Bemidji Daily Pioneer Newspaper, January 26, 1907, Page 4

iy DOINGS IN THE VARIOUS GHURCHES OF THE CITY Hours of Worship and Subjects of Ser- mons to Be Delivered in the City Tomorrow. St. Phillips Catholic church.— Euly mass 8:30 a. m.; high mass and sermon 10:30. Sab- bath school 2 p. m. Rev. Fr. O'Dwyer. Swedish Lutheran — Services will be held at the Norwegian Lutheranchurch tomorrow morn ing at 10:30, and in the evening at 8, Rev. Peterson of Grand Rapids will conduct both ser- vices. Baptist—The subject on-Sun- day morning will be, “What, or Whom am I Following?” In the evening “Why Do You Carry That Load?”’ Sunday school at 12:10. Young peoples meeting at 7p. m. Preaching at 11 a. m. and 8p. m. Come and bring some one with you, and help on the good work. Methodist—Morning subject, “Some Lessons From the Sun,” time 11a. m. Atthe close of the discourse Mr. S. E. DeLong will sing, “The Hymn That Touched My Heart,” by Elizabeth B. Flick. Sunday school, 12:15 p. m.; Junior League 3 p. m.; Ep- worth League, 7 p. m.; public worship, 8 p. m, subject of the pastor’s sermon, “A Vast City and Not a Man in It.” Mr. Vail, ot the Elizabeth Henderson com- pany, will sing, ‘“Beyond the Gates of Paradise.” The com- pany has been invited to worship with the congregation on Sun- day. Presbyterian— Morning wor- ship at 11, Subject, *“The Form- alists and Infidels at the Baptism of John.” Mr. Thomas Vail will assist the choir at the morning service. Bible class and Sunday school at 12:15. Junior C. E. at 8 p. m.; Senior C. E. at 7. Even- ing service and praise at 8, Sub- ject, “God’s Value of a Man.” Special Music. A sacred duet by Prof. and Mrs, E. R. Turner, and by request, “The Ninety and Nine,” by Prof Turner. This song was made famous by Ira D, Sankey singing it at the Moody meetings. The public 1s cordially invited to these Services. Revival Meetings Brought to Close. Therevival meetings which have b-en held at the Baptist church during the last two weeks were brought to s close last evening, when the final meeting of the series was held. Rev. J. E. Conant, pastor of the . Chicago Avenue Baptist church at Minneapolis, has been here and assisted Rev. Broom:.- fisld in conducting the meetings. Rev. Conant delivered some ex- cellent addresses, and with his really fine singing caused many to profess conversion, and there has been a general revival of religions spirit. Mrs. Minton Injured. Mrr. M. E. Minton sustained, a painful injury yesterday. She was sitting in a chair, when she accidentally fell and hit her head against a door jam, sustaining'a slight concussion. She was con- giderably dazed at the time, but is much improved today, the accident not having been of a ser- ious nature. Right In His Line, Irato Father—I'm getting tired of this nonsense. You've been engaged to that. young man for six.months. Does he ever Intend to marry you? Daughter— You must have patience, papa. Re- member, he’s an actor. Irate Father— ‘What has that to do with it? Daugh- ter—He’s fond of long engagements, He Made Them Read It. Daughtér—Have you found out yet ‘what it was that papa cut out of the paper? ‘Mother—Yes, I bought a copy. T've read It all through, but to save my life T can’t see anything wrong in it. It's an article on the vulgarity and slilliness of buying gowns that are beyond one’s means. 4 - | % The Faithful Little Guide. Ofttimes 1 have seen a tall ship glide by against the tide as if drawn by some invisible towline with a hundred strong arms pulling it. Her sails hung unfllled; her streamers were drooping; she had neither side wheel nor stern wheel. Stili she moved on stately in serene triumph, as If with her own life. But I knew that on the other side of the ship, hidden beneath the great hulk that swam so majestically, there was a little toiling steam tug with a heart of fire and arms of iron that was hugging it close and dragging it brave- ly on, and I knew that If the little steam tug untwined her arms and left the tall ship it would wallow and roll nbout and drift hither and thither and £o off with refluent tide, no man knows whither. And so I have known more than one genius, high decked, full freighted, wide salled, gay pennoned, that but for the bare tolling arms and brave, warm-beating heart of the faith- ful little wife that nestled close to him so that no wind or wave could part them would soon have gone down stream and been heard of no more.