel, and when he came within jumping distance the squirrel seized his opportunity and leaped upon the man’s trousers and ran nimbly to his shoulder. Then the man backed slowly toward a tree al no great distance- from him. Again when within leaping distance the squirrel jumped Into the tree and dis. Hit Him With the Text. *On a visit to Scotland I went to the old Unlted Presbyterlan kirk at Sa- voch,” said a clergyman, “and I heard a good story about a former minister. His name was the Rev. David Caw, and he was very diminutive, standing only about five feet two Inches. He led to the altar a strapping, handsome lass some five or six Inches taller than he, and her name was Grace Wilson. “The Sunday after the wedding he got a neighboring minister to preach for him, so that he could sit with his bride on the first Sunday. The minis- ter was a good deal of a wag, so Mr. Caw made him promise faithfully that he would not allude In his sermon to himself, his bride or the fact of the marriage. So he promised that in his sermon he would make no alluslon of that kind whatever, but Mr. Caw near- ly sank through the floor when the text was given out—Ephesians iil, 8, ‘Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this Grace given.'” Presence of Mind. Beated reading In his private room the superintendent of a large prison heard a slight sound and, looking up, was confronted by a dangerous convict holding a long bar of iron. “Don’t you move,” he muttered. “I'm going to get away, even if I have to kill you!” “But,” calmly rejoined the superintend- ent, “I thought It was tomorrow you were going.” The man looked at him with stupid amazement. “Yes,” said the official, “don’t you know? A par- don came for you today in considera- tlon of your good conduct. You can g0 now, 1 suppose, if you want to. You'd like to see the papers. They're In here, I believe.” He opened a draw- er as he spoke, and the next instant the convict was facing the muzzle of a revolver. > A Turkish Wag. Among the wany anecdotes related of the old Turkish joker Nasir Eddin Khodja is the following: Khodja went one evening to the well to draw water, and, looking down to the bottom, he saw the moon. Quickly he ran into his house and got a rope with a hook at- tacked to the end of it. This he low- ered into the well. The hook caught fast on a stone. Khodja pulled des- perately, the hook gave way, and there was the joker, flat on his back, star- ing up into the sky. “Upon my soul,” he exclaimed, percelving the moon, “1 have had a bad fall, but I have put the moon back in its place.” England’s One Protestant Cathedral. Truro cathedral is the only Estab- lished Church cathedral of any impor- Paul's was completed by Sir Christo: pher Wren. All the great cathedrals and abbeys in England were erected by Catholics and were handed over by act of parliament in the reign of Hen- ry VIIL to the Protestants when the Catholic church was established and the Protestant religion created by law. —Reynolds’ Newspaper. What the Cloth Got In Boston. If you go to San Francisco and meet a friend he will -ask you to stay a week with him. "In Omaha he will take you home overnight, in Chicage he will take you out to dinner, in New York he will hurry you off to lunch, in New Haven he will hand you a good clgar, and in Boston he will give you an apple.—Congregationalist. i * An Intelligent Servant. The Mistress—Who hung the ther- mometer to the ceiling?~The Servant— 1, ma’am. You were complaining be- cause it was so low!—Translated For Transatlantic Tales From Il Motto Ridere. A Question of Class. “They are constantly catching more grafters,” said the hopeful citizen. “Not regular grafters,” answered Mr. Dustin Stax. “Those who get caught tre only amateurs.”—Washington Star. One cannot be and have been— Yrench Proverb. #LES CURED IN 6 TO 14 DAYS PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any | case of Ttching, Blind, Bleeding or Protruding Plles in 6 to 14 days or money refunded. 5c0. realize quences strain? the serious of continued sideration. Office over Post Office He sees best who sees to the consequences.. Do you : conse- eve Priceless beyond all possessions is the eyesight, de- serving " of your highest con- We fit your eyes correctly. Artificial eyes fitted. DRS. LARSON & LARSON, Specialists in Scientific Treatment and Correction of Eyes Office 92 ”"""i Ree. 310 Building We have a Lumber and We carry in stock at ‘all times a complete line of Lumber and Building Material, Dimensions, etc. Look us up for your winter supply of Coal and Wood St.Hilaire Retall Lbr. Co. BEMIDJI, MIRN. Material large supply tance which has been built since St. An Anecdote of Agassiz. On one occasion a person entered Professor Agassiz's room with a plcture which he desired to sell, denominated a2 “Birdseye View of Cambridge” The professor contemplated it for a moment, lifted his eyes, looked at the vender of the picture, and sald, with his characteristic accent, “Well, I thank my God zat I am not a bird."— Boston Transcript. s NATURE TELLS YOU. As Many a Bemidji Reader Knows Too Well. When the kidneys are sick, Nature tells you all about it. The urine is nature’s calendar. Infrequent or too frequent action; Any urinary trouble tells of kid- ney ills. Doan’s Kidney Pills cure all kid- ney ills. Bemidji people testify to this. Mrs. Anna A. Buell, living at 613 Second St., Bemidji, Minn., says: “I have suffered from kidney trouble for several years not serious at any time, but dull pains in the small of my back caused me much discom- fort, The secretations were very unnatural in appearance and plainly showed that my kidneys were not acting properly. I made up my mind to try Doan’s Kidney Pills and procured a -box at the Owl Drug Store. I received such bene- ficial results from their use that I procured a further supply and I am now in the very best of health. Doan’s Kidney Pills strengthened my back and kidneys and toned up my whole system.” For sale by all dealers. Price 50 cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, New York, sole agents for the United States. Remember the name— Doan’s—and take no other. We Employ Tailors | who do nothing else but repair men’s and women's clothing. We can put in new bindings, linings silk facings, velvet collars. new pookets, buttons, etc., or repair the old ones for you. Very small expense and big saving to you. We do all our work so as to help you economize. Just tell us what you want done. Information booklet free. Return ‘express paid on orders of $3 or more BUY A GOOD LOT With the growth of Bemidji good lots are becoming scarcer and scarcer. We still have a number of good lots in the residence part of town which will be sold on easy terms. For further particulars write or call Bemidji Townsite and Im- provement Company. H. A. SIMONS, Agent. Swedback Block, Bemidfi. CARTER @ TAIT Bemidji, Minn. Some Snaps in Farm Lands 160 acres, Buzzle Township. House, barn, large root cellar, etc. 5 acres under cultivation, balance natural timber—Birch, Spruce, Pine, ete. Price $5.00 per acre. Terms—$300 cash; balance five years, 6 per cent interest 160 acres Grant Valley Township, 4 miles S. W. of Bemidji. House, barn, erc. 30 acres vnder cultivation 25 acres ready to break, balance timber. A bargain. Price $7.50 per acre. Easy terms. 1€0 acres 3 miles west ot Wilton. House, barn, etc. 35 acres under cultivation, 25 acres natural meadow, bal- ance timber. Price $7.00 per acre. Easy terms. 160 acres 1 mile from Beceda in Hubbard county. House, barn, etc 10 acres plowed, 60 acres cut over, balance heavy timber. A Snap. $5.00 per acre. Easy terms. If it is a bargain in farm lands you want, see us before buying. We have what you want at about half the’price the other land men ask. CARTER @ TAIT The Da.ily Pioneer 40c per Month e BEMIDJI PIONEER Stationery Department BLANK BOOKS A large consignment of Day Books, Ledgers, Cash Books and Journals, have just been received and the stock is com- plete and ‘will give the buyer a good good selection from which to make his choice. MEMORANDUM BOOKS Our line is the most complete assort- Lo ment in Northern Minnesota. We have books from the very cheapest to the very best leather bound book or cover. . |