— Oliver Wendell Holmes. A Fatal Sleep. Hugh Miller, the Scottish geologist and writer, was one of the most illus- trious of sleepwalkers. Miller, who had been -addicted to somnambulism in his youth, found his restlessness return while he was engagéd upon his “Tes- timony of the Rocks” He used to wake in the morning feeling, as he satd, as if he had been abroad In the night wind, dragged by some Invisible power and ridden by witches. On the night of his.death he slept alone; In the morning they found him stretched dead on the floor with a bullet through his breast. He had written a note to his wife: “My braln burns. I must have walked, and a fearful dream rises upon me. I cannot bear the horrible thought. My brain burns as the rec- ollection grows.” So Intense had been the poor fellow’s anguish that to make certain his end he had torn back shirt and vest and placed the muzzle of the pistol to his naked flesh.—St. James’ Gazette. The Fractured Leg. A visitor was going through the chil- dren’s surgical ward of one of the city hospitals when he spled a little fellow with his legs In the air and his weight resting on his head #nd shoulders. Go- Ing closer, he saw that the boy’s feet were fastened with ropes which passed through 2 pulley above. At the other ends of the ropes were weights, just heavy enough to hold the boy’s legs In the air without lifting him entirely.off the bed. ? “What’s all that about?’ asked the visitor. “Doesn’t it hurt him?” _“Not at all,” answered the physician who was accompanylng. “He doesn’t look unhappy, does he? That's the way we always handle fractures of the leg with a child. Otherwise the youngsters squirm around so that they work the splints loose. ~ Only- one of this boy’s legs is injured, but they are both swung In the air for his greater comfort.”—~New York Post. Sorrows of a Humorlst. “This thing of being a humorist is about the saddest thing I know,” sigh- ed Simeon Ford. “An ordinary person can have his moods and humors as he pleases, but I must always be on the Job. I am constantly being invited out, not because I'm liked for myself @lone or because of my manly beauty, -but because I.am expected to entertain the assemblage. The rest of the company may be as dull as dishwater, but if I do not shake up the gathering with a few jokes the hostess glares at me and really feels resentful. I may be sunk in the slough of despond, but just ds soon as I take my seat all lean forward and eye me expectantly. My son, nev- er get a reputation for being funny.. It 1s the most mournful thing on earth.” —New York Press. Teeth of Chambermaids. Have you ever noticed that every chambermaid who has been taking care of the hay and feathers for a number of years I3 usually devold of a few teeth of the upper “case?’ Vet- eran chambermaids can seldom show a full set of upper teeth. The absence of the ivorles {s explained as follows by a downtown dentist: “The teeth of the malds.which I replace with arti- ficial ones are pillowcase teeth. They are constantly used In putting on pil- loweases and are not strong enough to stand the strain. Thelr work is a con- stant wear and tear on the teeth.”— Pittsburg Dispatch, Her Sponge Cake, A young bride, after serving to her husband a Sunday dinner that was so- 80, sald as the mince ple was brought on, “I Intended, dear, to have some sponge cake, too, but It has been a total fallure.” “How was that?" the husband asked in a disappointed tone, for he was fond of sponge cake. “’The druggist,” she explained, “sent me the ‘wrong kind of sponges. Plenty of Advice. “I wonder what the secret of Solo- mon’s wisdom was?” sald Mr. Meek- ton’s wife, “Good advice,” replied Leonidas promptly. “He had any number of ‘wives.”—Washington Star. Had Her Doubts, Mamma—You should be polite, dear, and offer to, share your candy- with | Young: Widow—No. ‘papa. Little Margie—I would, mam- ma, if T was sure he’d be polite and re- fuse t.—Chicago News. Facetious. Customer—Have you anything that Is good for falling hair? Facetious ‘Clerk ~How would a wastebasket do? Be gure you énn obey good laws be- fore you alter bad ones.—Ruskin, ,left them In the store. A Policeman’s Strategy. When Captain W. E. Weber was a patrolman a clothing store upon hig beat was robbed one night. The thief had taken off his own old clothes and a new suit and worn it away. The old sult was that of a boy about fifteen years old. ‘Weber gathered up the clothes and took them to the old fire patrol house Bt Seventh avenue and Wyandotte street. He put them upon the floor and, turning the hose on them, drench- ed them with water. Then he went down to the junction, where at that time the newsboys congregated in preat numbers. He gathered a dozen of them around him. “Boys,” he said, “the police found some clothes down on the river bank this morning. It looks like a boy had been_drowned. 1 want all of you to come up to the fire station and look at ‘the clothes, Maybe you can tell me who they belonged to.” No sooner had the “newsies” gath- ered around the pile of water soaked clothes than one little fellow spoke up: “Them’s Nifty Smith’s. I seen him wearin’ them red galluses, an’ he sew- ed that patch on the knee there his- gelf.” Other boys corroborated this story. In less than an hour the officer had corralled Nifty and made him confess o the robbery.—Kansas City Star. Poisoned With Food. If one were to say that thousands of people regularly and almost system- atically polson themselves with food, it would.strike the average layman as extravagant. The opinion of the lay- man, however, cuts no figure when compared with the scientific deductions. of one who has carefully observed the facts. How many people are there ‘Wwho select. their food with care, eat it at the right time and In the proper way to secure good digestion and sub- sequent absorption of just the physi- ologically correct amount of nutriment required to repair the waste incurred by the duties of everyday life? There are very few. Some starve themselves, but the great majority go to the other extreme and constantly overeat. One eats too much at regular mealtimes, while another eats less, but feeds more frequently. TIn either case the diges- tive apparatus is overtaxed.—A Phy- siclan in New York World. A Robust Ghost. John Leech and a member of the Millais family once stayed a night at Cowdray hall, in England, where, many guests being present, the two friends had no alternative but to accept rooms in an isolated wing supposed to be haunted. In the middle of the night Millals awoke, believing that some glant was shaking him violently by the shoulder. This, was supposed to be the favorite device of the ghost. He rushed into a corridor and found Leech sltting there trembling and declaring that he would not for the world go back to his room. ' They spent the re- mainder of the night In the corridor, but in the morning sald nothing of thelr experiences.- In the afternoon there arrived an evening paper telling of a violent earthquake in the locality. The earthquake was what the two vis- 1tors believed to be their ghost. Valuable Pebbles. Between the northern point of Long Island and Watch Hill lies a row of little islands, two of which, Plum is- land and Goose island, possess a pe- culiar form of mineral wealth. It con- sists in heaps of richly colored quartz pebbles, showing red, yellow, purple and other hues, which are locally called agates. They are used in making stain- ed glass windows, and there is a suffi- clent' demand for them in New York’ 10 keep the owners of one or two sloops employed in gathering them from the beaches, where the waves continually roll and polish them, bringing out the beauty of their colors. E1 Dorado. The modern meaning of El Dorado may be traced as follows: One of PI- zarro’s men said that he had discov- ered a land of boundless wealth be- tween the Orinoco and the Amazon. This country was named Bl Dorado, and many adventurers, among them Sir Walter Ralelgh, endeavored to find it; hence the name has come to mean a golden country of the mind, a fabu- lous land of fabulous wealth, much as, Cockaigne, a fancied land of luxury and Idleness.—New, York American. i Happiness :and Hunger. “My idea of perfect happiness,” said the seedy philosopher as he made his fourth round trip to the free lunch: counter, “Is to be In a position to go | Into the swellest restaurant, put my hand over the price list of the menu and order what my taste dictates, irre- spective of the demurs of a diminished wad.” A Correction, Bertie—Father, what is an egotist? Father—He 15 a man who thinks he 18 smarter than any one else. Mother— My dear, you are scarcely right. The egotist is the man who says that he is Bmarter than. any one else. All men think they ave! Appropriate, < Young Widow (at:the animal seller’s) ~I want a dog. ‘Animal Seller—Yes, madam; white, gray or brindled? Black—all black. I am in deep. mourning.—Nos Loisirs. Has Continuous Life. Venus—And what do-you do when" not engaged- in archery? Cupid—Oh, I'm kept busy thyming with stupidi— Puck. caniin He is_a fool who cannot be angry, but he is a wise man who will not.— Seneca. 7 He had put on ' ' party, nd been planning a footbridge Holders, Ink Wells, Etc. Rubber Stamps and Pads, Fountain Pens, Rulers, Erasers, Kneaded Rubber Squares, Township Plats in book form, Noblest Birth Copyright, 1906, by C. H. Sutcliffe Harvell lay in the bottom of his ca- noe. The canoe was tied a few feet out (from the shore, and the river, deep, powerful and mysterious, tugged at the frail little craft. But Harvell did not heed the call. The darkness was deep, yet luminous, with the promise of an early moon, and the night wind that swept from shoreward was sweet and beavy with the fragrance of blooming rushes. Harvell stared upward to the stars, levery sense as keenly alive to. the beauty of the scene as if mind and heart had not been given over for days to the problem which he had thrown 'hlmself Into the canoe to solve. Final- Iy he stirred restlessly and said half aloud: “No. It's no use. I can’t do it. Sheis too fine and thoroughbred for a great, common born chap like me to marry. “MARGARET!” HE CRIED. And—no, even.if she should be will- ing, which Is an insane thought on my part, I've no right to let her sacrifice herselfis: 1l stay until tomorrow and then:plead’business and disappear.” There was a little stir near the pler, as-of the underbrush, then a woman’s voice, wonderfully clear and sweet: “Let’s sit here and wait for the moon to rise. The bungalow is so close and hot tonight.” Harvell caught his breath. It was she. The voice that replied he recog- nized as that of his married sister, who was chaperoning the bungalow party. “You haven’t been yourself at all, Mar- garet, during the entire week.” “I know it, Agnes.” .The voice, with its tired note, was very touching, and Harvell stirred ‘restlessly. “I'm . use- less to myself and every one else— every one else,” she repeated, as if: to herself. “Oh, nonsense! Peggy, you are too fine and 'wholesome to talk so. I ‘wish”— Agnes stopped as if not daring to go on. Margaret’s voice continued: “I want you to help me to steal ‘off tonight, ‘Agnes. I want to-go home, and I may Joint the Westburys and go to Paris. The stage goes down at 9 and I am going to cateh it and steal off without a word to any one. Please, Agnes.” The perspiration started to Harvell's face as he strained his ears to catch Agnes’ reply. When It cante he gasped: _ “Sometimes I think brother Paul is a fooll” Margaret’s yoice was stern. “Agnes, I wish you would never mention Paul Harvell's name to me. I"— But her volce was growing too faint for the man in the canoe to distinguish her ‘words, strive as he would. - “They’ve started back to the bunga- low,” he thought. “I am a cad to have listened eyen thus muéh., But, anyhow, T've lived up to the adage. I wonder why I'm 8 fool”— Suddenly a realizing sense of Mar- garet’s words. came to him. She was .|golng away, going within an hour, and all that he had been feeling for a year was unsaid. For a moment his stern resolve of the early evening was forgotten. Then he sat erect, every muscle tense with stress of feeling. “It's better so,” he said bitterly. “It’s my business to begin to forget, if she never wants to hear my name again.” He looked off toward the bank, then gave a startled exclamation. The pier had disappeared. His canoe was float- ing rapidly *down stream, while “his paddle was safely locked in the boat- house. 3 “I must be almost on the rapids,” he thought. With the thought the boat turned the bend that had shut off the sound of the falls and the canoe was '] In the whirlpool. To swim was out of the question, for in the river here was a mass of jagged rocks hidden In seeth- Ing water. Almost instantly the canoe ‘was broken and capsized. Harvell, dazed and bruised, clung to a project- -Ing rock that had wrecked him. Fight as he ‘would with all the force of his | wonderful physique, he was dashed again and again upon the stones. Yet as he fought he was conscious of only one thought: | “I must get there. - I must have just one word with Margaret before she | _Then he gave a cry of remembrance. , He, with the other men of the camping @cross the rapids. The week before with infinito toll they had laid a single line of heavy planks on the projecting | Focks from shore to shore. They were not yet fastenéd in any way, their heavy welght serving to balance them fairly well on the stones.- The dark ness, not yet lighted by the moon, con: cealed the planks, but clinging des- | perately with one hand Harvell felt about with the other and by rare good luck found a plank, wet and slippery with spray, on a neighboring rock. ‘With infinite toil he raised himself out of the water inch by inch until at last he crouched on the great stone and felt the teetering plank. i Then on hands and knees he started for the shore. Blinded by sprays, the planks half turning so that he could only pause, struggling with rigid mus- cles for balance, Harvell crawled along the foot.wide planks. And with each pause came new discouragement. Mar- garet would surely be gome. In a panic of haste he slipped and fought his way, now half in the boiling water, half on the slimy rocks, now again on the plankway, gaining toward his goal foot by foot. At last one final spring, and he felt again the solid earth be- neath him. Without thought of his dripping clothing he started on his half mile run through the woods to the bungalow. g “If the moon would only come up!” he thought as he tore his way -through the heavy underbrush. “If—if only I am not too late! I am going to tell her anyhow, just to prove to her that I am a fool. I suppose— Oh, here is the stage road!” On up the sandy road, his clothes half dry with his rapid pace, then with the great edge of the summer moon peering over the top of the pines, he perceived a dim figure standing by the roadside. The figure shrank back a lit- tle at the sight of the man storming up the road. Harvell passed. “Margaret!” he cried.” “Yes,” answered quietly the sweet, clear voice that never failed to thrill him. “Margaret, why do you go?” Margaret, too surprised by his sudden appearance to be startled by his knowl- edge of her movements, made no reply. “Because,” Harvell plunged on, “I annoy you with attention, because I hang on your every word and glance, because I am an ordinary chap with no ancestors, and you are the personifica- tion of culture and delicacy—is that it, Margaret?” “You have no right to speak that way, Paul,” said Margaret, in her quiet volce. “No, but'isn’t that true?’ persisted Harvell. . The moon was well above the treetops now. By its light he could see the look of pride with which Mar- garet drew herself up. “So you think me a snob? You know me well indeed!” “Know you,” replied' Harvell miser- ably—“no, I know nothing, except that T love you and that I-can never hope to marry you.” There was a long pause. The sum- mer night was very fair around them. The girl before him seemed to Harvell a part of the wonder of the night. “You think, then,” said Margaret, “that I am too brainless to admire your fine . mind, your splendid physique? Being, you say, well born, I must be a snob.” b Harvell drew a long breath. “Mar- garet,” he said, “will you marry me? Will you say yes, Margaret?” “Not until I have told you,” answered: the low volce, “that I was born and bred in poverty in the mountains of Tennessee, that I am finely born only as every American is finely born, and I am proud of it.” ‘The sound of stagecoach wheels came up the road, but already the two figures were far up the path that led to the bungalow. Men Are Bigger Now. Until the sixteenth century armor developed in a logical way, its' forms were governed by the necessities of ‘war, and changes in it were the re- sult of practical experience and actual experiment on the battlefield. = After the sixteenth century it became fan- tastic and meaningless, a gala costume rather than a harness. The greatest captains opposed its use, but the no- bles clung to it as a mark of distinc- tion. After it was made bullet proof it became so enormously heavy that at the .end of the sixteenth century it ‘was complained that gentlemen of thir- ty were even at that age deformed by the weight of their armor. In spite of the huge armors of Henry VIIL, of Anthony of Burgundy and of some oth- ers, the average size of the modern man is greater than that of the sol- dier of the middle ages and the re- naissance, If we can judge from the armor preserved ‘in the museums of BEngland and thé continent, which are, with few exceptions, small and nar- row, especially the leg and thigh pleces.—London Mail. * The Ungainly “Mud Devil.” ‘A most curious, ugly and ungainly semi-aquatic creature is that which is known by the common name of mud devil or hellbender. The mud devil has neither the spiked tail, the horned head nor the cloven hoofs that are sup- Dosed to be the distinguishing marks of the evil one, but he Is hideous enough to suggest all sorts of horrid Idx'eams and nightmares, and on that aceount has been made more repulsive by the bestowal of his uneuphonious " common name. He 18 not polsonous in any way,; has-no horns or sting, but is simply a mud devil because he is re- pulsively ugly. In general appearance his distorted and wart covered body s | not exactly unlike that of a.gigantic: . tadpole. His average length s about | eighteen inches, but occastonal well fed Individuals may exceed even two feet from tip to tip.” He has a broad, flat head and a sharp; sawlike fin; running from the middle.of the back ) the tall, Get Your Office Supplies at the Bemidji Pioneer ‘ Most Complete Stock West of Duluth Blank Books, Ledgers, Journals, Etc., Station~ry, Christmas Stickers, 1907 Diaries, Typewriter Paper, Scrap Books, Lead Pencils, Pens, Legal Blanks, Copy Holders, Calendar Pads .ucument Files, Note Books, Time Books, Scale Report Books, Trial Balanoe Books, L Letter Copy Books, Paper Clips and Fasteners, Rubber Bands, Letter Files, Invoices, Typewriter Supplies, Postal Scales, Fine quality colored Blotters, Letter Copy Presses, Waste Paper Baskets, Rubber Type Outfits, Staplers, Paper Knives, &c i Vermont’s Two Seasons. | One winter when Thaddeus Stevens had come back to his Vermont home he was the victim of a severe cold and coulg not leave the house for many ‘weeks. One of his callers was Lewis Clark, a man of short stature, who .1n earlier days had been a playmate of the “Old Commoner” and was a near neighbor of the Stevens family in their Peacham home. Vermonters had just begun to wear buffalo coats, and Mr. Clark arrived at the Stevens home al- most lost in a coat which reached to the ground. His upturned collar com- pletely covered his ears and face, while n fur cap completed the disguise. “Is that you, Lewis?’ asked Mr. Btevens in an incredulous tone. “Yes, Thad,” he replied. “Well, skin yourself and sit down,” exclaimed the other. During the Interesting conversation which followed Mr. Clark asked Ste- vens If he wouldn’t come back to his Vermont home and live. “No,” replied Stevens.. “You have but two seasons here—winter and late In the fall.”—Harper's Weekly. The Crocodile’s Strong Jaw. Sir Samuel Baker in his “Wild Beasts” says that the power of the Jaws of the crocodile is terrific. Once he had the metal of-a large hook, the thickness of ordinary telegraph wire, completely bent together, the barbed point being pressed tightly against the shank and rendered useless. This com- pression was caused by the snap of the jaws when seizing a live duck which fastened beneath one wing. On one occasion he-found a fish weighing sev- enty pounds bitten clean through as if divided by a knife. This, again, was the work.of a snap from the jaws of a crocodile. M. Paul Bert once made experiments on the strength of a croc- odile’s jaws by means of a dynamome- ter. He found that a crocodile weigh- pounds in closing his jaw. The lion occasion an African traveler pushed by a steam hammer. Hog and Boiled Turkey. of any other animal in the world.” “Better than a terrapin?” The terrapin is a creation. with jowl. the flavor is delicious. for less cause.”—Baltimore News, An Anatomical Puzzle. Behind the bridge of your nose is a little cavlty in the skull, the origin of which appears to be unknown. It probably was a gland, consisting of two tiny lobes, joined together, and is named the Sella turcica. Physiologists believe that this is the remains of a sixth sense, which was of practical value to our antediluvian ancestors, but whether it enabled them to see In the dark in days before they possessed fire or helped them to find their way through trackless forests as wild beasts can today or what other purpose it may have served we do not know and probably never shall know. The Prize Cow. Take for yourself a well bred cow, get her on full feed, cram and feed and stuff and cram her for, say, a year Go to the trouble of washing and cur- rying and scrubbing and combing her twice a day, get down on your hunk- ers, my friend, sandpaper her hoofs, groom her legs, polish her horns and brush her tail, and by the time show season comes around you should have a very creditable looking show cow.— Sheridan (Mo.) Advance. They Didn’t Tally. . “That soclety newspaper published some very flattering remarks about me,” began Miss Devane. ““Yes,” replied her best friend; “but it was horrid of the editor to go and spoil it in the way he did.” “Spoil it, indeed! Why, he sald I ‘was R beautiful belle of the younger set and”— “Yes, and then he put your photo- graph right under i A Different Paley. Miss Backbay—You are familiar, in a general way, with paleontology, are you not? Mr. Carondelet—No, I don’t remember that I ever happened across ft. But I once read Paley on “BEv'- dences of Christianity,” or sométhing like that; when I was a boy, and I found it awful heavy reading.—Chica- 8o Tribune. The Alternative. Muggins—T hear you are haying your daughter’s voice cultivated. Buggins— Yes; I'm afraid it can't be cured, so I am doing the next best thing.—Phila- delphia Record. His Usual Way. She—It's funny, but all the time T have known Mr. Tigg he never hag' paid me a compliment. He—Tigg nev- ! er pays anybody. Can't Jolly ’Em Always. It I8 easy to convince a woman that: you love her, but it is not.so- he had used as a balt, the hook being ing 120 pounds exerted a force of 808 has an enormous jaw power. On one the butt end of his gun into a lion’s mouth, and the pressure of the jaws cracked it as though it had been struck “The hog,” said a Baltimore judge, “4s the greatest animal in the world. Hvery part of him has a different fla- vor, and each flavor is better than that | “I don’t call a terrapin an- animal. But, to re- turn to the hog, all of him Is good, from- his tail to his front feet. Chine is a great dish, but it doesn’t compare Jowl and turnip tops in the spring can be beaten by only one thing, and that is a boiled hen turkey. No- body but a Yankee or a heathen would roast a hen turkey in the spring. Hen turkeys are fat before they lay, and Properly cook- ed and served, such a dish is fit for kings, and nations have gone to war easy to: |30 swallow if ghe lives to grow up. Office Monster Spider Crabs, “I have collected specimens of crabs in all parts of the world,” said a nat- uralist, “but I shall never forget the pleasure I experienced in securing & monstrous specimen of the Japanese spider crab, the largest ever found. The combined length of the feeding arms of this monster was more than twelve feet, while the body portion ‘was about twenty inches across. When alive, it weighed about seventy-five pounds. One of the oddest things about these creatures is their ability to assume a disguise. This feat they are able to perform owing to the flexi- bility of their pinchers and to the hooked hairs and spines with which their numerous arms are studded. By means of their pinchers they tear off emall frugments of sponges and sea- weeds. After first putting these to their months, which- contain a glutinous sallva, they place them on the sur- face of their limbs and bodies by sticking them fast with a rubbing movement. By this method the crab succeeds in completely changing its appearance and rendering itself indis- tinguishable from the materials com- mon to the bottom of the gea. While crawling along it seems as though a portion of the ocean bed was in mo- tion, so close is the resemblance.” Forests of Stone. Stone forests are found In various parts of the world. - In many cases they are hardened by some pecullarity of the atmosphere and are found stand- Ing just as they were when clothed with green follage thousands of years ago. The Little Colorado river, in Ari- zona, has long been famous as a local- ity for such finds. At one place more than 1,500 cords of solid stone, tree trunks, sections, limbs and logs, were found by the government surveyors. Most of them were silicified, many seven to ten feet in diameter and from twenty to eighty feet in height. Geol- oglsts say that the petrified trees of ‘the Little Colorado were once covered with marl over 1,000 feet in depth. Some of the trees have been changed to jasper and have assumed varlous hues; others resemble opal, and when broken open the core is often found lined with crystals of the most beau- tiful tints. He Wins the Palm, Many stories have been told of mean men, such as he who used a wart for a collar button and he whose birthday Bift to his son consisted in washing the windows so that the lad might watch the cars go by. This man, however. seems to have won the palm. There ‘was an extremely mean man in New Hampshire who was the proprietor of a hotel. By his direction rules were posted in the hostelry forbidding al- most every conceivable privilege to those not guests of the place. There ‘was absolutely no chance for the cas- ual loafer to get newspapers, pens, ink, stationery, etc. There ‘were not even free seats in the office. One day he chanced to observe a chronic loafer gazing at the old clock that hung on the wall. The next day a sign was placed over the clock. It read, “This clock is for the use of the guests of the hotel only.”—Success Magazine, Profligate Spendthrifts, The wealth of many of the anclent Romans was reckoned far into the millions. Mark Antony during his somewhat qpeckered career squander- ed no less than $735,000,000, and Ti- berius left at his death over eighteen millions, which Caligula spent in less than a year. Records show that this spendthrift paid $150,000 for one sup- per. Horace tells us that Pegellus, a singer, could In five days spend $40,- 000, and Clodius on a small wager swallowed & pearl worth nearly $40,- 000. The estate of Crassus was valued at $8,400,000. Lucullus .dined at the rate of $8,000 a meal for several weeks. Lentulus was worth not less than six- teen millions, and Apicus squandered nearly five millions of dollars in a few weeks, 5 Irritating . Americanisms. One of the most Irritating of Amer- lcanisms is the use of “Umb” for “branch.” "Limb” for “leg” has al- ways been accepted as an American prudery, but what i the matter with “branch?’ Careful Anglophile writers are beginning now to reintroduce this latter word, but “limb” has hitherto been the transatlantic word with all authors. If it is also old English we shall not mind so. much, but is It? The joke of the verse is at least 1,800 years old, but how old is the English ver sion ?—London Chronicle, - Must Be Good. Plajsantin offered' In payment of a bill a gold piece which had a suspi- clous ring. “Here, you've given me one of those false coins that the coun- terfeiters have just been arrested for making,” sald the merchant. “Impos- sible,” answered Plaisantin. “It is dat- ed 1863. If it were false, surely it would have been found out before this.”—Gaulols. i Three Wives. The Beggar—Please, sir, will you kindly assist 8 poor man who has three wives to support? The Pedes- trlan—Why, do you mean to say you are a bigamist? The Beggar—Oh, no, slr. Two of them are the wives of my sons-in-law. Delays Are Dangerous. - “But this 1s so sudden! You had bet-- ter give me a week to think it over!” “Very well, dear. And, perhaps, it would be as well if I thought it over myself at the same time!”—Sketching Bits, Mother—Dear me, the baby has swal- lowed a plece of worsted. Father—' i ive up to it for a litetime.—New Zea- | That! i 1and Graphl SR 2 s nothing to the yarns she'll have’ —